music, therapy, and me

Today is the 31st anniversary of an important day in my life - the day I finished my internship and became a professional music therapist. I am proud of my career as a music therapist. I have been employed for my entire life except for about three months after my internship finished up. I have not been a music therapist for all of that time, but I have had the title of music therapist for the past 28 years. Before I became a "music therapist" in title, I was an activity director for children, a "QMRP" for adults, and a "Rehabilitation Therapist - Music" for adults. In the first and third of these jobs, I was able to do some music therapy, but music was not my primary way of doing my job. In the "QMRP" job, I was an administrator of three group homes and did not do any music therapy at all. My first two jobs did not last long, but they taught me some valuable lessons about myself as a music therapist and as a human being. I learned that I enjoy wo...

Here it is, Wednesday again. I had to leave work yesterday after an asthma attack that started after an incident. I couldn't stop coughing and that led to wheezing which led to more coughing. I had to sit in the back of a classroom group and cough and cough. I felt like I wasn't able to do what I needed to do, so I used up 4 of my sick time hours to get home for my new asthma medication. I am on it now, but I am not entirely happy about it. I have a real problem with some sorts of medications - and this is one of them. I don't know why I don't like this type of medication, but I don't like it at all. I think this one has something to do with the attitude of the doctor who gave it to me... Anyway... I head back into my part-time job tonight after my full-time job. I will be teaching Sunday School before the church service and leading the choir in some singing. My choir has shrunk significantly in the past three years. We are now a quartet most weeks as my choir membe...

I had a Music Therapy Moment on Friday that I would like to share. Now, when I say "a music therapy moment," I mean an interaction that happened in a music therapy session that was wonderful - something that could not be replicated in any other setting - something that came out of the two humans involved finding something that transcends just interaction. So, there you go. These moments are fleeting, and I try to treasure them when they do happen. I took a course in DIR/Floortime from Dr. John Carpente in January. If you are unfamiliar with DIR/Floortime by Stanley Greenspan, I encourage you to do some investigation of these concepts - basically, it fits into my professional philosophy of humanism and sensory integration with touches of behavioral theory very well and is something that I have always been interested in learning more about. This year was that year (actually, it was last year, but the course had to be postponed due to COVID concerns). I am pleased that I used my...

If you've been someone who reads this blog every single day, then you know that I was injured at work last year (almost a year ago now). I was involved with a client who left supervision, barged into the music therapy room, tore up my expensive keyboard, and engaged in aggression. During my attempt to assist the client in staying safe, the client pushed me, my knee twisted, and something popped. I went down. Turns out, I completely tore my left Anterior Cruciate Ligament, and my life has changed since that time. You wouldn't think that something as small as an ACL could affect many things, but I'm here to tell you that this injury has changed lots of things in my life. Enough dwelling on the past. It's time to look at the future. Today, I get to take CPR and First Aid. I have been certified in CPR and First Aid since I was 14 years old, and this is the first time in a long time that I haven't been a card carrying member of those who can assist others. I was to...

I am tired of my Thoughtful Thursday topic, so I am going to vacate it for a while. I haven't remembered to write on different quotations, so it should be easy to let this topic go the way of Sing A Song Sundays and Song Synthesis Sundays. I will be Thoughtful NO MORE!! So, that leaves me with another dilemma - what should I write about right now? This dilemma always starts after the opening paragraphs. The questions start - "Is this interesting enough to me to continue writing?" "Does this have anything to do with Music, Therapy, or Me?" "Should I just skip today completely?" Then, I usually settle into a topic or an idea and start to write. As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, I am in the termination process as a client (for, really, the first time in my life). I am down to the last session next week, and I am experiencing separation pangs and simultaneous excitement. I am both very proud of my progress and scared to death that I am going to do some...

Today is a full moon day. According to Space.com, it is called the Flower Moon and will actually turn completely full at 7:15pm this evening, but it is almost full now. I can tell. I have always been drawn to the full moon. I waited to be born on the full moon on this day. It took me three weeks of extra waiting past my due-date, but I arrived on the full moon day. I was one of 30 babies born that day. There were lots of us who wanted to arrive at that time. My mother says that I have always cycled in my behavior. She would notice changes in my mood, attention, and activity level and then see the moon phase. She continues to say that my cycles were attributable to what was happening with the moon, even when I was an infant. I have worked with people who dismiss the effect of the moon as poppycock. I can't do that. Those people felt that there was no upswing in behaviors, in changes in patterns, or responses to stimuli. They dismissed my cyclic behavior as something that jus...

It's the last day of school for the 2016-2017 school year, graduation went off without a hitch, and I slept in until 5:45 this morning, so this will be . quick. This is the 1,200th post I've written for this blog. I want to thank those of you who have written comments, subscribed, and been with me through the rants, the cat pictures, and the various and sundry random thoughts that pop into my head in the early morning writing times. Thank you for reading through the TME Tuesday posts, the Supplemental and Sing A Song Sunday posts, and the occasional Thoughtful Thursday posts (I seem to keep forgetting that it is Thursday when I am writing. Hmmm.) Way, way back, when I started writing a blog, I was not expecting an audience. You can probably tell that if you start at post #1 and then read forward (I do NOT suggest that, by the way). The title grew out of my thoughts on three things - music, therapy, and me - specifically, my life as a music therapist. I continue to think ab...

