music, therapy, and me

Just so you know, this isn't a happy, peppy, rah-rah type of music therapy post. I am going through some rough times at my job. If you are looking for a glimpse into the reality of being a music therapist, please read on. If you only want to hear happy things about this profession, then PLEASE skip this post entirely! Yesterday was another rough day with my clients. This is the current theme to what I write about because every day seems to be a repetition of the bad day that came before it. On days like today, when I am dreading going to my particular work place, I have to remind myself of several things. First, this, too, shall pass. Second, it is not personal. Third, I choose, every day, to work with persons with these particular challenges.  Fourth, it is work that I am very good at. I have to remind myself of these things on a regular basis these days because of the rough situations happening in every class session that is going on right now. I had three people st...

Does anyone have "typical" days in this job? One of the reasons that I am still a proud, fulfilled music therapist after 26 years in the profession is that it is rarely completely planned or routine. I like that because I have an idea of how the day is going to go, but that idea is never set in stone - at best, it is set in half-set cement. I wonder if there is any music therapist out there who plans their day and it goes exactly as planned - no surprises, no clients changing the way music is used, no power outages or missing materials or crabby moods or things like that. Is it just me? Or does this happen to you all as well? I'm curious. I think the fact that my days are somewhat random is affected by me as a person and as a therapist as well as my clients, but I think that there has to be some part of us music therapists that is able to recognize the unexpected and then go with it. Maybe. I'm not exactly sure, but I think that this type of ability is something...

My beautiful music therapy room - I'm ready to use it! I think it will be a regular day today. I'm saying that with a bit of hesitation since the magic hour of 6am has not arrived yet, but I don't think that we will have to have an inclement weather schedule day today. I'm really hoping that we do not. So, in the past week (as we have had THREE inclement weather days - I attended two of them), my office has become more of a cesspool than usual. There are boxes of things for the store that need to be labeled and repackaged to fit the storage that I have available for me. There are projects to go through. There are things to make, things to toss, things to bring home, and things that just don't need to be there. I have facilitated 17 groups in the past two days - usually I do 10 groups in two days (and my interns do most of those groups these days, so I oversee 10 groups in two days). There is a certain level of exhaustion from being in the spotlight all the tim...

True story. My grandmother loved all things November. We made command appearances at her house for Thanksgiving every single year until we started high school because it was her preferred holiday and she loved having people around. Her birthday, November 22, was a big part of our celebration responsibilities, and we would do things up right! There would be open houses, big meals, ping-pong tournaments, cousin spats, and (shudder) formal portraits. My grandmother and I shared one unfortunate trait, however. We were both as stubborn as the day is long. We also both knew that we were right and the other one was wrong. This picture is the result of one of our interactions. I was three. Now, I am the oldest cousin, sister, and person in my generation of the families I am part of. I have always been expected to do what I am told, and I often did just that - what I was told. But, for some reason, being at Mama Icie's house just brought out the stubborn in me. In this particula...

So, I got an infection yesterday that is going to take over my entire life unless I take care of it. I have a couple of decisions that I have to make. Do I take time off from work to take care of this or do I wait until the late afternoon to address the issue? I've decided to take some time off from work. I seriously agonize about this decision because I really want to avoid taking time off, but I know my doctor's schedule and early morning is usually a better time (and lots less stressful for me) to access treatment. Also, if needed, I have lots of time to get things finished rather than having to try to fit things into a small window of time between my full-time job and my part-time job. I hate being late and feeling rushed. Also, by going to the doctor early, I can get the issue resolved earlier, so less pain and discomfort. Isn't it interesting how difficult it can be to make decisions about our own health and well-being? Yet, we make decisions about health and well...

Today is exhaustion day. I have a low voice from all the allergy stuff happening, my throat is scratchy, and I just can't seem to wake up completely, so I went over to Goodreads to see if there was a good quotation about being exhausted that resonated with me... “I let it go. It's like swimming against the current. It exhausts you. After a while, whoever you are, you just have to let go, and the river brings you home.” ― Joanne Harris, Five Quarters of the Orange Here's what called to me about this quotation - I think it is a good call and reminder for taking the time for self-care.  I talk about self-care lots and LOTS on this blog, mainly because I need to do so. I don't always do the best things for me when it comes to self-care, and I need the reminders. Writing about it helps me to remember that it is important to take time to go to the doctor or schedule some time to sleep into my busy-ness. This week has been busy. I've ho...

