music, therapy, and me

I am at the place where I do not want to work for anyone. I want to work for myself but I do not have a dependable income coming in and significant health issues so I have to have some sort of money to pay for my insurance. I don't want to leave my house to work, but I also don't want to be at home all the time. I put in a job application last week. I have not heard back from HR yet about the position. I am a bit concerned about that fact, but I also have to remember that I have not been in the job market for many, many years and things have changed a bit. I am watching job announcements and am trying to figure out whether I want to apply for other jobs. This is a strange place to be in - having to find something to do that will generate consistent income and not wanting to stay in this place for very long. Okay, after a talk with my sister, I have submitted two more applications to some jobs outside of the music therapy realm but that I could do...I think. The imposter syndrom...

Let's face it... There is a HUGE disconnect between the number of music therapists out there and the number of available jobs. Every single day, I see posts both from music therapists who cannot find a job and music therapy business owners who are desperate to find music therapists to work. Every single day. I pay attention to these discussions, posts, and comments because music therapist attrition is something that has always interested me. I have often wondered why our profession continues to be so young and inexperienced, and I have collected many answers from therapists who have remained in the profession as well as those who have left. There is no simple answer to the question of why are there so many open music therapy positions and so many music therapists who leave the profession because they can't find jobs. Not everyone is able to or wants to move where the jobs are. Not everyone can sustain their desired quality of life on a therapist's salary. Not everyone wants...

Yesterday, when I woke up, my house was sitting at 80 degrees F. For someone who has hot flashes and asthma and heat related health issues, this is WAY too hot for sleeping. So, I did what I usually do, tinker a bit and then call for an HVAC specialist to come out and see what was going to happen. I had visions of AC replacement and the draining of my already strapped funds. My sister offered a loan from the Bank of Sister which helped a bit, but I hate having to get money from other people. Fortunately, I ended up just needing a tune up on my unit, so I ended up not having to pay anything! My bank account is breathing a sigh of relief right now. I spent some time talking to my HVAC technician, and I found out that he has a daughter on the spectrum who loves music and talking. We also talked about the knowledge that he has that I do not have about HVAC systems and repairs, and it got me thinking about a current project that I am working on - interpreting the AMTA Revised Competencies t...

I tend to live inside my head much of the time, and that habit is becoming stronger as I am spending more time by myself. I tried to get outside and around people yesterday, but my body had different ideas and forced me home after I finished dropping off my library books. I did not manage to get more, so I will work on my To Be Read (TBR) pile once I finish up the three library books that I have left. I have plenty of books to read, so I am never without some sort of reading to do, but I intended on getting more library books yesterday and was very distressed when I didn't finish that errand. Add to all that things happening away from me in my family, and I did not get much work done. I did finish an application for another CMTE opportunity, and then I sat and arranged my work notebook - this is a binder where I track my small business stuff. I put old CBMT information into one section and moved my current information to the upcoming events/ongoing projects tab. I need another set ...

The regular school year at my facility apparently has started this week. I received a message from a former coworker who expressed that she missed me, and that message both made me happy and sad at the same time. I have left a position that I owned for 30 years. Of course the next person is not me. Things are different, and that is not a bad thing. It's a good thing to mix things up in the music therapy room every so often. That is one of the reasons that I enjoyed having interns around. I got a glimpse of what other therapists could do with my clients that was different from my own thoughts. I also was able to see when my clients performed as I believed they would in certain therapeutic music experiences (TMEs). It was a luxury to work with other music therapists in my program - one where I had been a consistent element in the facility and school longer than any of my coworkers. The next person has had three weeks of work time so far. Most of that time would have been taken up wit...

It is thundering this morning, and I am glad. I like storms as long as they don't come along with tornadoes, and this one seems to be just a regular storm. I am guessing that my mowers won't be coming today, but I will put their check on the door as usual, just in case.  I am experiencing some issues surrounding the fact that I am not at work while all my co-workers are working right now, but I am also enjoying my time alone. This changes from moment to moment. My life has changed significantly in the past two weeks. I no longer sing for adolescents. I sit at a computer and try to make things for music therapists to use and sing with their adolescents. I miss the human interaction, but not enough to consider going back. I felt a creative itch last night. I wanted to make something, but I had some decision fatigue and avoidance coming on, so I asked my mom and sister for some themes. I ended up being challenged to make a winter themed journal and a turtle themed journal. I put...

