music, therapy, and me

Well, I woke up later than usual (yay,me!), so this might be a quick post. "That client" had no negative responses yesterday. That's two sessions without screaming and huge tantrums requiring assistance to remain safe! Two sessions!! The heat hasn't broken but might today. Might. I have five sessions between me and the next break, and I am more than ready. I will have my room to myself today - the other two people who now share my space have taken today off. That means blissful, glorious silence during my rare non-session time. I think I am ready for the next steps in my medical journey. I have almost everything that I need already. I just have to go get a couple of last minute prep materials, and I'm all set. I am nervous, anxious, and just plain old tired.  On Monday, that step will be over, and all that will be left will be the recovery process. At least, let's hope that is the case. There is so much still unknown about what is going on with me. Five sessio...

It is Wednesday, a full moon day, and I am somewhat inclined to whine right now. So, let's get this over with. I have six sessions today. One of those sessions has "that client" in it, and I do not want to do that session. I am tired and am having some knee pain in addition to the worry that slides into my brain at strange times. I woke up extra early today after a couple of strange dreams that I actually remembered - one was about a former boss of mine and the other was about driving into a body of flooded water and sinking in my little car. It is strange what comes into your brain at various times. My head hurts, and I am hungry - on my way to being hangry... I think I am finished whining - at least for the moment. I reserve the right to return to my whiny self at any moment. I have six sessions today. This is one of two schedule changes that occur during our extended school year. I have some difficulty with changing my established routine, but it is something that has ...

Something happened between my last post and this one - I had to do a last minute presentation to fill up time at the Online Conference for Music Therapy . I selected a presentation that I did a long time ago called, "Been There. Done That. Now What? - From Slump to Career Pivot." I guided participants through a couple of exercises to help clarify future plans, and it helped me as well. I was very honest with attendees about my own struggles - the ones that I was writing about in my post earlier that morning - my continued feelings of inadequacy and "not being good enough" (AKA, imposter syndrome). I went through the exercises with them as we were talking about this situation. I thought about my current future and what my "no boundaries" future look like, and how I can merge them together in small ways. I finished the day in a better mood and with a better outlook for my future than when it started. One of the things that I try to do on this blog is to offe...

It is day seven of winter break, and I have four more days before it is time to report back to work for the rest of the 2023-2024 school year. I am sitting here, at 3:56 am, writing the second iteration of this post to try to analyze what is going on in my brain and body after an insomnia night. I get these every so often, and so I am not all that surprised that it happened after Mexican food and arranging a visit with a friend from junior high all the way up to now. Add in the full moon, and of course I am waking up over and over again! I am starting to get into the holiday funk that happens to me sometimes. I start to feel squirmy because there are things that I want to get done but can't because those things are there instead of being here. In addition, I want to play with all my Mom's crafting toys, but I am scared to because they are her toys and not my own. I know that she would be fine with me using the stamps and the punches and the dies and all that, but I feel like I ...

Yesterday, I sat down and wrote a long post about how I was feeling depressed and burned out completely with even the thought of having to work. I didn't publish it because there are times when my writing is just too raw for me to share. I left my home under a waning moon and drove to work. During my drive, I had a grief moment overtake me, so I was sobbing about the last Christmas and how my Dad cried when I gave him some computer speakers (because he knew he was dying and I think he realized he would never get to use those speakers), and it overwhelmed me. It still does as I am sitting here crying as well. I am not sleeping well and everything just seems to pile up until I can't move. Then I got to work. I slogged through my documentation for five groups and the individual session that I did on Tuesday, prepared myself for my two groups of leading and the three groups that my intern is currently taking over (but hasn't completely moved into leadership so I still have to a...

I have a mantra that I say to myself before sessions that I just know are going to be a challenge for me and for my clients. It is a prayer, but it could also act as an affirmation if the person offering the thought does not believe in a deity or any sort of spiritual concept. Mine does start with an acknowledgement of my creator, so feel free to use this or scoff at it or change it to fit your belief system in any way that you need or want to. Here it is: "God, help me to be the therapist that these clients need in this moment." Variations include the following: God, help me be the best music therapist I can be for these clients right now. God, help me find the way into relationship with this group of diverse clients.  So, this mantra is something that I sit and say to myself on Tuesday mornings before my contentious group of young men who are "too cool" for following directions and doing work. Well, some of them are that way. Others are eager to engage and partici...

