music, therapy, and me

I always have both too much time and too little time to do things. It is an interesting conundrum that exists only in my own head. For example, I did very little that ended up being constructive at work yesterday because I didn't have all the things that I needed to do here at home done. So, I diddled around, doing the therapy that was scheduled, finishing my documentation for the week, and then staring into the void. I often feel this way at work - like I am not doing what I should be doing (that shoulda goblin is rearing its ugly head these days). I have so much that I want to be doing that I just can't - for all sorts of emotional reasons. I have an appointment for co-mentoring this morning in three hours, and I am facing some task paralysis. There is something I can't forget in three hours, so I cannot do anything now. Welcome to my brain. I am currently in political overwhelm and despair. This is also affecting my brain and my ability to use time in an effective manner...

I am celebrating my life changes right now - giving up things that I no longer want to do and finding new things to help me fill some time. This process is not one that I was anticipating in this year, but I have learned to go with the flow of life rather than fight against it too much. Well, I still fight it as evidenced by my constant nattering about things in the music therapy world, but you know - I am getting better. There are so many things to feel grateful for in this point of my life, but there are also so many things to mourn. I am trying to do both at the same time while continuing my journey as a music therapist. I am enjoying the concept of changing my work schedule to work only my contract hours rather than internship hours. I like knowing that I will be able to leave my workplace at 3:15 every day. This means some more time at home each day which is taking some getting used to, but is nice. I like having more afternoon time. Right now, I want to fill up that time with som...

Okay, I admit it. I am a bit obsessed with getting into a routine on how to do things - in both my personal and professional lives. It is much easier for me to make and use routines at work than it is at home which is strange since at home there is only me to coordinate and lead through routines. At work, it is co-workers, clients, and interns who are part of the routine. Summer sessions are also a bit more difficult than the regular school year because we work four days and then I get three days off in a row. It is amazing how quickly you can get accustomed to longer stretches of time off. I enjoy three days in a row that include nothing but being on my own at home. It makes getting up early on work days more difficult than it is in the regular school year when I only have one day where I do not work. This past week has been rough. I know that I always feel this way when summer temperatures and humidity arrives. I am tired - not to the bone, but through the lungs. I am taking another ...

It is 5:39 am, and I am eating breakfast after taking my mother and my sister to the airport to head home after a week here with me. I decided not to try to go back to sleep - there is still a bit of doubt about whether they will actually get out of here due to COVID-related cancellations. I am way too awake to sleep now. With their departure and the end of my apartment life, I now have time to get back into my routine. When I moved in a month and a couple of days ago, I established a chore routine that has been working pretty well for me. I keep it tucked into my bullet journal, behind the picture of my Dad, and try my best to keep up with the chores for each day. Today, being Sunday, is my bullet journaling day and my catch-up day for all other chores. I really haven't done my jobs this week, so I will start this week off right. Tomorrow is laundry and bathroom day, so I will spend a bit of time doing those chores in between setting up the office space and the craft room.  (I hav...

Me in my almost house! After a long, busy weekend, I am heading back into my regular work routine. It is 4:24 am, and I am sitting here, gazing at my blogging post wondering what in the world I might have to say to myself at this moment. My home is a mess because I have started packing for the move that I will be doing next month. The to-do list is getting longer and longer as I try to sort through all the things that I will need to do during the next 30 days. I have my checklists to go through and get myself organized with, but I am also feeling a bit overwhelmed about stuff. When I get this way, I tend to try to compartmentalize myself a bit more than I usually do, and it gets very overwhelming very quickly. I am also a bit hesitant to commit to leaving my apartment and to make arrangements for things like utilities because of my parents' experiences losing houses after offers had been accepted and all that. So, my music therapy routine is a bit off kilter because my life routine...