music, therapy, and me

There are all sorts of negative things happening around the world. I am trying really hard to remain positive in my small corner of the world but it is difficult when every single thing that you encounter is just plain old horrible. So, I am searching for the positives that are still happening but are overshadowed by the negative.  I read a post yesterday about mindfulness and it reminded me of the focus that we had about 10-15 years ago when "mindfulness" was all the rage! Every single conference focused on specific techniques that we music therapists could do to help us with the rigors of being helpers. That terminology has gone by the wayside in recent years, but this point of view is one that is valuable for me. It was nice to be reminded during my morning habits. So, I spent some time with my journal being specifically mindful. This is not a habit with me at this point, but I want it to become more natural to engage in this type of thinking. Since it helps me figure out ...

Yesterday was the second anniversary of my Dad's fall which led to his death six weeks later. I woke up this morning feeling a bit stressed because my sleep test stopped recording itself at some point overnight. That didn't happen the night before - when I woke up, I had to stop the recording. I have no idea what happened, and that stress kicked me into remembering the events of 2020 and into full out grief. I don't always get into grief this much, but it has hit me pretty hard today. There is so much happening right now that is contributing to my ways of dealing with the world. I have avoided influenza so far, but my current intern has not. I want to take a day off, but guilt is running rampant, so I will take myself into work to run the three music therapy groups and one individual session that are scheduled for Thursdays. I haven't done any work on task boxes lately, so I am planning some task box construction this afternoon. My last client on Thursdays left the faci...

Now, my name is not Alexander, but I did have a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day on Monday. It was a day of ups and downs - I was accepted to present on music therapy futurism at the World Congress of Music Therapy, but I also spent about 45 minutes crying in my office after being asked to be part of a team photo and then watching my "team" not wait for me to get there. I rounded the corner as they snapped the picture and then scattered. I was told that they would try to get everyone back so I could be part of the picture, but by that point, I was in hysterics and just didn't need any further humiliation. The rest of the day was what I was expecting - Halloween in a psychiatric treatment facility is on a level beyond other Halloween experiences I have ever had - but I ended up in the throes of a horrible headache and went to sleep pretty soon after I got home. I hadn't slept much from Sunday to Monday, so I know that was part of my hysteria, but the "tea...

I fell down about a week and a half ago. I was walking on my stairs and wasn't holding onto the banister and thought that I could bend down and pick up something that was on the stairs without doing anything, but I slipped. As I was falling, all I could think of was that I did not want to die on my stairs. All my sister would be able to say was "I told her so" during her grief process. Everyone would be mad at me, so I was able to avoid hitting my head completely. I did twist my foot someway and ended up chipping a big piece of my ring toe off the base of my phalanx. My Physician's Assistant referred me to the local orthopedist for a consult. I have been breaking bones in situations where I had been only spraining things. I fall down lots. Since I am breaking chips off bones on what I feel is a regular basis now, I am determined to get to the bottom of what is happening to me. It is probably a lack of calcium since I do not drink milk. My grandmother had pretty bad os...

One of my former clients often attempted to turn me off like I was a mechanical person rather than a human. He would poke my arm and then model what he wanted me to do - with a neeeee-rm sound. I told him that he had to figure out the secret passcode in order to stop my mechanism, and I was forbidden to divulge that passcode to anyone.  I want a shut-down button. I think I am in the down part of my hormonal cycle which is getting more and more variable as I get older. It would be nice to have a button that would allow me to hibernate and let the world go on around me, but I cannot. The best thing that I can do during these times is to try to maintain my hold on my emotions the best I can. I use my self-care strategies and try new ones, and I fail. Lots. This is going to be a difficult day for me - all of the stuff that is happening is going to be emotional for me. I am already steeped in dread about everything that is going to happen tonight, and I am good at self-fulfilling prophe...

I start back to work on Thursday this week which means that I have three more days of my first summer break to enjoy and work through. I figured out which houses would be for which note on the staff yesterday, so my planning for my Notation Neighborhood is progressing...slowly. I still have a sink full of dishes - need to get that taken care of immediately! Be right back... Things weren't as bad as I thought they would be with the whole dish situation - I had used almost all of the forks that I owned, but silverware was the only full section of the washer. Things are being washed now, so that chore is off the list. There are smaller things left to do, but the big one - those dishes are started. The end of break always comes too soon. I don't think I would feel that way if I had the entire summer off, but I have never had that experience, so I cannot say for certain. Anyway, I'm in the same old pattern of complaining, and I do not want to be in that sort of mood, so I am goi...

