music, therapy, and me

Something happened between my last post and this one - I had to do a last minute presentation to fill up time at the Online Conference for Music Therapy . I selected a presentation that I did a long time ago called, "Been There. Done That. Now What? - From Slump to Career Pivot." I guided participants through a couple of exercises to help clarify future plans, and it helped me as well. I was very honest with attendees about my own struggles - the ones that I was writing about in my post earlier that morning - my continued feelings of inadequacy and "not being good enough" (AKA, imposter syndrome). I went through the exercises with them as we were talking about this situation. I thought about my current future and what my "no boundaries" future look like, and how I can merge them together in small ways. I finished the day in a better mood and with a better outlook for my future than when it started. One of the things that I try to do on this blog is to offe...

If you have been reading anything from the past couple of weeks, then you know that my water heater sprung a leak and the water went all over my library closet and in part of the room itself. Today, I have a water mitigation company coming over to work with the now-dried but very mildewy carpet. I have been moving boxes and sorting through things for the last two weeks. I am hoping that everything will be finished up by the end of today, but who knows?  The good news is that I am finding all sorts of things to put into my music therapy room. The bad news is that I am finding all sorts of things to put into my music therapy room. Yesterday, I started brainstorming some uses for some visual aids that I found one of my many boxes. ( See the post here. ) I was able to find four ways to use the airplane and banner visuals, but I am still figuring out two more things to meet my self-imposed "six things" rule. If I can't find two more ideas, then I will try to give things away. ...

Note: This post is all about my Father's death last year. This may be a trigger for those who are not comfortable with expressions of grief. Today is the first anniversary of my Dad's death. It is also my Mom's 77th birthday. This is a problem for us because we can't NOT recognize Mom, but we are all missing Dad even more on this day since it is the anniversary of his leaving. Mom is not sure how she wants to mark either of these occasions. I am trying really hard to do my own celebration of life - both the life that ended and the life that is going on - today. I am not sure how to do this, though. My Dad's death was the first death in my nuclear family. My grandparents have died, great aunts and uncles have died, but this was the first time that my immediate family changed significantly through death. Our family unit changed. Dad is no longer on the end of the telephone line. He's no longer there to talk me down when I am too caught up in my emotional brain to ...

The way I figure it, each time I start something, I am making a step forward towards my personal and professional goals. Right now, the personal goals are taking over all things professional, so this post will probably focus more on moving things than on learning things about music therapy. Be forewarned. I have just finished an hour in my craft room, boxing and bagging up stuff and then shoving the boxed stuff to the walls to make some more space in the craft room. I bagged up the old bottles of acrylic paint that I've kept over the years to take to work for my art therapist friend. My students will probably appreciate some different paints, and I know the therapist will use them rather than having them sit in boxes until I need them at my new house. I am looking around to see if there are other things that can be given away. Back to the title of this post - I am trying very hard to make sure that I do some packing every day. This morning went well. I sat on the floor of my craft ...

Egad. I am currently a bit overwhelmed and engaged in a slight anxiety episode about all the things happening in my world right now, and the post that I started today was not helping me out, so I am back, writing run-on sentences and manifesting my anxiety through writing. Deep breath. I notified my rental company that I am intending on leaving at the end of next month. I am not sure why this is causing me so much anxiety, but it really is. Everything is going like clockwork, and that is scaring me. At the same time, I am very excited and cannot wait to be moving into my very own home. Then, I look around at all the stuff that I have to pack up and actually move. I am going to pay for the moving part of things, but I need to pack as much as I can before the professionals arrive to move me. If things go as planned, I will have four days to move some things over to the house before the movers move me, so I should be able to get things packed up or toted over if I cannot pack them - like ...

Gratitude is something that you hear lots about if you are in any way interested in self-care or mindfulness or any sort of personal focus programming. I have been encouraged to be grateful for what I have and what I am experiencing in the middle of great experiences as well as in the middle of devastating experiences, and it can be difficult, but I do find this type of mindset valuable for my mental health. I have a Facebook tradition of making a Daily Happiness post. I started this about three years ago when I noticed that all I was doing was complaining about things - my health, my frustrations with things. I decided that I needed to start a gratitude practice in the mornings to start my day off a bit better than things were going. I was in a pattern of burnout and didn't really like the people who signed my paychecks, and was seriously contemplating leaving my job. Every morning, I would get up and gripe about having to go to work. Then, the messages about gratitude and the nee...

I spent some time after my 12 hour day at work (after which I cried all the way home) looking at comments that folks left on various social media sites about my current string of posts. I appreciate and read every single one, by the way, so please keep them coming. I am not afraid of dissent or conversation or downright disagreement with anything that I write about, so feel free to tell me what you think I get wrong or am a bit off-centered about. I can take it... One of the people who reached out to me reminded me that the American Music Therapy Association has a mission statement. I feel a bit silly not having referenced (or even remembered) this fact in any of my writings yet, but there is a mission statement. Do you know what it is? I had to go searching for it, and it was not easy to find. After being linked back to the home page (where EVERYTHING is located), I finally found it in the picture slideshow after about seven pictures (the way my browser presented things). Here it is, ...

