music, therapy, and me

It is almost the end of my break. Today is travel day, so I am getting my things together for the trip back to where I live and work. I have late afternoon/night flights today, so I get to spend some time with my family before heading to the airport. I tend to prefer early flights over late ones, but this schedule gave me a great deal to the airport 15 minutes from my Mother's house rather than having to go through the hullabaloo that is LAX, so I am taking the late flights.  I have strict instructions to strip my bed before I go. I will have a room inspection as well because I tend to leave things behind. I have my travel clothing all picked out, and I am ready to go. The problem? There are many hours between this moment and when I actually leave. I am not an anxious traveler except when it comes to timing. That's where my anxiety comes in. How much time will it take to get to the airport? How much time will it take to go through security? How much time will I need to get a me...

I am currently sitting in the family room at my last childhood home, blogging, and thinking about stuff. Nothing really all that important is going through my head, but I am thinking. There is something about being physically away from all things that I have to do that makes my brain start to rumble about other things. It happens every time I come here, and I am both invigorated by it and frustrated about it at the same time. For example, I love that I do not have to work for the next week. I love that I can spend time with the family members who are here, and I love that I can putter around. I am enjoying my mother create things for her Barbie dolls, and I love the self-satisfied giggle she emits when she accomplishes something for herself. We have a project to start creating some rooms to furnish with all the things that she is creating, and I hope that we get to that pretty soon. The frustration comes from not having my own things to create with. I am away from my own stuff, and Mom...

One of my favorite pieces of music is Into the Unknown by Panic at the Disco. This is the piece that is in the end credits of the movie, Frozen 2 , and it strikes a chord with me in ways that I find difficult to explain. I mean, I like the version that Idina Menzel sings in the movie, but this is the version that energizes every cell in my body. I am trying my best to step into the unknown this year. It is part of my interpretation of my word of the year, Transform. I am making an effort to do things that either I have never done or that I have been putting off. So, here it goes. I found out this weekend that I have been accepted to present a continuing music therapy education (CMTE) course on one of my passion topics - competency-based clinical training. Now, I just need to have five people sign up and then it's a go! I was accepted to do a workshop at the World Congress of Music Therapy in July this year on another of my passion projects - the future of music therapy. I am starti...

I am in a period of change. This is partially due to my age, I am sure, and partially due to the fact that I have moved into a new home, and partially due to the fact that there are so many things happening in the world that there isn't much that remains static. Things are changing all around us, and it is sometimes difficult to keep up.  So, I am feeling a sense of accomplishment this morning. I woke up at 3:30 (my usual waking time these days) and finished a book. I have been reading Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett since Monday. It was nice to get to the ending. If you haven't read it, just know that I loved the Amazon series (there is a second season coming!!), and then I read the book. The series was very close to the book - something that I value in a remake and that doesn't happen often enough for me. After I finished the book, I took the pieces of furniture down to the office/studio to set up. Before I started that project, though, I looked at my utili...

Anxiety has been showing it's ugly head quite often in the past 36 hours. As I wrote yesterday, I am currently overstimulated, overscheduled, and just plain wishing I could hibernate and that other people would just do things for me and let me wake up to a beautifully maintained home! Alas, those types of wishes are not really all that possible on a music therapist's budget, so I am still packing and getting ready to start moving from my apartment to MY NEW HOME! Yesterday involved having to leave work early to make it to the bank and get a cashier's check and then dash to the doctor to continue to consult about my current partial Achilles tendon rupture, and then heading home for some packing and talking to my Mom and my sister. Earlier in the week, I had an email from my loan processor saying that there were additional fees that I had to cover in my closing costs and I was armed with the exact amount when I went in for my check. I had paid for the check and currently have...

Me in my almost house! After a long, busy weekend, I am heading back into my regular work routine. It is 4:24 am, and I am sitting here, gazing at my blogging post wondering what in the world I might have to say to myself at this moment. My home is a mess because I have started packing for the move that I will be doing next month. The to-do list is getting longer and longer as I try to sort through all the things that I will need to do during the next 30 days. I have my checklists to go through and get myself organized with, but I am also feeling a bit overwhelmed about stuff. When I get this way, I tend to try to compartmentalize myself a bit more than I usually do, and it gets very overwhelming very quickly. I am also a bit hesitant to commit to leaving my apartment and to make arrangements for things like utilities because of my parents' experiences losing houses after offers had been accepted and all that. So, my music therapy routine is a bit off kilter because my life routine...

You know how we therapists are often our own worst critics? Yep. That's me. I am the loudest when it comes to my failings and things that I "NEED TO/SHOULD" do better in all areas of my life. No one is harder on me than I am, and I carry lots of shame when others correct me or criticize how I do things. Yesterday was not a particularly bad day, but it was not my most efficient day. I filmed two videos for my YouTube channel, uploaded them both, took about three hours for a worker's compensation doctor visit, and got very little done for the rest of the day. I did do a bit of goal brainstorming (I bought 13 books from the Barcelona $10 textbook sale) for my professional development for the next year. I cleared off the loveseat (one of my decluttering foci for this week), and then started to get my reading routine off the ground. I intend to spend some of my work days in reading this year. Yesterday's reading was not done during work hours, but I had to keep myself ...

