music, therapy, and me

It is Monday again, and I am sitting here, looking around my messy office space, and wondering what I will write about today. I didn't make much this weekend, but I did continue working on current projects. I have stitched in the signatures to the winter and turtle books (somewhat crookedly, to be sure - have to disguise/camouflage that in some way) and am starting to put in the signatures to the Christmas book. It is time to decorate books now, so I am going to look around for some turtley things. I already have plenty of winter stuff and Christmas stuff is always easily found. I did make a shelf. I am a fan of all things Disney, and one of the ways that has manifested is purchasing Doorables. If you don't know what I'm talking about - just look at the photo here. They are small characters in a particular style, and I love them! I had them in a small wooden house that I have had in my home for many years, but it was difficult to see them as they were all crammed together. ...

Trees are putting out pollen in my corner of the world, so I am not feeling well at all. Runny nose, hoarse voice, stuffy head, strange cough - you name it, I have it right now. I am pretty miserable, but off to work I go. I don't want to go. I don't want to sing to others today, I just want to sleep, but I have to get going. Fortunately, I have plans for this sort of thing. This week's plan is to use Audacity a bit, but I might just abandon all of that in favor of videos on the Promethean board or karaoke with the microphones. Or instrument JINGO (yep, you heard that right - JINGO) - things that help me run groups without having to be very musical. I always feel like this type of session is a cop out, but I also need to have these contingency plans for the weeks where I am out of commission due to the allergens present where I live. I am miserable, and making music on top of the symptoms of hay fever is not good for me or for my kids. There are times when self-care has to ...

My sister read my blog post yesterday and noted that music is missing from my self-care routine. It is true, music does not feature in my self-care routine. I do not listen to much music outside of my music therapy clinic, and I no longer make music in a community of musicians. So, music is not a big part of my life outside of what I share with my clients. I'm not sure how I feel about this. This is not something new (even the lack of musicking in a community of musicians has lasted over a year and a half now), but it is interesting to me. After a day of handling the emotions of others and navigating the world of music therapy with my population, I need something different to fill up my background. My noise creator of choice is television shows and movies. I have a bunch of things downloaded to my Kindle, so I have company through stories during my commutes. I do not stream music outside of my therapy space, so music is not something that I really use when on the move. Here at home...

I don't want to go to work today. I just want to sleep in my comfortable bed, but I have used up all of my allotted days for time off, so I will get myself to work to do music therapy stuff with my clients.  I know that my feelings have more to do with the current state of the world and my facility than me, but that is little comfort when the dread of having to go to work takes over. Of course, this is also affected by the fact that we have had very few five day work weeks in the past seven weeks since our Winter Break. It is also affected by the fact that we still have three weeks until our Spring Break. Also, many of my therapy cohort were gone yesterday. They have time off still. Lucky ducks - mine was taken up by my colon cancer surgery at the very start of the school year. Oh well. I knew this was going to happen. Since I cannot take time away from work without financial repercussions, I have to find my self-care in other ways. Right now, self-care is coming through eating bet...

I hit another exhaustion wall yesterday. My body reminding me that it was rearranged two months ago and that we both are still recovering from the rigors of surgery, anaesthesia, and the constant stressors of changing diagnoses as well as specialists every couple of days. So, I remained at home and slept. I feel better today and was able to crawl out of bed without crying or falling, so that's a positive thing. I missed five groups yesterday, and my mother heaped a whole bunch of guilt on my head last night, so I am ashamed of the fact that I was unable to continue my therapy day after taking my shower and finding it difficult to move my legs to get over the side of the tub.  This is what always happens. I start off trying to be proactive with my self-care, but I end up feeling guilt and shame for taking time for that self-care which increases the need for self-care. It is a never ending loop of shame and guilt that is also exhausting. I know about shame cycles and all that, but th...

To be completely honest, I am currently just getting through my library books right now. I have finished seven of them, have three more to read, and twelve more days to finish them up before I need to turn them back in. I will finish them before that time, but not until this weekend. It is interesting that when I try to read anything at work, attempting to gain some sunshine and get away from my desk, all I get are condescending and snotty comments. People walk past saying, "Gee, must be nice to have extra time where you can just sit and read." This always rubs me the wrong way because I am taking my 25-minute duty free lunch that is part of the contract that is between myself and my school district. I get to choose when and how I take that time. I don't leave my office much because of the attitude that I get when I leave my space. All I can think is, "Well, ____. If you were as efficient in your job as I am in mine, you would have some time to take lunch as well, an...

One of the essential tools in my thrifty toolbox is finding things to do that take little to no money but offer great rewards in terms of self-care and relaxation. Now, the hardest thing about this is that what I find valuable might make you more stressed, so you have to find your own way into self-care. What I talk about here might not be something that works for you, so the first thing to know is that you have to find what interests you. My self-care routines include reading, making books and other papercrafts, crocheting, watching movies, and napping. I also like taking classes on papercrafting and self-improvement, and all that, so I look for ways to get the most bang for my buck! I subscribe to a service called SkillShare where I can take classes on lots of different topics. I also have an unlimited movie subscription to my local theater where I can watch as many movies as I want every month. Between these two subscriptions, I spend about $30 per month. My other hobbies and self-c...

