music, therapy, and me

My mother asked me, just last night, if I would ever host a music therapy intern again. I am running out of time to do this because I will be leaving my current job in one year and nine months, and I will not be accepting an intern after October 2025 for sure. It has been some time since I have had a viable candidate and the last one decided not to come to Kansas for her internship. With a lack of applicants who can follow directions and finish paperwork or tell me that they are withdrawing their applications, I am inclined to close up shop and be done. It is time to get into the National Roster Internship Guidelines and see what the procedure is for closing down. This attitude and decision makes me feel pretty sad due to the fact that I enjoy being an internship supervisor, but since no one is interested, there is no reason to stay open. I wonder how many other programs have closed because of this. I know that there used to be nine National Roster programs in my state and now there ar...

Well, it is Friday again, and I am, once again, sitting here, feeling so many feelings. The Talent Show is today, and there is SO much drama happening at work right now that it is interesting to be part of it all. I had to kick two clients out of the show due to their inability to maintain any sort of appropriate engagement and plotting to hurt people (including me). There may be more that are not allowed to engage. One of our clinicians broke down in tears during the session asking for recognition for the work that her team is doing in the evenings. I both empathize and sympathize with that emotion. This is a difficult time of year. For some reason, it was decided that we needed to change up three classrooms three weeks before the end of the regular school session. This has led to all sorts of conspiracies and rebellions in the client population. All of the staff is stretched to their limits and the clients can sense all of that. We are always short-staffed, in all areas, and we have ...

I am reflecting on the week that was, and I'm finding that things went pretty well this week. Nothing to complain about except for having difficulty breathing and then being around people using scented products in all areas of my life which triggered additional breathing problems. Other than that, things went well. I mean, there was that one group where half of the students slept through music therapy, but the other half LOVED everything we did in the session. Perhaps I shouldn't pick too much at this idea that it was a good week...the illusion might shatter. That would not be good. ANYWAY...  I feel that this was a good week. I spent time medicated more than usual - I wonder if that had something to do with it all. My body was struggling for breath, but I was still able to do my job in a pretty good way. I tried things that I would not have tried without some inspiration from my intern - that was good.  I accepted intern #33 and that person accepted the position right back. #...

I do not have an easy time making decisions about things that are important to me. I waffle back and forth, thinking and analyzing all the possibilities and situations, and I tend to worry more than many of these decisions are worth. It's my process, and it is something that I work through on a regular basis. I am currently in the middle of a debate with myself about a trivial little decision. It will not really matter in the long-term, but it matters today. So, I am weighing the pros and cons. I think I have come to my conclusion, but then I keep thinking. It's difficult to stop until the decision becomes irreversible. That won't happen for about 20 more minutes - the point of contact with the people who will be affected. Once that contact occurs, I will be able to relax a bit into the decision and move forward from there. Clinical decisions can also be difficult. I spend time talking to music therapy students (and others) about how to make decisions about what to fo...

This has been a season of learning for me. I am trying to learn about subjects that are pretty unfamiliar to me, and I am setting myself some very concrete goals. This is partly due to a feeling of ennui (isn't that so much more intriguing than the word "boring?" I love the French term!!) and partly due to a need to do more as a music therapist. My personal word for this year is "courage," and my word for the school year is "renewal," so I'm feeling that my current trend towards studying and my quest for self-improvement fits within my understanding of both words. I have decided to take a year off from presenting at AMTA conferences. This came about because I couldn't think of anything that I wanted to present when it was proposal time, and I was engaging in so many anxious behaviors centered around this time and topic, that I made the decision NOT to propose anything in favor of taking at least a year off. This had nothing to do with costs...

Yesterday was my birthday, and I have some birthday money to spend on something frivolous and completely unnecessary. Some people don't like money or gift cards for special occasions, but I really enjoy getting some extra "found" cash to spend. I saved my birthday money from last year, and I got a surprise refund check from my gas card, so I have about $400 that I can use to do something fun. There is something fun about all the possibilities that are available to me with a bit of cash to spend. I recently received an Oriental Trading Catalog that has lots of things to buy, but most of those things are for school - that's not something for birthday money. I need new underwear - for some reason, every single one of my bras decided to break this week - but underwear isn't fun - it's a necessary item, so that comes from my household monies. I could always invest in new instruments, but that is also work-related. I don't want to spend this money on somethi...

