music, therapy, and me

I can tell you, I love the quiet. I have not turned on a television for over a week now, and the lack of commercials and noise has been wonderful. I have streamed some content, but I have not touched the television remote at all. I am enjoying a bit of quiet. This is not sustainable, and I know that, but I am enjoying it all the same. When I am at my mother's house, we watch what she wants to watch. If I want to be near her, then I have to watch Hudson and Rex , and All Creatures Great and Small  (not my thing AT ALL), and Blue Skies , and all sorts of shows that I do not have access to in my streaming world. So, I tend to watch my Netflix dramas upstairs in the sauna room with western light access where it has not dipped below 75 and tends to remain around 80 degrees all the time. Not that I'm complaining (but I really am!). I find that silence is what I need to refresh my creativity and my need for music. When I am constantly surrounded by noise (even noise selected by me and...

Something happened between my last post and this one - I had to do a last minute presentation to fill up time at the Online Conference for Music Therapy . I selected a presentation that I did a long time ago called, "Been There. Done That. Now What? - From Slump to Career Pivot." I guided participants through a couple of exercises to help clarify future plans, and it helped me as well. I was very honest with attendees about my own struggles - the ones that I was writing about in my post earlier that morning - my continued feelings of inadequacy and "not being good enough" (AKA, imposter syndrome). I went through the exercises with them as we were talking about this situation. I thought about my current future and what my "no boundaries" future look like, and how I can merge them together in small ways. I finished the day in a better mood and with a better outlook for my future than when it started. One of the things that I try to do on this blog is to offe...

It is Saturday, and my professional development days are officially over. I didn't write yesterday because I was busy making worship plans for Sunday since I am covering the service for our pastor who has a family situation. I focused on those plans instead of writing on the blog. I have finished all of the planning (and the sermon) up now, so I can get back to what I want to focus on - my professional development days. This time away from work and focused on my professional development has been very valuable. I have organized my space and my mind a bit. I have also spent some time in active self-care and some fun. I am looking forward to doing this again this upcoming week with the holiday coming. There is something more refreshing about five days at home than two weeks off to some other location. I am going to spend time this week on home things - not professional development things, but I am sure that some of the professional stuff will leak in, just like personal stuff happened...

On this day, all roads lead to conference! Today is the day that the Midwestern region conference begins, and I am sort of ready. I have all the pieces that I need to have in various places. I have about 8 hours until the conference officially starts, and I have a list of to-do's that's about 15 things long. All of these things are needed in order to get myself pulled together, but none of them are extremely difficult to do - they're things like take a shower, put on makeup, address the eyebrow situation which is out of hand, and move things from the living room to the car - stuff like that. There is more to conference than simply going to conference. I have lots of things to arrange - presentation materials up on my website and scrapbooking materials for my CMTE as well as for the presentation for this afternoon - that reminds me, I need to rearrange my materials so I can easily get what I want to get for this afternoon rather than having to sort through everything a...

I woke up in a bit of a panic this morning, wondering what I was going to write about for Cultural Considerations today. My panic may have been influenced by the argument going on in the apartment above mine - I couldn't hear what was being argued about, but I could certainly hear the emotion happening. It took me a bit of time to remember that it is Friday and not Saturday, so I still have some time to think about tomorrow's post. This is the type of thing that happens when I am coming to an end of a break - difficulty with time perception. My break has been full of the things that always happen during one week off - a bit of cleaning, lots of rest, and some return to creative exploration. I do better with all of these things when I have two weeks off. At the end of two weeks, I tend to be really bored with my own company, and I am itching to head back to work! I don't get that same itch when I only have one week off. Oh well. That's what I get for being a therapis...

My view every morning... Today is just a Sunday for me - not a Song Conversion Sunday or a Synthesis Sunday - just a Sunday. What is the reason, you may ask? Well, it is the last day of the AMTA annual conference, and I am getting tired.  I am so very glad that I came to conference. I always am during and after the conference itself. This conference has been one of significant growth for me. I have stepped outside my comfort zone many times this year, and that is something so very exciting (after it stopped being scary). I've made one new Facebook friend, talked to folks about new opportunities and ideas that I have for myself and for others, and have given out several small stacks of business cards. I made a goal-based paper chain last night in the art room (that HAS to continue - it was perfect for me to be creating something in a space with others and without much constraint!) - I even got an invitation to submit a presentation for the annual Art Therapy conference next ...

I am not happy about the following statement.  Today is the beginning of the second part of our Extended School Year. I am not refreshed after my week off. I have not accomplished all that I need to accomplish (even though I did get lots done!). I am not ready for another three weeks of summer session. I am simply going through the motions because I have the promise of two weeks completely off after these three weeks of work. These transitions used to be better. We used to have an entire school staff that was on break at the same time. All of us would be gone during this time, but now most of our classroom staff members have to work during these breaks. We no longer have staff cohesion and opportunities to refresh together. Now the teachers get time off, and the classroom aides have to work double shifts because administration cannot find anyone to work direct care. When the teachers come back from time off, the classroom aides are not in good moods. It makes it diff...