Do you ever think about your hobbies? Are your hobbies expensive? Some of mine are, to be sure, but others are very cheap and help me stretch my meager budget as far as it can go. Hobbies are something that every person should cultivate for the sake of self-care, reflection, and pure enjoyment. Having lost a part-time job recently, my budget has changed significantly, and I am having to find ways to economize as I get used to the change in my income. So, I am scrutinizing my hobbies to see what I can do to cut back on my spending but still get the benefits that my hobbies give me. My hobbies are reading, making books, papercrafting, crocheting, and watching television and movies. The nice thing about my hobbies is that I have been doing them for so long that I already have everything that I NEED to make things and engage in my hobbies, but I do not have everything that I WANT! So, the first part of my thriftiness is to stop purchasing the things that I WANT and to focus on the things t...

I am doing something that I rarely do during my breaks from my job as a school-based music therapist - I am leaving my house for a craft class! I signed up for this craft class back in June for a July class, but the instructor broke her elbow and had to reschedule. This is the day, so I am looking forward to going to make something new with people (hopefully, more than just me there!) who share some of my interests in paper and making books. I know the business owner makes the types of books that I like to make, but who knows if there will be others?? I certainly hope so. I have two and a half hours before the class starts, and my time anxiety is already starting. I will go get gas for the car, breakfast for me, and then sit in the parking lot until the store actually opens. I will bring a small bag of my personal favorite crafting items, and I will bring some money for shopping as well! The last time I tried something like this, I ended up being the only person who showed up for the c...

Well, it is Wednesday again, and I have been up for a very long time. For some reason, I woke up in the midst of hot flashes that just kept on going and going about 1:30 am, so I've been awake for a long time already. Two lines of thunderstorms have come through my area, so it has been an interesting morning already. Wednesdays are when I take some time to reflect on what I am reading, but it really isn't all that interesting, so I am going to veer a bit away from all that to my current reading quest. About three weeks ago, I signed up for a library card for my town library. I went inside the library to get the physical card, but I am going to use this library card more for the digital resources it provides than the physical books - mainly because I hate going downtown to get to the library. There is just too many people downtown (it is our touristy place in my college town), and the roads are one-way until they aren't, and I just don't like the situation. There is a pa...

I am gearing up for some self-care things later today. My Thursday afternoon meeting is cancelled to accommodate some "team-building" activities tomorrow that some of the team (ahem - the school therapists) are not invited to attend. So, I am going to use the meeting time for some self-care of my own. A large part of my self-care routine at the moment is finding a cool place to be. My room is not any cooler with the fans that have been installed - the fans just move the air around which is helpful but doesn't fix the broken HVAC system. My body does not handle heat well - it never has - so I tend to be overly tired and headachy at the end of every day. Ir is not a super comfortable situation. In fact, I am starting today with a headache which is also pretty typical for the summer months. I am thankful that I have a working AC system in my car and here at home. So, I am going to come home a little bit early and cool down in my space. I will also spend a bit of time trying ...

Happy Wednesday from my home desk at 6:20am. I was able to finish errands and make lots of food yesterday, so I feel pretty good about my Tuesday efforts. At the moment, I am still waiting for my insurance agent to tell me if my insurance company will be covering anything or if I can just go ahead and do my own renovation work. I will probably have to do my own renovation work, after this experience of interaction. Meanwhile, I keep having one piece of art fall off the wall at random times of the day and the night, and I am just trying really hard to keep myself together! Do I sound stressed on my break?? (Tongue firmly in my cheek, here!) Why not try some reading?? Now, I am not the type of person who does well with audio books - never have, and probably never will. I don't listen to them. For me, reading means looking at the words rather than hearing them. If I have to listen to something, I want it to have something to look at at the same time - so movies are my audio books, I g...

I am at home again today. I am exhausted, crying at every little thing, and trying really hard to stave off a relapse of the virus that I am fighting right now. I am trying to figure out how to best serve my clients, my intern, and myself. It took some convincing to stay at home today, but not as much as it would if I wasn't sick. So, I am in my pajamas, sitting up for the next two hours so my medications don't cause bigger issues, and not worrying about work today. I am exhausted. The only reason I am sitting up is that I have to. The medications that I have to be on each time this happens from now on can cause an infection of the esophagus if I have any sort of reflux, so I have to sit up. I am doing a project - something just for fun - and it has been the most energizing part of my month so far. I finished a bit of the project last night and then called my mom. I was stuck in the toddler-type energy cycle of "I have to run around because I am fighting sleep and will cra...

