music, therapy, and me

It is halfway through the Online Conference for Music Therapy, and I am feeling like a failure as a music therapist. This happens every so often, and when this happens, it usually has to do with hearing what other music therapists are doing in their practices and then heading down into comparison canyon and then moving over to imposter syndrome island where I tend to wallow. It often leads me to wanting to do more for me and for my clients and then feeling like a failure because I am not doing the same things that others do.  I have to claw my way back into understanding my own successes as a music therapist and figure out what I want to contribute in my career and role as a professional music therapist. I am a natural music therapist. I have been singing since birth, and I love singing with others. My first instrument (other than voice) was the cornet - my father's cornet - and I played that at school because I was not allowed to take both band and choir for my electives due to ne...

I have nothing new to talk about. Nothing new to look forward to or to try or get going. I keep waking up early, resisting the opportunity to get up and out of bed, and I still don't want to get to work. I am wiped out...and, I just remembered that it is a 44 hour work week. I have to work a 12-hour day on Wednesday. I am not looking forward to that at all. So, I am stuck in a time loop - at least, that's how it feels - doomed to repeat the same day over and over again until something new happens, or something like that. It is pretty funny that this is how I am at the moment - complaining about how static things are right now - I get up, I go to work, I come home - when I have spent most of the past year complaining about how much change has happened in my work situation. Perhaps this is the result of cumulative stress on me at the moment. We were talking about trauma and one of my co-workers popped off with, "This won't cause a trauma unless you let it." I hearti...

I admit it. I am wallowing in a well of self-pity and self-doubt right now. I'm in my annual allergy sick time building up to the Online Conference for Music Therapy, and I am also not able to take all my allergy medications because I cannot afford to take a day off to get accustomed to the medication (it gets me every time!). There are stress-causing things happening at work with co-workers who are upset with me about choices that I make to support therapy and all that. There is a small percentage of students who are actively working at disrupting my sessions - and they are spread out over a bunch of different sessions so things are pretty disruptive at the moment, and I feel that things aren't going the way they need to be going. I'm not hearing any sort of encouragement from anyone right now, and it is hard to keep giving when there is no time for taking. I get stuck in these modes every so often, so it is not something that surprises me any more, but I am always hav...

My morning started very early and with horrible acid reflux that did not respond to my typical treatments. This seems to be more of the symptoms from the stomach/intestinal bug that swept through my facility all winter. I'm checking with my friend who had this not once, but twice this year, to see if my symptoms are the same as hers. If so, it will be a bit of a relief to know where this particular bug came from. I debated long and hard with myself today about taking the sick day or going into work. I haven't been to work for a long time since this illness has coincided with my Spring Break and has extended that time. I was looking forward to getting back to work and getting into my routine. I miss my clients and my co-workers. I miss the opportunity to be engaged in music therapy and am increasingly frustrated with the fact that I can't seem to spend more than 2 minutes without having to belch - singing is DEFINITELY out of the question! My middle schoolers would love to...