You know how there are times when you are feeling unappreciated and then a series of things happens that makes you realize that you are appreciated? This week has had several little moments that made me feel both sides of this situation. Some of my clients were downright rude. They put me down in an attempt to make themselves feel cool, but it was not the way they usually respond to me, so it deflated my mood. Then, there was another group of clients where one client has really started to respond to me. He smiles, he interacts (still on the periphery, but it is still interaction), he initiates conversations with me outside of the music therapy room. Another staff member watched him smiling and talking to me and said, "What is your secret? I have never seen him smile before." His classroom staff agreed that he is typically somber and sullen. I didn't know that. He's not that way in music therapy AT ALL! I only see the happy version of that client. I was feeling a ...

Today's post is going to be a bit different from the usual Tuesday post. It is more of a remembrance and an opportunity for mourning for me rather than an original Therapeutic Music Experience (TME) to share with all of you. I didn't compose this song, I didn't do much to change it, but it was the favorite of a young man who died on Sunday. The song is simple - If you feel happy , If you feel happy , If you feel happy , smile and sing with me. La, la, la, la. La, la, la, la. La, la, la, la. La, la, la, la. It's a simple little ditty. I wish I could put the rest of it up here, but I can't since I am not the copyright owner. The song itself was part of a nursery school curriculum for Vacation Bible School back in the 1980's. I've tried to search for the music, but it's a bit obscure and the company that sold the music originally has been purchased by other companies many times since then. I simply cannot find a record of this song an...

One of the things that I talk to my clients about ALL OF THE TIME is coping skill development. My clients are often extremely impulsive and do not have any type of control over their emotional responses, so we all stress the need for coping skills. My kids hear about coping skills in art therapy, in music therapy, in play therapy, in talk therapy, and in other areas as well. We all are on the coping skill bandwagon and hope to assist our clients in finding their ways of coping with situations in their lives. One of the things that is often missing in coping skill development is modelling within a situation or circumstance. We, the adults, talk about using coping skills, but we are often in complete control of our own emotions when doing so. We strive to be calm, in control, and exemplars of what we look like when we have internalized our coping skill strategies. We don't often demonstrate what skills we use in order to keep ourselves calm - we just do them. My goal for this wee...

I love my clients. I love my clients. I love my clients. Sometimes it takes a mantra to remind myself that I really do have a form of love for each and every one of the developing humans that walk into my music therapy room. This form of love helps me remember important things like, "Even when they are kicking or biting me, they are still learning a valuable lesson if I keep my actions kind, calm, and consistent," or "I cannot believe this is happening right now. I am the adult in this situation, and I will remain calm." What could happen you may ask? Every day is an adventure when you work with other people. I don't care if you are working in an office building, a hospital, or in a school like me - every interaction with another human is an adventure. I bring my part of every interaction, but the other side of the interaction is completely up in the air and dependent upon the other human. That's what makes interacting with others an adventure. My ...

One of my good Facebook friends was commenting that we music therapists don't often post about our difficulties or challenges on social media. I started to think about this and realized that, especially on Facebook, I am hesitant to be 100% completely honest about the things that challenge me as a music therapist and as a human being. One of the reasons that I tend to use Facebook music therapy groups as a place to share positive thoughts is that as soon as someone offers a question or comment that is in the slightest bit challenging, the audience comes down with a harsh demand that this (whatever it is) situation should be covered in professional supervision rather than on a social media forum. So, I keep my comments to my blog where people can choose to engage in a conversation with me either publicly or privately as they so desire. It's time for some honesty right now. During this summer session, I have been waking up every Wednesday morning with a sense of dread in my s...

For the last couple of weeks, we've been engaging some of our groups in a very simple therapeutic music experience (TME). We've been using the wooden rhythm instruments and following a play and pass pattern. We establish how many beats we will play and how many beats we will pass. We then set a rhythmic pattern on the keyboard and start our pattern. We play, and then we pass, and we make an entire circle until we end up with the instrument we started with. Then, keeping the beat going on the keyboard, we process. Did we have enough time to play? To pass? How should we adapt the experience? Should we change the number of beats? Or the tempo? This has been a very successful TME for my groups - the small ones as well as the older ones It amazes me how getting back to the very basic of basics, AKA rhythm/tempo, can transform a group of individuals into a group that functions as one. The act of entrainment is a simple one, but without entrainment, a group of people doesn't w...

