music, therapy, and me

I am at home again today. I am exhausted, crying at every little thing, and trying really hard to stave off a relapse of the virus that I am fighting right now. I am trying to figure out how to best serve my clients, my intern, and myself. It took some convincing to stay at home today, but not as much as it would if I wasn't sick. So, I am in my pajamas, sitting up for the next two hours so my medications don't cause bigger issues, and not worrying about work today. I am exhausted. The only reason I am sitting up is that I have to. The medications that I have to be on each time this happens from now on can cause an infection of the esophagus if I have any sort of reflux, so I have to sit up. I am doing a project - something just for fun - and it has been the most energizing part of my month so far. I finished a bit of the project last night and then called my mom. I was stuck in the toddler-type energy cycle of "I have to run around because I am fighting sleep and will cra...

I am not feeling well. My "unspecified upper respiratory infection with asthma exacerbation" is back. So far, the first three weeks of my new year are not going well. I am going to have to go back to the doctor because my family members will nag if I don't - and, rightfully so as medical attention is the only way to get out of this particular brand of ick. I woke up this morning, very early, with the nasty taste in my mouth again. So, I am doing a breathing treatment and will go to the doctor after work. Yep, I still have to go to work. Right now, I am not running a temperature, but I am sure that will change once I get going. So much fun! So, what do you do with clients on days when you are not contagious but are not feeling well?  Boy, do I have experience with these types of sessions!! I have the luxury of working in a facility where I stay put in my room and students come to me for music therapy sessions. I know that not every music therapist has a place or the luxury...

Today's post comes to you from the fact that I cannot breathe and have to go on breathing treatments that change my body chemistry and make it difficult to drive places. So, I am taking a sick day. Yep, I'm an internship director who is taking a sick day. There is a bit of guilt associated with this since I am the only music therapy supervisor at my facility. So, if I'm gone, then my intern does not have a music therapy supervisor present. That means that groups with a paid staff member present can happen, but individual sessions cannot. I tend to be someone who believes that sick days are important to take during the course of work. Of course, I am also someone who gets sick quite often, so it has become easier and easier to use these days over the years. I also have a compromised immune system, so when someone comes to my room who is sick, I get it all. This, however, is my usual way of doing things in early February. I call it my "OCMT sickness" because it happ...

Last week was a week where I was gone from work more than I was present. This happens sometimes - and it usually happens for me more in the months of October and November than any other time of the year. I get strange ailments that cannot be explained during these months. Last week was one of those weeks. I am still having issues, but I've not received the medical assistance that I need, so I am maintaining my bland diet and trying very hard to keep going to work. I know that I am not contagious, so I can go to work and be miserable just as easily as sitting at home. One of the things that I have learned about being an internship supervisor is that intern independence is a good thing, but it has to be taught and modeled. I try to talk about independence with my interns - after all, my supervisor leaves me to do my job without checking in on me...pretty much ever, so my interns have the same freedoms. They do not have to spend their office hours on campus (this is a change from my e...

I am currently in the throes of my February ick - something I get every year at this time, something undefined and vague, but something that happens in February every single year. I went to the doctor last week and had a flu test (because that bug has descended upon my primary workspace) which came back negative (after starting a nosebleed that lasted for about 25 minutes). My clients have a combination of influenza and/or strep, and I'm actually thankful for my own kind of ick because a)no one has the same symptoms as me AT ALL, and b)this ick seems to protect me from the other forms of ick going around. Now, here's where I stress the idea of using universal precautions. The idea of universal precautions means that you treat the bodily fluids of every single person as possible sources of germs...which they are...and treat them the same way all the time. Hand washing, disinfecting surfaces and instruments, and wearing gloves when needed are basic ideas and tenets to this ...

Surprise! I managed to finish up my very busy day on the 5th of November, just to end up in the hospital for a surprise gallbladder removal and additional bile duct procedure. I didn't plan this AT ALL, but I am thinking that this may be part of my recent fatigue, blah moods, and issues, so I am very grateful to be on the other side of all of this - minus my gallbladder and some gallstone fragments. I spent three days in the hospital and am now at home, trying to figure out what is going to happen next. My post-procedure instructions are pretty vague - go back to work when work duties no longer cause pain. Hm. That really depends on what duties you are talking about. You can drive when you don't have any pain when braking. Okay. Go to your primary care physician within 5 days - but the doctor won't see me because it is impossible to get an appointment with them, so I'm going to have to go as a walk-in tomorrow because I need some more guidance about what I need to a...

Yep. I had all sorts of great plans to blog about putting together my newest digital files and all that, but I got sick...again...for the upteenth time in last 12 months. Every time I get sick, it is the same thing, but it manifests differently, so I have to wait several days before it solidifies into what it actually is so that I know what I need to do to make it all better. I am to that part in the process now. So, I am back to my blog. ...and, I am exactly where I left off on Monday. I have arranged the original digital files, but they aren't quite finished yet. I have to put the notes into the rhythm wheels and then print things off and then start the next part of this project - putting the files together so I can add instructional pictures to the file and then upload it all. I'm currently in the middle of some life scrutiny. This is always exacerbated by my illness level, and so, most of what I am feeling right now may be due to the bad germs coursing through my bo...

