music, therapy, and me

I am sitting here, waiting until it is time to leave my home for the hour-long drive to my place of full-time work. I am not sure how many clients will be present for the sessions that we have scheduled due to another COVID-19 outbreak and the rapid nature of kids who are getting sick. I know that my only individual session will not be happening, and it will be interesting to see who is missing from group sessions today. We had an all-staff meeting on Thursday or Friday - I can't remember right now which day it was - to talk about the fact that we are still at "business as usual" stage right now. My school district has decided that masks are optional. My facility has decided that masks are mandatory. We have to follow school district mandates rather than our facility mandates. I have not stopped wearing my mask because I do not want this virus at all. I asked for some information on when we were going to shift from in-person teaching to some other format. What are the cri...

Well, yesterday we had a "this is the way it is" talk at work. We have these about every 5-10 years and have ranged from "Hey, welcome to the last day before Winter Break - by the way, we might not be open on New Years. Merry Christmas!" to yesterday's greatest hit, "We may not be able to sustain our numbers with the level of funding that we have now, so some of you may not be working here in July." Sigh. I am currently experiencing an anxiety attack about all the things that are in my head right now - hence, the last afternoon blog post - an attempt to get this out of my head and into the ether of the internet in a way that is archived for all eternity but that allows me to purge my thoughts and try to settle. I got sick again on Sunday - not anything COVID-ish, but lots of my typical gastrointestinal stuff. I wasn't able to sleep very well in between issues and attacks, but things started earlier on Sunday than it did last Sunday. I was a...

I am not in control - that is obvious to everyone BUT me! Yesterday was our "here's what we're going to do" meeting at work. We are now considered "essential healthcare workers" and will be continuing business much like usual. There will be some differences - they are trying to figure out how we will be doing planning at home and about a third of our clients will not be attending school services at all in this time frame, but the rest of it is just as usual. Except - our schedules are being changed by people who have no idea how music therapy works.  Except - my intern is no longer allowed on the grounds because she is a volunteer. Except - no can seem to make a decision about ANYTHING that lasts longer than an hour. Except - I now have to have my work email on my personal phone which is something I REALLY do NOT want to do. I am trying, just like everyone else that I know right now, to make sense out of what our jobs look like now. I will be...

My school district has closed for the next week for sure and probably for the rest of the school year - well, at least if the governor has anything to say about it. My administrator sent out a copy of an email "sent to all USD staff" (not sent to my email address) that states that we will be extending our break for another week as we come up with a plan. Our school, being a public, special purpose school housed in a residential treatment facility, will not match any of the decisions made by the superintendent. So, I'm not sure if I'll be trying to do teletherapy with my groups or just stay at home. I don't know if I'll have a salary for the next two months or not. I don't think I'll be paid by the church since the church is closed and I'll not be needed during this time. I only have two more months with that paycheck anyway, but every little bit will help these days. Uh-oh. I'm starting to spiral.  Here's what I know for sure. There i...

I don't know about you, but there is so much happening right now that I can't really seem to keep up. My church job has been canceled for this week, my school is on Spring Break and we haven't heard what's next, my big step outside my comfort zone was canceled, and my medical procedure yesterday was postponed - AFTER I DID ALL THE PREPARATION! I am in a state of feeling sorry for myself and then shame spiraling because I have it pretty good these days and then my "shoulda" goblin comes out to play. His name is "Ishoulda." My internal critic comes out to play. "You SHOULD be contributing something big to the world of music therapy right now." "You SHOULD be creating good music." "You SHOULDN'T be sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself because you have things pretty good these days." "You SHOULDN'T be stressing about not knowing what is going on." "You SHOULD remember that you aren't as b...

Today is the day we start our Extended School Year (ESY). We have four weeks of school before another week off and then three weeks to finish up the rest of ESY. It is also the day we start our new schedules including three new groups and new start/stop times. Of all the administrative tasks that music therapists face, I think that scheduling is one of the most difficult. I'm lucky. I only have to schedule for me. Some of my friends have to schedule many therapists. I think I would like to have that sort of challenge because scheduling is a puzzle for me. It is a very large logic puzzle, and I enjoy those types of challenges. Of course, I haven't had to coordinate the schedules of more than three therapists at once, so facing scheduling for many more therapists may not be as much fun, but I am thrilled by the idea of the challenge. Scheduling fulfills several of the things that I enjoy in life. I get to color-code things (so I can see different aspects easily). It is a puzz...