music, therapy, and me

Ah. Today is deadline day, and I did NOT do any composing yesterday. My self-imposed deadline is gonna whoosh on by me unless I get going on it!  That's the problem with having no outside influences working on my deadlines. The only person who knows that I want to release things on the 5th and the 22nd is me -- well, and now you. I picked these dates randomly so there is no reason why I have to stick to those calendar dates other than I like structure to my days and my life. There you go. So, since I did not do my composition work yesterday, it is waiting for me today. I did manage to complete my other priority tasks on my planner entry, but composition just did not occur. I did not just fritter my time away, however. I sorted my permanent markers and put them into color sets into bags. I am feeling good about getting some of my stuff rearranged and sorted. That has freed up a little bit of space down here, and I am looking forward to getting more space to move and relax. Don't...

It has been an interesting journey so far, this whole "not having a full-time job" thing. I am not sleeping the same way. I am not moving the same way. I have less pain happening in my body which is such a good thing, but I am bored with what I have to do. I am back to watching "Desperate Housewives" to give me something new to experience that isn't Korean dramas. I am someone who thrives with routine. I miss having the routine of getting up and getting ready to go somewhere. I miss having a schedule that is predictable, but I am also happy to have time here at home to just do what I want to do when I want to do it. Yesterday, I traveled east about 30 miles to go to a store that specializes in Japanese products. There are tons of these stores in California that I go to when I am visiting my Mom and my sister, but there are not as many out here in Kansas, so I made a trip especially for that store.  I arrived early (of course), and ended up strolling around one s...

Creativity Camp is finished, so it is time for my next projects! I tend to do this to myself, but I enjoy having several projects going at the same time. In addition to meetings and conferences, I have some written projects to produce. All of this as I try to figure out if I have enough ideas to sustain my life as a music therapy consultant with a small business. It has been almost a month since I retired from my full-time job as a music therapist in a psychiatric residential treatment facility school. I have not received my first pension payment yet - it is due to arrive in nine days - so, I am currently running my life on my savings. I am paying lots of money for my health insurance, and I am nervous about how I will survive financially during the next couple of months, but I am trying to sustain a new quiet life. One where I can create, interact, support, and benefit fellow music therapists from my home with a bit more freedom than my recent job offered. In 17 days, we will be gathe...

Wednesday is one day in the week where I write something not necessarily based on a theme. I give myself this time on Wednesdays and Saturdays to just write without the need to offer music therapy information. It is a bit like a timeline cleanse for me, and here goes today's effort in just being me. It has been three weeks since my last day of formal work outside my home. Since that time, I have tried my best to figure out what I want to do with my time and energy, and it is a continuing process. I am also starting to get an itch that I need to have a job. I am resisting that itch until September at the earliest because I need to be bored before I can start up again. Meanwhile, I am working on my own music therapy projects for my small business - conferences, services, website revamp, etc. It is strange to have only errands and appointments that take me out of my house these days. I was able to make an appointment at 9 am yesterday without having to submit a time off request. I wen...

I am not looking forward to work today. On Monday, the groups that I see twice a week were just plain old mean and nasty to each other and to me. I hope that they will be a bit nicer to each other today, but I am not anticipating that things will change significantly. Once I get back here from work, I will have a meeting with a couple of people to start planning for a new symposium. It will be a late night, but it should be a productive one! Is it only Wednesday? Seventeen days left before break. I hope that I can do it without taking time out, but who knows. To add to my list of stressors, I have required that I eat things from my home rather than getting food from other sources this month. It has become way too easy to justify getting food delivered while I am still shopping for food to put in my pantry. So, I am making myself heat things up. Yesterday's dinner was a taco salad - quick, easy, and no extra money spent on food. It also means spending some time meal prepping on the ...

I tried to write yesterday, but I was unable to do it. I was late to rise and did not have much ability to think. I am better this morning, but I am stressed about all sorts of things. I cannot really put a finger on anything, but the stress is there... lurking behind the scenes. I've finished the tasks that I needed to get done for OCMT, and now I am thinking more about my own business status. That's right. I now have a business of my own - duly registered with the state and with the IRS. I anticipate that I will earn about $15 in this quarter, so I am guessing I will not have to pay too much in taxes, but you never know. I am already on the junk mail lists. Ugh. It amazes me how quickly information is released to others. Anyway, bank accounts are next on my list of things to do. I have to close one at one bank and open another at another bank. I have a spreadsheet to help me figure out what I should be doing when it comes to taxes. I also have a symposium to organize as well ...

Well, at the moment, I do not like Tuesdays off from work for holidays. It will be interesting to see what my Wednesday group members act like with a day off from the structure of school in the middle part of the week. I have forgotten to do some tasks that I needed to do and done others that I did not need to get done right now. It has been a strange week, to be sure. I can't blame the Tuesday off for my scattered thoughts. That's all me. I was scattered before this time and am scattered right now. Lots of fun to be had with menopausal brain function, let me tell you! Anyway, I am sitting here after a scattered sleep night waiting to take a shower and get ready to go to work. Apparently, there were northern lights happening last night - I tossed and turned through them without knowing what was going on out there. I did have the fleeting thought that I should go outside more, but I was already in my pjs, so I didn't. Obviously, I should have gone outside, even in the cold n...

