music, therapy, and me

It is almost the end of my break. Today is travel day, so I am getting my things together for the trip back to where I live and work. I have late afternoon/night flights today, so I get to spend some time with my family before heading to the airport. I tend to prefer early flights over late ones, but this schedule gave me a great deal to the airport 15 minutes from my Mother's house rather than having to go through the hullabaloo that is LAX, so I am taking the late flights.  I have strict instructions to strip my bed before I go. I will have a room inspection as well because I tend to leave things behind. I have my travel clothing all picked out, and I am ready to go. The problem? There are many hours between this moment and when I actually leave. I am not an anxious traveler except when it comes to timing. That's where my anxiety comes in. How much time will it take to get to the airport? How much time will it take to go through security? How much time will I need to get a me...

I am currently sitting in the family room at my last childhood home, blogging, and thinking about stuff. Nothing really all that important is going through my head, but I am thinking. There is something about being physically away from all things that I have to do that makes my brain start to rumble about other things. It happens every time I come here, and I am both invigorated by it and frustrated about it at the same time. For example, I love that I do not have to work for the next week. I love that I can spend time with the family members who are here, and I love that I can putter around. I am enjoying my mother create things for her Barbie dolls, and I love the self-satisfied giggle she emits when she accomplishes something for herself. We have a project to start creating some rooms to furnish with all the things that she is creating, and I hope that we get to that pretty soon. The frustration comes from not having my own things to create with. I am away from my own stuff, and Mom...

It is Saturday - my day of rest. I went back to sleep this morning after waking at 3:47 (my parent's street number - always feels lucky to me) and slept until 5:30 am. I rarely go back to sleep when I wake up, so I felt that it was a good sign that I was able to get a bit more shuteye. I have now finished a task for the Online Conference for Music Therapy, Inc . and am finishing up some of my chores for that organization. There are only 97 days left before the next online conference. Will you be there? Apparently, my brain is moving faster than my fingers are this morning. I am backspace typing quite a bit, so it is time to slow down. Take a couple of deep breaths and focus on one thing at a time. It probably doesn't help that I am eating M&Ms at the computer right here rather than finding some protein. Ah, the ramifications of the choices I make right here, right now! Isn't that the way? Everything I do has ramifications for me and for others. Now, writing while under ...

Today's Random Number is #894 - a post from July 30, 2015 .  Apparently, that date was the second day of my end-of-summer break, and I was in full-out rest mode. I tend to do very little during my breaks from being a school-based music therapist, and I have become a bit more allowing of that particular trait than I have been in the past. I often feel like I need to fill up my time off with tasks in order to be a good person. It has only been recently that I've changed my definition of what it means to be a good person. I was thinking about self-care on July 30th. Apparently, I held a webinar on the 29th all about the topic, so it was fresh in my mind. I think about self-care often. There are times when it feels selfish but there are other times when it helps me continue to do my job. I know that there are many different perspectives about what self-care is and whether it is something important or necessary. My perspective is that there are things I need to do to keep up my abil...

My exhaustion hit a wall yesterday, and I crawled home from my 16 hour workday with the news that today is another snow day. I am home, dressed in my snow day uniform of one of my Dad's college t-shirts and "not appropriate for anything other than home" pants. We have deep snow outside. When I drove home from choir practice last night, it was still 46 degrees Fahrenheit. It is hovering around 20 degrees now and the snow will continue for the next five hours (at least - I am hoping for more!). So, today's agenda includes rest. It includes resting and cooking and setting up the toilet paper dispenser that is missing in my upstairs bathroom. There may not be much else happening. I am struggling to be okay with that fact. I know that I need to rest. I also know that resting here at home means that my co-workers who have to work with my clients are not able to rest. My clients are not able to rest. This means that when we no longer have snow days, my co-workers will be mor...

I have three days left before the end of our extended school year session, so I am starting my to-do lists for the upcoming break. So far, the list is more specific things that need to be located rather than tasks. I need to find the HP ink box with the color cartridge. I've found the one that has the recyclable old cartridges, but I cannot find where I put the new one. The other thing that I need to locate (at the moment, at least) is the rolls of stamps I bought a time ago. I think my to-do list this time around will be more of a "treasure" hunt than a task list. That may be the way to go this break. I often make a long list of tasks that I simply do not do, so I end up being disappointed and disgusted with myself because I "SHOULD" be doing many other things. I think my running to-do list this break will be things that I need to find - things I know I have somewhere, but that I need to find in order to do other things - like mail letters, print out photos...

Heading Into the Future - Planning and Resting I am having some interesting (at least, to me) thoughts this morning. Lots of them are centered around this week and how I will be spending my self-care time later this week. You see, I'm taking this Thursday and next Monday off. I already have Friday off on the school schedule, so I am using some snow day time to extend this holiday weekend into a five-day weekend. This will allow me to skip the Luau (my own special kind of agitation - everyone else seems to love the event. I do not and never have, so I decided to skip it entirely!) and have a day after Easter to relax before getting back into the world of music therapy. I have plans. I have something that I really want to do, but I'm not sure if I'll get it finished. I am going to try my best this time around to do this task from beginning to end, while still finding time to sleep. It will be interesting to see if I can get this done. Originally, I was going to try to...

