music, therapy, and me

It is Tuesday, so let's talk about a therapy technique that I have used over my many years as a music therapist. That's right. It is  Therapy Technique Tuesday !!  Today's technique is the negotiable/non-negotiable threshold. Are you ready?? I work with adolescents. My adolescents are very angry when boundaries and expectations are placed upon them. When they get angry, my adolescents tend to become aggressive, confrontational, and just plain mean. As a result, over the past thirty some odd years, I have learned to offer choices for things that just do not really matter to how music therapy sessions work. I call these my negotiables. The things that do matter are my non-negotiables.  Non-negotiables include anything that will harm self, others, or property. Non-negotiables also include how we speak to others, even when we are escalated or angry. These non-negotiables are things that I have to keep under control due to safety needs and requirements. Other things are comple...

I wrote on both Thursday and Friday last week, but I didn't post on the blog. I do that sometimes, especially when what I am writing about is either too personal or too negative for my tastes. So, the past four days have just been time for resting and getting sick AGAIN! This time around, I have to get antibiotics early so I don't end up losing more money due to illness. This is Star Wars week, and I am ready to share my love of these movies with my students for the last time at my current job! I have new R2D2 Crocs to wear with my various Star Wars shirts. To say that I am a Star Wars fan is a pablum type way to describe my love of this franchise. I have a Star Wars bathroom that is accessed via a Star Wars hallway. I have posters and toys and Doorables and puzzle pictures and all sorts of things that I have collected over the years. What is in the hallway is just a small bit of my collection. It is finally time to share this with students again. I am exhausted and not really ...

There are two days left of the month of April. May is fast approaching, and I am not ready for all of this stuff! I have only two months left of my working life at my current job. That is wild! Meanwhile, my house is looking more and more cluttered as I bring home instruments, visuals, manipulatives, gross motor implements, and toys back to sit in my living room until I can find them another place to reside. I have accumulated lots of things in my work life, so I am faced with lots of inquiries about whether I will use specific things again. I made progress on my organization on Sunday. I spent some time moving my music books and my music therapy textbooks into the library closet where they will reside from now on. I have a loose system happening there - nothing really formal yet, but sheet music arranged by type and textbooks arranged by subject area - sorta. I went through four large totes and convinced my brain that it is a good thing to throw things away. It really is. Once I can e...

This has been a rough couple of weeks at my place. We have had more assists in music therapy than in months and months of time. I have had to initiate an assist in the past seven days which ALWAYS makes me hesitant to return in a therapeutic relationship with clients. I really hate putting hands on clients who are in crisis and hurting self, others, and are creating significant property damage, but it is part of my job as music therapist at my facility. As a result, my own emotions have been out of control. We are all in a place of exhaustion and emotional lability, so it becomes more important for me to utilize my rational brain rather than my emotional brain when I am in the role of therapist. When there are emotional outbursts that lead to aggression and assists in my area, I tend to go into my own crisis cycle - my thinking becomes limited, my body braces for flight/fight/freeze responses, and I get into a tizzy. This has become more difficult to navigate lately - so many reasons w...

I woke up very early this morning. This is not unusual for a Monday morning, and I think there is a bit of time anxiety at work on these early mornings, but I still don't like it. Thunder is rumbling in the distance, and it looks like it might rain most of the day. The stormy weather might just be the reason behind my angst and wakefulness.  Ooh, that was a close lightning strike - loud thunder almost immediately after the flash.  I still have an hour before I need to leave for work, but I have a long list of things that I need to accomplish in that hour. Blogging is one of those things, but it is not the only thing that I have on my morning list. Once I am finished with the things that I have to finish up before I leave for work, I have to navigate 50 miles to my place of business in the storm. Once I get to work, it will be time to set up my April musician list for our sessions this week. It is time for leisure/choice time as well as for learning a bit about musicians who we...

It has been and interesting couple of days around here - I have been trying to find a copy of my birth certificate so I can send in my pension paperwork. I know I have three of them somewhere, but I cannot locate them anywhere. I have since purchased a fire-safe lock box to put these types of things in, but it doesn't arrive until Tuesday. After that, I will put the paperwork I have into that box so they are all contained in the same place. I am frustrated with myself at this point due to this, but I can always order more, if I need to. The thing is that I know I had them when I renewed my passport, and I have the new passport and the old one, so I know that my certificate was returned at some point, but I just cannot find the copy anywhere I thought it would be. Blech. I have, however, found lots of other things in my searches through my boxes of stuff. I need so much more space for all the junk that I have around me, but that isn't going to happen. I need to be downsizing. Th...

