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Friday - This Has Been a Week...

I had a couple of rage moments yesterday at work. They were not pretty, and one of my suitemates came over and shoved some chocolate under my nose to placate me. It helped a bit, but I was still very angry at the situations and people involved. This has been a long week. It started with a day off where I got many things done. For some reason, Monday days off make the rest of the work week go poorly. In addition, we had to work 11 hours on Wednesday to make up time in our contracted hours. So, we ended up working a 36 hour week rather than a 40 hour week. The extended hours meant that I had to take my pain medication later than usual so I ended up being very tired yesterday morning which did not help my disposition. All sorts of things just culminated in a temper tantrum yesterday afternoon. I am a bit ashamed about this, but I am also reaching the end of my patience. People are shouting out comments about my retirement in the hallway when I am not ready to share that with the general p...
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Lent - As a Lapsed Church-Goer

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Apparently, today is Ash Wednesday. This used to be a big deal when I was a church music director, but it is just another day for me now. In fact, I just figured out that it is actually the beginning of Lent. I have been blissfully unaware of the church calendar for the last two years, and I have found that I really don't miss the work, and I REALLY don't miss the people who tried to make me do their jobs without proper payment. There you go. As I remember the things about my spiritual practice that I loved, I find that most of what I miss is the rituals present in that practice. I had never had my forehead crossed before I started working at the church that I was part of for 26 years. I loved the ritual, the comfort of the same words through nine pastors, and the ability to share music in those spaces and times. It was something that indicated the busiest part of my liturgical year, but it was also the most meaningful. I am still angry about how things ended at that job, but I...
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Feeling Accomplished... Except...

I am supposed to have a list of questions for my current supervisor to ask interviewees along with key phrases for him to listen for. I have been struggling with this because I honestly don't know what would be meaningful for him to know about candidates. The questions I would ask as a therapist are very different from the ones that a principal would ask. I really am feeling very reluctant about being part of this process because I was interviewed by the person I was replacing, and it was not an interview at all - it was them telling me how to do things. I didn't do any of the same things when I started - it was complicated, but I was doing two jobs for the facility at that point so things had to change. I do want to meet the candidates, but I want to be the person who gets to show them what we already have in place rather than being the one who asks questions. I don't want to end up being a scapegoat if things do not work out with the person selected. A cruise of AI-genera...
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Long Weekend - Day 3

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I did quite a bit yesterday - not all of it was good, but I got lots done. It is time to start the last day of this long weekend on a good note and just get it all done. Tomorrow, it is back to the grind, but today is just for me to do what I need to do around here. The dishwasher is still clogged. It got worse when I tried to "fix" it, so I will need to call someone else in to fix things up. I will do that around 8am when the business opens to see if they can come in today. If not, I'm not sure what I will do - perhaps they can come tomorrow after I am finished with work. I hope I can get things to work pretty soon because I am just not able to continue with things the way they are. Blech! I need to get to cooking up some food for my next several days at work and here at home. I'm trying some new nutritional programs, so I have to get going to keep up the momentum. I am navigating the things that I cannot eat versus the things that I will not eat (there are LOTS of t...
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Planning Day

Today is the 15th - a day when I try to figure out what is next for my website and my business. I don't always sit down and brainstorm, but I am feeling it today, so it is time to dream and plan and set my quests for this next month. I also have a grocery order to pick up, library books to return, and an OCMT board meeting to do today. I also have dishes, a dishwasher to try to unclog, and a shower to take. Lots to do, but I want to spend some time with my business binder, writing down ideas during my process. It has been a good weekend so far. It rained yesterday, so I laid in bed for a lazy morning. I spent some time organizing some of the spaces in my room down here, and then read a book. Today, though, has to be something different. It is my goal to get my living room ready for the vacuum as I am doing a baking soda/vinegar unclogging attempt for the dishwasher. Oh, I also set my intention for #The100DayProject for 2026. I am going on a no-spend crafting spree - the only thing ...
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I Can See a Long Weekend from Here

Two groups, bus duty, and lots of cleaning between me and a long weekend of cleaning here at home. Today is payday which is helpful since I was scraping the bottom of the money barrel this month. January was a bit more expensive than I thought it would be. Back to my budget, I guess. My anxiety dreams continue, but this one was a bit better than the one on Tuesday. This morning's edition was about a competition where I had to find something out before two guys, and I was flailing about without knowing what they were doing. I don't have to guess where that theme came from. I have to come up with questions to ask potential replacements for my principal, and I'm not sure what to suggest. How do you send questions about music therapy to a non-music therapist to screen candidates for the job that you have? While I appreciate the trust, I am concerned about being part of the conversations. It's just weird to be part of the interview to find a replacement. I woke up to find th...
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The Support of Others

I am not the only one struggling with things and client issues right now. This is really good to hear because it is easy to get so inwardly focused that you start to internalize thoughts like "I am such a failure at this job" and "Maybe I can no longer do this job." It is important to find out whether issues in the therapy room are solely related to me as a therapist or if it may be the clients. Sometimes, it is both, but often it is not entirely me. That's the case right now. We have a monthly meeting of the "specials" pod teachers and therapists. It is a chance to communicate with one another and talk. We all are struggling with the same clients which is heartening. It means that these groups are struggling rather than me being a horrible music therapist at the moment. So, hearing that the art therapist, the adaptive physical education teacher, the agriculture teacher, the speech-language pathologist, the occupational therapy assistants, AND the voca...
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