music, therapy, and me

So, I am in a season of change and metamorphosis. There is just no real way to define how I am feeling at this moment because it changes from moment to moment. As a result of the emotional rollercoaster that I am currently on, I am feeling the need for structure and boundaries and routines. So, I am going to be structuring my blogging a bit more than I have recently. Sundays will be for music sharing, thoughts, and therapeutic music experience development using songs that others have composed as well as shared with the world. The problem with this type of blog post is that I am often unsure what songs to use in posts like this. I try to select something that would work with a variety of populations, and I will strive to continue to highlight how you could use these pieces of music with everyone that you do music therapy with during your week of sessions. If you read this blog regularly (and I know that some of you do), then you know that I like having structure and templates are my thi...

I am exhausted. If you don't know (because you're new to this blog), I finished my job of 30 years two days ago, and I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything that has happened in the past 72 hours. I was hugged by more people than usual, including the maintenance guy, on Thursday when I was saying goodbye to my clients and coworkers. For someone who does not hug much, it was lots for my body to endure, but hugs were important for others, so I did it! Yesterday, I was wide awake at 2am, and I could not get back to sleep. I have been having trouble both getting to sleep at night and sleeping for my usual 7 hours. Wide awake at 2am meant that I started to panic about everything that I have left behind and not knowing what is coming in the future. Ugh. I ended up going through a webinar and signing up for a continuing education business course by 5:30am. I also put together almost all of my information for the adolescent conference in August so I can submit the CBMT proposal an...

This is it. Today is the last time I commute 52 miles one way for a job that I have both loved and hated over the past 30 years. I have a handful of things to take with me this afternoon after I finish my last round of documentation and get my keys turned into the administrative assistant. I will be finished with this job in less than 10 hours from now, and I am terrified! I am in panic mode right now. I've quit my job, and I don't know what I will be doing as of tomorrow. I don't know if I will be able to do what I want with the money from my pension. In between panic slips (not attacks, but just moments of sheer terror), I am still doing music therapy groups. I am having to say goodbye to everyone who walks in, and that is rough for all of us. I have received several "I know you didn't want a gift, but..." gifts. Things that I will use and enjoy from now on. One last commute. Four more groups. Notes. Taking down my greeting pictures and getting my kleenex ho...

Today is my second to last day at work. So far, I have been given a homemade tote bag, a Michael's gift card, a t-shirt with the words to one of my goodbye songs, and a treble clef keychain. I have been giving out hugs this week since it is the last time I will see so many people. I am almost finished with my toting things home (I have to empty the car before I head out this morning), and the name of the therapist coming in is not the name that I've been preparing my students for during our termination talks. Oops, but that's what happens when information is not widely shared. Oh well... I have six sessions today and five tomorrow before I am officially done. I will be leaving my keys with the administrative assistant before coming home from work for the last time. It is bittersweet to be at this point in my life, but I am going to do my best to navigate my situation from a strong position on what I want from life and how I want to get to that level of existence. For now, t...

Hello, depression, my old nemesis. I see you've brought with you a double dose of allergy symptoms, just in time for a week of tears. I am significantly under normal when it comes to my temperature, and my head aches. I am not sure how much of this is due to leaving my job, my summertime blues, and/or the allergens present in the air. So much humidity tends to gunk up my lungs which makes breathing a challenge. So much happening right now that it is a bit surreal. Four more days. That's all. It is strange to think that I will not be going to work next week. I will no longer have a workplace. I will no longer be employed. My identity changes from fully employed music therapist to self-employed music therapist in four days. Boof. I have been experiencing anticipatory grief all year. This has been the plan for a couple of years now, but now it is here. I have one last session today and three tomorrow. After that, all sessions are last sessions. I am tired of telling people that my...

This is the first day of the last week at my current job. On Thursday, I will turn in my keys and head out into the world of uncertainty known as my first retirement. It is currently raining outside with rumors of severe storms on the way. I have tickets to see Disclosure Day  this morning, and I am hoping that the storm activity will not lead us to huddle in the lobby like I had to do during Avengers: Endgame . That was an interesting evening that ended up in a Tornado warning that wiped out houses and trees about a mile away from the theater.  Last night, I was unable to sleep, so I sat down and worked in my home planner/journal thing. It is hard to describe exactly what that book is to me, but it is where I keep track of all the things that I want to keep track of. Since the day of retiring is rapidly approaching, I am getting ready for what life will look like next week at this time. A couple of weeks ago, I set up the pages for the rest of the year. The planner will last ...