It is FINALLY Friday, and today will be a quiet one in the music therapy room. I have two groups and my individual session is cancelled due to an almost school-wide field trip. Storms went through my area last night and should be over for today - they will return tomorrow and Sunday - so my students can go frolic in the outside at a local farmstead. I am hoping for an upfront parking spot so I can fill my car with stuff from my storage area. I also have to head to the district office to get some paperwork notarized. I tried to do that yesterday - it was dismissal and a HUGE mistake! I did not get there and could not take my time to explore the area because of the countless cars, walkers, and buses that were in the way. I will head over there this morning to be notarized so I can send off paperwork that needs to be done soon. I've now wasted much of my early morning time searching for a copy of my birth certificate. I know I have one, but I don't know where it is. Where I though...

I am feeling crabby and cranky this morning - there are storms coming in quickly, and I have not been sleeping well lately. Both of those things are contributing to my mood and my attitude as I am getting ready for my morning commute. It is Thursday which means that I have four groups today and then two groups tomorrow. My individual session will be cancelled due to a field trip tomorrow, so I will have a little bit more time to clean and organize things. I have been trying to bring things home slowly, but it is time to ramp up the purge. Nine weeks left after tomorrow to get my stuff back here. Emotions are running high at work right now. The aforementioned field trip has become a matter of contention for so many, including the principal who sent out an email about making sure that state testing was finished or no trip! So, there must be some folks who have not finished their state testing yet. As an educational enrichment specialist, I do not have to worry about state testing (whew -...

So, I will be leaving my current job in nine and a half weeks. I am retiring and am struggling a bit with the lack of direction in my near future. At the same time, though, I am a bit energized by this opportunity to go do something else. As part of this, I am going to list some of the things that I will not miss about my current job... I will not miss the following: Prohibition of balloons - it will be nice to have a bit of flexibility when it comes to using balloons in music therapy sessions. I have so many balloon therapeutic music experiences (TMEs) that I have not been able to use because we don't have balloons around due to choking risks. Lack of communication - At least when I am working for myself, I will know all the things happening. "Happy children making happy sounds." - Ugh. I had an ineffective principal who liked to use platitudes rather than engage in complete sentences. She once told me that she didn't care what I did in music therapy as long as the f...

If you have never seen the movie, What About Bob?,  starring Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss, I recommend that you find it and watch it. It is a silly take on the therapeutic relationship (which goes pretty wrong during the movie). While I am thankful that none of my clients have had that sort of focus on me, there are parts of the movie that have enriched my understanding of being in the role of therapist. One of the things that has stuck is the terminology of the therapist who recommends that the client focus on the smallest of steps to get through what appears to be unsurmountable issues. The term is "babystepping," as in "Don't focus on what you have to do to go to a meeting. Focus on the smallest step. Stand up. Walk to the closet. Select clothing." Each one of those steps is a babystep, and this is a concept that helps me navigate my world as well as helping me interact with my clients in music therapy sessions. My clients and I share a need for technique...

I am in a "hurry up and wait" stage. I have to wait to find out when my sliding glass door will be fixed. I am waiting for people to send presentation proposals for consideration for the music therapy conference focusing on clinical innovations for working with adolescents ( here is the link for more information ). I am waiting for the pollen to stop taking over my life. I am waiting for major life changes. There is lots of waiting happening right now, and I am just trying my best to be patient. It is not easy to be patient these days. I am exhausted and uninterested in much of anything. I will be traveling to my stuffy, humid, and hot room to do something with clients who will not be comfortable and will act out because of their comfort level. I cannot seem to please anyone these days. I also have very little motivation to create things for my clients. I have no idea what we are going to do this week. Now, I know that this is because it is April, and we are all tired, but I ...

It is time to start my next project - the Rhythm to Results: Clinical Innovations in Music Therapy with Adolescents virtual conference!! This is another labor of love and something that I have wanted to do for a long, LONG time. It is now time, and I am starting the process. To begin with, we have a call for presentations open right now. We are seeking clinical music therapists to share techniques, interventions, therapeutic music experiences, and session ideas in our online format. If you work with adolescents, please consider submitting a presentation proposal by June 5, 2026 at 11:59 CDT! We intend to offer 9 CMTEs for this conference (pending CBMT approval, of course), and we also intend to make this available for $90.00 USD. Those who do not want to earn CMTEs will be able to purchase conference access for $20.00 USD. Presenters will get free registration and 8 free CMTEs in addition to CMTEs for their presentation. Are you interested in presenting? Check out this page on the web...

