music, therapy, and me

Guess who had to miss the first two hours of work yesterday because she left the overhead lights on in her car and drained her battery? If you guessed me, then you are correct. I had all sorts of plans for those two hours, but I was not able to complete those plans. I started the first day with clients in a fog of frustration. The first session that actually happened (because I was five minutes late for a group that is almost ALWAYS 10 minutes late to the session but not yesterday!) was the one with "that client" and "that other client." They both made it through the session, doing the bare minimum, but NOT engaging in screaming, tantrums, or aggression. WIN!! I then finished the other three sessions on my schedule and poured myself into my car. The battery worked, so I went home. One of my specialists called last night and left a message. I have to call him today. That increases my stress level a bit, but I will do it so I know what is happening.  Anyway... I am go...

Well, I woke up later than usual (yay,me!), so this might be a quick post. "That client" had no negative responses yesterday. That's two sessions without screaming and huge tantrums requiring assistance to remain safe! Two sessions!! The heat hasn't broken but might today. Might. I have five sessions between me and the next break, and I am more than ready. I will have my room to myself today - the other two people who now share my space have taken today off. That means blissful, glorious silence during my rare non-session time. I think I am ready for the next steps in my medical journey. I have almost everything that I need already. I just have to go get a couple of last minute prep materials, and I'm all set. I am nervous, anxious, and just plain old tired.  On Monday, that step will be over, and all that will be left will be the recovery process. At least, let's hope that is the case. There is so much still unknown about what is going on with me. Five sessio...

The first post that I attempted to write today was bumming me out, so I decided to keep it as a draft and try to write something else. Just so you know, I am not looking forward to the next two days or the "break" activities that I have scheduled. That was the theme of the rejected post for this morning. I cannot dwell or my day will be pretty lousy. So, here is attempt #2 for this morning. I was thinking that I have not updated my budget information for a bit. I have paused the envelope system for the moment. This month is a bit screwy, so I decided not to get my usual allowance for my envelopes. I will update it as soon as my medical bills are paid off. I can get back to that system at any time. It did work for me, and I have a bit of tweaking to do, but the foundation was sound. In between my envelope pause and everything else happening in my life, I am finding it difficult to focus on just about anything. Things are uncertain and uncertainty is not something that I deal w...

Three days and sixteen sessions left before the end of the contract year, the end of the first summer session, and before my surgery. "That client" had another perfect session yesterday - not even a whimper and allowed me and peers to use materials without protest. That means that Wednesday's session will probably be a doozy, but I'll take it! The problem with having highly reactive clients is that the entire session is a tenterhooks situation for me. I am on edge the entire time "that client" is present - I cannot relax or drop my attention towards "that client." It is exhausting. I do not feel like we talk about the unintended situations and trauma that can come with being around specific client populations. It is not something that we often speak about in courses - being hurt by clients, being around clients who display aggressive or self-injurious behavior, being yelled at by clients. All of these situations are things that I work through on a ...

Today is the last day of my workweek. Around work, some of us affectionately call this day "Thursday-Friday" because that encapsulates the feeling of what this day means to us all. I am more than ready for this. It has been a week of insomnia, red eyes, unpredictable students, and rising heat and humidity. Let's finish this week in a strong manner and then just go! "That client" spent three minutes in music therapy before escalating into a screaming tantrum that lasted the entire session. I was singing "that client's" verse of the opening song - which "that client" volunteered for, and I guess "that client" was upset that I dared to sing to them.  My other groups went well, I guess. No one else was incensed by my singing, so I guess that was a good thing. I have finished sixteen groups and have only five to go today. The last group includes another "that client," so it may be a rough afternoon. At my school job, studen...

It is another summer school Tuesday, and I did not sleep well - again. I am not doing well when it comes to sleeping these days. I am not really all that worried about my upcoming surgery - I don't think - but perhaps something is happening on a subconscious level that is interfering. Who knows at this point. All I know right now is that I have five groups ahead of me today.  "That client" was perfect yesterday. No issues at all in music therapy. Apparently, listening to Disney music is acceptable. I am sure it will not be acceptable to today's version of "that client." Two of the three are completely uninterested in anything I have to offer. They refuse to even sit in chairs. The entire session is a wrestling match. It is ridiculous, and I am just not looking forward to anything to do with music therapy right now. I tried to sleep last night, but it didn't happen. I could not get comfortable in my bed or my body. There are supposed to be storms in the a...

Well. My intentions to write everyday is already threatened by my summer way of doing things. I did not get up until later than usual and am sitting upstairs 9 minutes before I usually leave for work trying to make my brain work. I am struggling to do anything that makes any sense at all, and I have run out of all my sick time for this year, so I will have to get to work. I don't want to go.  "That client" is coming in today, and I am just tired of having to do therapy over screaming and tantrums. I am overwhelmed by "that client" and the response to ANYTHING I try - it is always the same - screaming, tantrum, safety assist. I am starting to dread any day where "that client" is scheduled for music therapy. Someone outside of my program suggested that I should do MORE, individualized music therapy for "that client." I flatly refused. I am not going to set myself up for significant injury by taking someone who hates music therapy for more music...

It is Wednesday, a full moon day, and I am somewhat inclined to whine right now. So, let's get this over with. I have six sessions today. One of those sessions has "that client" in it, and I do not want to do that session. I am tired and am having some knee pain in addition to the worry that slides into my brain at strange times. I woke up extra early today after a couple of strange dreams that I actually remembered - one was about a former boss of mine and the other was about driving into a body of flooded water and sinking in my little car. It is strange what comes into your brain at various times. My head hurts, and I am hungry - on my way to being hangry... I think I am finished whining - at least for the moment. I reserve the right to return to my whiny self at any moment. I have six sessions today. This is one of two schedule changes that occur during our extended school year. I have some difficulty with changing my established routine, but it is something that has ...

Forgive me if I am repeating the same things over and over, but "that" client is starting to display patterns that I am going to use for developing therapeutic interactions. Basically, "that" client wants me to sing and play my guitar and nothing else. The problem with that?? Every other client in the room wants to play instruments and listen to music recordings! One client hits me when I am singing songs that are not preferred but does not tell me that - just hits me. We had a good session yesterday. For nineteen minutes. At the 19 minute mark, I turned on some music. As soon as I put my guitar down, "that" client started to escalate. Please note that nothing was being played at the moment. It wasn't the song, it was putting the guitar down that was the antecedent to the severe behavior of concern that occurred. Noted. The problem? "That" client is not the only client in the group therapy session. I cannot deny the other clients the opportun...

It is Wednesday, and I have to face "that" client again. You know the one. The one client that challenges me more than anyone else at the moment. The one who resists every single interaction. The one who would rather not do what others want to do. The one who disrupts the therapeutic process so much that no one in the group gets any benefit from being present. The one who is not able to respond to group therapy due to the extreme behaviors of concern that have become routine. I did some data review yesterday on "that" client. My location is not the only place these behaviors of concern occur. That was good to see, but we have had four significant incidents in the past month that have disrupted instructional time to the point of affecting two classes rather than just one. I am dreading the next two sessions with "that" client because it affects more than just me and "that" client. I do not feel like I can do the job that I want to do when I am hav...