music, therapy, and me

This is the first day of the last week at my current job. On Thursday, I will turn in my keys and head out into the world of uncertainty known as my first retirement. It is currently raining outside with rumors of severe storms on the way. I have tickets to see Disclosure Day  this morning, and I am hoping that the storm activity will not lead us to huddle in the lobby like I had to do during Avengers: Endgame . That was an interesting evening that ended up in a Tornado warning that wiped out houses and trees about a mile away from the theater.  Last night, I was unable to sleep, so I sat down and worked in my home planner/journal thing. It is hard to describe exactly what that book is to me, but it is where I keep track of all the things that I want to keep track of. Since the day of retiring is rapidly approaching, I am getting ready for what life will look like next week at this time. A couple of weeks ago, I set up the pages for the rest of the year. The planner will last ...

I am one exhausted introvert this morning. I spent four hours last night in the company of crafters and scrapbookers. It is always a good time that leads me to doing all sorts of creative things, but it is also tiring. I engaged in small talk conversation with a couple of other people last evening. The craft store owner seems to be an extravert, so she stops by everyone's table to comment on what we were doing. She complimented my coloring last evening. I find that particular type of interaction to be a bit fake, but it tickled my funny bone. I only lasted four hours, but I am heading back in about an hour to do some more stuff. I have the innards of several books ready to be put into currently nonexistent covers. I will take some floss and my bookbinding kit and the pieces that I need to make books for the signatures I put together. I looked for some inspiration for themes for the signatures that I put together, but I didn't find any. I will search a bit more here at home. I h...

After 30 summers of working an extended school year as a music therapist, I can tell you that the best part of having to work all summer is that my school has Fridays off! This was something that came from a need to keep school as part of the daily routine of our students and led to less time away from the classroom, but having three-day weekends all summer long has kept me going during the hot, humid, depressing summer months this entire time. This is my last three-day weekend during the summer. Next weekend will be my first time as a retiree. I am both ready and not ready at the same time. I feel like the Schrödinger's cat experiment is my life right now. My life is the cat in the box where there are possibilities that cannot be known, and people keep asking me for definitive answers about things. Answers that I cannot give because I don't know what the state of the cat is at any given moment. I wish I had more of a plan in place, but I am also needing to rest. I figure that ...

This is the last day of my work week, and it will hold the first "last" session of my current job. I found out yesterday that my first group on Thursdays will be going on a field trip next Thursday, so today is my last group with them. I am not sure if they know that they will be going on the field trip, so I can't really tell them that it is our last group, but I know that it is.  This is difficult. So far, three kids have cried and many more have asked me to stay. I cannot, but I am also feeling the guilt that people can dump onto you when you are choosing to leave a work situation. My facility is famous for trying to guilt people into feeling bad about their decisions to leave, so I have not been very vocal about my retirement plans unless asked.  One group of coworkers noticed that I attended a meeting yesterday afternoon without my work planner. I figured that there was no reason to take notes, so I left my notebook on my desk. I have no more meetings to sit through ...

It is time to finish this all up. I am ready to be on my way into my future, but I have to do the process of saying goodbye to clients and co-workers before I can get started. Kids are crying at the thought of my leaving. Co-workers are stopping me in the hallway to tell me that they will miss me. All of that is fine, but it is more attention than I am comfortable with. At my last job, they forgot that I was leaving on my last day and scrambled to get me some roses (which I am very allergic to) as a good luck token. I kinda prefer that type of departure to having to go through gifts and recognitions. Celebrating myself is not something I am comfortable with in groups of people. I just don't like it. I am steeped in nostalgia this week. I have spent lots of time thinking about old clients as I have been taking things out to my car. Remembering is a good exercise when you are shifting into a new reality, but it can also make it difficult to leave. I am retiring from my current job be...

It is difficult to wake up right now, so this is going to be a short post because I was up at midnight, did not get back to sleep, and now am wanting to get the sleep that I missed. My eyes are bleary, and my brain is not wanting to go to my hot music therapy space to clean, do therapy sessions, and clean some more. I am going to be "late" to work today - I can feel it. I have reached the "I don't care" stage of this termination process. This is not a good place to be, but it is happening now rather than a year ago, so that's good. Everything that is going on is temporary for me. Who cares about the clinical team meeting? Not me. Who cares about whether the thermometer gets fixed? Well, that is something that I care about at the moment, but I only have seven more days of work. I have ten days until I actually am finished. Having a deadline is making me feel frazzled as well as excited, but it is difficult to get up in the mornings. My Seasonal Affective Diso...