A Disney movie that I love is Meet the Robinsons . If you are not familiar with it, it is about science and experimentation and finding a family. It is a movie that is creative and not just a remake of something that Disney has already done (I am VERY anti-live action remakes of cartoon classics!). Throughout the movie, the theme of Keep Moving Forward comes up again and again, and is finally echoed in a quotation from Walt Disney (no date to attribution) -  “Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” Curiosity is something that comes and goes for me. At the moment, I am curious about the world of music therapy beyond my role, but I am not feeling able to engage outside the four walls where I do music therapy. I have dreams for what I want to do, but limited knowledge of how to get there. I am still curious about it all. What do...

My apologies for not writing more this week. The urge was there, but the rants were just ongoing, and I felt that I did not need to express my angst and challenges in this forum. Blech. In the past five days, we have had tornadoes close to work, large hail that damaged work vehicles, lots of rain leading to flooding, branches down, kids in safety shelter past their bedtimes twice, crabbiness from everyone when asked to do basic tasks like sitting in a chair. Personally, I am still not feeling well - I feel better, but not well. I have not been able to get myself going or find any motivation to get anything finished. To top it all off, my gardeners broke my sliding glass door last night, so now I have to figure out how to navigate repairs. They will be paying to replace the door since they broke it. I feel bad that it will cost them so much money, but at the same time, I don't have money for something someone else broke. The best thing is that it just broke the outside panel so my h...

Yesterday, I returned to my office and email after a week of sick time. Buried in my emails was a request from the district office for information about what I will be doing after I retire from my school based music therapy job at the end of June. I am not entirely sure how to respond because I really do not know what I will be doing from July 1 on. To be honest, these types of questions cause me so much angst that I just shut down when asked. I don't know what I am going to do. All I know is that I am going to spend some time just resting and getting my house in order before I go outside of my house to find some employment. I find it a bit funny that the district office (which has completely ignored me for 25 years) now wants to know a bit about me as I am skipping out the door. For now, though, I am starting to get nervous about not having a plan. My financial advisor says that I can take a couple of years without needing outside employment, but I have no idea how that is possibl...

Sorry for my recent absence from blogging - I have been sick and completely unmotivated to do much of anything. I think I am back. At the very least, I am feeling better than I did last week at this time, so I am up and running this morning. This year's pollen season has been rough on me, and my nurse visit two Saturdays ago was unhelpful for the thing that I am doing here, so it took an entire week before I was able to address what was happening with me. I am no longer coughing up green mucus, so I think I am getting better. This is how it happens for me. I start off with a pollen reaction that ends up in bronchitis, fevers, and other responses. This happens about every three years here where I live, and I am a bit giddy with the possibility that it will not be happening next year (don't get too excited, KB. I still need to see if I can afford to move...). I am tired this morning. My sleep schedule has been messed up over the past week so it has been hard to get up and get goi...

One of the benefits of ripping my CD collection onto my computer is that I have the opportunity to dive back into the music that I have used over my career so far and the music that I have acquired that I love. I am currently working on one of my soundtrack cases - I have a couple of these - and I am reminded of why I purchased specific songs for specific reasons as I look over my collection. I have been taunted lately by a younger colleague (not at work, but a music therapist) for still having my CD collection. I admit, it is easy to stream music these days, but I still enjoy having the music available to hold. There is something more personal with CDs and records and cassettes. The convenience of streaming is wonderful until the wi-fi goes down, and then you feel pretty silly because you do not have alternatives. I will NEVER give up my CD collection!! I love it too much!! So, call me old-fashioned or anachronistic, if you must, but I will continue to use my CDs. I am just going to c...

It continues.  The relentless allergy response is still going on. I am hoping that the rains that are here for the next several days will wash that pollen right out of my air, but who knows if it will help or hurt my particular brand of allergies. It is morphing (of course) into more breathing issues and skin itching, so that's just kinda par for the course. I did not sleep well last night either - no particular reason, just didn't feel like sleeping at my usual time. That made getting up this morning more difficult for some reason. I do not want to go to work today. My suitemates are leaving this week, and the first leaving is happening today. I am also tired, dizzy, and not interested in doing music with my clients today. I will drag myself to work to say goodbye and to do music with a bunch of clients. I find that it is easier to be leaving than it is being left. I think this informs my grief process and makes grieving something to dread. Somehow, with my suitemates leaving ...

It is amazing how Tuesday happens about every seven days. I am not happy about today. I still feel horrible, and there is really nothing more I can do about it. Darn trees making pollen as well as oxygen. I guess it is an okay swap - I need oxygen but it is pretty ironic that the same thing that makes that life-essential gas is what causes my airways to become irritated and swollen. Urgh. I am doing some low energy TMEs this week - Instrument JINGO and watching videos for my "not interested in games" folks. I am propping myself in my chair and just letting things happen around me. Of course, this is the week where none of the support staff are who I am expecting to arrive, so I am having to do more on-the-job training than usual. I was coughing last night so my mom made me promise to put Vicks on my feet. I did, and slept hard last night. I will continue to do this as long as the cough lasts. I am hoping that our upcoming weather change will wash away all the pollen and relea...

