music, therapy, and me

Yesterday, I enlisted the assistance of my mom and my sister to start with my new project for the next year - sing about themes . I am planning on releasing these thematic packets every month this year to supplement music therapy programming for clients of all ages and goal foci. These thematic packets will come with 4-6 therapeutic music experiences (TMEs), ideas for adaptations to all TMEs for various populations, and a couple of digital files to make visual aids for clients to use during sessions. The first theme is one that is dear to my heart and will be kept a secret for a bit of time, but rest assured that I will be sharing it as soon as I can. The fun for me comes in collaboration with my creative relatives. We are a force to be reckoned with when it comes to creating. I've told you about my mom's current creative force - Barbie furniture and houses, but my sister is also very creative - she channels her creativity into specific projects one thing at a time rather than ...

Hello, friends. Welcome to my end of the year post - the one where I usually reveal several things and spend time ruminating on various quests and goals that I have established. Today, however, may not include some of that information because I am currently figuring out lots of stuff and am not sure if I am coming or going. My mom has acute pancreatitis and is in the hospital. I have extended my trip an additional two days so I can be around for support. My sister is helping Mom out the way she always does because she is close by, and I am glad that I can be here until Tuesday. My mom keeps telling me to "have some fun" while I am here, but that is difficult to do when waiting for doctors and tests and information. My sister and I went to the hospital yesterday to wait through a procedure and then waited with Mom to hear about another procedure that will be happening today. At this point, we are not expecting surgery, but we might be going through that if the procedure today ...

It is early on day two of my break, and my Mom is starting to stir a bit in her slumber. I have taken a shower and am waiting for her to wake up so I can change the pant selection I made in the dark. I decided that jean leggings were just too casual for tonight's World Congress Opening Ceremony. I'll go for black leggings instead. The Congress starts off tonight with the opening ceremony and a welcome reception. Even though I have paid for the reception, I am going to skip it for several reasons. First, I do not relish being out that late and having to walk back to my hotel by myself. Second, I think I will have enough socialization and interaction with folks during the opening ceremony. Third, I have a workshop in the morning that I must go over again and again and again. My nerves are getting more and more intrusive as the time goes on. By this time tomorrow, I will be a nervous wreck, but, by this time on Thursday, I will be calm as a cucumber because I will be able to simpl...

First of all, I want to start this blog off by saying that everyone in my life (as far as I know) is alive. I wanted to put that out there at the start of this blog because there are some pretty significant things happening in my family that are going to be stressful but this is not a blog post about dying. Here's the deal. Last night, my sister called me with some news about our brother. The details of all of this are not really important. What I am trying to get myself to focus on right now is the fact that up until that phone call, everything was settled in my life. It was the last day of my work week, I was talking to my Mom who was pretty chirpy on the phone, and I had spoken to my sister who was the same way. We were all in a pretty good space. Then, things changed. After I spoke briefly to my sister, I waited a bit to call my Mom. My sister felt that she needed to talk to Mom about what she had heard, so I started to dither out here. I was crying, I was raging, and I was no ...

EGAD! The last time I tried to write on this blog was a week ago. I didn't finish the post, so there has been silence from this keyboard for this entire week, so let me catch you up with all the stuff that has happened here in just seven short days. My mother and my sister arrived exactly on time (we are a bit concerned about getting them home, but they are here). I got them back to my house at 1am on Sunday morning, shuffled them off to the new mattress sets, and then went upstairs for three hours of sleep before heading off to church to do the children's part of worship. It went off without a hitch - even the littles sang their hearts out! I returned to my house to find that my sister and mother had started right in with the boxes in various areas of the house - the kitchen, bathroom, and office/craft studio. We went to get them a rental car for the week and then went out for lunch and some "necessity" shopping. After that excursion, I was exhausted, so I said goodn...

It is the last work day of the year, and I am more than ready to be on break after today. I am exhausted and am really looking forward to being home without having the pressure to work. I anticipate that I will still be making videos for the YouTube channel, but I will not have an expectation of doing so. That's a nice place to be in. I sat in the sunset yesterday and watched for the planetary conjunction. I never saw anything that I thought was "the brightest object (except the moon)" or "the Christmas Star," but I was able to see both of the planets with my naked eye from just after sunset until full darkness. I talked to my parents - Mom is talking on the phone lots more now that Dad is not doing well - and then sat in relative silence looking at the sky. Kansas skies always disappoint me - clouds happen regularly and ESPECIALLY when there is some sort of special planetary or solar system event that prevents me from seeing the full effect of every little thin...

