music, therapy, and me

It's been a long time since I've felt like bursting into song at any moment. I've missed that need to express myself in music, but it's starting to come back. You have no idea what that means to me. I am a music therapist. To me, that statement means that I am immersed in music. It is something that follows me everywhere I go. It is something that I do. When it is absent, I miss it. I spent most of the past several years with music being a job instead of something that just happened. I spent most of my days doing music with my clients, but my own musical voice was pretty silent. I wrote songs for therapeutic music experiences (TMEs), but the songs were tasks rather than spontaneous expressions. I hated it because an important piece of my life was gone. I am relieved that I am starting to interact with my world through music again.  The cat? Not so happy that I am bursting into song at any and all possible moments. Fortunately, she hasn't got to the point w...

This may be a strangely titled post, but it's true. I've been doing lots of extemporaneous singing in sessions lately. There has been improvisation all over the place, and I can feel my songwriting process starting up slowly...very slowly, but it is starting. It's been some time since I've managed to write a new piece for therapy. I don't often stress about my creative blocks, but this one has been extended - not usual - and I've been a bit stumped about how to get out of the slump. So, I've just maintained my skills and focused on improvisation rather than on publishing songs. I now feel the spark of composition starting to kindle new ideas in the back of my head. It's time to start recording my improvisations and then transcribing them (thank goodness for dictation classes!) and writing out their full therapeutic purpose into my therapeutic music experience plan. It simply takes time (which I don't have much of these days) to do the process and...

I had a couple of music therapy moments this week. You know the ones - those moments when you feel that everything is happening and therapy is going on. You and the client are interacting within and with the music, and things are just going well. The one that is the strongest for me right now happened yesterday. We are currently getting a multigenerational choir ready to perform at our annual benefactor event. About 10 of my adolescent students are rehearsing with about 10-15 of the adult consumers that are served by the facility. They all arrive at the music therapy room to rehearse on Friday afternoons (during my preparation/planning time). This year's song is Start Me Up by the Rolling Stones. It's not a song that anyone knew before the first rehearsal, but the words are not really all that comprehensible, so we are kinda doing our own thing. Over the years of working with these adults and with my kids, I know a couple of things. First of all, it is easier to sing...

This is a strange therapy week. I was gone on Monday for a post-surgery appointment and x-rays, and yesterday, I had no voice, so singing was completely out of the question. I still have no voice today, so my session plans very much revolve around karaoke and Peter and the Wolf , things I can run without having to sing or talk. I think I am feeling better, but my throat is still sore and my voice is completely uncooperative. The medication I am on hasn't really done much to kick out this yuck, so I need to go back to the doctor this afternoon (oh joy!!). I am hoping that my issue from last Wednesday was resolved in a meeting on Monday. I need to check in with the administrator to see what happened during the meeting so I know what the plan is for a particular client. He will NOT be happy with the options that I have available for me right now in music therapy, so it would be nice to know what the intervention plan is to run as soon as he walks into the therapy session. I receiv...

One of my increasingly many part-time jobs is that of church music director. I love the congregation I work for, and I am very appreciative of the pastor that I work for as well. I've been an employee of the church for many years and have watched things change and change and change. One of the things that I've noticed is that not many people sing in church anymore. The most amazing thing for me is that people I have been told sing solos in school and in bands stand there with their mouths firmly shut during hymns. It makes me wonder why. Now, I am a singer. Except for some time in preschool when I didn't sing in front of strange people (I cried instead), I have been a singer all of my life. I have loved singing in groups, singing solos, singing when no one was around to hear. When I am in a congregation of people singing hymns, I choose a line and sing it in my own octave (except when people start to turn around - then I go back to the Soprano part). I love the opportunit...

It's been a quiet week. I've spent the time getting things ready for a garage sale this weekend, waiting for deliveries, and working on my newest product (I'm planning on launching tomorrow!). I haven't had much music in my environment lately, and I'm starting to miss the music. This is one of the best things about vacation, and about the illnesses that I've had over the past two months - I'm enjoying the act of making music or musicking. It's difficult to want to make music and not be able to do so. It's wonderful to have a chance to take a break from having to make music, but I always miss the music after some time and am happy to get it back. Do you ever feel these ways? Do you ever feel tired of the same old songs that you sing day after day? Do you want a break? I do, but not very often. When I get that way, it's time for a break - either a vacation or an upheaval in what I do with my clients on a regular basis.  Do you ever want to ...