I took the day off yesterday. After blogging and getting ready to go to work, I made it almost out of my town before feeling like I really needed to be back home. So, after much debate with myself, I listened to what my body was telling me, and I went back home. I contacted my supervisor and my interns and then went back to sleep. I slept for an additional 4 hours, woke up, and remained in bed resting all day. Then, I slept all night as well. Something is going on in my body, and the rest was necessary. I spent some of my bed time engaged in brainstorming. I have an idea book and lots of different colored pens near my bed, so it was really easy to record those ideas as soon as they arrived in my head. I filled up about six pages of ideas of things I could make for my Teachers Pay Teachers store , including a bullet journal planner for music therapists. My head was filled with ideas and TMEs and ways to structure my own life. Now, I have the task of making these ideas into reality...

I am sitting here, at my computer, watching Father Brown on Netflix, and striving to find something to write about. It is Thursday, and I have managed to make it to work every single day this week (first time in about three weeks that I've accomplished this feat), and I am exhausted beyond belief. I have enough energy for my five sessions today, but I'm not sure that I'll do much this afternoon when I get home. I saw a post on one of my social media feeds about a lack of motivation. I can relate to that on so many levels. This person wanted suggestions about how to find motivation in a current slump. I can relate to that on so many levels as well.  I am currently recovering from a phase of "severe lack of motivation." My thought is that most of this lack has been actually caused by my recent illness, but there are other things out there that are affecting my motivation as well. I'm glad to be on the recovery side of this phase because I really do not li...

Yesterday, I woke up, took my time taking a nice, leisurely shower, and arrived at work at my usual time, 6:45 am (30 minutes before I'm supposed to be there). I did my notes, got some session elements arranged, and was sending out emails to my fellow staff members about the Holiday Sing, and then I looked down at the clock. I was late for an individual session. Crud! Being late is my first most frustrating situation, and missing a session is my second most frustrating situation. This made me feel both frustrations simultaneously. I set off for the classroom to apologize to the client for missing the session. As I was walking, I walked past the pop-up coffee shop that my clients and the vocational department run in the mornings and the afternoons. A client stopped me and said, "Mary Jane, do you feel nauseous?" That stopped me in my tracks. Honestly, I felt well-rested, happy, but a bit frustrated with myself for missing the session, but everything else that I w...

My mid-summer break has arrived. I woke up several times last night due to significant thunder and lightning and more anxiety dreams (they are plaguing me lately for some reason). In about 2.5 hours, I'll be taking my car in to get some maintenance done, so this will be an expensive break, but that's what happens when you drive and drive your car. I was made aware of a music teaching position in the small town where I am a church choir director. Folks there have a vague idea that I do something with music, but they are not sure what it is that I actually do. They've been trying to get me to take that position every year for almost 20 years now - for some reason, the district can't keep a music teacher for longer than 2 years these days. Makes me wonder why. Yesterday was a pretty good day in my music therapy clinic. I was able to finish the week with no tantrums on my side of the wall (the other side is a classroom and the tantrums there are loud and intrusive!). We...

I love my Saturday mornings. Saturday is the only day that I keep to myself (well, mostly). It is the only day that I have no outside work responsibilities, so I have opportunities to do things that I want to do rather than the things that I have to do to be paid. It is my day, and I enjoy having that day to nap or do laundry or make something fun. In about an hour, I am going to the grocery store to do a week's worth of shopping. I'm going to try buying just enough for one week of breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. I don't usually do this, so it's a bit of a change for me. I am tired of not using what I purchase, so I am going to try purchasing just what I need. This means a bit more menu planning than usual, but I think I am up for the challenge. Since I've been awake this morning, I've finished the first round of revisions for my CBMT pre-approved provider application (I'm very close!). I've also caught up with my social media world and have done...

I'm enjoying this whole "sleep until you wake up" routine. I was able to sleep until about 5am this morning, even with the anxious dog above whining, barking, and howling all night. Poor thing. My heart breaks to hear it, but there isn't anything I can do about it. Resting is something that is difficult for me to do. I just can't seem to quiet my thoughts or body enough to truly rest. My brain starts clicking into my personal goblins, "I Should," "I Could," and "I Would."  "I should be cleaning the carpet." "I could be making something new for the website." "If I wasn't so silly/stupid/lazy, I would be able to be _____." It always amazes me how much I get in my own way. The goblins creep up on me in several ways. They start their whispering when I am getting sick. They sneak up on me when I am sitting in meetings with other music therapists. They lurk behind everything I do, but I...