I woke up yesterday in a down mood. I am not sure if this is based on my hormonal cycle or the circumstances that are happening around me, but it is not my preferred state of existence. I do not like being someone who is on the periphery of situations - I prefer being in charge and making essential decisions. That is not the case right now. I am an extra in the drama of other people's lives, and that is not the place I prefer to be. I am also lonely with all the working from home stuff. I miss my daily interaction with my clients. It is difficult to find songs to sing that provide them with something to do where they cannot engage in choice making or providing input. I have to change my way of thinking about what I am doing in order to make it make sense for me. This is a complete tangent from the title of this post, but I think it will make sense if I write it down. Bear with me. I have always loved the idea of writing music to supplement educational curricula. My first thesis pro...

The day after Christmas is always one of reflection for me. I do as much as I can to enjoy the actual day itself - not many pictures or rituals other than the ones that my family has always completed - and very little in the way of cataloging or thinking about work stuff. The next day, however, I am usually awake way before any other member of my family - two hour time difference, and I don't acclimatize to sleeping in well - so I spend most of my time thinking about the holiday and about all the things I want to get finished during my break from work. It almost always includes things for work as well as thing for my home - which is currently far away from where I am.  Today's reflection is coming from a place of jet lag. I have five days of being here with my family - loose plans for two of those days - lots of time of shopping with my mom and my sister - we have a deal: I go to two stores without complaining. After two? They can either put up with my crankiness or take me...

She REALLY likes my robe! I have written a version of this blog post now about five times. I got a bit frustrated with myself because I was coming across as a bit too whiny and "poor me-ish," even for me - just couldn't stomach what was coming across my keyboard. So, I decided to change up my routine a bit and see if that would help me write something that includes some sort of solution to problems that are happening around me. I took my shower in the middle of my morning rather than at the beginning or at the end like I usually do. My routine is more of a task list than a schedule, so I often mix things up a bit, but showers are not usually all that flexible for me for some strange reason. I decided to see if some shower time would help me to figure out what is going on with me. Here are some of the details. My family members, all out in California, are struggling with various and sundry medical issues. Some of these are specifically time-framed, others are not. ...

I often wonder, during my reading about things trauma related, what happens when trauma is denied - when people do not remember trauma or like to pretend that it never happened. A bit of antecedent information. I have a family member who has never had a stable home life. His mother and father were together when he was born, lived together until he was 3, and then split up. They were never married, so he did not go through the "trauma of divorce," but the only thing that was different was the legal aspect of that type of separation - everything else was the same. Neither of his parents is very stable. His father has continuing health issues, a new family (which is breaking up), and he has recently moved away from this family member - to the other side of the world, to be near the little son who is also living on the other side of the world. The family member is staying with his mother who bounces from relationship to relationship, often having more than one at a time. She ha...

It is my last full day of visiting home, and I am not handling the end very well. I love this place and these people, and now I am the only one who isn't living here, so I am the oddball now. I don't want to be leaving, but my job is elsewhere, so I have to go...back...to bitter temperatures and a job where I don't feel all that valued... (Please note that most of the comments that I am making here are colored by the fact that I have only one more day to be in this wonderland, and I DON'T WANT TO GO!) The end of a visit almost always makes me wonder if there are things I can do in order to stay, but I just can't see possibilities beyond what I know. I do know this - I will be returning home for good at some point. (I got to start buying lottery tickets!)  My sister has arranged my last day here. I am going to stay at her house tonight. We will be going to her neighborhood block party (I'm her excuse for not staying for very long), and we may go to see Star...

I am currently in California, soaking up good vibes from Mom, Dad, Sister, and for the first time in many, MANY years, Brother as well. I spent Christmas Day traveling in planes and automobiles and spent Christmas afternoon playing trains with Nephew #2 - who is two, and who reminded me that I am feeling much older than usual these days. All of these things are good, but there is something much better than that happening right now. This is my current view from the bed in my sister's old room. As you can see, my Mother is a crafter. She does a bit of every type of craft that you can think of and some of others that you have never heard of. This is her papercrafting room, and I am smack dab in the middle of it all right now.   I know that her crafting interest comes from my Grandmother who was an artist and created things all the time when my Mom was growing up. Mom has been creating art and making crafts for as long as Grandma could remember, and that talent was very much enco...

