music, therapy, and me

Please excuse me as I deviate from my usual Sunday post to talk about today, and its significance to my family. This is my mother's birthday. It is also the day that my father died, three years ago. This day is hard to navigate because while Dad died on this date, it is also a day for celebrating my Mother. It is hard to do both. As a result, I try to mark the anniversary of my Dad's death the day before rather than on today's date. This year, I am reminded of my parents' mortality more than I have been in the last two years. My mom got sick and had to be in the hospital for five days just recently. We didn't know what was going on, and it was pretty scary. We were able to rule out lots of things - not a heart condition, not the gallbladder, things like that - but it took a long time to figure out what was going on. It turns out that it was a reaction to the medication her cardiologist prescribed. She is now off that medication and seeing all sorts of new doctors to...

It is time to start getting back into a work frame of mind. I have been away from my job for the past week while on Spring Break. Since I haven't been at work, I have tried to embrace the idea of not thinking too much about the things that happen as part of my job, but it is time to start getting my focus back. I go back to my full time job on Monday, so I need to start thinking about what is coming up this week at work. On Monday morning, my next intern will arrive to start his internship. I am feeling my regular jitters about all of this - every time I accept an intern, every time an intern is getting ready to start, and every time I am sitting in the lobby waiting for that intern to arrive, I have jitters. You would think that it would become a bit less of a deal after 33 of these folks, but it is still part of my process. As I prepare for another new intern, there are things that I have to get coordinated. One of the things that I need to do is to establish a shared drive on Go...

I called the jury line last night to see if I needed to report to the courthouse today and was told that there were no jury trials scheduled for the next week and a half, so I was released from my civic duty. I am not sure how I feel about this. I was hoping that I would finally get a chance to do this jury thing, but I was also not looking forward to the complications that would come from having to be on a jury at this moment. Now it is no longer an option. So, I head out of my home today to go to the assembly (which I don't think we should be doing, but no one asked me, so here we go) and then get ready for washing dishes at the Holiday Dinner on Friday. I am tired already and this is just going on top of everything else.  Yesterday's music therapy groups went better than I expected. I was quite surprised to see that the student who usually disrupts my groups on Tuesdays did all the things that I asked without protest yesterday. It was a great change and something that really...

I am going to be gone from my computer most of this and next week, so do not be alarmed if blog posts become a bit less regular. My life now includes a memorial service for a cousin who died in July as well as time with her family and with my mother's family. We all decided to sacrifice our paid time off to head back to their homes to see them. We will be living in hotels and masking as much as necessary, so it should be a strange visit, but also it will be a good one. I have not taken this much time away from work without being sick in all the time I have worked at my facility. (At least, I don't think so...) For the first time ever, I have the tools that I need to provide digital resources to my clients while I am gone, so I am working on using my resources to provide alternative session options to just using the sub plan materials that I always have available for kids to use. I hope that my students will enjoy the information that I put together on different jobs and that te...

It is Thursday, and we are getting ready for another wave of wintry weather to blow through our area. We will be under a winter weather advisory all day tomorrow. I wonder if my superintendent will cancel school on Friday. If so, I need an administrative decision about whether I will offer shopping in the store or my inclement weather schedule tomorrow. I think I'll ask my assistant principal for a decision today, just in case... When days like this happen, days when I am waiting for something to happen but am not quite sure what nature will bring to us all, I try to go with the Girl Scout (and Boy Scout also) motto of "Be Prepared." This idea has been drummed into my head since (almost) birth, and it is part of my world view and outlook. I know that some people will not like what I write about here, but this is my blog, my place to share my thoughts and feelings and opinions, and this is one of my core foundational beliefs. I believe in thinking through as many p...

I'm going to my regional conference next weekend, so I'm spending lots of time trying to get myself organized. I'm doing three presentations (one of them is a 3-hour Make and Take CMTE), so I have bits and pieces of all sorts of things to coordinate, box up, and keep track of for the 46 mile trip to the conference venue. Two out of the three presentations include creative exploration applications, so I have paper and markers and index cards and file folders and laminating sheets to include...not to mention handouts and samples and all that. Needless to say, my work and crafting desks are covered with bits and pieces of things that I need to keep with me. I saw a request for conference volunteers, and I really did try to sign up, but my time is going to be full of presenting and preparing for presentations. I'm trying to get over my guilt about not being the most helpful person and recognizing that I am already doing quite a bit for the conference. It is not as easy ...