A book that I love, Bridget Jones' Diary , introduced me to a lovely term - "mini-break." I love that term - and all it implies. I get to have two mini-breaks this next week along with only two days of group sessions. Of course, I also have to work extra hours and spend time sitting in my room while others do conferences, but that's okay. I can do that to get two three-day weekends. What is so compelling about a mini-break? It's a brief change from what usually happens and tends to be something different from the norm. In the book, Bridget gets whisked away to a hotel for a romantic getaway. My mini-breaks are not so exotic or exciting. Mine are simply days to luxuriate in relaxation away from the stressors of work. They are still very important to me. My Monday break will include a Doctor's appointment and avoiding an inservice. My Friday break has nothing as a priority at this time. I anticipate some cooking, some cleaning, some movie watching, and som...

I am sitting here, trying to figure out what to write about this morning. It is almost the end of Spring Break, and I am sitting in my "in progress" cleaning process. I have a meeting in less than an hour, so I am not really able to do much of anything else right now. I could start a load of laundry and let that run while I am meeting. I could also keep ripping CDs to my computer. I could do both of those things simultaneously! Be right back!! Okay, that's started. This has been a good week. I did the things that I had to do, but spent the rest of the time doing things that I wanted to do. I spent some money on more scrapbooking and paper tools for making visual aids. I grocery shopped and made some food for later this month. I finished my taxes and the tax process for the not-for-profit business that I am part of. I am getting ready for an influx of money that will allow me to move into new business practices. I made some progress on a project that I am doing with a go...

My February ick is in full-force today. I don't know why I get sick every February, but I do. Like clockwork. It doesn't matter what the weather is like - I am sick during blizzards or during mild winters like this one. I can, however, count on getting sick during this month. My "On This Day" Facebook feed demonstrates that I am not exaggerating this trend. Almost all of my February posts have to do with snow and being sick. This year, however, I am trying to buck the trend of posting that I'm not feeling well, so it is coming out on this blog. I'm not quite sick enough to warrant a doctor's visit. All he'll do at this point is to tell me to keep taking the medications that I am already taking. He'll only be able to do something once this allergy attack turns into bronchitis (the other thing that typically happens in February). So, here I sit, runny nose and congestion, trying to figure out what I will do with this wonderful day. As I sit...

I hit the fatigue wall today. I overextended yesterday and actually went to both of my jobs. I didn't get into bed until late (for me), and then had to call my parents and my sister. My sister was in a bit of a tizzy about a decision that someone made about her role at her school, so I stayed awake until she had something figured out what to say and an idea of how to approach the people involved. Once she found her way, we hung up, and I fell asleep immediately. This morning I awoke right before my "alarm" light turned on. I flipped over and went back to sleep for another hour - again, not at all like me. I had to force myself to actually get up and get my morning routine started. I really want to stay at home, but I am running out of sick time and don't know for sure if my worker's comp claim will kick in to pay me while I am considered "Temporarily Totally Disabled." I certainly don't want to owe my school district part of my salary due to an i...

I tried very hard to go to work today. I lay in my bed, attempting to get up and get going, but I wasn't able to make it to work. I am just too sick right now. I talk lots about self-care in this blog, because it is the second hardest thing for me to do (organization is the most difficult for me!!). I feel guilty when I am sick, and I hate missing work, but I have little choice when my body attempts to shut itself down. On days like today, when I have spent a couple of hours thinking about sitting in my music therapy room, coughing more than anything else, I just cannot subject myself or my clients to the experience of me not being able to complete a sentence, much less a song, in order to help them move towards their goals. So, I take some time now in order to be a better therapist for them later. I'm kinda whiny today. Sorry about that! I am getting ready to take all of my medications and then crawl right back into bed to get some more sleep. I will awaken, take several...

I have finally settled into vacation mode, and the result is I slept in until 6 am this morning! Now, for many of those night owls out there, sleeping in until 6 am is not sleeping in, but for me, the congenitally early-to-rise, 6 am is an extra three hours of sleep that I don't usually get. This is one of the benefits of vacation. There really isn't much that I have to do - limited demands into my time - so I am able to really rest. No waking up thinking about things that I need to do... there's nothing out there that I MUST do. What a nice respite, but not the way I want to live my life from here on out. So what am I doing during this vacation? I am working on a new product for the website (I'm hoping it's finished by June 4th - for a launch on "Theme Thursday!!). It's coming along quite well and will be good (I'm tooting my own horn here!!). I finished up a series of intern webinars last night (which always make me simultaneously happy and sad). ...

So, here's the deal. There has been lots of talk on the blogosphere about self-care for music therapists lately. It's now my turn! I am a HUGE advocate for self-care for the caregiver. This is not an easy thing to do, but it is important for us all to be able to take care of ourselves. I am getting ready to do just that. One of the things that I have realized is that self-care looks different for each of us. For one therapist, a cruise surrounded by people may be the perfect way to unwind. For another, a camping trip in the mountains may fit the bill. For still another, sleeping in and being leisurely may need to be what happens. The trick is to find what works best for you, and then do that! I will be taking a mini-break next week. All winter, I work on inclement weather days, driving through the snow and ice in order to provide care for my students. When the winter is through, I get to have days off when I choose to take the time. I've decided that next week is the ...