music, therapy, and me

Last night, I had an insomnia night. This is probably because I went off my allergy medications (I ran out) but these happen every so often even when I am not coming down off my allergy medication side effects. I have learned not to fight these nights. They go much better when I just use my time and don't stress about not sleeping. I will be heading to work with limited sleep, but that's okay. I decided to do a low demand session format. I did not set up my centers. I just did not feel like I could do it this week. I just did not have the interest or the energy after missing two days of work this week and missing a school day last week (the other day I missed last week was an inservice day). To add to the entire situation, I am still having some side effects from my medical procedure last week, and I also have lots of unknowns happening as well as a result of said procedure. So, a full brain, limited sleep, and a low demand session series ahead of me lends itself to an interest...

There is something challenging about being awake after only four hours of sleep for the second day in a row that just makes me crabby. I have already been up for four hours, and it is only 3:37 am right now. I still have two and a half hours before I absolutely have to head out to work, and I have already written a private post to this blog. That one will not be published. This one will. I am exhausted. I am currently in a depressive state which is complicated by the high heat in my area of the world and exacerbated by my recent bout of COVID. I am tired. I am crabby. I am magnifying small things into huge things and devoting too much of my attention to these small things. I know all these things. Being conscious of these things helps me to move forward and through these feelings and emotions and actions. I know that the actions of others have NOTHING to do with me, but I tend to take their actions personally. I am stepping up my mantras and my reality checks. I have six more work days...

I had an insomnia night last night. Now, usually I am a good sleeper. In the past couple of years, my sleep schedule has been shifting, mainly due to hot flashes, but I usually sleep for a long time, then get up to use the bathroom and cool down, and then I fall back to sleep. Last night was one of my rare exceptions. Last night, I slept from about 8:30 until 10:30. I woke up and went to use the bathroom and that was it! My body no longer wanted me to actually sleep, even though I was tired as all get out. I think I dozed a bit between 2 and 3:47, but I am not sure. My eyes were gritty and wanted to close, but my mind was alert and ready to go. I avoided my usual inability to think around 4am on these days somehow, and I am still pretty alert. I know that I will be crashing this afternoon after things are done in my music therapy clinic. I may just plan on reading my current music therapy book and working on my visual aid system for the prep time that I have on Monday afternoons. I nee...

I had a bad night last night. It started with a bite from a client - lovely big bruise blossoming on my left leg, continued with a snarky comment from a co-worker about a task I had to complete, and ended with little to no sleep and the start of a cold or allergy response (I think it's an allergy, but we'll see). In the middle of that was a disagreement with my father about insurance companies (I try to avoid any type of political discussion with my father because it ends up with me upset). I'm not sure if the disagreement was due to the fact that I'm not feeling well or if I'm not feeling well because of the disagreement (chicken and egg deal), but I am tired, I can't breathe, and I am ravenously hungry. I am taking the day off. I really shouldn't as I am almost out of time, but I don't think I can stay awake enough to drive the hour to work. I already have a group cancelled (they are going on a field trip, we found out late on Monday), and I alread...

I've had an insomnia weekend where I've spent more time awake than asleep (at least that's how it seems to me). I have these every once in a while - times when I don't sleep soundly but have conscious thoughts going on all the time I am supposed to be sleeping. The lack of sustained sleep increases my stress levels which also increases my frustration and keeps me from resting. The best thing about insomnia (for me, and I am TOTALLY being sarcastic here) is that obsession comes right along with it. I can usually compartmentalize my life very well. Work issues and ideas stay mostly at work. Home events and situations stay mostly at home. It is a good system that totally goes by the wayside when I cannot sleep deeply. This weekend's obsession? Workboxes. That's right, the project that is helping me find my creative side and get motivated to be at work is also contributing to my lack of sleep. I am not sure if I am having insomnia because I am obsessed with wo...

It was another "early-to-rise" day in my household. I awoke at 2am with a raging sinus headache and a non-stop runny nose - darn expired allergy medications! I quickly realized that neither of these things would be conducive to returning to sleep, so I started my day. I picked up the house and have just finished making breakfast/dinner (sloppy joes are good any time of day!). I have played several mind-numbing games on the computer, and I have finished my gift wrapping. Every time I am up this early in the morning. my mind goes towards the need to be occupied in some sort of task. I wonder why I need a task to work towards, but I do, so I embrace that part of myself and move along. Today, my primary tasks have been of the sorting and cleaning type, but I am pretty well finished with what I can do before the decent hour of 7am, so here I sit watching Farscape and thinking. Sorry about that. What do I think about? Anything and everything that pops into my brain at this tim...

This has been a strange week filled with anxiety dreams, headaches, and full-time therapy! I am really hoping that all of these things are not related since I love doing full-time therapy and, well, you know... Anyway, I fall into bed exhausted every night and then dream all night long.  This is not typical for me - I rarely remember my dreams. These dreams are directly tied into my work - I am dreaming about being switched from one place to another, about secret meetings, and about needing to be in 14 places at once to get the job finished. It interests me that none of my anxiety dreams have anything to do with my clients or music therapy, but that just indicates to me that music therapy sessions are the things that are right in my life right now. Now, you may be wondering why I'm writing about this. Me, too. This is one of the phenomena that happens when I am not sleeping the way I want - seven straight hours and under lots of covers - I start to obsess about non-issues ...

Yesterday, I had one of my insomnia nights. These often happen around full moon time and tend to be a pretty obsessive time for me. Last night was no exception. I started off the evening trying to sleep, but just could not find any type of drowsiness in me at all. Now, I am an "early to bed, early to rise" type of human. I enjoy my seven hours of sleep daily and like to take naps as well. So, a night of insomnia is not something that I look forward to. Last night's episode was particularly difficult to start with. I kept obsessing over the recent arrival of another music therapist in town. While I have met this therapist and consider him an acquaintance, for some reason I just kept thinking of his name - over and over again. Often when I get into these loops, I am ill, but not last night. After three hours of trying to sleep, I finally gave up and started to work on a long-term project. I spent three more hours writing an internship text and finished two chapters. I...