music, therapy, and me

Yesterday, I left a job that I have had for 26 years. I left it because it was a toxic work environment where I was used and assigned all sorts of things that I was not interested in. I did not get a pay increase for eight years. They decided to accept my resignation rather than give me the $157 annual increase that I asked for. So, I am no longer working at the church where I have been since 1998. There is a strange type of grief that happens when you leave a job that is similar to losing a person from your life but not exactly the same. I am crying about not being wanted by this community anymore, but I am also so happy about being out of the toxicity that surrounded my job. I spent most of the last year resenting a role imposed upon me that changed every week, often 4 minutes before the start of one of my roles without notice. I was also not given an evaluation, pay increase, or direction for eight years. I asked for a change in my responsibilities to make them more appropriate for ...

Egad! Gadzooks! How did it get to be December 2023 already? I am simultaneously ready and not ready for this month to be here. Christmas presents are being received at their destinations, but the shopping is not finished yet. This is a month of extra worship services, programs, caroling parties, surprises, trying to stay organized, practicing music, figuring out solutions to problems that aries, and figuring out how to play a bunch of music while working on making my finger work again. I am sure that all of you are feeling the same way - here we go... It is time to get into my ultra organization mode. I want to make sure that I am arriving at all the things I need to be at and that the changes in my routine are not forgotten. In addition to being the busiest month of the year, it is the one where I get overwhelmed very easily. So, to help me not get too overwhelmed, I engage in some self-care practices that work for me. I avoid all shopping unless it is in off-peak, early morning hours...

As one of my jobs, I function as a music director for a small, rural, Methodist church. My job now includes being a Sunday School teacher, and, as part of that role, I am now in charge of our annual Sunday School programs. Our Christmas program was yesterday...in the midst of the first major snow storm of the season...with an ever evolving cast of players...and lots of littles who did NOT want to sing in front of other people! This is part of my role as a music therapist/church musician that I both love and dread. My Sunday School students come and go which make it difficult to plan a program that includes readings and roles and costumes. One of the kids that I was expecting didn't make it yesterday and two arrived that were completely unexpected! Fortunately, I've done this enough that I can be flexible (I thank my therapy training for that) and was able to find roles for the surprise Sunday Schoolers without too much trouble. No one really seemed to get overly anxious...

I went to the funeral of a dear friend yesterday. He passed away very unexpectedly a little over a week ago, and I felt that I needed to be at the ceremony celebrating his life. I don't usually go to funerals, mainly because of reasons I will iterate in the following paragraphs, but this one wasn't as wearing on me as some of the others that I've had to attend. The experience of yesterday reinforced some things that I know about myself, but that I've never really put into context before. I work at a church as the director of music and worship leader. I fill in for the pastor when he is gone, and I preach sermons and coordinate worship and do all the things that the pastor does during worship on a pretty regular basis. Some of the people in the congregation have complimented me on my ease with public speaking and have encouraged me to think about becoming a minister. It was on my list of things I thought I could do before I heard about music therapy. I know that role...

There is a major brouhaha going on over at the church where I work. Nobody can get indignant quite like church ladies - it continuously amazes me how petty people who call themselves "Christians" can be with one another, but that's an entirely different rant that I won't go into here. (That's something for my personal journal - the one that won't be opened by anyone other than me until 75 years after my death - do you have one of those??) Anyway, this brouhaha is one that bubbles up, usually when it is time for a new pastor. I've been the director of music at this church for almost 20 years, and it happens every time we have a pastor that we love who gets ready to leave us. I think that most of the brouhaha is based in this current situation. Change is threatening, unless I am the instigator of that change. Isn't that interesting? I am just as guilty of this feeling and reaction as anyone else. I am not looking forward to yet another pastor comin...

I am absolutely tired to the bone today. I know why, but that doesn't make getting myself up and going any easier. My quotation for this week has every thing to do with self-care, so it seems to be a good thing to focus on for this post. Thank you, Tina Turner, for this reminder that self-care is not a luxury but a necessity. Thursdays are my most difficult day for waking up and getting going. This is mostly due to my Wednesday evening routine. I am out of my house, being a church music director until after 8pm, and then I have calls to my family members that often keep me up past 9! Last night, Dad called me at 9:30 - unheard of in my family - and talked to me until almost 10pm when I begged to be let out of the conversation because I was exhausted! Those things make my Thursday mornings different than any other day of the week. I often feel groggy and in need of more sleep on Thursday mornings. The rest of the week, I wake up extra early and ready to go rather than wanting ...