It is another snow day here in my neck of the woods. I am getting ready to head out a bit early so I can get to work. We'll see if I am successful or not. I'm not looking forward to going out, but both of my interns have obligations to do, and they don't go to work if I don't go to work on these inclement weather days. MY rule is that I don't do ice. I need to put on my clothes (rather than my pjs), layer on the cold weather gear, and go outside to see how much ice there is out there - that will help me make my decision about whether I chance it today or not. (There is an inch of snow covering about two inches of slush out there right now.) All of my roads are completely covered which means icy conditions and snow covered roads the entire way to work. I hate missing snow days, but I also hate sitting in ditches (which I've done on one of these days) and having thousands of dollars worth of car repairs (which I've done on a day that should have been an inclem...

I need a picture to change my default. I have made a decision. This decision is not monumental, and I know people are out there who have been telling me this over and over again, but it took a post on social media and my subsequent response to finally encapsulate all things about this decision and make it easy to make in this moment, right here, right now. I've been on the fence about something for the past three days, but no more. On Saturday , I wrote about a giveaway that I want to do. You see, I like the idea of giving things away to deserving folks who may need a pick-me-up in the form of someone nominating them to get some goodies in the mail - for music therapists, by a music therapist. I've had two people respond, and both wanted to nominate themselves.  Not the point of the giveaway, folks. I want people to think of others rather than thinking of themselves. If you really want one of my products, then pay the money. Seriously. I price my things VERY fairly...

I have six days. My mother arrives in Kansas in six days for a period of rest and relaxation with me, and I have to work like a fiend to get things done. My "lazy days and time to rest" vacation has become a "clean up everything so Mom can move in the VERY small living space available" time, and I have not been doing all that I can do in the evenings. I'm paying for that now. I made progress this past weekend - panic tends to do that to me - but there is still way too much to do before I am finished with my odyssey to make this a presentable place. Interestingly, I was doing the exact same thing five years ago when my mother came to visit me because I was getting ready for surgery. This time? No surgery (that I'm planning for, at least)! She just wants to visit me. The problem? I am exhausted by the time I get home so I'm not doing anything right now... Last night, I fell asleep (sometime after 8pm because I saw that time on the tablet) with the ...

On my cabinet that is behind my head when I run music therapy sessions, I have a bus ticket. It's our motivational thing this year - The Energy Bus . The bus ticket is what my administrators are currently giving out to teachers who are "caught being positive." I received one last week and have received none this week because my administrators NEVER actually come to my room. Anyway, last week, we were encouraged to turn in our bus ticket for a drink from Sonic. Now, I have this strange reaction to the water in the town where I work, so I decided that I would rather keep the ticket than get an intestinal infection. I posted my Bus ticket on my cabinet. It has been fun to see who pays attention to my cabinet decorations and who does not. Yesterday, one of my clients asked me, "Have you read The Energy Bus?" I responded that I had read it. The client asked, "What's it about?" Hmmm. How do you explain a corporate motivational book to a person who ...

Because I am still knee-deep in organizing and getting my stuff together in my new room, I am very interested in what others do to get their rooms together. I love looking at how others organize, and I often strive for the same type of coordination in my own clinic area. So, when I am stumped, I go to the internet. Made for Music Teachers has a post that really makes me think about what I'm trying to do in my own space. I like the idea of having all related things together (that makes logical sense to me). I am currently sorting my stuff into four different categories - explore, listen, learn, and therapy. Each corner of the room will have a different focus. One corner will be for exploration. For me, this includes sensory exploration beyond that of listening. I have a large cabinet that holds my tubs of bells, pom poms, sensory bottles, sound bottles, and lots of other things as well. I'm going to take my electronic instruments for that center/station/area of the room. ...

When I started this blog, I picked the title very carefully. I wanted a place where I could talk about things that I love (ooh, does having "me" in the title seem a bit self-aggrandizing? Yes, I love myself. I had an interesting conversation with one of my clients yesterday about how we need to love ourselves before we can love others - he started the conversation and made lots of good points. Hooray for self-esteem!!) I wanted to be able to spend time thinking through my ideas in words, and a blog seemed like a good place to do it. I still think it is, and am grateful for those of you who read it. I hope that you find something of value in the posts I have made, even if you disagree with what I say. Make that, especially when you disagree with what I say! I find that it is just as important to disagree as it is to agree as long as the act of disagreement is conducted in a respectful manner. Why am I writing about this today? I honestly don't know. All I know is tha...