Sometimes, it is the smallest of things that relieve the most stress and anxiety from my reality. I did something this time that really was very good for me in helping me manage my stress and anxiety during this AMTA conference season. I made a list! I've never done this before, but I made a packing list and put it in my bullet journal planner. Regular readers are probably rolling their eyes right now, thinking, "Well, of COURSE you made a list! You are ALWAYS making lists. Why is this something that you are writing about YET again???" Well, dear readers, this list has helped me in immeasurable ways this week as I have been preparing for one of the the best and most stressful weeks of my year. This is specifically a packing list. (By the way, the clothing that I am taking is listed at the very top of the left page - add in some undergarments, and I am done with the entire clothing thing! Everything else is either stuff that I need - shampoo, jewelry, cash - or ro...

It's time to get ready for a trip into music therapy land. I look forward to this interaction (almost) every year, and it is almost time to go! In the next several days, I have lots of things to do and to cross off my to-do list. That's right - I have a trip to-do list! I'm sure that doesn't surprise many of you. Tonight's task is laundry and packing. I have to do this a bit ahead of any trip that I take because the cat gets very suspicious. I have planned out several outfits, and I just need to get everything organized to make myself feel like I've accomplished something this week. I found out that next week will include our annual Body Venture visit. The state department of health or something-or-other comes out with a huge display that we set up in our gymnasium and then usher all of our students through to tell them about the body. There is a theme of healthy eating and exercise throughout the body procession. I get to be the mouth. I think that's ...

I admit it. I did not want to acknowledge the fact that it was morning this morning. I awoke, thinking that it was still early (it wasn't) and hoping that I had some time to just be quiet in the dark (I didn't). I looked at the time - found that it was 30 minutes later than I usually wake up, and had to get started. I fed the cat, got some cold water, and sat down at the computer to check email and various and sundry other stuff. My day started off with some good email news, so I am now sitting here, wondering if the rest of my day will go like this morning - ups, downs, and things coming at me sideways. It probably will, and that is Monday. That's the way it is most of the time. I have two groups to run, two individuals to work with, and two interns to oversee today. I have two new games to teach to my clients (tomorrow), and lots of ideas in development. I have a relatively clean desk (here at home and somewhat at work), and the drive to write some new music and some ...

I had two separate situations happen at work yesterday where people told me I was wrong, and I was able to prove that I was right. The situations themselves aren't all that important, but the situations could have been completely avoided had the other parties involved actually decided to talk to me rather than making their own decisions that affected me. Now, I hate confrontation, but I will go into full-blown confrontation mode if something happens that is inappropriate or incorrect. I will fact check before I start a confrontation, and I will have documentation to back up my position. I believe in being prepared (Thank you, Girl Scouts!!), and I do not enter any sort of situation without knowing the facts. Two people tried to convince me, "We've NEVER done this before." I was able to prove that we did do things this way before and this is the way it is supposed to be. They haven't responded yet, but I will be able to provide email proof that they did these t...

I work with some challenging clients. Every student who attends my school has been sent to that school program because they have failed in every other school environment. This often means that the group sessions that I have to do are full of kids who have learned to avoid undesirable tasks through aggression, tantrums, self-injurious behaviors, running away, and doing all sorts of things in order to gain attention or leave uncomfortable situations. Classroom groups are determined by people who never have to work directly with the students, and often group members are not very compatible with one another. At the moment, I have several groups that are complete messes. Imagine a group of 12 kids, ages 7-21 (yep, you read that right - we have that range of ages in the majority of our classes right now). Staff members are in all sorts of training at the moment, so there are never enough staff members to cover our basic ratios of staff to student interaction. Add to the environment the...

