music, therapy, and me

I am thankful that this week is almost over. Not because of any one thing happening, but just because I need some time away from holding the anger of clients who will not be celebrating holidays with people that they love. I need some time to shed the despair of children who do not understand why they can't go home when they want to go home. I also need to rest up for the sessions next week and the continuation of all of these feelings for the next month. There is something humbling when you realize that you are a safe space for big emotions. I had this realization yesterday when a client became very angry because I turned down the amplifier that was starting to crackle. This client requires very little to get angry, and the anger turns into disruption and aggression really quickly. This is the second week in a row that I was the reason for an emotional outburst while in music therapy. I finally had the thought that music therapy is a safe space to express emotion, and that helped ...

It is another snow day here in my neck of the woods. I am getting ready to head out a bit early so I can get to work. We'll see if I am successful or not. I'm not looking forward to going out, but both of my interns have obligations to do, and they don't go to work if I don't go to work on these inclement weather days. MY rule is that I don't do ice. I need to put on my clothes (rather than my pjs), layer on the cold weather gear, and go outside to see how much ice there is out there - that will help me make my decision about whether I chance it today or not. (There is an inch of snow covering about two inches of slush out there right now.) All of my roads are completely covered which means icy conditions and snow covered roads the entire way to work. I hate missing snow days, but I also hate sitting in ditches (which I've done on one of these days) and having thousands of dollars worth of car repairs (which I've done on a day that should have been an inclem...

I'm tired. I'm sick and tired and want something to change. I don't want to live in fear every time I walk into my school job. I don't want there to be signs on the door that say that we prohibit weapons. I don't want to have to attend active shooter training (which gave me intense and horrible anxiety dreams) in order to learn that there is really nothing that I can do in the case of an active shooter in my school. I am tired of it all. We're told so many conflicting things about situations like the latest in Florida. We get told that it's not the fault of the manufacturers, it's not the fault of the people who make regulatory laws about gun ownership, it's not the fault of such and such. We're told that the person who acted was an individual who chose to take advantage of the loopholes, technicalities, and FREEDOM that we are offered in this country. There will be an assumption that the person who acted was mentally ill, and there will be som...