It is officially illness season at my workplace. We are currently battling several versions of ick that are going around, and it is not unusual for kids to be sleeping when they should be schooling. We are all doing everything possible to stay healthy and not succumb to the germs that are happening. As a result, the mantra that became this title keeps going through my head. I, of course, have several songs that reinforce this concept of hand washing, and they are on repeat in my brain. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a side effect of whatever is happening around me, but those songs are on repeat. This also means lots of instrument cleaning. I think I will avoid materials that need to be touched and shared this week in my session strategizing. I'm not sure that everyone holding instruments is a good idea. Short post this morning - mainly because I am out of things to say about this topic and have lots to do this morning - wash your hands! Wash, wash, wash your ...

I am stuck at home for another day because of the treatment protocol that I am doing right now for my mystery gut stuff that's going on, so I am on the lookout for things to do to fill the hours. So, today's fun thing to do is to cut out all the things I've laminated lately. Doesn't that sound like fun? I enjoy making visual aids, but I have never liked laminating them and cutting them out. In my intern days, my internship director gave me all sorts of laminating projects to complete to get some hours for the program. In those days, laminating machines were huge, expensive, and beyond the reach of the private school not-for-profit organization that I volunteered at for my internship. I had to use contact paper. If you don't know what contact paper is, well, count your blessings! I still have nightmares about the projects that I had to re-do because the contact paper did not perform the way it was supposed to. So...many...wrinkles! One of the first things tha...

I'm on my third sick day of this week. On Sunday evening, I started something that I've experienced before, but it didn't go away. Usually, when I get this strange pain in my side, it lasts for about 30 minutes and then goes away. Sometimes it comes back after a couple of hours, lasts for about 30 minutes, and then leaves again. This time, it started and did not stop for about 24 hours. I'm to the point now where I have more time without pain than with it, but the pain is still present, and I don't like it. So, since the pain is coming in waves and is pretty intense, I've decided to experience it here at home rather than in the middle of music therapy sessions. I feel guilty about this. I feel guilty that I haven't been to work this week. Now, I know that it is better for my health to be able to go through the treatment that my nurse practitioner has recommended, and that treatment has to be done at home where I can access a bathroom immediately. I can...

Me, at work, smiling through the stuffy nose! I am getting ready for a mini-break, and my throat is aching and my sinuses are full. This is pretty typical for me - anticipation for some time to rest and then my body taking over to remind me how important rest actually is. I'm not too worried about this - it is my typical allergic response to spring, but I can't take the heavy duty medications until tonight - they knock me out for 24 hours and dry me up. So, I am going to suffer through today with my lightweight medications and then sock the allergens with the big meds tonight. Tomorrow will be most of a loss for my goals since I'll be in bed where the dizzy spells and the extreme fatigue will be able to overtake me without injury, but this would have needed to be done due to the Easter lilies that will surround me on Sunday morning at my church job. I have only 18 hours to go before I can medicate. I don't know why my body tends to do this, but it has become a tra...

Last week was a rough week and my morning routine was just all sorts of interrupted and messed up. I'll spare you the gory details, but it was not a week where finishing my routine was really an option - at all. So, I took it easy on myself and just didn't do the routine - any of it! I tried for the first three days of the week, but the last two were really sick days, so I didn't even try. As a result, I am currently getting ready to re-establish my morning routine. So far, I have gone over my social media accounts, fed and medicated the cat, taken my medication, and now I am sitting down to blog. I have already taken an hour out of my morning to do these things, and I'm feeling behind. I know I'm not behind, but that's the feeling that I have. Time to focus on the routine. Get specific things done and have some time for creative expression as well. I have to put together a bunch of materials for a project that one of my interns is finishing pretty soon, a...

So, I got an infection yesterday that is going to take over my entire life unless I take care of it. I have a couple of decisions that I have to make. Do I take time off from work to take care of this or do I wait until the late afternoon to address the issue? I've decided to take some time off from work. I seriously agonize about this decision because I really want to avoid taking time off, but I know my doctor's schedule and early morning is usually a better time (and lots less stressful for me) to access treatment. Also, if needed, I have lots of time to get things finished rather than having to try to fit things into a small window of time between my full-time job and my part-time job. I hate being late and feeling rushed. Also, by going to the doctor early, I can get the issue resolved earlier, so less pain and discomfort. Isn't it interesting how difficult it can be to make decisions about our own health and well-being? Yet, we make decisions about health and well...