I am in a unique position for me - that of longing for a snow day. Up until this year, I had volunteered to be on the inclement weather staff at my residential school. We had students living on campus that someone had to supervise, so I would go in and do shorter sessions with all students and then get a day off of my choosing later in the year. As I have become more mature and stiff and unable to navigate the icy world easily, I have lost my enthusiasm for getting out there. Also, our staffing situation changed dramatically when we eliminated all the paraprofessional positions and the facility replaced them with facility-paid Behavioral Health Technicians. Now, the BHTs are required to work rather than choosing whether they will work on snow days (teachers still have that option, but BHTs do not). I decided to try the actual snow day life this year...and no snow days yet. It is bitterly cold out there today. The school district in my town has already decided to go to virtual learning ...

My ever vigilant "assistant" (?), Bella! My cat, Bella, tends to walk over the keyboard when she is finished sitting between me and the screen. She usually hits the same key over and over again with all of her feet for some reason, and today's post title is courtesy of her urge to nibble on her kibble after keeping me from writing anything at all. She does a good job of keeping me from doing things that I want to do - she plops herself down in the center of any project and then smiles at me. Ah, cats. One of the good things about sharing my life with Bella-cat is that she reminds me that there are many ways to go through this lifetime. I could just keep my head down and rush from place to place and thing to thing, or I could spend some of my time in the sunshine, watching the birds outside the window. There is a post on Music Therapists Unite right now about work-life balance. I admit that I am currently struggling with my ability to separate between those two thi...

I have a small box full of inspirational quotations that lives on or near my desk at home. It came in my first package from Music Therapy Mailings , and it has been the source of many thoughts, blog posts, and mindful moments. This is a post inspired by the last two cards I pulled from the stack. The cards - What do you think they are telling me? I use a random approach to choosing my inspiration. Basically, I pick up the box, shake out the cards, and choose the one that feels right on my fingers. That one goes up front. The last two cards have been about following passion where it leads. Fortunately, I know that these two cards are true, at least for me. Following my heart and what I love is how I found music therapy to begin with, and it is what keeps me in this profession. Most of my current wishes include things that are not related to music therapy at all. That is actually a relief. I often think about burnout, compassion fatigue, and reasons why people stop being mus...

I am sitting here, trying to figure out what to write about this morning. It is almost the end of Spring Break, and I am sitting in my "in progress" cleaning process. I have a meeting in less than an hour, so I am not really able to do much of anything else right now. I could start a load of laundry and let that run while I am meeting. I could also keep ripping CDs to my computer. I could do both of those things simultaneously! Be right back!! Okay, that's started. This has been a good week. I did the things that I had to do, but spent the rest of the time doing things that I wanted to do. I spent some money on more scrapbooking and paper tools for making visual aids. I grocery shopped and made some food for later this month. I finished my taxes and the tax process for the not-for-profit business that I am part of. I am getting ready for an influx of money that will allow me to move into new business practices. I made some progress on a project that I am doing with a go...

I am on Summer Break from my full-time job as a school music therapist. It has been four days now, and I am already starting to get restless. This is a good sign - restlessness often means productivity. I decide to do something and finish jobs. It doesn't generally start so quickly in a break, but that's just the way it is today. In the past four days, I have had a couple of brainstorms, a very successful blog post (see the one right before this one for information on Sing a Song Sundays), taken most of the stuff out of the craft room, laminated things for my giveaway, and have made lots of meals. These things are very good and are helpful to my well being, but I still have 14 days before I get back into my routine. Fourteen days to fill with something... Self-care should ALWAYS include fuzzy slippers! I have always needed solitary time and make time alone a priority in my self-care plan. Recently, there has been lots of discussion in the music therapy world about self-...

So, continuing with the creativity cultivation theme... Today's post is all about avoiding becoming rootbound. Adj. 1. rootbound - (of a potted plant) grown too large for its container resulting in matting or tangling of the roots potbound planted - set in the soil for growth 2. rootbound - having the roots matted or densely tangled; "shaggy untended lawns of old trees and rootbound scented flowers and shrubs"- William Faulkner tangled - in a confused mass; "pushed back her tangled hair"; "the tangled ropes" SOURCE: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/rootbound When plants are rootbound, they take over the place where they are and start to tangle up in themselves. Are you ever like that? I know I am. It is easier to sit around and stay exactly where I am than it is to stretch myself out and explore new spaces. I have a feeling that I'm currently rootbound. When my Mom's plants start to get this way, she finds them a bigge...