Two years ago, the plan for this summer was to be going to Italy for the World Congress of Music Therapy. Those plans fell through, so the plan shifted a bit to a trip to the East Coast of this country to see my mother's family and friends, but those plans also fell through. So, the plan for this summer is to stay home and figure out home things for the moment. Rest. Reset the brain and the body to figure out what comes next. I am thankful that I am not having to go anywhere this month. While going to the World Congress would be nice, I am happy not to go. I find that music therapy conferences are more geared towards academics these days than clinicians. I am fully a clinician, so having to choose between this one's dissertation and this one's is not relevant to my role in the music therapy world. I am afraid that the professional organizations in the world are becoming too research-focused at the expense of those of us who are in the day-to-day process of actually doing th...

I am always happier in this time of year than I am in the summer months. For some reason, my seasonal affective depression is related to the sunshine. I don't know if this is because of my vitamin D deficiency, or if I was conditioned due to my early years in Texas where it was hot and humid, but summer is not a good time for me. I flourish so much more in the autumn and winter months when it is chilly, cold, and dark. I know that more people have the opposite response to this time change and the upcoming season. I am seeing so many conversations about how it is difficult for them to navigate these dark days. Meanwhile, I am gaining energy. This has been a typical week in my music therapy life. Kids have been up and down when responding to what I am sending out into the music therapy session. Many of the students have entered the room in full-out tantrums. I don't know if they were angry about having to come to music therapy or if there were other things happening, but it was m...

'Tis the season for working with a new group of co-workers who do not understand what music therapy is or how music therapy works in my therapy space. I have had to ask every single one of them not to yell positive reinforcement over the music - whether it be my singing or the recordings that we are listening to or the improvisations we are creating as a group. I got spoken to by the principal about it as well. Now, I am not against positive reinforcement - not at all. I am against co-workers yelling over the therapeutic medium in order to give such positive reinforcement. I am against the interruption of the music processing and creation that occurs when people start to yell in order to be heard over the music. I am against the interruption of instruction. I am tired of constantly being interrupted by people who do not get what I do and how I am doing it. I am trying not to take it personally at the moment, but I also feel like I am repeating myself over and over again. The new st...

Well, it is now Thursday, and I have one week of my enforced and scheduled break left before I get into the 2025-2026 school year. I think I have finished my medical appointments for some time, but other things are popping up that need to be addressed, so I am not sure that I will be able to leave the world of medical issues completely. This week has been a good one for creativity and for my TPT store as well as for feeding my soul. I have put in three new files - star instrument cards in color, star instrument cards in black and white, and Olympics sports in both color and black and white. I completed several art journal pages, and I have read and read and read my current crop of library books.  I have spent money on things I wanted rather than on things that I needed, but I have done some spending on things I needed as well. I have a new music therapy t-shirt that I am looking forward to wearing around my facility. I have some new die-cut templates for journaling and visual aid p...

Today feels like a rambling day, but, seriously, what day doesn't involve rambling around any given topic?? It is raining today. Yesterday, I had a comedy of errors going on around me. In the space of three hours, I had five vials of blood drawn, ate pizza, had bad intestinal issues, vomited due to a coughing fit, took two quick showers, and talked to my family members about it all. I also had to go outside several times to pick up my trashcans that scattered my recycling all over the place. My neighbor was throwing away a big joe chair that I really wanted for myself, but I did not pinch it, and now it is storming which means that I should not salvage it from the curb now. Too much mold and mildew would happen (but, I still want it! I might have to examine purchasing one for myself...). I deviated from my recent pattern of session topics to include a game day in the music therapy room this week. These games tend to be more active or song-based than board games or games on the Prom...

First, Happy World Music Therapy Week!! Did you know that we celebrate an international music therapy focus week - check out this wonderful advocacy resource from the World Federation of Music Therapy!! So, fellow music therapist, celebrate yourself this week. Celebrate what is great about being a music therapist. Celebrate what is challenging about all of this profession. Take some time to just enjoy clients and the interactions that you have this week. We are our best advocates. If we love this job, then our many of our clients will like what we do with them (not everyone, especially if you are in a situation like mine where clients have to be present, but many). As we move through our therapist-lives, we change things, often without seeing the ongoing results. How is that! Second, how are you doing? One of the things that I often feel is isolation. I am the only music therapist at my facility. I no longer participate in many music therapy organization things. I tend to be content t...

Today is the last 12 hour day of my school year. It is parent-teacher conference evening for my school, so I will be completely alone despite a recent curiosity about what students do during school from parents involved in a support group. No one will come to the music therapy room to discuss their students, and if they do, they will tell me what instruments they want their students to learn to play. I did hear our school social worker stating to a guest that "one of the differences between other public schools and our school is that our music and art programs are therapies. We have an art therapist and a music therapist instead of teachers." After 29 years, the school social worker FINALLY gets that my job is different from the local music educators! Hooray!! I got an "atta girl" in the hallway on Monday morning when the quality assurance person stopped me by the printer to tell me that he had recently heard that I do more than just play a guitar during music thera...

