music, therapy, and me

After 30 summers of working an extended school year as a music therapist, I can tell you that the best part of having to work all summer is that my school has Fridays off! This was something that came from a need to keep school as part of the daily routine of our students and led to less time away from the classroom, but having three-day weekends all summer long has kept me going during the hot, humid, depressing summer months this entire time. This is my last three-day weekend during the summer. Next weekend will be my first time as a retiree. I am both ready and not ready at the same time. I feel like the Schrödinger's cat experiment is my life right now. My life is the cat in the box where there are possibilities that cannot be known, and people keep asking me for definitive answers about things. Answers that I cannot give because I don't know what the state of the cat is at any given moment. I wish I had more of a plan in place, but I am also needing to rest. I figure that ...

This is the last day of my work week, and it will hold the first "last" session of my current job. I found out yesterday that my first group on Thursdays will be going on a field trip next Thursday, so today is my last group with them. I am not sure if they know that they will be going on the field trip, so I can't really tell them that it is our last group, but I know that it is.  This is difficult. So far, three kids have cried and many more have asked me to stay. I cannot, but I am also feeling the guilt that people can dump onto you when you are choosing to leave a work situation. My facility is famous for trying to guilt people into feeling bad about their decisions to leave, so I have not been very vocal about my retirement plans unless asked.  One group of coworkers noticed that I attended a meeting yesterday afternoon without my work planner. I figured that there was no reason to take notes, so I left my notebook on my desk. I have no more meetings to sit through ...

It is time to finish this all up. I am ready to be on my way into my future, but I have to do the process of saying goodbye to clients and co-workers before I can get started. Kids are crying at the thought of my leaving. Co-workers are stopping me in the hallway to tell me that they will miss me. All of that is fine, but it is more attention than I am comfortable with. At my last job, they forgot that I was leaving on my last day and scrambled to get me some roses (which I am very allergic to) as a good luck token. I kinda prefer that type of departure to having to go through gifts and recognitions. Celebrating myself is not something I am comfortable with in groups of people. I just don't like it. I am steeped in nostalgia this week. I have spent lots of time thinking about old clients as I have been taking things out to my car. Remembering is a good exercise when you are shifting into a new reality, but it can also make it difficult to leave. I am retiring from my current job be...

It is difficult to wake up right now, so this is going to be a short post because I was up at midnight, did not get back to sleep, and now am wanting to get the sleep that I missed. My eyes are bleary, and my brain is not wanting to go to my hot music therapy space to clean, do therapy sessions, and clean some more. I am going to be "late" to work today - I can feel it. I have reached the "I don't care" stage of this termination process. This is not a good place to be, but it is happening now rather than a year ago, so that's good. Everything that is going on is temporary for me. Who cares about the clinical team meeting? Not me. Who cares about whether the thermometer gets fixed? Well, that is something that I care about at the moment, but I only have seven more days of work. I have ten days until I actually am finished. Having a deadline is making me feel frazzled as well as excited, but it is difficult to get up in the mornings. My Seasonal Affective Diso...

I did not make anything yesterday, but I did move my desk to a different orientation in my office/craft basement room. That has resulted in a huge mess, but it has also allowed me to see things and evaluate how things are arranged in my living space. It was worth the strain on my back to have a new orientation for my working space. I am almost finished with the transition. I still need to move things off the desk and into more permanent locations, but I am not finished figuring those places out. I have invested in lots of different types of storage options for all the different things that I have collected, so I am trying to figure out where these things will live from now on. The main problem that I have is that I have to remove things from places so I can fill those places back up with other stuff... As I move things, I often find inspiration in the form of notes or resources that I have collected and then not looked at for a time. I have old ideas that I want to develop further writ...

My home is full of stuff. Music Therapy stuff that I have collected, curated, and used over my career of 33 years as a music therapist. Thirty of those years were at a facility where I worked with school-aged clients in a residential and school setting, so I have lots of materials that are meant to spark the most uninterested of people into some sort of interaction. Add into that all the years of textbook purchases, intern training information, and several decades as a church musician, and I have lots of music and music therapy stuff around, and it is piling up. Right now, my focus is on getting things from work to home. I am almost finished with that process. Once everything is home, I will be ready to organize into my piles - give, sell, toss, and keep. Fortunately, once everything is home in two weeks, I will have all sorts of time to engage in organizing, but I am starting to do some of that right now. I am looking around my space and am trying to envision how I will need to access...