Last week was a rough week and my morning routine was just all sorts of interrupted and messed up. I'll spare you the gory details, but it was not a week where finishing my routine was really an option - at all. So, I took it easy on myself and just didn't do the routine - any of it! I tried for the first three days of the week, but the last two were really sick days, so I didn't even try. As a result, I am currently getting ready to re-establish my morning routine. So far, I have gone over my social media accounts, fed and medicated the cat, taken my medication, and now I am sitting down to blog. I have already taken an hour out of my morning to do these things, and I'm feeling behind. I know I'm not behind, but that's the feeling that I have. Time to focus on the routine. Get specific things done and have some time for creative expression as well. I have to put together a bunch of materials for a project that one of my interns is finishing pretty soon, a...

I have a case of the grumps - that mood where there just isn't anything that makes me happy and everything just makes me a bit angry. It's silly things, really - my father's ultra conservative posts on Facebook, the fact that the cat wants to cuddle at times when I do not, all the food that I have in the cabinet that just doesn't sound appetizing to me at all, the list just goes on and on. Nothing is really serious, so I'm thinking this is the product of hormones, and I am very grateful that I have another day off before I have to work around others.   It is time to spend some time in my own company. I don't think I'll get an early morning phone call from my father - my family is going to the memorial service for my second cousin once removed today. I'm not going because I am the only one who doesn't live in California. Grump. I have to make a choice - do I let the grumps take over my life? Or do I work through them. I choose to work through t...

My quotation box is something that I use for inspiration. It is a small box, not at all decorated in my type of colors or style, and it is chock full of small, black, double-sided cards. Every so often, I switch the cards around so that I can see a new thought, a new quote from someone out there. This is the quotation for today. "Let your mind be quiet, realizing the beauty of the world, and the immense, the boundless treasures that it holds in store."  ~Edward Carpenter For me, this quote seems to encompass the entire idea of mindfulness. I haven't spent much time this past week in mindful practices. I've been thinking lots, spending time with myself and the cat, and moving from task to task, but I haven't been doing these things in a mindful manner. This kind of quotation offers me a reminder, from my little copper and white striped box, to stop and be mindful. I need little reminders every so often. I need big, audacious reminders at other times. Right...

My mother is currently WAY into the adult coloring book craze. As a result, I've received notepads, bookmarks, coloring books, and magazines that encourage me to color, color, color. Mom has also supplied the markers so I have no excuse except to color. So, I've been coloring. Here's a picture of a work in progress. It is a notebook cover that I've been working on. As you can see, I have not completed it at all, but I'm making progress. Now, I have always been a colorer - I enjoy coloring things and making them unique. I also enjoy drawing things. I've never given up my colored pencils and markers - in fact, I have lots of coloring materials already in my house, but I don't often color just to color. Most of the time, I have a goal for my coloring - completion of visual aids, making a product for sale, etc. This coloring is a bit different. I've never been one who slips into meditation easily. Guided imagery is not something I've been succe...

Most of my thoughts this week have been about the holiday hyperactivity that happens all around me at this time of year. Some of it is self-induced - as a musician, there are performances and programs to lead. Much of the rest of the hype is other-induced - the pressures to have a perfect holiday, the chance to see family and friends, Pinterest (do I need to say more??). My quotation for the past several weeks has been from E. B. White , writer of Charlotte's Web and Stuart Little as well as being the co-editor of The Elements of Style . It sits on my shelf, just behind my right shoulder, and has been sitting there for several weeks now. Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder. ~ E.B. White During this holiday season, I am making an effort to find wonder in various places. You know, when I am looking for it, it is amazing how I can find it. When I'm not looking for it, wonder is still happening all around me, but I am often oblivious. I think of this purp...

It is four days before the start of my Winter Break. I will be home for two days before leaving my home for my childhood home, so my to-do list is starting to look very interesting (to me, at least). At work, my to-do list is pretty much the same as always. Strategize for sessions, complete documentation (at time of service rather than, ahem, slacking off!), organize materials for January's session strategies, and help clients navigate the excitement and anger associated with this holiday season. I have to be as consistent as possible to help clients navigate this time of year. At home, my to-do list is a bit more varied. Will presents fit in the luggage? Check. Clean out fridge. Finish the laundry (including PUTTING IT IN THE CLOSET!). Check. Wash the dishes. Throw junk out of the house. Figure out blog topics for various projects. Take care of the cat. Rehearse the guitar part for Christmas Eve service. Eat Christmas cookies. (That one's NEVER a problem to get done...) Av...

On my cabinet that is behind my head when I run music therapy sessions, I have a bus ticket. It's our motivational thing this year - The Energy Bus . The bus ticket is what my administrators are currently giving out to teachers who are "caught being positive." I received one last week and have received none this week because my administrators NEVER actually come to my room. Anyway, last week, we were encouraged to turn in our bus ticket for a drink from Sonic. Now, I have this strange reaction to the water in the town where I work, so I decided that I would rather keep the ticket than get an intestinal infection. I posted my Bus ticket on my cabinet. It has been fun to see who pays attention to my cabinet decorations and who does not. Yesterday, one of my clients asked me, "Have you read The Energy Bus?" I responded that I had read it. The client asked, "What's it about?" Hmmm. How do you explain a corporate motivational book to a person who ...