I am going back to work today after an entire week of missed therapy sessions. I was feeling fine yesterday, and this morning I woke up with a stuffy nose and scratchy throat. Coincidence? Doubtful. Psychosomatic? Possibly. Affected by the fact that I missed my allergy medicine yesterday? Definitely. I'm back on it now, so I will probably feel better pretty soon. I always dread going back to work after an absence, mainly because my very active imagination fills in all the possible situations and makes me feel a bit stressed about going back in. Sometimes, those fears are manifested, but most of the time, they are not. I will probably spend most of my commute thinking about chairs being left out, trash all over the carpet (because both of those things happen on a regular basis), and broken things with no explanation of what happened. I will also try to practice my mindfulness outlook through allowing those thoughts to occur and then releasing them without judgment (still ...

This has been a long, LOUD week in the music therapy room. Actually, the music therapy room hasn't been all that loud, but my next-door neighbors have been loud. We have very thin walls, so I hear everything that happens next door. It has been very loud. I have had to do some active self-care in the form of leaving my room to find some silence, or at least, more quiet. It's difficult to find a place where there is quiet in a school of busy, active, and impulsive students. Even the administration offices are loud - in a completely different manner. I prefer the school noises to the administration noises - I wonder why that is... I have needed silence this week. When things get loud in my room, I try several different things to keep going on my goals. I try to use the sounds happening to frame some musical creation and composition. I join in (at times and quietly from the other side of the wall). I listen for patterns and ways to find entrainment within the noise. Sometim...

Today was a good day for social media and me. I usually get a bit irked at what people ask about on social media, but the posts today were very relevant to what I like to do and what I like to write about. There was one person who was asking about bullet journaling - I do that! There was another post about working with referrals that are simply "the client enjoys music." That happens to me as well. Lastly, there was an inquiry about what to do when you offer "educational enrichment services" for clients who don't really seem interested in music. I do that as well. All of these posts gave me opportunities to think a bit more deeply about one of my favorite topics - how we do what we do. I am fascinated by what others may think of as the daily minutiae. Those day-to-day tasks that affect us all, but that we don't really ever think about. My favorite articles in the music therapy literature are the ones from the very first music therapy journal where music...

I am lousy when it comes to confrontations. I'm the first to admit it. I hate confronting people about their inappropriate actions towards others, especially when the "others" include myself. I am much better at calling someone out when they are bullying others that do not include me, but I am not good at it when I am the target. I have never been good at this, so I was a target of bullies and teasing and lots of hurt feelings as a kid. Those feelings continue in me as an adult, but my ability to be strong has increased. I definitely am less likely to break into tears in public than I used to be (but I still have that tendency as well). So, why is this the topic for my blog post today? I am getting ready for a confrontation that is unfair. I'm not going to go into any more details, but this confrontation is ridiculous, and yet I have to go through it. It has shaken my thoughts for the past two months, and the day of confrontation has arrived.  This is one of the...

This is one of those times. Be prepared.  (NOTE: I am going to start this post with the paragraph that I wrote towards the end of today's thoughts. I think that it is the meat of this post, so if you don't want to go into my situations, you can still see what I think is the most important thought for today.) Self-care is not just the cool stuff; the vacations, the self-care challenges made by others, the appointments to have a pedicure. It is also the day-to-day patterns that we incorporate into our lives. It is the getting up, taking a shower, dressing for work (thinking about the weather possibilities), the blogging about things that are interesting to only us (sorry about this), and the getting out of our house when we would much rather stay at home, sleeping. Self-care is eating food that has a good balance of nutrition and taste. Self-care is drinking water instead of something else, because we know that water is essential to health. When I get overwhelmed, I fi...

I am a proponent of being prepared for almost everything. This is a holdout from my active Scouting days - the motto is "Be Prepared," and that motto has served me well over the past decades. Part of how I approach music therapy sessions is certainly rooted in that philosophy - I understand that the way I envision a session going is only one of a myriad of possibilities. As a result, I try to think about many aspects of my life through this motto. Be prepared. I have a toolbox that I keep in my office (and my home office).  This is an actual toolbox, full of tools, and not a metaphor for the things that I do with my clients. Just want to make that clear. My toolbox at work fits in a pencil box (at home, it's a bit larger, but it includes all my tools, not just the ones that I need to maintain instruments, etc.). Here's what is included in my music therapy toolbox: Drum Key - when you need one, you really need one. It doesn't take up much space, so keep one...