music, therapy, and me

Today is my second to last day at work. So far, I have been given a homemade tote bag, a Michael's gift card, a t-shirt with the words to one of my goodbye songs, and a treble clef keychain. I have been giving out hugs this week since it is the last time I will see so many people. I am almost finished with my toting things home (I have to empty the car before I head out this morning), and the name of the therapist coming in is not the name that I've been preparing my students for during our termination talks. Oops, but that's what happens when information is not widely shared. Oh well... I have six sessions today and five tomorrow before I am officially done. I will be leaving my keys with the administrative assistant before coming home from work for the last time. It is bittersweet to be at this point in my life, but I am going to do my best to navigate my situation from a strong position on what I want from life and how I want to get to that level of existence. For now, t...

Hello, depression, my old nemesis. I see you've brought with you a double dose of allergy symptoms, just in time for a week of tears. I am significantly under normal when it comes to my temperature, and my head aches. I am not sure how much of this is due to leaving my job, my summertime blues, and/or the allergens present in the air. So much humidity tends to gunk up my lungs which makes breathing a challenge. So much happening right now that it is a bit surreal. Four more days. That's all. It is strange to think that I will not be going to work next week. I will no longer have a workplace. I will no longer be employed. My identity changes from fully employed music therapist to self-employed music therapist in four days. Boof. I have been experiencing anticipatory grief all year. This has been the plan for a couple of years now, but now it is here. I have one last session today and three tomorrow. After that, all sessions are last sessions. I am tired of telling people that my...

This is the first day of the last week at my current job. On Thursday, I will turn in my keys and head out into the world of uncertainty known as my first retirement. It is currently raining outside with rumors of severe storms on the way. I have tickets to see Disclosure Day  this morning, and I am hoping that the storm activity will not lead us to huddle in the lobby like I had to do during Avengers: Endgame . That was an interesting evening that ended up in a Tornado warning that wiped out houses and trees about a mile away from the theater.  Last night, I was unable to sleep, so I sat down and worked in my home planner/journal thing. It is hard to describe exactly what that book is to me, but it is where I keep track of all the things that I want to keep track of. Since the day of retiring is rapidly approaching, I am getting ready for what life will look like next week at this time. A couple of weeks ago, I set up the pages for the rest of the year. The planner will last ...

I am one exhausted introvert this morning. I spent four hours last night in the company of crafters and scrapbookers. It is always a good time that leads me to doing all sorts of creative things, but it is also tiring. I engaged in small talk conversation with a couple of other people last evening. The craft store owner seems to be an extravert, so she stops by everyone's table to comment on what we were doing. She complimented my coloring last evening. I find that particular type of interaction to be a bit fake, but it tickled my funny bone. I only lasted four hours, but I am heading back in about an hour to do some more stuff. I have the innards of several books ready to be put into currently nonexistent covers. I will take some floss and my bookbinding kit and the pieces that I need to make books for the signatures I put together. I looked for some inspiration for themes for the signatures that I put together, but I didn't find any. I will search a bit more here at home. I h...

After 30 summers of working an extended school year as a music therapist, I can tell you that the best part of having to work all summer is that my school has Fridays off! This was something that came from a need to keep school as part of the daily routine of our students and led to less time away from the classroom, but having three-day weekends all summer long has kept me going during the hot, humid, depressing summer months this entire time. This is my last three-day weekend during the summer. Next weekend will be my first time as a retiree. I am both ready and not ready at the same time. I feel like the Schrödinger's cat experiment is my life right now. My life is the cat in the box where there are possibilities that cannot be known, and people keep asking me for definitive answers about things. Answers that I cannot give because I don't know what the state of the cat is at any given moment. I wish I had more of a plan in place, but I am also needing to rest. I figure that ...

This is the last day of my work week, and it will hold the first "last" session of my current job. I found out yesterday that my first group on Thursdays will be going on a field trip next Thursday, so today is my last group with them. I am not sure if they know that they will be going on the field trip, so I can't really tell them that it is our last group, but I know that it is.  This is difficult. So far, three kids have cried and many more have asked me to stay. I cannot, but I am also feeling the guilt that people can dump onto you when you are choosing to leave a work situation. My facility is famous for trying to guilt people into feeling bad about their decisions to leave, so I have not been very vocal about my retirement plans unless asked.  One group of coworkers noticed that I attended a meeting yesterday afternoon without my work planner. I figured that there was no reason to take notes, so I left my notebook on my desk. I have no more meetings to sit through ...