music, therapy, and me

A friend of mine messaged me yesterday to ask me how things were going, and I started to cry. Yesterday was one of those days where clients who used to love being in music therapy were ripping things off the walls, breaking the thermometers, and destroying things, all while trying to hurt me. Actually, it was just one client, but still, it hit me deep. We are very short-staffed at the moment, and the only staff members that were present are not ones that I know. I have no idea if they were trained in our crisis management system or not. All I know is that they did NOTHING to help me out. This happens every Tuesday, and I am exhausted by the situation. The student refuses to talk to me or to use the program that the student has agreed to use. This happens regardless of what we are doing or the sounds we are making which makes it seem personal. The student will bring in noise-cancelling headphones and then destroy them rather than wearing them. add in the fact that the student makes thre...

I am very tired. Some of this is due to the increase of medication that I have had to take due to my seasonal allergies, but I think most of the tired feeling is from frustrations and challenges at work. That's right. Work is affecting everything that is going on in my life. This isn't a big surprise to me, but it may be to a new professional out there. What happens at work can affect what happens at home and the opposite is also true. What happens at home can affect what happens at work. I cannot completely separate my work life from my other life - it is just not completely possible. Trying to deny the effect of work on my non-work hours just leads me to constant stuffing and avoidance behaviors - neither of which are good for me. It is time for active solutions to this problem. I cannot control how my clients react to what I present. All I can do is present my expectations and my requirements to them in a consistent manner each and every time. I will script my re...

Just so you know, this isn't a happy, peppy, rah-rah type of music therapy post. I am going through some rough times at my job. If you are looking for a glimpse into the reality of being a music therapist, please read on. If you only want to hear happy things about this profession, then PLEASE skip this post entirely! Yesterday was another rough day with my clients. This is the current theme to what I write about because every day seems to be a repetition of the bad day that came before it. On days like today, when I am dreading going to my particular work place, I have to remind myself of several things. First, this, too, shall pass. Second, it is not personal. Third, I choose, every day, to work with persons with these particular challenges.  Fourth, it is work that I am very good at. I have to remind myself of these things on a regular basis these days because of the rough situations happening in every class session that is going on right now. I had three people st...

I have a case of the grumps - that mood where there just isn't anything that makes me happy and everything just makes me a bit angry. It's silly things, really - my father's ultra conservative posts on Facebook, the fact that the cat wants to cuddle at times when I do not, all the food that I have in the cabinet that just doesn't sound appetizing to me at all, the list just goes on and on. Nothing is really serious, so I'm thinking this is the product of hormones, and I am very grateful that I have another day off before I have to work around others.   It is time to spend some time in my own company. I don't think I'll get an early morning phone call from my father - my family is going to the memorial service for my second cousin once removed today. I'm not going because I am the only one who doesn't live in California. Grump. I have to make a choice - do I let the grumps take over my life? Or do I work through them. I choose to work through t...

Do you ever have one of those mornings when people just rub you the wrong way?? All the time?? Just by being??? This day is shaping up to be one of those days. One of the situations that happened this morning was a snarky email by someone who thinks I'm not doing one of my many jobs because a scam letter was received. The person obviously did not look at the scam letter very closely as it states at the bottom that it is not affiliated with the government at all AND that they charge a fee for any and all services that they provide. It just set my mood to harumph and that's that. My blood pressure seems to be up, and I have little to no food in the pantry because I put off grocery shopping until after my trip, and I have no desire to actually put on real pants in order to go outside and be around real people today.  After sleeping in all week and being late to work, today my eyes popped open at 4 am, and I haven't been able to get back to sleep. The one day I was actu...

I am awake, on this fourth day of my mid-summer break, at the early hour of 3:30 am, attempting to figure out what to write about today. I awoke to find a very complimentary blog post by my friend, Janice. Please check out her blog , especially her journal club posts and her information about how to get CMTEs. I've found these to be very valuable over the years and think that everyone should be paying attention to what Janice has to say. (Hi, Janice!!) The post is making me think a bit about what I write here, so I am going to engage in some random thoughts to figure out several things happening in my life. Random Thoughtstream One: I'm feeling a bit unsettled this morning. I awoke very early, even for me, and was sucked into a series of thoughts that did not allow me to settle back into sleep. I'm not quite sure what is going on, but I do know that these early mornings and the accompanying unsettling thoughts seem to come more often these days. It is something that I s...