I am on medication again - the same medication that I was on all of last year that causes me to be depressed and VERY non-therapeutic. I hate being in a medical fog. The lesson learned, though, is a small inkling of what my clients go through on a regular basis. It is amazing how medication can affect everything that goes on around you. I wonder what happens in the perceptions of my kids when their medications are switched by their parents/guardians and the psychiatrist. They don't have much of a say in any of their medical decisions - one of the downsides of being underage. I now know a very small bit of how those medications affect the ability to relate with the outside world. I haven't been able to go far outside my house this week. The medical condition that I have requires pain medication, walking really slowly, and occasional spasms. The medication to "fix" this condition makes me feel dizzy, causes depression, and fits of crying. My rational brain knows tha...

I was sitting outside two group sessions today, listening to what was going on in music therapy as sessions were led by my interns, when, WHOOSH, my creative spark returned. I've been writing quite a bit about my recent lack of creativity, but I knew that it would return at some point. This flood of creativity was a bit surprising. I was expecting that there would be a gradual return. This was not gradual at all. It was more like a dam bursting and all the floodwaters sweeping through the spaces in my brain. I'm currently hoping that it wasn't a one-time thing, but I will enjoy it as it happens. So, what does a creative rush look like for me? Today it was the creation of three therapeutic music experiences (TMEs) - lyrics and some rhythms. Every kid that I heard, saw, or interacted with during the day sparked a new verse or a new song. Whew, kids were very vocal about lots of different things - "being fair," "being cranky," "people who bother ...

I am still updating my digital copies of CDs that I have stored around my home. I went through each album stored on my computer, and then started to go through the books and books of CDs that I have here. I am actually looking for one particular song, requested by one client (over and over and over again). I am pulling out CDs that I don't remember seeing in my music library. (I am going to go off on an iTunes rant now. If you are a fan of iThings, you may want to skip this paragraph as I am sure to offend you in my intense confusion and hatred of all iThings.) One of the things that drives me crazy about iTunes is that it often misnames the tracks on my CDs. Someone somewhere entered the playlist into the database wrong and it stays that way forever! I am not sure how to fix it, but it really puts a crimp in my music-searching skills! I do not remember having this problem with Windows Media, but maybe it was present there as well. I must say, iTunes does recognize more of my obs...

Yesterday was another music therapy moment. The same group of kids as the last one with several significant differences... One student was entirely out of control. He was showing signs and symptoms of tardive dyskinesia - strange facial expressions, uncontrollable behavior, physical twitches and tics, loud speech, and random comments. I asked if there had been any changes in his medication, and, yes indeed there had been. He was wild - not aggressive, but not able to focus on anything! This is the same kid who has been sitting with his head down when he feels that he is not getting what everyone else is getting. Everyone else was behaving in a typical way, but they couldn't really engage in a normal manner since this kid was so out of control. So, what to do? I went to my go-to elements of music, rhythm and tempo! The first song seemed to work in a mediocre manner, but the second was the one that changed the group dynamic. On Fridays, I do theme-based sessions that aren...

Yesterday, I was privileged to share in a music therapy moment. If you're a therapist, you know what I mean, one of those moments when everything clicks together and just works. Let me set the scene... This was the last group of the afternoon. There were ten kids with a variety of diagnoses and interests, two staff members, my intern, and myself in the room. This group of kids is extremely diverse - some kids speak, some do not, some kids are working on academic goals, some kids are working on preacademic goals. Their goals are to improve impulse control, engage in appropriate social interactions, and increase communication skill. It was mid-afternoon, and we started the session the way we usually do - with an opening song. Some kids sang, some sat, others just rocked during the opening song. I felt that what I had planned next wasn't quite right for us, so I changed my plan. I started with a strong alternate bass pattern on the guitar. I played the 12-bar blues progression...

Lately, I have been very much involved in the world of introverts. I have a friend who is a life coach specifically for introverts, several new communities of like-minded people, and an increased awareness of what it means to be introverted. It has been an interesting thing to contemplate. I am an introvert. Every scale that I have completed has shown that I am as far on the introversion side of the scale as you can actually get. It is a bit of a relief to know that I am not alone out there in the world! As I have been immersing myself in the world of introversion (it's a solitary journey, as we all prefer it!), I have found that many of the things that bother me and many of the things about me that bother other people are traits of the introverted tribe. It is completely normal for me to not want to go to social events, to get there and watch rather than jumping into social interaction with both feet, and to leave before the party really gets going. There are other people out ...

This wasn't a bad week. In fact, it was pretty interesting and quite intriguing. Music therapy sessions went well. I am in light schedule mode as I am organizing my last summer of individual sessions before the renovation. Next year, my plan for individual and small group sessions will be vanishing. There is a problem with being based in a closet that puts a crimp in doing individual therapy... anyway! This week we explored songwriting lyrics. I am trying out a session series with my older kids who need lower levels of support to complete activities of daily living. Last week, we improvised a simple summer song. We talked about the rules of improvisation (there are none) and then started. Groups were receptive and did everything that I asked - without protesting! This week we completed a fill-in-the-blank song about preferences and non-preferences. The song, I Like , is one that I composed a long time ago, and it lends itself well to song and phrase completion. Once students ha...