music, therapy, and me

The first post that I attempted to write today was bumming me out, so I decided to keep it as a draft and try to write something else. Just so you know, I am not looking forward to the next two days or the "break" activities that I have scheduled. That was the theme of the rejected post for this morning. I cannot dwell or my day will be pretty lousy. So, here is attempt #2 for this morning. I was thinking that I have not updated my budget information for a bit. I have paused the envelope system for the moment. This month is a bit screwy, so I decided not to get my usual allowance for my envelopes. I will update it as soon as my medical bills are paid off. I can get back to that system at any time. It did work for me, and I have a bit of tweaking to do, but the foundation was sound. In between my envelope pause and everything else happening in my life, I am finding it difficult to focus on just about anything. Things are uncertain and uncertainty is not something that I deal w...

Today is one of the favorite days of the year for many of my clients and the staff members. It's not my favorite day since it involves LOTS of work, but it is theirs. Today is Talent Show day. We do this every year around this time, and it always amazes me how many of my kids stand up in front of the entire school and sing or dance or strum a guitar in front of everyone else. This morning, I will be printing off lyrics, disassembling my drum set, and toting the karaoke cart, computer, and microphones down to the gymnasium to set up for the hour. After the talent show, I will do the same process in reverse and take things back to the music therapy room. It is a labor of love, to be sure. I will need to take my heavy duty Tylenol before I start up today. I will take a half dose now and the second half of the dose right before I start moving things down to the gym. We have some singers and some dancers and some instrumentalists who will be sharing their talents with us this afternoon,...

Yesterday's music therapy sessions included thrown blankets, kids running around the music therapy room, people screaming about iPads, and lots of shivering because the beginning temperature of the room was 62 degrees F. It got to 67 degrees by the end of the day, but it continued to start off REALLY COLD! I have done my notes all week, so I am caught up until yesterday's SIX group sessions, so I can devote a little bit of time to talking to my intern about our PBIS system this afternoon before heading out for our long weekend.  I am exhausted again. I started coughing a bit more yesterday than I have in the past week. It is just difficult to know whether I am coughing because of something in my environment or just because... Either way, I have not slept well for the past three nights. This evening is one of my musical evenings. I splurged on season tickets to our (somewhat local to me) amphitheater for the Broadway season this summer. Tonight, I will be sitting in my WONDERFU...

My brain is still not quite ready for anything other than sitting and watching true crime shows on You Tube, so I'm not sure how much I'll have to say about all of this, but the random number generator picked post #2091 for today. This post is from January of 2019 and is concerned with the phrase at the end of every single job description I have ever seen - "Other duties as assigned." I no longer work as the manager of the STARS store at my facility. I am okay with that fact. I ended up gaining more storage space and lots more time to work on other tasks than I had when the store was in my room. I also lost my Fridays without group treatment - that still rankles a bit, but you know - other duties as assigned... That phrase is one that can get me into trouble. I am not an argumentative type, so if my boss asks me to do something outside of my usual job duties, I do it because of that phrase. There are some things, though, in my years at the facility, that I have refuse...

There is something challenging about being awake after only four hours of sleep for the second day in a row that just makes me crabby. I have already been up for four hours, and it is only 3:37 am right now. I still have two and a half hours before I absolutely have to head out to work, and I have already written a private post to this blog. That one will not be published. This one will. I am exhausted. I am currently in a depressive state which is complicated by the high heat in my area of the world and exacerbated by my recent bout of COVID. I am tired. I am crabby. I am magnifying small things into huge things and devoting too much of my attention to these small things. I know all these things. Being conscious of these things helps me to move forward and through these feelings and emotions and actions. I know that the actions of others have NOTHING to do with me, but I tend to take their actions personally. I am stepping up my mantras and my reality checks. I have six more work days...

I had a big win at work yesterday, and I am engaged in quite a bit of gloating about it! Let me explain... We have to engage in physical behavior management techniques every so often to maintain safety of our clients. These techniques involve placing clients in specific holds and assisting them when their behaviors of concern become severely aggressive in nature and are causing significant harm to themselves or to others. We are trained and engage in refreshers every three months.  We started this form of behavior management 13 years ago. During our initial training, there was one movement that I could not complete safely. This was due to a complex medical diagnosis that I got when I was 16 years old and involves severe vertigo and falling. It is the only movement (out of seventy-some) that I am not able to do, so I do not use that assist...ever. The day before break, we had to go through a certification test where we had to demonstrate all of the skills. When we came to that one m...