You read that right. I currently have a whistling toilet. At this point, I am very grateful that it is not leaking all over the front bathroom as it has done before, but it is still whistling. The maintenance department is coming in to replace filters, and I am hoping that they hear the toilet whistle. I bet they don't, though. I also have two messy desks at the moment...maybe three desks - forgot the one at work. My desks here at home are currently covered with detritus - papers, notes, things to sort for recycling, fun things to make me smile, old CDs, empty teacher planners, and countless other things that are just hanging out on the flat surfaces. This has to stop because I need to take control of this part of my life in a way that makes things easier for me. Right now, I am moving things back where they go. It's such a simple little trick, but one that helps me make sense of my stuff and my thinking patterns. The candles? They need to go by the television like all the ...

I have a goal of formulating a morning and evening routine for myself. It's one of the things that I want to do for myself this year. I know what I want to have in that routine, but I am having difficulty getting a routine established so far. This is partially a function of my laziness, partially a function of the season (I don't feel good - darn harvest!!), and partially because I haven't found my motivation to get into a new routine. So, what do I do? I'm heading back into my goals and my desired routine to do what I encourage my clients to do - focus on one thing at a time, build up that one thing, and then add the next thing. One thing at a time. Isn't it amazing how much the things we do with our clients transfer into our own lives? Rather than taking on every single blooming thing that I want to do, I should listen to the advice that I give to my kids in crisis and focus on one thing and one thing only. Duh, right? So here goes my original goal of do...

It is officially time to get ready to go back to work. I did not get my chance to get bored with things, and I do not feel ready to go back to work, but it is time. My church job starts tomorrow with singing in worship and getting the choir ready to go for next week. My regular job starts on Monday, so today is my last day without work responsibilities. I am going to take a moment to have a short tantrum on the floor over here. Okay. I think I'm better. I was happy to see my mother, and we did lots of things without conflict. She was able to complain about my father to a sympathetic ear (not mine) and found that she is not alone in her complaints about retirement and formally busy men. We went places and did things and ate out lots, but I did not gain any weight (whew). I did not get anything clean once Mom arrived, but I did get things pretty well cleared before then. I bought a new mattress (which I desperately need!), and it will be delivered next Saturday. I have some tim...

It's day 3 of my new school year, and I am not interested in going to work today. Now, don't get me wrong - this has absolutely NOTHING to do with my clients, my intern, or my co-workers today. This has absolutely EVERYTHING to do with me! I just don't want to have to get up and get going. Now, in the interest of full authenticity and disclosure, I am dressed in my uniform, I will leave my house when I need to leave, and I will be going to work where I will have a good day, but at the moment, I just don't want to HAVE to work. Does that make sense? This happens to me every summer. I'd like to have the option of taking time off during summer school because I don't want to have to work, but I still want to be able to work if I get too bored with being at home. I think I would go stir crazy if I had to stay at my home during the entire summer - I would probably go home to California to keep myself entertained - but I would really like to have the option to f...

If you've been reading this blog lately, you know that I have recently taken up another task - one that I love - the role of Internship Director. My intern is starting her third week with us this week, and nothing has gone like I planned. Now, from the get-go, let me tell you that none of this has anything to do with the intern. She's been doing exactly what she's been told and seems to be taking things in stride. Nope. Everything that is going on is on my end. Would you like the rundown? I was fortunate to get her into the three day behavior management training during her first week. I perused the calendar very carefully and sent her to the place indicated on the training calendar. They had moved the training to a completely different location. The training calendar did not have the correct times listed on it for the training that she was supposed to have. We ended up working several hours extra because the trainers said, and I quote, "Well, we don't really f...

The first week of our Extended School Year (ESY) is three-fourths of the way finished. We are going into the last work day of the week, and it has been quite the week. There have been lots of new things thrown at me at the last minute, lots of gaps in communication revealed and (hopefully) fixed, and then getting back into the routine of music therapy groups. The heat and humidity is building, and my body is indicating that it really doesn't like either of those two things! I am getting back into the routine of music therapy and being a supervisor again.  I am exhausted. One of the things that I am prone to is summer Seasonal Affective Disorder. I tend to become a bit more likely to be depressed during the hot summer months than the cold, dark, winter months. Because of this, I am being as proactive as possible to combat some of my usual tendencies. This started way back when I was just a little kid. My mom asked me if I wanted to take a walk (I was probably between 18 mont...

I had two separate situations happen at work yesterday where people told me I was wrong, and I was able to prove that I was right. The situations themselves aren't all that important, but the situations could have been completely avoided had the other parties involved actually decided to talk to me rather than making their own decisions that affected me. Now, I hate confrontation, but I will go into full-blown confrontation mode if something happens that is inappropriate or incorrect. I will fact check before I start a confrontation, and I will have documentation to back up my position. I believe in being prepared (Thank you, Girl Scouts!!), and I do not enter any sort of situation without knowing the facts. Two people tried to convince me, "We've NEVER done this before." I was able to prove that we did do things this way before and this is the way it is supposed to be. They haven't responded yet, but I will be able to provide email proof that they did these t...