Trees are putting out pollen in my corner of the world, so I am not feeling well at all. Runny nose, hoarse voice, stuffy head, strange cough - you name it, I have it right now. I am pretty miserable, but off to work I go. I don't want to go. I don't want to sing to others today, I just want to sleep, but I have to get going. Fortunately, I have plans for this sort of thing. This week's plan is to use Audacity a bit, but I might just abandon all of that in favor of videos on the Promethean board or karaoke with the microphones. Or instrument JINGO (yep, you heard that right - JINGO) - things that help me run groups without having to be very musical. I always feel like this type of session is a cop out, but I also need to have these contingency plans for the weeks where I am out of commission due to the allergens present where I live. I am miserable, and making music on top of the symptoms of hay fever is not good for me or for my kids. There are times when self-care has to ...

... and I am sure that you are wondering? "What?????" Let me explain. Way back, many years ago, the Dollar Tree started selling die-cut collections of large visuals that had a common theme. I bought them all and then laminated them all. I have two file boxes full of laminated die-cuts that I have used over and over again for many years. My Dollar Tree no longer offers those packs of 10 die-cuts for a dollar, and I miss getting new die-cuts when I go to buy things for work. Oh well. Anyway, these die-cuts fit inside file folders, so the boxes that I have contain many themed collections to go with many of the TMEs that I have either created or adopted over the years. I have a folder with farm visuals and another one with continents. Chances are that I have die-cuts that work with just about every TME that I have designed to use visual aids. I also have three other boxes with other types of visuals, tools, and song sheets. I put them all into my car yesterday which opened up lot...

I have officially entered the time of the year where it is difficult to tell what day it is on any given day. I have to look at my calendar to see what I will be doing today. As a result, I wake up a bit confused each and every morning. Today will include a change in my schedule - most of my clients from my first group will be gone for the morning to compete in the local Job Olympics. So, I will have an extra hour to sit and contemplate things - or take stuff to my car - that would be a better use of that extra time. I have so much stuff, and I have so little motivation to organize it into useable systems. Just can't get myself to take control of the stuff yet. I am hoping that I will find that motivation before I am finished with stuff, but that's not really happening - yet. I have set up some shelves, and more are on the way for the library.  I am a hoarder. I don't think it is pathological - yet - but it could easily become that way. I have difficulty getting rid of just...

In a week and a half, I will be the only inhabitant of my therapy suite. One of my suitemates is retiring, and the other accepted a great, new job and will also be leaving. This will mean that I will have that space all to myself again, and I am in a state of anticipatory grief. I have worked with these co-workers for my entire time at my current job, and I am also getting ready to retire, so there are lots of feelings swirling around and in me at the moment. I find that anticipatory grief is the worst state for me. Knowing that something is going to happen and having to get used to the idea is more difficult than being thrown into grief. (Now, please know that this is my opinion rather than a fact, so you are encouraged to form and express your own opinions about what I say - any time or any topic!) Knowing that my co-workers are leaving is hard to process, especially when I still have to see them for the next week and a half. I have not told my clients that I am retiring from this jo...

Why are Tuesdays more difficult than Mondays in my world? No, seriously. I am struggling this morning more than I did yesterday when I felt horrible. I now have a headache and chills to complicate matters. It is not virus or bacterial, it is all about the headache. Recently, I've been waking up with what I consider a migraine situation - difficulty with temperature regulation (it is interesting having hot flashes and chills simultaneously), headache that moves all around my brain, and light sensitivity. I have not had these types of headaches before - usually my migraine activity happens when I am awake, and I get a visual migraine first. Not with these things. When I woke up this morning, it was when the light turned on. I was not feeling it. I allowed myself to stay in bed until about an hour after that event. Now I am up and not really looking forward to going to work today. I found out yesterday that my second suite mate is leaving in two weeks when the first suite mate is reti...

It is the first day after Spring Break, and I have torn myself away from my bed and to the computer. I will be taking a shower here in a bit before heading to work, stopping to get gasoline on the way. I will see five groups of students and one individual before doing bus duty and then returning here to collapse into my bed. My knees are still hurting after kneeling on the floor to do behavior management training and CPR during the professional development day that we had just before we left for break. This means that I will not be moving much until my knees are no longer hurting. The first day after a break is usually pretty smooth because students are glad to be back. The second day after a break is usually pretty rough because none of us want to be back. I am hoping that today goes smoothly because I have lots that I need to get done in between session times. They have hired my successor, so I need to get my things out of the storage space as soon as possible. I have made a good sta...