I spent a very busy weekend, making some things that are a bit difficult to explain, but were very fun and challenging as well. My friend, Tawnya, is the art therapist at my facility and is a spiritual woman as well. For a while now, she's been working on the idea of running spiritual workshops with an art product at the end. I've been very enthusiastic about this idea and have attended the two different workshops that she has offered so far. Here's the concept. The product is a series of scripture cards that have specific messages for the attendees. This past weekend, we focused on worry and anxiety and the messages that is offered to us through scripture. All of the cards had a central theme - Shield - an acronym that Tawnya researched and developed. The letters stand for saves, heals, is always there, empowers, leads, and defends. The verses are related to each one of these words and the cards illustrate the concepts as well. Tawnya spent lots of time putting th...

I am getting ready to go to church for an early service and an Easter celebration. In my role as church music director, I am aware of the role of music in ritual. As a music therapist, that role is not as obvious, but present just the same. In the book, Music In Therapy by E. Thayer Gaston, Gaston started the book with a chapter on "Man and Music." During the chapter, Gaston discusses the various roles that music plays in the lives of human beings. Starting on page 19, Gaston starts to identify the different ways humans use music. The two elements that really make me stop on this day - the ones that make me think deeply about being a musician, a human, and a music therapist - are Music and Religion Are Integrally Related and The Potency of Music Is Greatest in the Group (please note, all italics and capitalization are Gaston's, not my own). Before I go to the early Early Easter Service and the Easter Celebration (at a later time), I am going to think through these ...

It's no secret that part of my work life is that of church musician and Director of Music. I work for a small, rural, Methodist church in between two major cities in my state, and I have been there for many years. It is a break from music therapy but is still music-related and offers a place for performance as well as spiritual replenishment for me and others. One of the traditions that I love comes in several of our rituals that happen during worship. The pastor greets us with the phrase, "Peace be with you." We respond with, "And also with you." I love that greeting and find that it has so many different applications, especially outside the walls of the church. Today, I want to offer that phrase to all of you. Peace be with you. I've been surrounded by conflict and negativity lately. It's happening on the radio, in social media, in my own brain as things are rapidly changing. People that I know pretty well seem to be wrapped up in continuing ...

Well, actually, it is not the official last day of summer - that happens with the autumnal equinox in September, but it is the last day of my summer. School inservices start tomorrow and kids start school on Monday. For me, the summer is over after today. I am thinking that this is going to be a difficult transition. I haven't finished my jet-lag yet, and I am sleeping late still. This is not good for tomorrow's 4-5am alarm requirement. I simply cannot go to sleep at night and then I need to sleep more in the early morning hours. This is not like me at all. I don't even have a good excuse like watching the Olympics. (Because I'm not watching the Olympics - I keep up via social media outlets.) I'm just going through my regular at-home routine; laundry, dishes, cooking, reading, working on things, projects, and tools for music therapists, cleaning things, and eating. My school year routine starts tonight when I go back to my part-time job as a director of music ...

The title of today's post is brought to you courtesy of Bella-cat who feels an urge to stand on the keyboard on a regular basis. I'm not sure what it means, but I bet you didn't either and that's why you are here, looking at this blog right now. So, now I have to figure out how to write a post that is worthy of this title. It is Thoughtful Thursday. I'm not thinking very much right now except for how much my body hurts after physical therapy yesterday and whether I will walk or shuffle into the music therapy room at work - probably shuffle. I have a quotation sitting on my desk within my gaze right now, but I haven't been with it long enough to have a coherent thought about it yet. You'll have to wait until next week for that one. So, shifting topics now... I was asked to sing at a wedding two Saturdays from now. The bride and groom are friends of mine. I've known them for a long time and have had the pleasure of watching their romance grow. The mi...

Today is a rarity in summer school - it is a day off! Usually we get Fridays off, but today we get to celebrate the 4th of July on the 6th. I'm not sure how this happened, but I suspect the day came out of our fall break. I'm not going to question this too closely - I am just going to spend time on this day off, thinking about things that need to be offered into the universe. In one of my roles in life, I am a church choir director. As part of that role, I am involved in a ministry that has become very important to me - the Prayer Shawl Ministry. Several of us participate, making shawls through crochet or knitting. We spend our time creating the shawls and intentionally praying for the anonymous recipient while we are engaged in creation. Once the shawls are complete, they go to church where they are blessed by the congregation. We then send them wherever they are needed.   The pictures here are of the prayer shawl that I received from this ministry when I was struggling w...

One of my current roles is that of Director of Music at a small church in a small town about 20 minutes from my home. I love the people and the job, and have been there forever! This is the time of year when that role takes over most of my attention, energy, and thought process. It's Holy Week. If you are not someone who is interested in organized religion or spirituality, you may want to skip over this post. I will not be offended. I'm not going to go into what people "should" believe - my thought is that you have to find your own way into what you believe, so if you don't believe what I believe, go in peace and understanding onto your path! There will be some discussion, however, of what goes on during this week in the life of a church musician. Fair warning. Our Holy Week starts with Palm Sunday. Yesterday, we marched around the sanctuary waving palm branches and singing "Hosanna." I don't get to march anymore since I have to either play the p...