I'm thinking about retirement. Let me start this conversation by saying that my mother and father recently retired, and their new lives are looking really good to me right now. (This is a side effect of visiting - I actually get to witness what is happening rather than just hearing about it.) My sister has decided that We (notice the use of the Royal We) will be retiring in 9 years when she is eligible to take her pensions and run from her elementary school job. In addition, I will be retiring then as well, and We will travel (again, that Royal We!). I'm telling you. This idea is not hard to contemplate at all. My father's twin, my Aunt, is having to retire this year. She tried retiring last year, but ended up driving herself crazy with inactivity and went back to teaching high school math this year, but it is past time for her to retire and do other things. In direct contrast to my parents (who are finding retirement really enjoyable), she is dreading this transition...

Today is the anniversary of my parents' wedding. My entire life, I've had to explain that they chose this day (typically known as April Fool's Day here) to be married because it was the first day of my Dad's Spring Break from college. They had an entire week for a honeymoon before he needed to get back to school. Mom was already working, and she could have a vacation as well. So, April 1, 1967 was the day. My mother's mom traveled from Springfield, Pennsylvania with my mother's best friend for the wedding. The entire way across the country to Lawrence, Kansas, my grandmother thought that she would find the entire thing to be a joke. I know she knew better, but the thought kept going around and around in her mind. She was the only one who could afford to make the trip, so Mom had a surrogate father walk her down the aisle to my Dad. Mom and Dad ended up having two wedding receptions - one with Dad's family and one with Mom's family. In between the two...

I am currently in my sister's old room, waiting for my family to wake up and get the day started. There is something about this room that leads to deep sleep and lots of good rest. My sister proclaims that it has to be about the lavender walls (I am HIGHLY skeptical about that one). My mother agrees that there is something about this room that is restful but she cannot figure it out either. If my old room still existed as a guest room, I would prefer to be there, but my mother has turned it into her sewing room (as opposed to this one which is the paper crafting room). There really is something special about "at home" rest. I think that I cannot truly "rest" when I am at my residence. There is always something that I need to do. Here, though, there isn't much that HAS to be done, just things that COULD be done. That inspires me. My holiday was pretty quiet (until about 45 seconds after my sister went home). We had a holiday flood in the back bathroom tha...

Today is my parent's 49th anniversary. I always have to say that on this day because people just don't believe it, but it is true. They got married on this day because it was the first day of my Dad's Spring Break, and they could have an entire week for a honeymoon. My grandmother flew to Kansas for the ceremony and had it in the back of her head that she would arrive, everyone would yell "April Fool's" and that would be that. She was wrong. Today is more than a goofy day for me. It has always been a day when I was thankful for my parents and the marriage they built. This year, I am expanding my thankfulness to my grandparents and the marriages that they built. This focus on the generation that came before is happening because my grandmother died yesterday morning. I am honestly rejoicing that she was able to go on her own terms, with a limited amount of bother, and that she is able to see what is next for us all.  My grandmother married the love of her li...

This morning, I awoke at my usual time (translation - very, VERY early) and spent some time trying to deny that I was awake and spent some time listening to my mind wander. It's my own kind of mindfulness , I guess. I spent some time paying attention to where my brain was going. It started with, "I don't have to wake up this early. I don't have to go to work today," and then went down the road of "I need to get green chiles for dinner tomorrow." That morphed into "Thanksgiving is on Thursday," to "Mama Icie would have been 103 last week. Thanksgiving was her favorite holiday. I remember all the years of having to toe the Mama Icie celebration line..." Remembering my grandmother, Mama Icie, led me into some of the conflicting feelings that I have about this holiday. I love the idea of a day of giving thanks, but I don't think that I can only be thankful when I'm faced with green bean casserole, turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin p...

This is MY tree. I have no idea what it's address is or who actually is responsible for this actual tree, but it is MINE ! Several years ago, I was driving along a stretch of highway and noticed this proud tree sitting in the middle of a field. It was sitting there, leaves gone, in all its glorious skeletal structure! I became obsessed with this tree. At the time, I was trying to figure out how to make my Grandmother a family tree of some sort for her birthday. I really wanted to make a tree - not paint or a drawing - but something actually made that represented our family. My tree became my inspiration and led to this tree... This tree has the names of my great-grandparents as the roots along with my grandparents' siblings, my grandparents' names are on the trunk, and the various branches of our family are on the limbs of the tree. The grandkids and great-grands are listed on the tree as well. The entire thing is rooted on a piece of Kansas granite that I purlo...