I haven't sung in two days now. The last time I sang was on Wednesday evening worship and choir practice. The rest of the time, I have been pretty quiet. I have spent time at home alone and have just been quiet. Now, I have always tried to have good vocal hygiene. I try to breathe appropriately, I stop singing when I get hoarse, and I drink water constantly. I try to use the best support that I can, even when I'm draped over my guitar, and I take singing vacations when I can. This past week has been a good opportunity for a singing vacation. I have been quiet. Being quiet and just listening is a learned skill. I use it lots in sessions. Many of the interns that I have spent time with over the years cannot listen or be quiet. They feel that they have to talk or sing or interrupt in order to justify being a "therapist." I was first taught how to listen by a person working on her doctorate in child psychology - Sandy Rudder taught me about being assertive but als...

So, you may have read through my rant about not liking the music saturation that pervades the months of October through December. Now, the music that is the exception to my rule of no music (outside of work, of course )... John Denver and the Muppets This album of music just warms my heart in ways that no other seasonal music does or can. I love these songs, mainly because I grew up with the Muppets and have ALWAYS loved John Denver. This album puts me right into the mood of the holiday season, no matter where I am, what I am doing, or who I am with at the moment. There aren't too many people out there (that I've found, anyway) that share my enthusiasm for this collection of songs, but I still love them all! It is difficult for me to pick my favorite song, but here I go... Best for a giggle - Twelve Days of Christmas (especially Miss Piggy!) The ones that make me cry - Noel: Christmas Eve 1913, When the River Meets the Sea, and Silent Night The others are a...

Yesterday, I was privileged to share in a music therapy moment. If you're a therapist, you know what I mean, one of those moments when everything clicks together and just works. Let me set the scene... This was the last group of the afternoon. There were ten kids with a variety of diagnoses and interests, two staff members, my intern, and myself in the room. This group of kids is extremely diverse - some kids speak, some do not, some kids are working on academic goals, some kids are working on preacademic goals. Their goals are to improve impulse control, engage in appropriate social interactions, and increase communication skill. It was mid-afternoon, and we started the session the way we usually do - with an opening song. Some kids sang, some sat, others just rocked during the opening song. I felt that what I had planned next wasn't quite right for us, so I changed my plan. I started with a strong alternate bass pattern on the guitar. I played the 12-bar blues progression...

It's the second day of Spring Break, and I am looking for something to do... Of course, there is the typical stuff that I SHOULD be doing - laundry, cleaning, cooking, throwing things away, and the various and sundry other things that have been waiting for me to "get to them." So, now I have to decide what I am going to do today. Now, because I am a music therapist and a musician, I often sing to myself. This behavior has been increasing lately as I have been making up short mantras and singing them to myself. For example, " It is not my job to make everyone happy. They have to make themselves happy." This mantra is sung in a major key with lots of syncopation. Another current mantra is, " Spring Break is here."   These mantras allow me to put my emotions into music. I like this for several reasons. First, using music allows me to regulate my breathing, my heart beat, and my muscle tension. Second, the lyrics encourage me to put my emotions into ...

This week was my first session with a kid I'll call "J." J is an adolescent with a moderate intellectual disability, intense difficulty with impulse control, poor emotional regulation, and issues with social interaction. He attends group music therapy sessions weekly and has been one of my students in adaptive drum lessons. He has always asked to "sing the blues," and I felt that now was the time! We started on Tuesday. He seemed a bit confused when I asked him to come with me at an unusual time, but ambled down the hall with me. I explained that we were going to meet together weekly to "sing the blues." He looked at me like I was slightly off-center, but agreed to try it out. Now, when I have individual kids in the music room, I let them choose the direction of our sessions. They have to figure out something to do, and then I have to figure out how to make their choices work within their individual goals and objectives. It is a pretty good sys...