I have to take a late day today because I did not take my evening medications until late last night. I'm glad I remembered them when I did because they have some withdrawal symptoms that I do not want to have to go through during my Wednesday sessions.  Anyway, that means that I have some leftover symptoms that interfere with my driving, so I have to take a late day. This means that I will not arrive until around 7:45. My large chunk of time for yesterday's documentation is gone when I arrive at this time, but I have been early (before 7am) the other two days of this week, so I feel like I have given my extra time this week already. I have a meeting after school, so staying for my 8 hours will not be a chore. I got a stack of laminating back from our work-ready program, so I am set to make more educational visuals for clients in their classrooms. That is my happy place at work these days - making visuals in my office area while listening to shows on my Kindle. I have a little b...

It is Wednesday, and I have to face "that" client again. You know the one. The one client that challenges me more than anyone else at the moment. The one who resists every single interaction. The one who would rather not do what others want to do. The one who disrupts the therapeutic process so much that no one in the group gets any benefit from being present. The one who is not able to respond to group therapy due to the extreme behaviors of concern that have become routine. I did some data review yesterday on "that" client. My location is not the only place these behaviors of concern occur. That was good to see, but we have had four significant incidents in the past month that have disrupted instructional time to the point of affecting two classes rather than just one. I am dreading the next two sessions with "that" client because it affects more than just me and "that" client. I do not feel like I can do the job that I want to do when I am hav...

It's Wednesday of this Spring Forward week, and it has hit me hard. I was okay the first three days of this week, but today I was struggling to open my eyes and find any sort of enthusiasm about leaving my bed. It doesn't help that this is the week before break, I still have a 12 hour day tomorrow, and a day of professional development with arthritic knees and spine ahead of me. Everything is just seeming more and more difficult to navigate - and it is all stress that I put on myself!! So, to distract me from all the senses of stress and doom that I am feeling due to my timing and need to get things organized that will not be organized no matter what, here is what I've been reading lately.  I turned in my last batch of library books on Sunday, so I am tackling my To Be Read pile. I bought BIG books this last time. There is a Jane Austen omnibus waiting for me to bite the bullet and dive back into the world of Victorian romance and courtship. That is not my favorite world to...

It is Wednesday morning - very early. I have not been sleeping as much as I like lately. This will be helpful next Sunday when my part of the world changes to Daylight Savings Time (ugh!), but it is not really helpful right now. Last night, things were complicated by high winds and blizzardy conditions at my home. Things were wuthering all over the place, and my neighbors have a trash bin in their backyard that had a banging lid each time the wind caught it. (The wind caught it many times!) The one good thing about this particular blizzard is that my power has not gone out... yet. I am really hoping that I will not have to go out into the high winds, but schools are not closing around here. I will plan on going really slowly as I travel the 50 miles to work this morning. The winds are going at 30 miles per hour with gusts every couple of seconds that are around 60 miles per hour. I have a little car that catches every piece of wind that is out there. My job is located in a place where ...

It is almost spring here - the temperatures are getting higher and the snow drifts are melting slowly. I know that there will be a return of the ick at some point, but spring is coming. I was speaking to a coworker yesterday about how much I enjoy winter but really like spring and autumn. I am not a fan of summer - especially where I live now. The humidity makes it difficult for me to breathe, walk, and exist without pain, but winter offers some respite to it all. If I have to rank my seasons in order of preference it goes autumn, winter, spring, and summer. With the return of spring-like temperatures, I am starting to get some itches to create routines and systems and get things going. This happens every year. The shift from winter and hibernation urges heads me into energy and planning urges. I completely understand the concept of a Spring Cleaning - I just don't like cleaning. Anyway... I remembered a song that one of my clients helped me write as a closing therapeutic music exp...

I am taking this Wednesday off from my job, and I am going to be doing some just-for-fun reading later today. Most of my reading these days is just-for-fun reading, so this isn't really different, but I am diving back into the idea of library reading again, so that has changed. Also, let me explain the day off - I get four unpaid work days per year to use as I see fit, and I decided to use my last one today. If I don't use them in the contract year, then I basically donate a day where I don't get paid but work for free. I am not that dedicated to my job that I want to work and not be paid, so I am taking noncontract day #4 today. I am going to eat spaghetti, read cozy mysteries, and nap if I want to. I am hoping that my lawn finally is mown today, but we will see. It has been cancelled, postponed, and lied about four times in the past week. I don't know if it will happen, but I am hoping it will be finished today. The weeds outside are pretty tall, and the city gets rea...