I had plans for myself yesterday - an afternoon without sessions where I could do some more organizing of the spaces that I have upended due to a recent ceiling leak. I had plans that were destroyed by a storm two nights ago and slick roads. My afternoon without sessions changed into business as usual - two sessions in the middle of my afternoon. The same groups will be going on their field trip today, but I will only miss one session and will only get 30 minutes of extra preparation time due to my schedule. Sniff. Sigh. Waaaaah! So, I did my actual job yesterday - all of it. One thing I noticed a long time ago was that plans NEVER go exactly like you think they will. I have always thought of session "plans" as more like "strategies" or "suggestions," and I think it baffled some of my teachers during music therapy school. I remember getting marked down for session implementation when I rearranged the session to accommodate client responses and setting even...

I have seen lots of comments from various sources about how some people use 2 spaces after a sentence before starting the next sentence. This appears to be a generational thing that is often bemoaned by those who never had to go through a typing class on an old electric typewriter. I find it interesting that these rules are something that people cling to - whether that you are supposed to put two spaces after a period or whether you should only use one. I must admit that I was pressured to change during graduate school, so I did. I no longer put two spaces after a period/full stop. I wonder who comes up with the "rules." Who out there decides that it is no longer appropriate to hit the spacebar twice? In my case, the American Psychiatric Association made that decision, and I went along with it because my professors required me to do so. What is going to happen if we ever move from a character-driven writing format to something else? All those who deride 2-spacers will become ...

I am currently sitting in the family room at my last childhood home, blogging, and thinking about stuff. Nothing really all that important is going through my head, but I am thinking. There is something about being physically away from all things that I have to do that makes my brain start to rumble about other things. It happens every time I come here, and I am both invigorated by it and frustrated about it at the same time. For example, I love that I do not have to work for the next week. I love that I can spend time with the family members who are here, and I love that I can putter around. I am enjoying my mother create things for her Barbie dolls, and I love the self-satisfied giggle she emits when she accomplishes something for herself. We have a project to start creating some rooms to furnish with all the things that she is creating, and I hope that we get to that pretty soon. The frustration comes from not having my own things to create with. I am away from my own stuff, and Mom...

I lost my badge and office keys somewhere between the administration hallway and my car yesterday. This is bad because it is somewhere where I do not have it. This is good because there is a small place where it can be, and I hope that I can find it and regain access to the building. Ah, the stresses that happen when you drop things. I am hoping that I will find them once I get to work, but if I can't find them outside, then I have to go get a new badge, put in a request to have my office and storage spaces rekeyed, and way too much hoopla for the day before the Holiday Sing. I feel ashamed about all of this because it just is not something that should be happening.  I feel stupid.   Yuck. I don't like this feeling. Something so little just throws me into a struggle cycle. There is so much that happens all the time that goes perfectly fine - I was able to get through physical behavior management training without associated pain, so that's a good thing, but losing my keys ha...

I did not sleep well last night. I apparently fell asleep before 8pm and then woke up at 9pm. I did not get back into deep sleep after that, so when my light went off at 4:19am, I was not very happy. I have since showered and am now sitting here at my computer, so things are moving in the correct direction for this work day. Unfortunately, when this type of sleep interruption happens, I tend to sink into negative thoughts and ponderings. I have been imagining all sorts of negative interactions with people - not something I usually do, but now it is happening every time I start driving to work. I have been in several imaginary confrontations this week - it is exhausting, but that's the way things go... Last week, I received a request to host a practicum student in the Spring semester. This made me laugh because the school that was requesting this placement has not treated me well, so I automatically resist being part of this program. Secondly, I really feel that I have to step away ...

I am celebrating my life changes right now - giving up things that I no longer want to do and finding new things to help me fill some time. This process is not one that I was anticipating in this year, but I have learned to go with the flow of life rather than fight against it too much. Well, I still fight it as evidenced by my constant nattering about things in the music therapy world, but you know - I am getting better. There are so many things to feel grateful for in this point of my life, but there are also so many things to mourn. I am trying to do both at the same time while continuing my journey as a music therapist. I am enjoying the concept of changing my work schedule to work only my contract hours rather than internship hours. I like knowing that I will be able to leave my workplace at 3:15 every day. This means some more time at home each day which is taking some getting used to, but is nice. I like having more afternoon time. Right now, I want to fill up that time with som...