music, therapy, and me

My apologies for not writing more this week. The urge was there, but the rants were just ongoing, and I felt that I did not need to express my angst and challenges in this forum. Blech. In the past five days, we have had tornadoes close to work, large hail that damaged work vehicles, lots of rain leading to flooding, branches down, kids in safety shelter past their bedtimes twice, crabbiness from everyone when asked to do basic tasks like sitting in a chair. Personally, I am still not feeling well - I feel better, but not well. I have not been able to get myself going or find any motivation to get anything finished. To top it all off, my gardeners broke my sliding glass door last night, so now I have to figure out how to navigate repairs. They will be paying to replace the door since they broke it. I feel bad that it will cost them so much money, but at the same time, I don't have money for something someone else broke. The best thing is that it just broke the outside panel so my h...

Yesterday, I returned to my office and email after a week of sick time. Buried in my emails was a request from the district office for information about what I will be doing after I retire from my school based music therapy job at the end of June. I am not entirely sure how to respond because I really do not know what I will be doing from July 1 on. To be honest, these types of questions cause me so much angst that I just shut down when asked. I don't know what I am going to do. All I know is that I am going to spend some time just resting and getting my house in order before I go outside of my house to find some employment. I find it a bit funny that the district office (which has completely ignored me for 25 years) now wants to know a bit about me as I am skipping out the door. For now, though, I am starting to get nervous about not having a plan. My financial advisor says that I can take a couple of years without needing outside employment, but I have no idea how that is possibl...

Sorry for my recent absence from blogging - I have been sick and completely unmotivated to do much of anything. I think I am back. At the very least, I am feeling better than I did last week at this time, so I am up and running this morning. This year's pollen season has been rough on me, and my nurse visit two Saturdays ago was unhelpful for the thing that I am doing here, so it took an entire week before I was able to address what was happening with me. I am no longer coughing up green mucus, so I think I am getting better. This is how it happens for me. I start off with a pollen reaction that ends up in bronchitis, fevers, and other responses. This happens about every three years here where I live, and I am a bit giddy with the possibility that it will not be happening next year (don't get too excited, KB. I still need to see if I can afford to move...). I am tired this morning. My sleep schedule has been messed up over the past week so it has been hard to get up and get goi...

One of the benefits of ripping my CD collection onto my computer is that I have the opportunity to dive back into the music that I have used over my career so far and the music that I have acquired that I love. I am currently working on one of my soundtrack cases - I have a couple of these - and I am reminded of why I purchased specific songs for specific reasons as I look over my collection. I have been taunted lately by a younger colleague (not at work, but a music therapist) for still having my CD collection. I admit, it is easy to stream music these days, but I still enjoy having the music available to hold. There is something more personal with CDs and records and cassettes. The convenience of streaming is wonderful until the wi-fi goes down, and then you feel pretty silly because you do not have alternatives. I will NEVER give up my CD collection!! I love it too much!! So, call me old-fashioned or anachronistic, if you must, but I will continue to use my CDs. I am just going to c...

It continues.  The relentless allergy response is still going on. I am hoping that the rains that are here for the next several days will wash that pollen right out of my air, but who knows if it will help or hurt my particular brand of allergies. It is morphing (of course) into more breathing issues and skin itching, so that's just kinda par for the course. I did not sleep well last night either - no particular reason, just didn't feel like sleeping at my usual time. That made getting up this morning more difficult for some reason. I do not want to go to work today. My suitemates are leaving this week, and the first leaving is happening today. I am also tired, dizzy, and not interested in doing music with my clients today. I will drag myself to work to say goodbye and to do music with a bunch of clients. I find that it is easier to be leaving than it is being left. I think this informs my grief process and makes grieving something to dread. Somehow, with my suitemates leaving ...

It is amazing how Tuesday happens about every seven days. I am not happy about today. I still feel horrible, and there is really nothing more I can do about it. Darn trees making pollen as well as oxygen. I guess it is an okay swap - I need oxygen but it is pretty ironic that the same thing that makes that life-essential gas is what causes my airways to become irritated and swollen. Urgh. I am doing some low energy TMEs this week - Instrument JINGO and watching videos for my "not interested in games" folks. I am propping myself in my chair and just letting things happen around me. Of course, this is the week where none of the support staff are who I am expecting to arrive, so I am having to do more on-the-job training than usual. I was coughing last night so my mom made me promise to put Vicks on my feet. I did, and slept hard last night. I will continue to do this as long as the cough lasts. I am hoping that our upcoming weather change will wash away all the pollen and relea...