I'm in a funk.  I found out that an acquaintance passed away two days ago and it sent me into a downward spiral. I know that some of this is due to my current hormone levels, some of it is due to all of the other things going on in the lives of my loved ones, and some if it is because this is the third person who has passed away just recently. Some of it also may be because of the full moon. I spent all day yesterday in bed, alternating between sleeping and crying. This type of funk is something that happens every once in a while, and more often to me in the summer months than in the winter months. I tend to have more of these types of incidents during the summer session than during the rest of the school year. These incidents lead me to hibernate more during the hot summer months than at other times. I also tend to isolate myself more. It is time to change some of these patterns into things that are a bit more healthy.  I have never liked the summertime. When I was li...

I had a bad night last night. It started with a bite from a client - lovely big bruise blossoming on my left leg, continued with a snarky comment from a co-worker about a task I had to complete, and ended with little to no sleep and the start of a cold or allergy response (I think it's an allergy, but we'll see). In the middle of that was a disagreement with my father about insurance companies (I try to avoid any type of political discussion with my father because it ends up with me upset). I'm not sure if the disagreement was due to the fact that I'm not feeling well or if I'm not feeling well because of the disagreement (chicken and egg deal), but I am tired, I can't breathe, and I am ravenously hungry. I am taking the day off. I really shouldn't as I am almost out of time, but I don't think I can stay awake enough to drive the hour to work. I already have a group cancelled (they are going on a field trip, we found out late on Monday), and I alread...

Today is Tuesday, and I am going into work to go through active shooter training. This is not something I want to do or something that I am looking forward to, but it seems to be the norm these days if you work in a school. Our scenario will include police officers roaming around the building, shooting blanks, and hunting us. I am having anxiety dreams and nothing has happened yet. This is the environment of my worst dreams usually, being chased by people who are out to get me, and today, I get to live it. My rational brain knows the reason behind this training. Schools are vulnerable to attack by people who have several different agendas. It is unfortunate that this is the case, but it is. Schools contain vulnerable and protected people (the future) and have a huge impact on idea development and subsequent actions. School attacks make statements, so we who work in schools have to learn how to keep the children in our care safe and alive. My rational brain knows why we are going to d...

So, yesterday pretty much vacuumed.  It started off with a surprise violence in the workplace inservice right in the middle of the "guaranteed work time" that I was counting on to get some things done in my music therapy room. The inservice was complete with videos of hostage situations in schools and school board meetings, and all of that. Things were very graphic, and I cried during most of the videos (so did the Art Therapist, so I don't feel bad about my tears).  I spent most of the day in a hateful haze.  Teachers complained about the schedule after the assistant principal had rubber stamped it. She caved, and we had to change our schedules to accommodate them. I lost 2 hours of treatment time with that change. I had to sit through additional training. You know that t-shirt that says, "I survived yet another meeting that should have just been an email?" That's totally how meetings go at my place of work. Everything could be set up in a quick onl...

Well, yesterday was a comedy of errors. You know the type of day when everything is just a bit off? That was my yesterday. It started with my blog post about the Wednesday group that I always dread. Writing about it was a bit cathartic - it allowed me to spend some time thinking through my various strategies. I toddled off to work with good expectations for the day. I should have known that something was up when I pulled into the gas station. The prices at my gas station are less than the gas stations in the town I work, so I always try to fill up at home. The station is a little bit out of my way, but not so much that it doesn't make sense to get gasoline there. I pulled into the station and took note of the price - $2.66 per gallon (I know that there are some folks out there thinking that is expensive and many more who are thinking, "$2.66 a gallon? Where is that? That's a GREAT price!!"). I started the transaction. As I chose my gasoline, I noticed the price on...