It is time to start my fourth "work from home" day. I spent the last two days at work, arranging our new YouTube channel and linking it to the new school YouTube channel. I have set up two-point authentication on my Google account, so I should be able to upload things to the channel from home as I get them. I still need to check that - I'll do that after I am finished with this post - can't seem to get competing Google accounts to work well at this moment. So, if I can't get on the YouTube account from home, I have the solution that worked on Monday - using a shared folder. There is always a solution. I need to write these things down. I think I will do that today. Put it on the list. I had a productive couple of days at work this week. I posted 19 videos on our channel - 14 of those were from my interns. The other five were mine. I recorded another yesterday and found one that I had started, so I now have 10 videos on the site. It is my goal to have more than my ...

It is a bit past the halfway part of my new monthly goal setting process. I decided last month that it might be better if I set goals in the midst of my angsty cycle rather than in my energetic cycle. So, I sat down on the 15th to set some goals for this month. I have been working on three different goals - one was to get gifts for my family members to my family members - I'm at about 65% done with that one - 9 days to go to accomplish that goal. My other two goals are not as time bound or as time specific. The first goal is to make Saturdays a true day of rest. I no longer have a day in my schedule where I have no work obligations at all. I am trying to get my part-time job obligations going before Saturday. I am not doing well with this goal. I have not managed to get my video work done before Saturdays yet. The last goal is to declutter. One of my goals will always be to declutter. This goal has actually been helped significantly by the entire other topic of this post - working ...

I am an okay time manager. On weeks like this, when I have a major event coming up, I tend to get things done, but the to-do list gets longer and longer and everything has an air of immediacy about it. I have to spend more time and effort on my time management skills and use my lists more diligently. The problem with weeks like this is that everything has a specific time frame for completion and nothing can really get going until that time frame. This is the type of week where I can't really get things done ahead of time, I can just wait until it is time to release information and finish tasks. Anyway, I am an okay time manager. I am also a procrastinator/perfectionist who always feels that there is plenty of time to get things done until deadlines come up and then I wish I had started things earlier... I am trying to evolve into someone who has less deadline stress and more space to get tasks finished. I have already finished and scheduled one of the tasks due to be rel...

Nothing looks like this now - it's better, I promise! Today is Memorial Day in the States, but it is also my first day of break. One week from today, I will be back in the music therapy clinic, trying really hard to get used to a brand new schedule, and starting treatment for a brand new classroom experience that we've never done before. For now, however, I am sitting in my home, knowing that I have no place that I have to go today or for the next six days. What a luxury. The goals that I will be working on this week include thinning out the stuff that I have in my home and cleaning things around home. The church that I work for is having a rummage sale in two weeks, so I have a place to take things and a deadline for the first bit. I started with the books yesterday. I have a 40-gallon tote almost full, and I've only gone through some of the books. I hope to have two totes of books ready to go tomorrow as well as some bags of clothes. I also have a bunch of cords a...

I am currently sitting here, stewing in guilt about vacation plans that my family is pressuring me to take that I don't want to do at all, looking at a big mess - my living area. This is part of why I don't want to do the things that my parents are trying to arrange for my next break, but not all of it. Oh dear, can't get bogged down in those thoughts. Anyway, I am surrounded by too much stuff for the square footage that I have, and I have to get rid of some of it...today. At this point, I am too overwhelmed to be doing much good, but I have to just knuckle down and do it. It is time. I am going to start with the hallway closet. There are things in there that haven't been out of that closet since I moved in. Time to toss them and donate them. I want to put most of my musical instruments and music therapy materials in that closet, but I have to clean it completely out first. Once that is finished, I'll have space on bookshelves for other things. That's the pl...

My major project this first summer break is reorganizing my living room/office space in my home. I have completely ripped my front room apart, and there are things all over the floor at the moment. I have piles of things to donate, to put back on the shelves, and to repurpose. I have my new desks in place with the bookshelves keeping them stable, and I am putting things in places that seem to make the most logical sense. For example, all of the file folder assembly things are in the same place and on the same set of bookshelves under the creativity desk. The reference books, compact discs, and some of the boring writing utensils are on the shelves of the writing desk. My goal is to have everything I need for my various interests within easy reach no matter what I am doing. I am also trying to keep the top of the desk areas (hollow core doors) as empty as possible to encourage me to engage in work on these surfaces.  At the moment, there is more stuff off shelves than on. Eventu...

