music, therapy, and me

I am thankful that this week is almost over. Not because of any one thing happening, but just because I need some time away from holding the anger of clients who will not be celebrating holidays with people that they love. I need some time to shed the despair of children who do not understand why they can't go home when they want to go home. I also need to rest up for the sessions next week and the continuation of all of these feelings for the next month. There is something humbling when you realize that you are a safe space for big emotions. I had this realization yesterday when a client became very angry because I turned down the amplifier that was starting to crackle. This client requires very little to get angry, and the anger turns into disruption and aggression really quickly. This is the second week in a row that I was the reason for an emotional outburst while in music therapy. I finally had the thought that music therapy is a safe space to express emotion, and that helped ...

The view from my sister's school. It is that time of year. It is time for me to start thinking about the past year and how I want to change things in the upcoming year. The fact that this year (in my opinion) starts a new decade of my life and development is starting to weigh heavily on my thoughts about who I am and what I want to do and where I want to go. So...here it is...my review of 2019. Most of this year was a good one for me. My word of the year, COURAGE, led me to taking courses that I would never have considered before. I took two business-oriented courses that challenged me to look at what I have already done and see what I want to do in a more clear manner. I have pushed myself to identify what I want to do and how I want to do it. I have developed plans that seem to be working, and I have followed through on all of my goals. I took a REAL vacation, and I did not go to a conference that has bored me in the past several years. My year was interrupted by health c...

She REALLY likes my robe! I have written a version of this blog post now about five times. I got a bit frustrated with myself because I was coming across as a bit too whiny and "poor me-ish," even for me - just couldn't stomach what was coming across my keyboard. So, I decided to change up my routine a bit and see if that would help me write something that includes some sort of solution to problems that are happening around me. I took my shower in the middle of my morning rather than at the beginning or at the end like I usually do. My routine is more of a task list than a schedule, so I often mix things up a bit, but showers are not usually all that flexible for me for some strange reason. I decided to see if some shower time would help me to figure out what is going on with me. Here are some of the details. My family members, all out in California, are struggling with various and sundry medical issues. Some of these are specifically time-framed, others are not. ...

Yesterday was a horrible day. I have a feeling that this is going to be the way Tuesdays and Thursdays are going to go for a while due to the classes that I see on those days. My afternoons now have three groups in them, and the groups are not the easiest groups to see. I tried REALLY hard to see those groups in the morning when they are less tired and cranky and a bit more ready to engage in therapy. At this time, I think therapy will be just separating kids from each other and keeping them from engaging in social interaction. They just cannot seem to be in the same place for more than 2 minutes. I left work with the news that we are now replacing 4 of our 12 teachers in the next month (if we can find folks to take those teaching positions). More upheaval for my students who do not deal well with change to begin with. More upheaval for me and my co-workers. We already had a new teacher beginning, a new Speech-Language Pathologist, and a new COTA starting in July - now we get to add ...

I enjoy it when a comment on social media starts my blogging mind going. Yesterday, there was a comment about being an introvert and having some struggles with introducing new therapeutic music experiences to clients. The poster was asking for specific steps to take to be able to teach/lead new interventions in ways that would be comfortable to her and lead to compliance from her clients. I'm not exactly sure if I answered her questions in my response post, but this started me thinking about my own introversion and how it affects my leadership style in the music therapy session. For me, the introversion doesn't really come into play during leading sessions. When I am leading a session, I am not as much of an introvert as in other situations. I know what I am doing, so I am able to complete the session as a leader. What stands in my way is my tendency towards wanting perfection. My "woulda/coulda/shoulda" goblins come out, and I am not willing to risk my perception o...

Because I am still knee-deep in organizing and getting my stuff together in my new room, I am very interested in what others do to get their rooms together. I love looking at how others organize, and I often strive for the same type of coordination in my own clinic area. So, when I am stumped, I go to the internet. Made for Music Teachers has a post that really makes me think about what I'm trying to do in my own space. I like the idea of having all related things together (that makes logical sense to me). I am currently sorting my stuff into four different categories - explore, listen, learn, and therapy. Each corner of the room will have a different focus. One corner will be for exploration. For me, this includes sensory exploration beyond that of listening. I have a large cabinet that holds my tubs of bells, pom poms, sensory bottles, sound bottles, and lots of other things as well. I'm going to take my electronic instruments for that center/station/area of the room. ...