Yesterday, I took a sick day. I woke up with my voice in the tenor register (I'm usually a soprano), with a runny nose, and a wicked cough. I took my heavy duty medication and then settled in for the 24 hours of serious side effects that happen with the heavy duty stuff. I tried to find my assistant principal's voice mail box and finally gave up and just texted him (at 4-ish am). I sent emails to both of my interns letting them know what to do once they got to work, and then I slept. Today, I have to go to work.  It is a long, long week at work. We were supposed to be having Open House tomorrow night, but it has been postponed - there are lots of reasons behind this, but all I know is that it has been replaced with "team-building" activities. I can't participate as I have to go to work tomorrow evening halfway through the mysterious trip to team-building. I'm not all that disappointed. I will be at work for a long time this week because one of my interns...

I am trying really hard to make it to the end of this week. Yesterday, my last group included full frontal nudity - never something fun - and I am completely knackered. I'm frustrated by so many things right now that I am going to focus on some positives to remind me that there are positive, happy things going on in my world. I am going to end this contract year with some sick time accrued! Granted, it's not lots of time, only 4.5 hours, but still! For the first time since my my knee injury, I will have sick time carry over into the next contract year! I keep reminding myself that this is a good thing as I drag my exhausted body into work every morning - sick time accrued is good time. I will have four new team mates when this next break is over. It is a concern when a third of the teaching staff decides to leave, but it is somewhat of a blessing as well. We are really hoping that we have the teachers we need as of a week from Monday, but we don't usually have folks w...

It is already 5:20 and I am just now sitting down to write this blog. I am usually trying to finish up things by this time, but my routine has become out of order due to illness and fatigue, doctor's appointments and antibiotics, and lots of other things. My nurse practitioner looked at me during my appointment on Friday and said, "You're never an easy one to figure out, are you?" My answer? "Nope."  Welcome to the health challenges of my entire family. None of us do things in a normal way. My latest health challenge? Despite being on a heavy antibiotic, my throat is starting to hurt. I go for yet another set of chest x-rays this afternoon after work - I am hoping to be at work for the entire day today - and then we'll talk about other options for treatment. All of this while I have no more sick time left to me and only a couple of non-paid days off left to use. I wanted to use them for another Spring Break, but that isn't happening now. Well now...

As I am sitting here in my illness stupor, I am thinking deep thoughts...well, some of them are deep thoughts. Some of my thoughts are of the "I really want some ice cream" variety rather than anything profound. I'm to the point in my illness right now where I have slept and slept, and I need to be doing something, so thinking is what my brain and body have chosen to do. What do I think about? I think about Master's Level Entry into our profession. I think about differences between my job and that of a hospice music therapist. I wonder if I will get any ideas pulled together for AMTA's national conference this year. I think about my friends currently traveling across the country. I wonder if I'll finish any of my projects in the next couple of weeks. I think about the future of this profession. There are lots of things to think about. I'm trying to figure out what presentation proposals I want to submit to AMTA this year. I'm thinking it may be tim...

On Wednesday evening, my anxiety came to a head with me crying hysterically on the phone while talking to my father about how I was feeling. My father, who doesn't really like to address deep feelings, suggested that I call my sister who is better at addressing those feelings. So, I did. After talking to her, I made some proactive changes to my sleeping and went to bed. I tossed and turned all night, sweating through my pajamas, and waking every hour or two. When I woke up yesterday morning, I was exhausted and sick. I got dressed in my work uniform and attempted to blog (several different times). I took the last dose of my stomach medication and prepared to go to work, but I couldn't get going. I called and arranged for a sick day. Then, I went back to sleep until the cat woke me up. I went out to get some medication, a new thermometer (mine always seem to go missing when I want to take my temperature, some water filters, and a new book to read.  Isn't it amazing how t...

Last night, I walked over to put my dishes in the sink after dinner and was overtaken by chills. I ended up shivering with my teeth chattering for about 45 minutes after that. I turned up the heater, put on my socks, covered up myself in about 8 blankets and afghans, and covered my head. I remained covered up that way for the rest of the night. I think I went to sleep about 6:45 last night...and the night before that. My temperature is still a bit below "normal" for most folks, but I am about a degree higher than I usually am, so I think I am running a bit of a temperature as well. I have needed my asthma medicine a bit more than usual, but nothing else is happening. I'm currently debating about whether this is the start of the flu or if it isn't. My major problem is that my usual, everyday way of living has many of the characteristics of the flu. I almost always have a cough, sneezing, and a runny nose. Those haven't changed. I don't usually get bone shakin...

Yesterday, a good friend of mine collapsed in the middle of a church service. This good friend is also the pastor, and he got really sweaty, somewhat disoriented, and had difficulty with his balance. He wasn't slurring his words, but he fainted once and was caught by two of the younger men of the congregation. Fortunately, there were enough of us to bully him into going to the emergency room rather than staying around to do Sunday school. He really wanted to stay for his class and for the second service. We insisted that he go. Turns out, he has a bladder infection.  He scared me. Here was a person that I cared about who was in distress, and I was scared that he was having a stroke or a heart attack - I felt like it more stroke-like rather than heart problems. I was scared for him and for his wife. I was confronted once about not wanting to take courses about working as a hospice music therapist. I stated that I was unable to handle the subject matter, and I was ridiculed by ...