Today is the start of my staycation for Spring Break 2018. I am not planning on going too far from home, but who knows what will happen later this week. I like staying home as part of my self-care routine. I love to travel, but I don't often have the funds to do so. I REALLY love free trips, so if you need anyone to travel to your place to talk about something music therapy-related, let me know! I'll be there as soon as possible!! Anyway, I will be spending my Spring Break the way I spend most breaks - at home with the cat, making lots of plans that just don't seem very important when it comes down to it. I must clean. I must throw things out. I want to be able to buy a new bed at the end of this week, so I have to organize and clean out enough to get the old bed out and the new bed in. I also have my new bullet journal routine (see yesterday's post) to continue to establish into a habit. I also need to do some grocery shopping, cooking, and eating. So, what does al...

Yesterday was the first full day of the AMTA National Conference. I was able to go to sessions, spend some time talking to new acquaintances, and see some friends. Today is my presentation and other sessions are calling my name. Apparently, the folks at West music have been wondering who bought the pink steel drum. One of my former interns, who is currently working the booth, posted, "OMG. You're the one who bought the pink drum! Lol!" I did. The color was a consideration, but I've always wanted one for myself (no thoughts about clients here - they may not ever see this instrument), and it was on sale! I also promised myself that I would buy whatever I wanted this year after years of frugality. So, I got the pink steel drum. (I found another drum in the exhibit hall for significantly more money, and it was purple, so the pink one seemed to be better for me. Why do I feel that I have to justify this??? I bought a pink drum!) I also purchased a new book, a singing b...

Every so often I start to feel that I am making my life as a music therapist too difficult. I get involved in reading complex ideas, new thoughts, and layered theoretical proposals, and I start to get bogged down. My "woulda/coulda/shoulda" goblins start to go in my head - "You could be doing so much more for your clients." "You should be everything for everyone." "You would be so much better if you only did this and this and this." I've learned, over the years, to realize that these thoughts mean something very important for me -  Time to get back to basics. I can tend to get a bit too wrapped up in thinking, especially when it comes to my job. When this happens, it signals that I'm losing track of what makes music such a strong therapeutic medium. I'm starting to think more about what I should be doing rather than taking notice of what my clients are doing with and through the music. I have moved too far into think mode a...

It's self-care time again. Time to focus on something for me rather than something for others. I am part of a group on Facebook that is run by a person that I used to babysit (age check) way back when, and she recently asked if self-care was selfish. I don't think of it as selfish but as necessary. I think if feelings of self-care take precedence over any and all client interaction, then it is a selfish endeavor (and indicative of something other than a need for self-care), but most of the time, self-care has a place in the life of any helping professional.  This month, I am going to spend some time on proactive self-care rather and reactive self-care. What does this mean? It means that I am not really feeling like I MUST engage in something for me, but that I GET to engage in something that cares for me. I am going to spend 30 minutes of every hour making something - food, visual aids, gifts for family members, etc - and the other 30 minutes of every hour sorting through a...

A book that I love, Bridget Jones' Diary , introduced me to a lovely term - "mini-break." I love that term - and all it implies. I get to have two mini-breaks this next week along with only two days of group sessions. Of course, I also have to work extra hours and spend time sitting in my room while others do conferences, but that's okay. I can do that to get two three-day weekends. What is so compelling about a mini-break? It's a brief change from what usually happens and tends to be something different from the norm. In the book, Bridget gets whisked away to a hotel for a romantic getaway. My mini-breaks are not so exotic or exciting. Mine are simply days to luxuriate in relaxation away from the stressors of work. They are still very important to me. My Monday break will include a Doctor's appointment and avoiding an inservice. My Friday break has nothing as a priority at this time. I anticipate some cooking, some cleaning, some movie watching, and som...

I have hit that point in vacation time when I am starting to look forward to going back into my work routine. I am starting to get ideas that I need to accomplish at home which means that my relaxation process has done what it needs to do and is revving me up for the new school year. My new year always starts in August or September when it is time to go back to school. Forget the New Year's Eve rush for goal-setting and resolution making, this is my time!  I think it has something to do with the plethora of school supplies in every store you enter! I love buying new Bic pens (my favorites), markers, notebooks, and binders! I've severely cut back on my purchases this year because I have so much already, but I am itching to get some new Papermate Flair pens in tropical colors. I don't have those already and I love them for drawing and coloring things. That may be the one school supply purchase that I make this year. There is something really nice about being a school-ba...