This has been a long couple of days. I started my Friday by waking up later than usual (5:30 am instead of 4 am) and just couldn't seem to coordinate my thoughts enough to write about anything. I did try, but everything was jumbled around in my brain. I took a day off and went to work. Once at work, I found that my "entire day to work in your room" turned into something else entirely. I also made a public announcement about something that irritated me that caused me lots of second thoughts last night. Basically, the Occupational Therapy Assistants have put together a sensory box for each classroom. Not a problem for me, since I feel that we do not often assist our clients in finding sensory integration. What led to my probably not so politically correct comment was the "relaxation CD" included in the box. (In the interest of full-disclosure, I have a personal issue with one of the OTAs that works in our facility, and I think that much of my ooops moment ye...

I am sure, that by now at least, you have heard about the mass shooting that took place in Orlando Florida in the early morning hours of June 12, 2016. I refuse to dwell on details or commentary on what happened, why it happened, or what is wrong with our country that these types of things continue to happen, but I do want to respond with something. For me, I react to tragic events like this in several different ways. My responses are my own and not right for everyone, but here's how I respond. Here's what I won't do today. I will not change my picture on Facebook. I will not post any rhetoric whether I agree with it or not. I will not publicly acknowledge or debate any issue related to this tragedy. I will not unfriend someone from social media unless they are so offensive that I simply cannot continue to consider their opinions. Here's what I will do today.  I am pray ing . I will take some time today to pray for those who were involved in the tragedy. For ...

I've always been someone who was interested in how music therapists do their sessions with clients. I am less interested in doing experimental research as I am in doing phenomenological or maybe epistemological research. I have always been so much more interested in how and why music therapists and clients engage in the act of music therapy than I have been about which type of song produces which effect. I figure that this means that I am very interested in the nuts and bolts of music therapy - the reasons we choose the music and musical elements that we choose during our sessions. For me, these basic elements require more than just learning how to run a music therapy intervention or to complete a music therapy sessions. These nuts and bolts of music therapy require deeper thinking and purposeful decision-making during the experience. This is not something easily taught in 4 years of undergraduate training, and is also not something that would be easily taught in 6 years of book ...

Are you your own worst critic? I am. There is no one harder on me than me. When I fail at something, I cannot let it go. I feel guilty and disappointed in myself and it comes back in a flood of emotion every single time I start to get a bit anxious or overly tired. Does anyone else get this way, or is it just me? All of this is precipitated by a missed meeting yesterday. I didn't get a clue that I had missed the meeting until right before leaving for PT and my part-time job, and when I did, I was absolutely set back. The person I was supposed to meet with called me, but didn't leave a message, so I didn't even know that she was waiting for me to hook up the computer. I was supremely angry with myself and then felt guilty when I realized that I had let two other people down. I am a perfectionist. I expect perfection in myself, but allow for imperfection in others without any issues. I expect that others will not be perfect, but I insist on striving for personal perfectio...

Yesterday was a strange day. Students didn't do what was expected. Everyone under the sun needed to use the bathroom or get a drink of water or just walk out of the room. I, of course, cannot be left alone with kids right now (one of my MANY frustrations with being a recovering injured person), so I had to call the Assistance Team to sit in the room while I was trying to do music therapy. They had to arrive four times - three times during one session alone! Other teachers and therapists were reporting the same type of things happening in their areas as well, just strange things. It is amazing how attitudes, attention spans, and many other things can shift in a group of people. My clients are individuals, each makes a unique fingerprint in the school environment, but they are also part of a collective. If you ever wonder if moods can be shared like germs, just go and look at a school. One therapist comes in with a bad mood, and WHAM! All of the students that see that therapist l...

  Every now and then I dive into my card boxes of TMEs. This is how I started collecting ideas for thing to do in sessions, and I still have those boxes. Some of the ideas have been transferred into electronic format, but most of them stay in their original form and format. I think I stopped doing cards on a regular basis in 2009 - that seems to be the latest date that I can find. I still use my cards for collecting my ideas in the moment, but I end up putting them into their electronic form to complete them. I always find the act of flipping through my cards somewhat nostalgic. The TME file started in my freshman year of undergraduate education. We had to put together 25 TMEs for 5 different populations. It was a struggle to develop all of those ideas into cards. After that, I kept putting my ideas into my file - my practicum ideas, and my internship ideas as well. My internship director, Sheryl Kelly, RMT-BC, required that I had at least 50 TMEs in my file at the end of my in...