There are all sorts of negative things happening around the world. I am trying really hard to remain positive in my small corner of the world but it is difficult when every single thing that you encounter is just plain old horrible. So, I am searching for the positives that are still happening but are overshadowed by the negative.  I read a post yesterday about mindfulness and it reminded me of the focus that we had about 10-15 years ago when "mindfulness" was all the rage! Every single conference focused on specific techniques that we music therapists could do to help us with the rigors of being helpers. That terminology has gone by the wayside in recent years, but this point of view is one that is valuable for me. It was nice to be reminded during my morning habits. So, I spent some time with my journal being specifically mindful. This is not a habit with me at this point, but I want it to become more natural to engage in this type of thinking. Since it helps me figure out ...

Today's Random Number is #894 - a post from July 30, 2015 .  Apparently, that date was the second day of my end-of-summer break, and I was in full-out rest mode. I tend to do very little during my breaks from being a school-based music therapist, and I have become a bit more allowing of that particular trait than I have been in the past. I often feel like I need to fill up my time off with tasks in order to be a good person. It has only been recently that I've changed my definition of what it means to be a good person. I was thinking about self-care on July 30th. Apparently, I held a webinar on the 29th all about the topic, so it was fresh in my mind. I think about self-care often. There are times when it feels selfish but there are other times when it helps me continue to do my job. I know that there are many different perspectives about what self-care is and whether it is something important or necessary. My perspective is that there are things I need to do to keep up my abil...

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a bit about wanting to remember self-care when I was feeling overwhelmed. I sat down with a post-it note and put some ideas of what to do in that specific emotional set. Yesterday, I took that information and made it into an index card reminder. Here it is... The stickers are from Audrey Okaya - you can find her on Instagram - @audreyokaya if you are interested in purchasing some of these stickers. (Please note that I do not get any financial benefit from using anyone's materials - I just wanted you to know whose work contributed to this project. The colorful illustrations are hers. The black and white line drawings are mine.) With these stickers, I was able to make a collage of self-care themes. One of the things that I wanted to focus on with this reminder card is that self-care does not mean going somewhere, but it can. There are many things that help me when I am overwhelmed with things happening in the world that do not cost me anything but a bit...

Hello, from the year 2023 - I am feeling a bit disgruntled and upset about my tax situation - things did not go the way I expected, and many things will have to be postponed due to the status of my taxes, so it was nice to head back into the archives. I am thinking that this randomly selected post was meant to give me a message for today because it was a discussion about inclement weather days. To set the scene here, February 2019 was full of snow and ice for us here in my state. Since I work at a residential treatment facility, I have the option of going in on snow days to work with the benefit of another day off when I choose it. This year, we have only had one snow day, and I opted NOT to go in, so no extra days off for me. February 2019, though, included many inclement weather days - and many of them in a row. So, here is the link to the post I wrote on February 11, 2019 - please read to get some context for the rest of the discussion. One of my common themes in this writing proce...

I had Monday off from work. That made this week seem indeterminably long. It always happens that way. I am never really sure why, but having Monday off makes Tuesday through Friday just drag on and on... My week was full of watching my intern lead sessions, leading my own sessions, and lots and lots of thinking. This past four days was not a "doing" time, but was a thinking time. I did put together a paper bag junk journal for a co-worker's birthday. It turned out pretty well, and she's an art therapist so she will use it for all sorts of things. I am having fun making things for other people. Everyone is getting some sort of homemade gift from me, and I am using up some of my stuff in the process! That is the best part of all for me - using up stuff!! My interest in papercrafting stems from my interest in books. I like books in all sorts of forms. I like hardbacks and paperbacks, blank books and picture books. Books are a part of my necessities all the time. It is ra...

Do you know how you can look at the calendar and see that it is already the start of the second week of May yet the amount of time that it has taken to get to this point of the year has been excruciatingly slow? Each week seems to drag on and on, especially around the Tuesday/ Wednesday mark, and the hours just seem to keep crawling by. Yet we are already in the last month of the regular school year. Already. Somehow. On this Sunday morning, I am working on several tasks simultaneously. This is my regular way of doing things, and I am comfortable with this type of process. I have been working on my new sing about edition, setting up the formatting, and figuring out templates, while blogging, watching Star Wars episode 1, and ripping CDs to my computer. I would like to have all of my music in one location, but I have not been able to sit down and get music onto my digital storage for years now.  Ripping CDs to my computer takes a bit of time. It is a repetitive task. Put CD in, wai...

Graphic states, "All About Interns" One of the things that I do as a music therapist who is interested in other music therapists is run free webinars for music therapy interns. I enjoy talking to interns about intern things because I find that many interns are not aware of their rights, responsibilities, and how to be professionals in the current work force. So, I lead these webinars on Tuesdays for whoever arrives. This week's topic was professionalism, and we covered things like following required dress codes, time management, making choices about how we spend our work time, following policy and procedure, and other topics as appropriate. The one thing that is important to talk about during discussions about professionalism is fitting the culture of the facility that pays your salary, and we covered that. I know that this is not always the most pleasant of topics for folks, but my reality and experience is that people who pay you often have specific needs or ideas about...