music, therapy, and me

Two groups, bus duty, and lots of cleaning between me and a long weekend of cleaning here at home. Today is payday which is helpful since I was scraping the bottom of the money barrel this month. January was a bit more expensive than I thought it would be. Back to my budget, I guess. My anxiety dreams continue, but this one was a bit better than the one on Tuesday. This morning's edition was about a competition where I had to find something out before two guys, and I was flailing about without knowing what they were doing. I don't have to guess where that theme came from. I have to come up with questions to ask potential replacements for my principal, and I'm not sure what to suggest. How do you send questions about music therapy to a non-music therapist to screen candidates for the job that you have? While I appreciate the trust, I am concerned about being part of the conversations. It's just weird to be part of the interview to find a replacement. I woke up to find th...

I am not the only one struggling with things and client issues right now. This is really good to hear because it is easy to get so inwardly focused that you start to internalize thoughts like "I am such a failure at this job" and "Maybe I can no longer do this job." It is important to find out whether issues in the therapy room are solely related to me as a therapist or if it may be the clients. Sometimes, it is both, but often it is not entirely me. That's the case right now. We have a monthly meeting of the "specials" pod teachers and therapists. It is a chance to communicate with one another and talk. We all are struggling with the same clients which is heartening. It means that these groups are struggling rather than me being a horrible music therapist at the moment. So, hearing that the art therapist, the adaptive physical education teacher, the agriculture teacher, the speech-language pathologist, the occupational therapy assistants, AND the voca...

Was yesterday a strange day for anyone else? Everyone in my life seemed to be having a strange day - weird dreams, strange feelings, all that stuff. Hearing that coming from others made my strange day feel a bit better. At least I wasn't alone in all of my stuff. There is safety in numbers, my friends! Today is starting off a little bit better. I had reflux last night and did not sleep well. I managed to get back to sleep around midnight until about 2am, but I did not allow myself to try to doze after that. I don't need more anxiety dreams happening - those are EXHAUSTING! So, I am heading into my job with less sleep than I would like, the remains of the reflux happening, and the effects of two nights of difficult sleep.  At least this next weekend is a three-day one. Unfortunately, it is a Monday off which I do not like at all, but it is another day off. I hope that I will do some resting, but I doubt it. Monday was so promising this week - I wonder why Tuesday and today are s...

I have entered a time when my life is feeling strange. I know, what else is new, but this is very strange for me. I saw the job announcement for my current position on my personal email account this morning. Now, I am happy that I am able to retire from this position, but it is strange to have LinkedIn recommend that I apply for the job that I currently hold. I think my principal may try really hard to get me into the interview process - something that I do NOT want to do - I want to show them the quirks and benefits of the job without having ANY say into who is hired. He showed me a resume yesterday that I glanced at but did not look deeply into. I realized that I really need to neaten up my work area if we are already arranging interviews. I have left jobs before, and I usually try to have a closing time and date. I have also been fired from jobs before, and those situations cling to me for many years. I dwell on choices, especially when they are not my choices. It is never a good th...

Today is Monday, February 9, 2026, and the Online Conference for Music Therapy 2026 is over! This is a really good thing because it means that I have little to do but my own stuff for the rest of the month. There is very little that feels better than having a large project completed, and this is that feeling. I am tired, but that is my usual state these days, so I really can't pin my exhaustion on OCMT - it's just me! My sister has the day off today, but I do not. We both have next Monday off which will be nice. I won't be doing anything special next Monday, but I will not have to go to work, so there's that! I do have to get going and get things happening at work today. I am not sure what we are going to do this week, but I will come up with something. I am having to rethink what I do with my groups because they have become less coherent than they used to be. I used to be able to plan one session for each of my four different types of groups, but I can't do that ri...

It is almost time. In 11 hours and 15 minutes, the 16th Online Conference for Music Therapy will start, and it will be a 24 hour, international experience where we discuss music therapy all over the world. This is a labor of love for me - one that I got into completely by accident but that I continue because I enjoy it so much. I am doing less of the actual conference work than I ever have before. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. I will only be the primary moderator for one session - at the very end. I am the second moderator for four sessions. Gone are the days when I had to be at every session - thank goodness! I work lots behind the scenes of the conference, so having a bit of a break from being on camera is a very good thing for me. It allows me to respond to the countless emails about "I didn't know that the conference started at my time," and "where are the links to the conference" emails that I am bombarded with during the conference itself. The...