music, therapy, and me

Yesterday, I returned to my office and email after a week of sick time. Buried in my emails was a request from the district office for information about what I will be doing after I retire from my school based music therapy job at the end of June. I am not entirely sure how to respond because I really do not know what I will be doing from July 1 on. To be honest, these types of questions cause me so much angst that I just shut down when asked. I don't know what I am going to do. All I know is that I am going to spend some time just resting and getting my house in order before I go outside of my house to find some employment. I find it a bit funny that the district office (which has completely ignored me for 25 years) now wants to know a bit about me as I am skipping out the door. For now, though, I am starting to get nervous about not having a plan. My financial advisor says that I can take a couple of years without needing outside employment, but I have no idea how that is possibl...

Sorry for my recent absence from blogging - I have been sick and completely unmotivated to do much of anything. I think I am back. At the very least, I am feeling better than I did last week at this time, so I am up and running this morning. This year's pollen season has been rough on me, and my nurse visit two Saturdays ago was unhelpful for the thing that I am doing here, so it took an entire week before I was able to address what was happening with me. I am no longer coughing up green mucus, so I think I am getting better. This is how it happens for me. I start off with a pollen reaction that ends up in bronchitis, fevers, and other responses. This happens about every three years here where I live, and I am a bit giddy with the possibility that it will not be happening next year (don't get too excited, KB. I still need to see if I can afford to move...). I am tired this morning. My sleep schedule has been messed up over the past week so it has been hard to get up and get goi...

One of the benefits of ripping my CD collection onto my computer is that I have the opportunity to dive back into the music that I have used over my career so far and the music that I have acquired that I love. I am currently working on one of my soundtrack cases - I have a couple of these - and I am reminded of why I purchased specific songs for specific reasons as I look over my collection. I have been taunted lately by a younger colleague (not at work, but a music therapist) for still having my CD collection. I admit, it is easy to stream music these days, but I still enjoy having the music available to hold. There is something more personal with CDs and records and cassettes. The convenience of streaming is wonderful until the wi-fi goes down, and then you feel pretty silly because you do not have alternatives. I will NEVER give up my CD collection!! I love it too much!! So, call me old-fashioned or anachronistic, if you must, but I will continue to use my CDs. I am just going to c...

It continues.  The relentless allergy response is still going on. I am hoping that the rains that are here for the next several days will wash that pollen right out of my air, but who knows if it will help or hurt my particular brand of allergies. It is morphing (of course) into more breathing issues and skin itching, so that's just kinda par for the course. I did not sleep well last night either - no particular reason, just didn't feel like sleeping at my usual time. That made getting up this morning more difficult for some reason. I do not want to go to work today. My suitemates are leaving this week, and the first leaving is happening today. I am also tired, dizzy, and not interested in doing music with my clients today. I will drag myself to work to say goodbye and to do music with a bunch of clients. I find that it is easier to be leaving than it is being left. I think this informs my grief process and makes grieving something to dread. Somehow, with my suitemates leaving ...

It is amazing how Tuesday happens about every seven days. I am not happy about today. I still feel horrible, and there is really nothing more I can do about it. Darn trees making pollen as well as oxygen. I guess it is an okay swap - I need oxygen but it is pretty ironic that the same thing that makes that life-essential gas is what causes my airways to become irritated and swollen. Urgh. I am doing some low energy TMEs this week - Instrument JINGO and watching videos for my "not interested in games" folks. I am propping myself in my chair and just letting things happen around me. Of course, this is the week where none of the support staff are who I am expecting to arrive, so I am having to do more on-the-job training than usual. I was coughing last night so my mom made me promise to put Vicks on my feet. I did, and slept hard last night. I will continue to do this as long as the cough lasts. I am hoping that our upcoming weather change will wash away all the pollen and relea...

Trees are putting out pollen in my corner of the world, so I am not feeling well at all. Runny nose, hoarse voice, stuffy head, strange cough - you name it, I have it right now. I am pretty miserable, but off to work I go. I don't want to go. I don't want to sing to others today, I just want to sleep, but I have to get going. Fortunately, I have plans for this sort of thing. This week's plan is to use Audacity a bit, but I might just abandon all of that in favor of videos on the Promethean board or karaoke with the microphones. Or instrument JINGO (yep, you heard that right - JINGO) - things that help me run groups without having to be very musical. I always feel like this type of session is a cop out, but I also need to have these contingency plans for the weeks where I am out of commission due to the allergens present where I live. I am miserable, and making music on top of the symptoms of hay fever is not good for me or for my kids. There are times when self-care has to ...