This week consisted of three days of not only being a music therapy internship supervisor, but of actually being a music therapist!! One of my biggest challenges as a supervisor is the time when my interns need to be independent and have some time alone in their sessions. This situation, while great for them, is harrowing for me. From the times when I start to feel scattered, restless, and out-of-sorts, I have learned that I really need the daily contact with clients to keep me actively engaged. This has led me to make several decisions, starting right now! I will no longer accept two interns at a time unless it is necessary to do so. If I do have two interns, I will make sure that I still have plenty of therapeutic interaction with my clients. I will never fully leave the music therapy clinic. If there is a teaching position in my future (doubtful, but you never know), I will be an adjunct professor instead of a full-time professor. You couldn't pay me enough money to transf...

Yesterday, I called my sister for a chat. I found her in the midst of a pain crisis - this happens quite a bit with my family. We all have strange aches and pains that are not easily explained by modern medicine. It is not unusual for one of the members of my family to be the topic of an article dedicated to strange things...anyway... My sister and I were talking about things just strange and typical for us when she mentioned an old record we used to listen to when we were kids. Feeling helpless to help her pain, I decided to see if I could do something for her, so I went to the computer. Lo and behold, iTunes had the album I was looking for, so I downloaded it and made a CD (which will be going to the mailbox to her shortly). "The album," you may be asking? Why, it's Mickey Mouse Disco, of course! I feel the guffaws starting now, but this record made a pretty big impact on the musical lives of my brother, my sister, and me. Imagine, if you will, three kids betwee...

On Thursday, I had a meeting that kept me busy during the first half of a targeted goal group session. My interns, on their own, went and got our students for the group and engaged them in music making. I finished my meeting and hurried down to the music room. When I entered, everyone was engaged in music making in one way or another. One client was playing the conga drum, one was playing the guitar, and the third client had chosen to listen to an Elvis karaoke CD and was mouthing (his form of communication). When I entered, I greeted everyone and asked them to tell me what we were doing. Elvis's song, Love Me Tender, came on the stereo. I asked the young man who simply mouths for communication if I could sit next to him. He started smiling and moving his mouth rapidly, indicating that I could. I found my fake book, sat next to him, and started to sing the words to the song. He leaned towards me and kept moving his mouth along with the words. The song ended, and we repeated the...

Last night, my Dad suggested that I spend my day singing every patriotic song that I know...all day long. Now, I did not think that this idea was a good one (I kinda like my quiet time at home), but my thoughts did move towards an incident that happened in a patriotic setting a long time ago. My best friend, Maryann, and I were the oldest Girl Scouts in our town. We were sophomores in high school, a bit rebellious when it came to our style of Scouting, and didn't really care what others thought about us being scouts at the advanced age of 15. We went camping with about 200 other scouts from our area. Maryann and I were standing next to each other during the flag-raising ceremony looking out over a ring of scouts from ages 6-15 (us), all acting very solemn. The tradition for flag ceremonies often included a song, and this ceremony was no different. The caller announced that we would sing "God Bless America." Maryann and I started singing enthusiastically but found ou...

This is the end of the first week of my happiness initiative. If you missed the first post about my attempt at changing my amygdala and responses to specific situations, it is the one preceding this post. I will go into some more detail about exactly what makes up this initiative in the following paragraphs. Please bear with me as I work through all of this on this blog...I think well when I can produce a product that I can see. Anyway, this decision to seek happiness has been an interesting experience. It has required some changes in who I see, how I interact, and what I do in particular situations. Let me explain... Take a Breath - Do you ever find yourself in situations where you are not breathing in a healthy manner? I do. I have asthma and respiratory infections on a regular basis and find breathing to be a challenge at the best of times. When I am involved in a situation that I find negative, I tend to engage in shallower breathing than necessary.  Breathing Initiati...

Yesterday, I was leading music at my church job. I have been a church music director for many years now and am always interested in how the members of the congregation make music. If asked to join the choir, many of the members of the congregation refuse stating something along the lines of "You wouldn't want my voice in the choir. I'm not a good singer." No matter how many times I reassure them that singing in the choir is not about individual voices but the group as a whole, they appear to worry that their singing will bring the group's musical prowess down. In the many years that I have been the leader of the music at this church, all of the folks outside the choir still focus on the product of our singing rather than the process of singing. As a music therapist, I focus on the process of music making rather than on the product. Now, that's not to say that I am not excited when my choir members conquer a particular passage or piece, but I am more inter...