I woke up this morning with a really good idea for a blog post that made me think, "I need to get this down as soon as possible." Of course, by the time I actually got myself to the computer to write, the idea had just... gone. So, you are stuck with this blog post instead. Maybe the other one will eventually materialize, but that's just the breaks. (That's why I have super sticky post-it notes on my desk and in the car. You never know when good ideas will strike - don't let them go away!!) I have today off. We get a random day off in the middle of April just because. Today is that day. I have an early morning Skype date with a friend of mine (we're working on a project, but just like to talk to each other as well) and then I think I'll go grocery shopping. It's also payday, so I can afford to buy ANYTHING I WANT! Speaking of that, I should probably eat before I go shopping - otherwise I will buy ANYTHING I WANT - that's never a good thing. The...

The pastor at the church where I work starts off each service with a time to quiet ourselves. (He doesn't really know too much about using music to assist in the process as we usually launch off into some rip-rousing verse of a familiar song, but it's the thought, I guess.) I never really get to the quiet center part of the experience, but I like the concept. I enjoy finding moments of quiet in the midst of a busy day. I have a spot at work that I go to sit in when the noise and bustle of the music therapy room takes over (the A/C unit sounds like a jet engine taking off much of the time). It is in the hallway, in a window nook that faces east. The bench there just fits my leg length, and it is next to a very large plant-tree hybrid, so there is some fresh oxygen right next to the seat. I go there to sit, to think, to dream, and to be part of, yet removed from, the rest of the school. The environment isn't that quiet, but I am able to find that quiet center there. T...

I am sitting here, trying to figure out what to write about this morning. It is almost the end of Spring Break, and I am sitting in my "in progress" cleaning process. I have a meeting in less than an hour, so I am not really able to do much of anything else right now. I could start a load of laundry and let that run while I am meeting. I could also keep ripping CDs to my computer. I could do both of those things simultaneously! Be right back!! Okay, that's started. This has been a good week. I did the things that I had to do, but spent the rest of the time doing things that I wanted to do. I spent some money on more scrapbooking and paper tools for making visual aids. I grocery shopped and made some food for later this month. I finished my taxes and the tax process for the not-for-profit business that I am part of. I am getting ready for an influx of money that will allow me to move into new business practices. I made some progress on a project that I am doing with a go...

...since I started my vacation and since I've been in my music therapy clinical space. My house is starting to be a bit cleaner (still have LOTS to go until it's somewhat clean), and I'm finding my way into a vacation state of mind. The importance of self-care rings true to me, especially in vacation times. I need the time to be by myself, to be quiet, and to be away from the responsibilities of being a caregiver. It is important to do so, and I am grateful for the opportunity to have time off from my job. The other side of things is important for me as well. I need time to get bored with my own company. I have a need to feel like there is more I want to do with my clients and with other people. As an introvert (who is told she's really good at masking her introversion in social settings), I have a need to be away from others to refresh and renew my energy. I need to spend time in the company of my cat and only my cat in order to restore my desire to be around other...

Today's favorite thing is also something that stresses me out at this time of year - less than 2 weeks until the AMTA annual national conference. This year's excitement and stress is happening just on schedule, and I am in the throes of dreams, trying to figure out what I want to say to folks, and stressing that I am going to miss some of the meetings that I'm supposed to attend. Here are my top ten reasons for attending the AMTA national conference every year: 10. Time Away From Work - It is really nice to spend some dedicated time away from my clients and from the other stressors at work. I am often so busy that I don't even think about work - it's a nice change of pace. 9. Networking - I find it very interesting to meet new music therapists, and conference is the time when I personally meet people I already know from other places. I don't often meet my social media contacts (since they live around the world) in person, but there is a greater possibility ...

This is MY tree. I have no idea what it's address is or who actually is responsible for this actual tree, but it is MINE ! Several years ago, I was driving along a stretch of highway and noticed this proud tree sitting in the middle of a field. It was sitting there, leaves gone, in all its glorious skeletal structure! I became obsessed with this tree. At the time, I was trying to figure out how to make my Grandmother a family tree of some sort for her birthday. I really wanted to make a tree - not paint or a drawing - but something actually made that represented our family. My tree became my inspiration and led to this tree... This tree has the names of my great-grandparents as the roots along with my grandparents' siblings, my grandparents' names are on the trunk, and the various branches of our family are on the limbs of the tree. The grandkids and great-grands are listed on the tree as well. The entire thing is rooted on a piece of Kansas granite that I purlo...

It is now the official middle of my Summer Break from work. I have as many days in front of me as I have behind me. I like long breaks from work because I get to the point where I have had enough rest and relaxation. I refresh as a therapist and get ready to get back into the daily routine of my job. Before I get to that point, however, I have to go through the depths. I'm there. I am a person who needs time alone in order to refresh my energy. It is part of being an introvert. Not a bad thing, all in all. It is just part of who I am and how I interact with the world. There are downsides to being an introvert, though. One of them is that I get tired of being away from my routine and my schedule, and I get bored with everything that is before me. I'm tired of my movies, my books, my television options, the chores sitting in front of me, and the food that's in the refrigerator. Everything just plain old disgusts me right now. Now, I've been through this enough to kn...