music, therapy, and me

And, here we are - FINALLY! The first day of my break. It stormed yesterday afternoon - lots of rain and thunder while a front rolled through the area. Rain came in bits and spurts but the thunder was pretty continuous there for a while. I am hoping that the storm will have decreased the heat and humidity, but I sincerely doubt that it did. Yeah - a quick look at my weather app shows that we have 88% humidity at the moment with a forecasted temperature of 91 (before the heat index kicks in). The storms did not help at all, but that's okay. It is what summer is like out here. I miss the dry heat of California. No more dwelling on that thought. Let's talk a bit more about what this break will be for me. I am going on an extended break because I am having another bowel resection on Monday. A part of my gut is growing things that it shouldn't, so it has to be removed. My mother is arriving tomorrow to help me out during my recovery. I have two days to get my house in order and ...

Well, I woke up later than usual (yay,me!), so this might be a quick post. "That client" had no negative responses yesterday. That's two sessions without screaming and huge tantrums requiring assistance to remain safe! Two sessions!! The heat hasn't broken but might today. Might. I have five sessions between me and the next break, and I am more than ready. I will have my room to myself today - the other two people who now share my space have taken today off. That means blissful, glorious silence during my rare non-session time. I think I am ready for the next steps in my medical journey. I have almost everything that I need already. I just have to go get a couple of last minute prep materials, and I'm all set. I am nervous, anxious, and just plain old tired.  On Monday, that step will be over, and all that will be left will be the recovery process. At least, let's hope that is the case. There is so much still unknown about what is going on with me. Five sessio...

The first post that I attempted to write today was bumming me out, so I decided to keep it as a draft and try to write something else. Just so you know, I am not looking forward to the next two days or the "break" activities that I have scheduled. That was the theme of the rejected post for this morning. I cannot dwell or my day will be pretty lousy. So, here is attempt #2 for this morning. I was thinking that I have not updated my budget information for a bit. I have paused the envelope system for the moment. This month is a bit screwy, so I decided not to get my usual allowance for my envelopes. I will update it as soon as my medical bills are paid off. I can get back to that system at any time. It did work for me, and I have a bit of tweaking to do, but the foundation was sound. In between my envelope pause and everything else happening in my life, I am finding it difficult to focus on just about anything. Things are uncertain and uncertainty is not something that I deal w...

Three days and sixteen sessions left before the end of the contract year, the end of the first summer session, and before my surgery. "That client" had another perfect session yesterday - not even a whimper and allowed me and peers to use materials without protest. That means that Wednesday's session will probably be a doozy, but I'll take it! The problem with having highly reactive clients is that the entire session is a tenterhooks situation for me. I am on edge the entire time "that client" is present - I cannot relax or drop my attention towards "that client." It is exhausting. I do not feel like we talk about the unintended situations and trauma that can come with being around specific client populations. It is not something that we often speak about in courses - being hurt by clients, being around clients who display aggressive or self-injurious behavior, being yelled at by clients. All of these situations are things that I work through on a ...

I have one week left before I am in surgery for a medical issue, one more week of summer session before the start of the new contract year, and six days until my mother arrives for her second visit of the summer. I spent this weekend doing absolutely nothing as the heat and humidity raged outside. In the next seven days, I have to clean my kitchen, get a rental car, prepare for surgery, finish my sub plans for work for the week I will be gone, and get ready for when I am able to return to work. I moved into the library room for the duration since it is so hot upstairs compared to downstairs. I am sleeping on the day bed which is surprisingly comfortable, but is a bit small for my body. The big bed in the music room next door is ready for my mom, so I am not sleeping in there. I will move back upstairs for surgery preparation and for my initial recovery period. My anxiety is pretty high right now. This is pretty typical for me with medical anything. I get nervous and then everything jus...

I went to sleep in a world where we weren't in a war. I woke up in a world where we are. I hate what is happening.