music, therapy, and me

I am currently stressed and crabby as all get out because I made a mistake and then was called out on that mistake in a way that was a bit less grace-filled and more confrontational and I am not happy with myself or the person who called me out. This may be currently affected by my medication side effects - I feel more negative emotions when under the influence than when I am not, so I may be able to forgive myself more readily in a couple of hours than right now. Right now, however, I am stuck in the throes of self-hatred because making mistakes is not something that I like AT ALL and I REALLY don't like being called out in this particular manner which just rubs me the wrong way EVERY SINGLE TIME! Does anyone else just find making mistakes humiliating? I am my own worst critic and there are times when making any sort of misstep sends me into a spiral of shame and humiliation. All self-imposed and all just ridiculous when I get over myself and everything. I talk to my interns and t...

Yesterday, I did something that I should not have done, and now I need to fix it. Today is our annual "Let's hype kids up on sugar and forbidden caffeine and send them into a world of unstructured and forced fun" day, and I hate this day with a passion. Unfortunately, I shared that hatred of the day with my interns yesterday in a frustration-fueled rant that I think may have caused them to not be able to think of this day as fun at all. That's my goof and what I need to apologize for today. I got bogged down into the mire about my personal feelings about this debacle of a day, and I spewed that all over my interns who have not had a chance to experience this for themselves. I treated them more like long-time co-workers than like impressionable learners, and I am not feeling good about that fact. So, I will go in an apologize to them about my attitude yesterday. They will do what interns will do, and they will sat that everything is okay, but it isn't. I know that ...

Time for another post based on a random blog topic generator - welcome to the "Mistake" edition of music, therapy, and me. So, gather 'round, music therapists, to hear my song of woe. Listen well, and strive to learn from my example of mistakes and more... Over my 28 years of being a professional music therapist, I have made more mistakes than I like to admit, but that's part of my mission with this blog - being honest about the good and not so good things that happen in this chosen life, so here goes... Never, EVER - use a new song during an audition - If you are doing an audition for a job or for an internship position, use songs that you know so well that your brain can run your accompaniment without active thought. Does this sound strange to you?? Seriously. If you go into an audition where you have to lead therapeutic music experiences (TMEs), you will want your music to be almost routine. Nothing is worse than trying to remember how a melody line goes with the c...

Am I part of a reality show that tests morals and ethical behaviors?? If so, am I winning?? For the last three days, there have been two packages outside my door that are not for me. They are from Sweetwater which is a music equipment company that I have never been able to order from - they tend to be a bit more expensive than I can usually afford. When I walked into my hallway on Wednesday to see these boxes sitting outside my door, I was thrilled! Someone decided I needed a new guitar!!! Joy! Rapture!! What?? My rational mind knew that these were not for me. My family knows not to buy me a guitar - guitar selection tends to be a pretty personal process - I'm not usually too picky, but my Dad (who is the only one who would even think about doing this) knows that I would rather choose my own instrument than just to find one on my doorstep. My emotional mind, on the other hand, was jumping up and down! A new guitar!! What was in the other box?? Maybe an amplifier?? I could use...

Are you your own worst critic? I am. There is no one harder on me than me. When I fail at something, I cannot let it go. I feel guilty and disappointed in myself and it comes back in a flood of emotion every single time I start to get a bit anxious or overly tired. Does anyone else get this way, or is it just me? All of this is precipitated by a missed meeting yesterday. I didn't get a clue that I had missed the meeting until right before leaving for PT and my part-time job, and when I did, I was absolutely set back. The person I was supposed to meet with called me, but didn't leave a message, so I didn't even know that she was waiting for me to hook up the computer. I was supremely angry with myself and then felt guilty when I realized that I had let two other people down. I am a perfectionist. I expect perfection in myself, but allow for imperfection in others without any issues. I expect that others will not be perfect, but I insist on striving for personal perfectio...

First of all, let me set this up from the very beginning that I am not encouraging you to make mistakes, but am encouraging you to acknowledge that you will make mistakes in your music therapy life and resolve to learn from them.  A friend of mine indicated that she had some less than stellar moments as a music therapist yesterday. She also stated that she took those moments as a reminder of humility and constant growth. Her friends responded with empathetic comments. One stated, "We don't really talk about our music therapy mistakes that often. We should" (or something like that - I may have misquoted the friend...). I completely agree with the sentiment of that discussion. Mistakes are going to happen.  I've made them. You've made them. We will both make more mistakes. That's what happens when you are a human being. What we do once the mistakes occur is what defines us as therapists.  Whatever the mistake, you have to acknowledge it, own up to it, an...

Yesterday, I was driving home and listening to my TED talk podcast playlist. I regularly listen to podcasts in the afternoon (the local host for my NPR station bugs me - she says "Missour-ah" - that should say it all!) and alternate between Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, The Thrilling Adventure Hour, and now, TED Talks . Yesterday's discussion was about making mistakes .  I don't like to make mistakes. I don't think there are many of us out there who do like to make mistakes, but I really don't like to make mistakes. I am a bit (cough, cough) of a perfectionist who places unreal expectations upon herself. I am constantly challenged by the "Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda Goblins" that take over my head at times. I want everything to be perfect, especially for my clients. The problem? Well, I'm not perfect and will never be able to attain absolute perfection. That's okay. Mistakes happen. What is important is how you respond and react to making...