Happy Wednesday from my home desk at 6:20am. I was able to finish errands and make lots of food yesterday, so I feel pretty good about my Tuesday efforts. At the moment, I am still waiting for my insurance agent to tell me if my insurance company will be covering anything or if I can just go ahead and do my own renovation work. I will probably have to do my own renovation work, after this experience of interaction. Meanwhile, I keep having one piece of art fall off the wall at random times of the day and the night, and I am just trying really hard to keep myself together! Do I sound stressed on my break?? (Tongue firmly in my cheek, here!) Why not try some reading?? Now, I am not the type of person who does well with audio books - never have, and probably never will. I don't listen to them. For me, reading means looking at the words rather than hearing them. If I have to listen to something, I want it to have something to look at at the same time - so movies are my audio books, I g...

Gee whiz. Two weeks ago, I was actually reading some pretty interesting things in the world of music therapy, but I am not reading anything in our field right now. This, of course, doesn't mean that I am not reading - I am just not reading something about the field of music therapy at the moment. This is not unusual for me to not read things about our profession. I do not like to do that very often, but I recognize that it is important to do so on occasion. My problem with reading research articles and the like is that it takes lots of work to make the research relevant to my experience as a clinician. I am naturally suspicious of research results, having done my own and recognizing the limitations present in the process, and I find it hard to justify some of the results with my reality in my clinic.  As a result of my avoidance of research and desire to know more about research, I have developed a research to practice process that works for me. It involves a form - swoon! Perhaps ...

My goodness. My blogging practices are lagging this week but are significantly better than last week's. Usually, on Wednesdays, I spend time just talking about anything at all. In the past, I have used labels such as "woeful Wednesday," "weekly wrap-up Wednesday," "website Wednesday," and "webinar Wednesday." I remember why Wednesdays were woeful - that group was horrible and set the tone for the entire day, but that group is no longer together. Things have changed. As I continue to work on my journey of whatever this is, I am trying to figure out what types of things I want to focus on here. Perhaps Wednesdays could be a day where I think about what types of things I think music therapy students need to hear from professional music therapists. I could call it "Dear MT Student:" and go from there. Who knows if I will, but it is an option. I wonder if students would ask questions to be answered? That might be a good way to go. I enjo...

I feel more ready for my Wednesday than I have for a long time. The migraine that started on Sunday seems to be mostly over - we will see - and it is cold again. There is snow on the ground after a 60 degree F change in temperature in the last 12 hours. I am sure that the snow will be gone in most places after about two hours of sunshine, but this was a good reminder that it is still February. This is my busiest day. I see six groups during the day, finish things off with a faculty meeting, head to the post office, and then finish the day with my next job. I will head home, speak to family, and then crash into bed to sleep before getting up to do things all over again. I am not in a good place for writing these days. I am not sure why, but it seems that my brain is foggy right now. I don't know if this is the last bit of the migraine or if it is due to brain fog, but there is something going on. My sister and I were talking about this phenomenon recently. This is not something that...

Today is a 12-hour day schedule at my school job. We have these days every so often where we are required to stay for longer than our contracted hours to accommodate parent/teacher conferences or professional development. When these days happen on Wednesdays, it is always challenging for me since I have a Wednesday evening job already and cannot do the full 12 hours on Wednesday evenings. We have one last 12-hour day on our calendar, and that is on a Thursday, so I will be able to stay for the entire time on that night. The number of evenings we have to stay late have decreased significantly with our new administration. We used to have 10 of these nights per year! TEN! It was ridiculous, and we put an end to that since our school district only has 4 of these nights as part of our contract time. We had 6 extra night obligations that no one else in the district had to do. We now match the district expectations, and that is very helpful, especially for me. I am not an evening person. At a...

It is Wednesday. I found out yesterday that a bonus situation that I was working out will not be happening which is disappointing but not really all that surprising as this has happened before. All the assurances that it WOULD happen were false and things did not pan out. So, I started thinking about interns, and that made me feel a bit overwhelmed. I had two sessions canceled due to a field trip, so I had an afternoon mostly to myself to think and stew. Today will be completely full. I have my regular six groups and then Ash Wednesday service rather than choir rehearsal this evening. I am tired already, but less tired than I was yesterday when I woke up. It is going to be a long day, but that's what my Wednesdays are right now. Long days.  It is pretty funny because the person who put together the schedule doesn't like it and complains about how it happens. I am finding that ironically funny these days. She puts the schedule together all by herself but doesn't like how it ...

It is Wednesday. This is my busiest day of the work week, and I have so many other things to get finished right at the moment that I am a bit overwhelmed. In addition, there are other people messing around with things that they should not be messing with, so I have to untangle their messes on top of the ones that I have going.  Now, I am not perfect, by any means at all, BUT - life is a bit easier when people leave me alone to do my jobs!! Most of my frustration at this time of year comes from other people doing things that are my jobs - and doing those jobs WRONG!!  So, I am someone who prefers to work on my tasks without the interference of others, but that's not today's topic.  Today is all about Wednesdays and how things seem to happen over and over again. I don't have much time to write because getting out of bed was challenging this morning. This happens quite often on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Today, I am thinking that I want to take the trash and recycling out whe...