Today is the start of my staycation for Spring Break 2018. I am not planning on going too far from home, but who knows what will happen later this week. I like staying home as part of my self-care routine. I love to travel, but I don't often have the funds to do so. I REALLY love free trips, so if you need anyone to travel to your place to talk about something music therapy-related, let me know! I'll be there as soon as possible!! Anyway, I will be spending my Spring Break the way I spend most breaks - at home with the cat, making lots of plans that just don't seem very important when it comes down to it. I must clean. I must throw things out. I want to be able to buy a new bed at the end of this week, so I have to organize and clean out enough to get the old bed out and the new bed in. I also have my new bullet journal routine (see yesterday's post) to continue to establish into a habit. I also need to do some grocery shopping, cooking, and eating. So, what does al...

It is my last full day of visiting home, and I am not handling the end very well. I love this place and these people, and now I am the only one who isn't living here, so I am the oddball now. I don't want to be leaving, but my job is elsewhere, so I have to go...back...to bitter temperatures and a job where I don't feel all that valued... (Please note that most of the comments that I am making here are colored by the fact that I have only one more day to be in this wonderland, and I DON'T WANT TO GO!) The end of a visit almost always makes me wonder if there are things I can do in order to stay, but I just can't see possibilities beyond what I know. I do know this - I will be returning home for good at some point. (I got to start buying lottery tickets!)  My sister has arranged my last day here. I am going to stay at her house tonight. We will be going to her neighborhood block party (I'm her excuse for not staying for very long), and we may go to see Star...

I am currently rearranging my living area to incorporate some new shelves and to move some older shelving to my office areas at work. This is due to the fact that I've already had an inquiry about an intern placement, so I am feeling some pressure to be ready for intern #24 at any moment. That was the impetus I needed to get off my chair and start being proactive. As a result, my living area is more of a mess than usual. At the moment, the far wall of (what is supposed to be) the dining area is looking pretty good. I have the new shelving over there, and the shelves are filling up with books and boxes and trinkets of various origins. I have some of my personal instruments along the top of the shelving. I have some new canvas boxes that will store various things. I am making shelves for music therapy texts and for songbooks. There are shelves for visual aid making materials and for instruments. I still have three more shelving units to put together, so I have some additional plann...

I have tried to start this post several times today. I was sitting in my parents' family room, next to my sister, trying to write something that would represent what I feel on the brink between the old and new years. It just wasn't coming then. I feel that it is coming now - kinda like how nausea indicates that something unpleasant is happening - I hope this isn't that unpleasant, but no promises. 2016 was difficult for many of us in the world. I faced big personal and professional challenges and disappointments. Others lost parents, children, loved ones. There were shootings, hateful actions towards others, and a general feeling of disconnection with many different things including government and each other. We lost many icons in the world of entertainment. Things did not seem to go as planned for many of us out here in the world. 2016 is going to be over pretty soon, for all of us. 2017 holds the best gift of all - an uncertain future. Who knows what the world will ...

I am currently in my sister's old room, waiting for my family to wake up and get the day started. There is something about this room that leads to deep sleep and lots of good rest. My sister proclaims that it has to be about the lavender walls (I am HIGHLY skeptical about that one). My mother agrees that there is something about this room that is restful but she cannot figure it out either. If my old room still existed as a guest room, I would prefer to be there, but my mother has turned it into her sewing room (as opposed to this one which is the paper crafting room). There really is something special about "at home" rest. I think that I cannot truly "rest" when I am at my residence. There is always something that I need to do. Here, though, there isn't much that HAS to be done, just things that COULD be done. That inspires me. My holiday was pretty quiet (until about 45 seconds after my sister went home). We had a holiday flood in the back bathroom tha...

I am getting ready to take stuff out of my home away from home and start the process of driving back to my permanent home right now. I decided to wait until after sunrise to leave so I could drive unfamiliar roads in the light and familiar roads in the dark. I have a couple of hours to pack things up and prepare myself for the time in the car. I bought an iPod charging cord, so I will have tunes and videos to listen to as I go across this country. I also have CDs, including a brand new one from the Athens County Community Choir (one of the presentations I went to yesterday) that has (shudder) holiday music on it. I'll probably NOT crack that one since I refuse to do the holiday music thing until AFTER Thanksgiving, but I have something new to listen to, if I need to do so. I am glad to be on the end of this conference time. I enjoyed being able to attend presentations (something my former roles with AMTA did not really allow me to do). I was happy to agree to four different pre...

There truly is no place like home. Sound corny? It is, but I don't get to go to the place that I consider "home" that often, so when I am here, I really try to savor every moment. This is one of those moments that I want to savor. I am sitting on the couch, watching Monuments Men with my father sitting about six feet away from me. (I really love wireless wi-fi!). Dad often chooses to channel surf incessantly, but this movie has captured his attention, so I am actually able to watch the movie from where we started it (somewhere in the middle) and will probably end up watching it until the end. There are Spritz cookies on the table, Mom is upstairs using Pinterest, and we're all going to my sister's house and then out for dinner later this evening. I may live in one state, but my home is not where I live. It's where my heart lives. It is easy to abide in a place that is geographically far away when I know that home is there waiting for me - wherever I am. I...