music, therapy, and me

I have found that I am great at writing personal and professional goals for myself. They are spectacular, perfect in their composition, and very clear to all who read them.  ...and, that's as far as they go.  Once I have written them, I lose interest, never flip back to that page, and then feel like a failure when I have not done what I wanted to do earlier. So, I have decided that I am not making goals for this upcoming year. I am setting quests for myself! My word of the year is "Explore," and I have come up with five areas of exploration for this year - places, health, ideas, identity, and connection. As you can see in this bullet journal spread, I have a small piece of paper for each area with some ideas of how to complete these quests. I am not setting endings for any of these because I don't know where I will be at any time. These are just the things that I want to think about during the year of 2022. Rather than shaming myself when I do not get to my end goals,...

Boy, did I have plans for this week. I was going to be releasing a giveaway on Wednesday. I was going to be getting on top of some work for the Online Conference for Music Therapy. I was going to pack for my upcoming trip to see family for a memorial service. There was so much that I was going to do. Well, these things did not get finished this week because my body decided it was time to complicate matters with a migraine. This was a doozy of a migraine as well - flashing sparkles in my field of vision, extreme light sensitivity, nausea, stabbing headache, and an extremely low body temperature, and just not doing well at all. Add on a continuing asthma cycle, and that was my body this week. Once I regained my vision, I drove myself home, having to use 5 hours of my sacred sick time for this headache. I still had to log onto a Zoom meeting because it was my intern's turn to present. So, for the past three days, all I have done is cower in the corner of the music therapy room, wearin...

One of the things that I've noticed, about myself and about many of the music therapists that I know, is that we tend to be our own worst critics. I see this every time I give an evaluation to one of my interns. They rank and rate themselves much harsher than I do on a regular basis...I do the exact same thing when it is my turn to evaluate my own skills - my "ideal therapist" expectations come out and shame me...every...single...time. When my interns or other therapists start to demonstrate this type of response to evaluation, I am easily able to identify it and put them at ease. When it is me, though, I slip into feelings of inadequacy and, again, that shame. Why is it so difficult to give myself the grace to be imperfect and learning when I can support others in their journeys? This is possibly coming up because of my attendance at the Midwestern Region conference this past weekend. It is also coming up (and I know this for a fact) because I had a very emotional da...

This past Saturday was a day that I devoted to thinking and working on my computer on various projects. I alternated between working and sleeping. It was heavenly, and it reminded me that I enjoy making things and working on music therapy theory and techniques. I like the opportunity to sit and think as well as to dream of what could be in the world of music therapy. I took my Saturday as a day to finish things. I stayed in my pajamas and moved my computer to my back room where I could recline while working, and it worked really well for me. I wish I could do that type of thinking and creating every day, but I cannot. The need for a paycheck compels me to go out into the world, dressed in real clothes, to enter a world of music therapy sessions and school-based therapy situations. As I move from home mode into work mode, I am getting my session strategies together in my mind. I will lead two group sessions today, and I will watch two other group sessions today. I have a new guita...

I feel perky on this Monday morning. Over the past week, I've spent more time at home than anyplace else, thanks to a bout of possible kidney stones and definitely colitis. I finally have the diagnosis confirmed and appropriate treatment happening, so I feel pretty good right now. My body hasn't quite wakened, so there is no pain happening and my temperature isn't up too high. It's nice. I am going to work. This doesn't seem like much of an announcement, but I think that it will be a good thing to get out and get back into my real life routine again. This, however, is where the danger lies. I tend to head back too much, too fast. One of the things that happens when I start on this cycle is that I get this burst of energy and then I go full enthusiasm into whatever is in front of me. I start to get tired, but I am halfway through my something, and I just don't want to stop. So, I press on. Then, I exhaust myself, and I crash.  I don't want to cr...

Ugh. Summer. I'm hot and I don't feel good and I spent all night shivering (I know, silly to think about due to the first part of this sentence) and it is the last Monday of our extended school year (ESY) so I have to go and I really don't want to, but I'm going anyway. I am looking forward into a week of kids being able to go outside because the weather is supposed to cooperate - depending on where you look for forecast information. In fact, the forecast that I am looking at right now (which is my favorite at the moment) says that we will not break out of the 80's (Fahrenheit) all week! These lower temperatures and the ability to go outside and run off some energy may make for less cranky students and a less cranky therapist. We shall see. Here's what I have to look forward to this week: Saying goodbye to intern #27 as she finishes up her time with me and moves on to bigger and better things. Constant questions from teachers about the fall schedule -...

Everything under the sun is piling up on me right now. The cat's not eating as much as usual, I have a hang nail that's bothering me, I can't seem to type a sentence without having to go back and backspace, my mouse stopped working and the replacement isn't here yet, I am exhausted and can't seem to get less exhausted, it is a long day at work today (class work time - something I really need), but I have to go to my other job so I don't get the work time, I've started this blog post about 10 times and haven't found a theme to go with, I'm feeling like other people are trying to force me into doing things that I don't want to do, I'm tired of being the punching bag of a particular client who will be coming back to the music therapy room today, and the list goes on and on and on. Now, not all of these things are important. In fact, outside of my own brain, most of these things aren't important at all, but they do add up to a overall way o...

Last week was a rough week and my morning routine was just all sorts of interrupted and messed up. I'll spare you the gory details, but it was not a week where finishing my routine was really an option - at all. So, I took it easy on myself and just didn't do the routine - any of it! I tried for the first three days of the week, but the last two were really sick days, so I didn't even try. As a result, I am currently getting ready to re-establish my morning routine. So far, I have gone over my social media accounts, fed and medicated the cat, taken my medication, and now I am sitting down to blog. I have already taken an hour out of my morning to do these things, and I'm feeling behind. I know I'm not behind, but that's the feeling that I have. Time to focus on the routine. Get specific things done and have some time for creative expression as well. I have to put together a bunch of materials for a project that one of my interns is finishing pretty soon, a...

Last night, I walked over to put my dishes in the sink after dinner and was overtaken by chills. I ended up shivering with my teeth chattering for about 45 minutes after that. I turned up the heater, put on my socks, covered up myself in about 8 blankets and afghans, and covered my head. I remained covered up that way for the rest of the night. I think I went to sleep about 6:45 last night...and the night before that. My temperature is still a bit below "normal" for most folks, but I am about a degree higher than I usually am, so I think I am running a bit of a temperature as well. I have needed my asthma medicine a bit more than usual, but nothing else is happening. I'm currently debating about whether this is the start of the flu or if it isn't. My major problem is that my usual, everyday way of living has many of the characteristics of the flu. I almost always have a cough, sneezing, and a runny nose. Those haven't changed. I don't usually get bone shakin...