I have seven more work days before the end of the calendar work year. At this time last year, we were working without client contact. This year, we are getting ready to host a local middle school group for their "Jingle Jam" because people in my work area do not believe that COVID is a big deal anymore. I am still not convinced and am not doing our own holiday event because of COVID. I do not want to be the one who starts another breakout at my facility because someone is singing and spreading virus particles everywhere. I admit that I am still scared of this virus, but I am more scared of the people who are not scared of this virus. COVID feelings notwithstanding, I am looking forward to the end of this calendar year. It has been a doozy for me. Again, I am not the type of person who believes that a man-made time construct will automatically change all the things happening in my life, but there is something nice about knowing that the end of the year is approaching. I am tir...

Me in my almost house! After a long, busy weekend, I am heading back into my regular work routine. It is 4:24 am, and I am sitting here, gazing at my blogging post wondering what in the world I might have to say to myself at this moment. My home is a mess because I have started packing for the move that I will be doing next month. The to-do list is getting longer and longer as I try to sort through all the things that I will need to do during the next 30 days. I have my checklists to go through and get myself organized with, but I am also feeling a bit overwhelmed about stuff. When I get this way, I tend to try to compartmentalize myself a bit more than I usually do, and it gets very overwhelming very quickly. I am also a bit hesitant to commit to leaving my apartment and to make arrangements for things like utilities because of my parents' experiences losing houses after offers had been accepted and all that. So, my music therapy routine is a bit off kilter because my life routine...

Sharks at the GA Aquarium My bereavement leave and vacation time is over, and it is time to head back to work. I spent much of the past week driving places and trying to get some sleep and failing miserably. I am still exhausted and cannot seem to catch up. Time to head back to work to spend time with my intern who will be graduating next week. I am starting to think about this graduation process as it is nearing. Interns are wonderful, and I sincerely miss each one as they move towards their unique futures. This one has had to deal with pandemic weariness and uncertainty placed within the ruse of the "new normal." She will be missed. I will be alone until January, and I am looking forward to it, to be honest. I am ready for some time as therapist and not as supervisor. I want to rearrange my office space a bit to make it a bit more comfortable for me. I want to change how the desk space works to accommodate a couple of lamps so we do not have to work with florescent lights o...

The last day of break is upon me, and I am gearing up for a one day work week this week. That's right, we are doing a one day work week this week. I go back to do music therapy on Thursday and then have a three day weekend immediately after. This is due to contract year starting dates and ending dates and how things have happened, but we have a one day work week. It makes me laugh. Anyway, I was able to make some more meals to freeze for later this month yesterday after picking up a grocery order. I went to look at houses and then got overwhelmed and had a panic attack about one of them and then waffled when asked if I wanted to put in an offer and then decided not to do it because the panic attack seemed to be a signal that this was not for me! It would have meant a lateral move in terms of size and space, and that is not what I want for my new home. Also, I couldn't really visualize cats in the space... I started today off with a late rising. I took a late nap yesterday after...

As far as I can tell, today is a regular work day for me as a school-based music therapist. I have checked and rechecked the closings list and it has remained at 55 schools closed for quite some time now. It is doubtful that my school district will close at this late time in the morning - not unprecedented, but doubtful. I tried to go out and do some errands on Tuesday and found the world to be a slick, electricity-free mess, but yesterday was a bit warmer (seriously! We got up to 22 degrees Fahrenheit with full power in my town), so things should be a bit more controlled and less scary out there today. I am enjoying the last little bit of my relaxed morning (been up for 3 hours already at 5:00am) before changing into my winter uniform and heading to work. I am anticipating that my current intern will be asking about whether we are going to be working - I think I'll send an email right now while I am thinking about it. Today is an easy scheduled day but it will be the first day tha...

Yesterday, I gave myself a day away from content production and allowed myself to work on non-video projects. I also allowed myself to wallow in any emotions that arose without worrying about whether my red, swollen eyes would be distracting on camera. Today, though, I need to get my content production up and going again. I have posted four of my videos this week, and I want to finish up four more by the end of business today. For me, I find that the best way to create content is to just sit down and do some singing into the camera. Some of the things that come out of my mouth are old, familiar songs that I have know forever, and other things are completely new! Since most of the therapeutic music experiences (TMEs) that I do with my clients incorporate lots of client direction, most of our "regular" interactions are not easily transferred to preproduced video segments. I have had to think about what I am doing for all content to avoid situations where my clients cannot respo...

I have decreed it to be so, so it shall be so! I started crying this morning when I saw a suicide prevention public announcement encouraging people to engage others in small talk. To be completely honest, this type of crying is not unusual for me at all. My primary emotional outlet is tears and always has been, so having a crying day is not strange. It is normal. Today, however, I think I am going to refrain from some of my "work-from-home" foci to allow myself to be able to burst into tears at any moment without fear of being on video. I think today may be a planning/visual aid/TME development type of day. I can work on music production without having to be filmed, so red, swollen eyes will not be a problem. Why is today declared a "Crying Day?" There is no specific reason, just more of the roller coaster things that are happening in the lives of others at this point. I am physically fine - things are at my normal for this time of year other than the broken fingers...