I am sitting here, waiting until it is time to leave my home for the hour-long drive to my place of full-time work. I am not sure how many clients will be present for the sessions that we have scheduled due to another COVID-19 outbreak and the rapid nature of kids who are getting sick. I know that my only individual session will not be happening, and it will be interesting to see who is missing from group sessions today. We had an all-staff meeting on Thursday or Friday - I can't remember right now which day it was - to talk about the fact that we are still at "business as usual" stage right now. My school district has decided that masks are optional. My facility has decided that masks are mandatory. We have to follow school district mandates rather than our facility mandates. I have not stopped wearing my mask because I do not want this virus at all. I asked for some information on when we were going to shift from in-person teaching to some other format. What are the cri...

I start back to work on Thursday this week which means that I have three more days of my first summer break to enjoy and work through. I figured out which houses would be for which note on the staff yesterday, so my planning for my Notation Neighborhood is progressing...slowly. I still have a sink full of dishes - need to get that taken care of immediately! Be right back... Things weren't as bad as I thought they would be with the whole dish situation - I had used almost all of the forks that I owned, but silverware was the only full section of the washer. Things are being washed now, so that chore is off the list. There are smaller things left to do, but the big one - those dishes are started. The end of break always comes too soon. I don't think I would feel that way if I had the entire summer off, but I have never had that experience, so I cannot say for certain. Anyway, I'm in the same old pattern of complaining, and I do not want to be in that sort of mood, so I am goi...

So, after yesterday's dread of a specific session, everything went fine. I had a couple of cuss words thrown my direction and one student getting upset because I wouldn't let him leave to get a drink of water (it was 3 minutes before the end of the session, mind you), but the rest of the day went pretty well. I ended up doing all the sessions yesterday because my intern was sick, so I had to plan for four groups instead of two. I enjoyed working with one group that I haven't led since my intern has arrived and taken over. It was refreshing to move into that session and play with my students. I then went to Occupational Therapy where my OTR/L is starting the termination process in a gentle manner. She told me that my tendon finger may never straighten out again. She is also working on strengthening both fingers so that I can do things with my hands without pain. I haven't made it to that point yet. I can play guitar (with pain) but I cannot barre chords yet and my finger...

4rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre00000000000000000000000000000000000000 (Bella's thoughts, I guess...) Here I go again. Yesterday was rough to get through, mainly because my demands for myself are pretty high, and I just can't seem to get them done. I did manage to get three videos done (almost brings me to my self-imposed expectation of four per day). I also decided that I needed a backdrop for my films and for any sort of livestreaming that may happen in the future. I made the basic frame for that yesterday. Now I am on the brink of tears because I cannot get my acid reflux medication to open - one of those "match the arrows and the top will come off easily" type of bottles. I think I'm going in with the saw I found on Wednesday. That worked. I have now transferred the pills from the impossible bottles to one that works much better for me and my current finger situation...because let's not forget that I still have two broken fingers...Thanks, 2020! I ended yes...

My newest co-worker is not quite into this entire "work from home" routine yet. To be fair, this is day one, so neither of us is quite sure what the next several days will bring us. At this point, though, my co-worker is spending more time socializing than working, and that is going to be a problem for this introvert and person attempting to focus. If you haven't figured it out by now, I am joining the pantheon of music therapists who are generating synchronous and asychronous music therapy treatment and resources as a formal part of my job. On Monday, our schedule was changed for the seventh time in eight months, and therapists now work two days on campus and three days off. During this time, we are continuing to create work for our clients, but we have no direct or live client interactions. This is a significant change from the other times that we have been through. I've been one of those outliers who has had live and in-person interaction with most of my clients th...

I am probably not going to be writing lots on my blog for a bit - and here's why... I am currently having to navigate something that has only happened once before with me, and that is a life-changing injury. The last one was a total ACL repair on my left knee, and this one is a tendon tear in my left hand middle finger. I'm not going to share how this happened, it is not relevant, but I am currently wavering between "it will all be okay" and "I'll never be able to play the guitar again!" I think this will come out the former rather than the latter, but those pesky other thoughts keep bursting into my head! While there is never a good time for something like this, the timing of this situation has hit me hard. I now hove to figure out how to juggle a new intern, a current intern, AND my job in a way that will be able to fit around surgery, recovery, and rehabilitation. I have to find someone who can drive me to my appointments, and I have to figure all of ...

Happy Friday! I am trying my best to get myself into a firm routine, but it is not happening yet. This is the fourth day after our "do less while you are here and do more when you are at home" talk at work, and it is Friday, so I am working entirely from home today rather than going into work. This week has also brought us a mandatory mask order (mine is rubbing a blister on the tip of my nose) and 24 hours where we went from 87 degrees to 29 degrees Fahrenheit...in 24 hours! Over the past three days, I have tried to figure out an afternoon routine. I now have more afternoon hours to fill because I have to leave as soon as my essential work duties are finished. I am getting home in the early afternoon now, but I have done almost as many groups in the morning as I used to do all day, so my therapy fatigue level is the same as if I spent the entire 11 hours a day I used to do - 9 hours at work and 2 commuting. I am now only doing 6 of those hours at work, but I am strugglin...