I went on an early evening shopping spree yesterday while I was waiting to go to my movie. I went to both Michaels (birthday coupon) and to Five Below (new store in my area). I also dropped by Hobby Lobby, but I didn't purchase anything at that store (HIGHLY unusual!). I don't often go on spontaneous shopping sprees (except at the Dollar Tree - I go there all the time on whims). This was unusual for me, but somehow very satisfying at the same time. (For the record, I only spent about $60 on my spree, but that's lots when you are used to pinching pennies!) My spree haul included a new paper cutting board, some blades for the cutting board, rolls of Washi tape, some small star boxes, four Melodicas, two electric guitar toys, and four small word sentiment stamps. I have some plans for these things, and I am getting ready to start working on these plans. First, though, I need to purge. I thinned out my former intern files yesterday. I threw away everything from my tenure in...

I received my first presentation rejection letter for the season this week. It was for a Make and Take CMTE to be offered at AMTA. They never go for this type of session, but I think it would be something well attended. Oh well. I'll keep the idea for myself and figure out a way to offer this idea to interested music therapists in other venues. This is not the first time that I've experienced rejection - I've experienced rejection in school programs, in presentation proposals, in friendships. It seems to happen all the time. When one rejection happens, all the others come flooding back. It always takes me some cognitive reframing to remember that rejection is a completely normal way of life and that things will be fine. I experience rejection in my clinical life as well. Music therapy is not a service that my students choose. The way things are set up at my facility state that all students will attend music therapy every week. They have to arrive at my room, but I d...

I spend most of my life going somewhere in a bit of a hurry. Take yesterday, for example. I had a relatively leisurely morning (I woke up at the time I wanted to waken). I had time to make a lunch to take with me to work (which I left at home). I blogged, I moved around my home, and I nuzzled the cat when she sat between me and my computer. I moved myself out of the house at the usual time, but forgot the lunch I had so carefully prepared. I drove down the road at 75 miles an hour (5 miles over the speed limit - I like being a bit of a rebel, but not too much of one!), and made it to work early. I didn't want to do my documentation, but I remembered that if I didn't get it finished, I would rue that decision on Friday when I have more time for creativity and thinking. So, I did my documentation, set up the room for music therapy sessions, and sat down with my guitar. I had found an extra 45 minutes of unencumbered time! Since that almost never happens to me (I tend to ove...

I have a case of the grumps - that mood where there just isn't anything that makes me happy and everything just makes me a bit angry. It's silly things, really - my father's ultra conservative posts on Facebook, the fact that the cat wants to cuddle at times when I do not, all the food that I have in the cabinet that just doesn't sound appetizing to me at all, the list just goes on and on. Nothing is really serious, so I'm thinking this is the product of hormones, and I am very grateful that I have another day off before I have to work around others.   It is time to spend some time in my own company. I don't think I'll get an early morning phone call from my father - my family is going to the memorial service for my second cousin once removed today. I'm not going because I am the only one who doesn't live in California. Grump. I have to make a choice - do I let the grumps take over my life? Or do I work through them. I choose to work through t...

Yesterday, a good friend of mine collapsed in the middle of a church service. This good friend is also the pastor, and he got really sweaty, somewhat disoriented, and had difficulty with his balance. He wasn't slurring his words, but he fainted once and was caught by two of the younger men of the congregation. Fortunately, there were enough of us to bully him into going to the emergency room rather than staying around to do Sunday school. He really wanted to stay for his class and for the second service. We insisted that he go. Turns out, he has a bladder infection.  He scared me. Here was a person that I cared about who was in distress, and I was scared that he was having a stroke or a heart attack - I felt like it more stroke-like rather than heart problems. I was scared for him and for his wife. I was confronted once about not wanting to take courses about working as a hospice music therapist. I stated that I was unable to handle the subject matter, and I was ridiculed by ...

Do you ever have one of those mornings when people just rub you the wrong way?? All the time?? Just by being??? This day is shaping up to be one of those days. One of the situations that happened this morning was a snarky email by someone who thinks I'm not doing one of my many jobs because a scam letter was received. The person obviously did not look at the scam letter very closely as it states at the bottom that it is not affiliated with the government at all AND that they charge a fee for any and all services that they provide. It just set my mood to harumph and that's that. My blood pressure seems to be up, and I have little to no food in the pantry because I put off grocery shopping until after my trip, and I have no desire to actually put on real pants in order to go outside and be around real people today.  After sleeping in all week and being late to work, today my eyes popped open at 4 am, and I haven't been able to get back to sleep. The one day I was actu...