My home is a mess. I am simply letting you know this because I am now able to focus on what my environment looks like as I'm sitting here looking around. After the hype of the Online Conference for Music Therapy (OCMT), I have a chance to simply sit and see what's going on. Now it is time to do some things around my house and to focus on other things other than coordinating presenters and attendees.  Now I am starting to look around for something to do in the 45 minutes before I leave for work. I guess I can start with the to-do list. Here are the things that really need to be done - dishes...laundry...planning...reading...cooking...thinking...spending time sleeping...planning for next year... The list goes on and on and on. Let's just focus on the concrete tasks for today. I have to go to Physical Therapy tonight, so I won't be up for doing lots of things later this evening. Maybe I should focus on loading the dishwasher tonight as my chore. Getting that done would...

I am one of the lucky few who has had a glimpse into how hard it is to organize a conference for music therapists. (Now, in our defense, I don't think that music therapists are more or less difficult to plan for, but I've never really planned a conference for any other group of people - I did plan a couple of camping trips for 300+ girl scouts when I was in high school - they were probably as difficult as music therapists, and I had to dig latrines for them - entirely different story... good memories!). The conference that I help organize is nothing compared to the scale of the AMTA National Conference, but there are lots of things that go on behind the scenes of my conference that participants should never know about! In case you are wondering, the conference I help out with is The Online Conference for Music Therapy(OCMT) - check out the link! It is a pretty neat group of people to know and work with! Conference is on February 6, 2016 - plan on joining us!! I also have a...

...I forgot that I tore my ACL. I tried getting out of bed like I used to do, swing both legs over the side of the bed, and pop up out of bed (I know, I am one of those annoying morning people who love the morning and spring out of bed before the alarm goes off... don't hate me!). I was halfway through the swinging move when my lower leg fell, went into spasm, and wouldn't release. I couldn't unbend the leg. I couldn't sit up. I couldn't move. All I could do was cry. Great way to start the day, right? I eventually got my knee straightened out and hobbled off into the shower. While I was trying to figure out how wash everything that needed it while babying my knee, I decided that it would probably be better to stay home today. I didn't think that using the knee to drive to and from work would be a good thing especially after grocery shopping yesterday (for the first time in 5 weeks). Now I can take a pain pill and watch for swelling without having to worry abou...

Today is Thursday. Now, in the range of things, the fact that today is Thursday is not really all that big a deal. I mean, they happen once per week, don't they? For me, however, a Thursday coming around means that I have a long therapy day with limited opportunity to sit quietly and contemplate things that need to get done. The contemplation has to start early in the morning. What is there to contemplate? Not much regarding the actual daily work that I have to do. The teachers from the Novas Pod gave me a copy of their educational themes for the year. I've taken those themes and determined Therapeutic Music Experiences (TMEs) to do each month that support and enrich the thematic materials.This week's themes are Letters and Kansas (Kansas Day is coming up on the 29th). We did Letters on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday and Thursday contain a Kansas themed TME - we're going to sing Home on the Range (the state song). Theme accomplished! The rest of the session will b...

My music therapy friend, Beth Schwartz , from Raising Harmony, posted an interesting link today. The link takes you to Brain.mic which is a collaborative link between GE and Mic. One of the elements of the page states that this is a one-month Spotlight Series that "explores the universe in our heads." The thing that drew me into the site was the "Map Your Mind Quiz." I found it absolutely fascinating - I even posted the results on Facebook (which I RARELY do with the quizzes that I take). The best part of the quiz, in my opinion, was that it displayed areas of the brain that were probably activated during the decision process. I thought that was particularly interesting. My result was "You are the child of Abraham da Vinci" implying that I have characteristics of both Abraham Lincoln and Leonardo da Vinci. How can I argue? I am looking forward to delving into the rest of the Brain.mic site. I've already found an article about the difference betw...

Things got a bit busy yesterday, and I got a bit too tired to string together any coherent type sounds, utterances, what's the... Oh, right - WORDS, so I missed a day. Then, I got home and started this post but was exhausted and stopped writing when my eyes started to blur. Today, however, I had some sleep, so here goes the post. Yesterday, I left the conference at 6:30am (my time) and just started streaking across the country. I got home about 9 hours later, finally got some sleep, and am still buzzing from the drive, so, lucky readers, you get my jumbled, disjointed thoughts about AMTA14 which has ENDED! First of all, let me say that AMTA14 was a wonderful conference. The hotel wasn't bad (it was taken over by a body-building competition that included some very unnatural tanning procedures - very confusing, but GREAT people watching opportunities - there may be a "just-for-me" songwriting project in it for me soon). The food was good and at pretty decent prices....