You know how we therapists are often our own worst critics? Yep. That's me. I am the loudest when it comes to my failings and things that I "NEED TO/SHOULD" do better in all areas of my life. No one is harder on me than I am, and I carry lots of shame when others correct me or criticize how I do things. Yesterday was not a particularly bad day, but it was not my most efficient day. I filmed two videos for my YouTube channel, uploaded them both, took about three hours for a worker's compensation doctor visit, and got very little done for the rest of the day. I did do a bit of goal brainstorming (I bought 13 books from the Barcelona $10 textbook sale) for my professional development for the next year. I cleared off the loveseat (one of my decluttering foci for this week), and then started to get my reading routine off the ground. I intend to spend some of my work days in reading this year. Yesterday's reading was not done during work hours, but I had to keep myself ...

It is time to start my fourth "work from home" day. I spent the last two days at work, arranging our new YouTube channel and linking it to the new school YouTube channel. I have set up two-point authentication on my Google account, so I should be able to upload things to the channel from home as I get them. I still need to check that - I'll do that after I am finished with this post - can't seem to get competing Google accounts to work well at this moment. So, if I can't get on the YouTube account from home, I have the solution that worked on Monday - using a shared folder. There is always a solution. I need to write these things down. I think I will do that today. Put it on the list. I had a productive couple of days at work this week. I posted 19 videos on our channel - 14 of those were from my interns. The other five were mine. I recorded another yesterday and found one that I had started, so I now have 10 videos on the site. It is my goal to have more than my ...

  I am getting ready to head back to work today after five days at home. I have a list of things to do in my bullet journal - take the laminators so we can laminate stuff; change the authentication for my work drive to my phone so I can share things on that account from home; talk to my senior intern about an upcoming interview; schedule Zoom meetings with day students for a bit of live programming; record new videos; put all the other videos into the Zoom account; finish up some of the choice boards for our residents; and then sending those same boards up to the residences. I am looking forward to being in my classroom for a bit, even if students are not allowed to come to the building. I anticipate that I will be spending most of the time sitting on the floor, either laminating things or cutting out laminate. In fact, I have a whole stack of laminated things that need to be cut out that I can take with me. It's an absurd time, to be sure. I am taking care to notice things about t...

My newest co-worker is not quite into this entire "work from home" routine yet. To be fair, this is day one, so neither of us is quite sure what the next several days will bring us. At this point, though, my co-worker is spending more time socializing than working, and that is going to be a problem for this introvert and person attempting to focus. If you haven't figured it out by now, I am joining the pantheon of music therapists who are generating synchronous and asychronous music therapy treatment and resources as a formal part of my job. On Monday, our schedule was changed for the seventh time in eight months, and therapists now work two days on campus and three days off. During this time, we are continuing to create work for our clients, but we have no direct or live client interactions. This is a significant change from the other times that we have been through. I've been one of those outliers who has had live and in-person interaction with most of my clients th...

I am going to try to avoid going to work really early today since it is yet another 12 hour work day. I am not a fan of these sorts of days, especially since they are often paired with either team-building, cutesy types of activities or long meetings that don't always apply to me. I am not someone who does well in the late afternoon, so having to stay in the evenings already starts me towards the path of crankiness and resentment. If we could do something in the early morning, I would be the only happy person in the room, but that would suit me just fine! I know, however, that morning meetings will NEVER manifest since most of the others are night owls and complain all the time about having to arrive between 7:15 and 8:00! I have a bit of insight into today's 12 hour day. We don't always get information about schedules when I would like to have them, but I asked earlier this week so I could prepare a bit. Today we are going to be doing a basic overview of Positive Behav...

I have a twelve hour day at work today. For some reason, my administrators like to schedule long hours after school for training purposes and to get our monitoring finished for the quarter. For me, as a non-IEP based music therapist who has no monitoring, this type of day is simply full of other stuff to do - including catching up with the notes that I haven't finished (yet) and talking to my intern about various and sundry topics - sometimes our talk is about music therapy things, sometimes it's about the time my brother set fire to the bathroom. It has been a long time since I've attended one of these for the entire time. I used to have a part-time job on Wednesday evenings, but we have changed that job to Thursdays to accommodate one of my faithful choristers who has a Wednesday night class. So, I no longer have an excuse to skip out at 5pm. I have to stay until the bitter end... So, knowing that this is going to be a very long day, I am planning to leave my house la...