I am getting a presentation ready for the American Music Therapy Association's National Conference next month. It's a presentation that I haven't given before, and I think I bit off more than I can chew, but I am moving forward and will have something helpful to present to my audience on November 18th at 11:30 (I think - I should check on that...). Here's what I am trying to do - I am trying to figure out a formula for writing objectives and benchmarks...something that helps me plug in desired outcomes and generate good benchmarks with limited time useage. Early morning cat attention. She's proofing the post... Sounds good, right? Yep. Sounds good. I am close to being able to figure this out. I have many pages filled with equations and operators that make sense to me, but I'm afraid that they won't make sense to anyone else.  To further compound this process, the cat is extra cuddly today and insists on sitting between me and the computer. This...

It's no secret that part of my work life is that of church musician and Director of Music. I work for a small, rural, Methodist church in between two major cities in my state, and I have been there for many years. It is a break from music therapy but is still music-related and offers a place for performance as well as spiritual replenishment for me and others. One of the traditions that I love comes in several of our rituals that happen during worship. The pastor greets us with the phrase, "Peace be with you." We respond with, "And also with you." I love that greeting and find that it has so many different applications, especially outside the walls of the church. Today, I want to offer that phrase to all of you. Peace be with you. I've been surrounded by conflict and negativity lately. It's happening on the radio, in social media, in my own brain as things are rapidly changing. People that I know pretty well seem to be wrapped up in continuing ...

At the beginning of this month, I was driving home and happened to look up to see a gorgeous rainbow in the sky. It was a full rainbow, stretching from one side of the horizon to the other. The colors on the right side were the most vibrant colors I have ever seen. I had to stop by the side of the road to take pictures and keep this rainbow in my mind through the visual reminders. There are some who say that taking pictures keeps us from actually engaging in the moments going on around us, but that's not how I experience the world. I take pictures so I can capture a memory. Now, I didn't just take pictures, I also just sat and stared at the beauty that was before me. I spent some of my time (which is something I don't do easily - spending extra time doing something mindful) just observing the rainbow and thinking about all of the people who were driving around me who may not have seen the bow in front of them. I took my time, reveled in the sight in front of me, and ...

This week, I'm trying some new things that I've never done before with the intent of stretching myself past my usual comfort zone and into the great unknown. Not that this week hasn't been chock full of challenging situations, disappointments, and frustrations. It has, but it has also been full of good moments and mindful minutes. I was lucky enough to see a full rainbow on my drive home on Tuesday. I had to stop on the side of the road and take a series of pictures. It was one of the most beautiful rainbows I have ever seen - you could see all of the colors stretching across the sky in brilliant glory. This picture does not do it justice, but it prompts the memory of that moment in an almost visceral manner. I sat on the side of the road for a bit just watching the rainbow grow and shrink as the light source changed. I did something that is very difficult for me - I just sat. I am trying to fit in more times like this one - more moments in my day to just sit wit...

The weather is changing here in my corner of the world. We are in the between stage of autumn, and the temperatures, precipitation patterns, and local views are starting to show all of us that we are heading towards winter. Leaves haven't really started to change yet, but they are getting ready. Autumn is a great season, and I enjoy this time of year more than any other. This season, I am looking forward to presenting at AMTA, working with the Online Conference for Music Therapy, taking some time to enjoy the time itself, and creating new things for music therapists to use in their places in the world. sing about friends and family is my newest project - I'm getting ideas pulled together to launch that edition in December. (If you are interested in the other editions, available now, click this link .) This is going to be short since I have to work a 44 hour week and have things to do tonight, so I need to get going to work to start my longer day. What are you looking ...

... all that matters is what the client and the therapist do with the music. It's that time again. People are asking questions like, "What song should I use with such and such population?" Many of these folks are new professionals or students, but at the moment, these type of posts are happening more and more in my social media feeds. I have difficulty answering these questions in a way that doesn't come off as condescending or just plain old snotty. So, I don't answer. Instead, I save my thoughts and comments for this blog. Now, let me preface this post with some disclaimers... I do share lots of songs with you all, but I don't feel that sharing songs makes the process music therapy. Let me explain. I purposefully title all of these offerings as Therapeutic Music Experiences (TMEs) rather than Music Therapy Interventions/Experiences, etc. This is because I can offer an experience that may have therapeutic benefit for someone, but it is the job of th...

Summer Break is over. Well, I have today and tomorrow, but they are weekend days, so they don't really count in my way of reckoning Break. There you go. So, Summer Break is over. I woke up this morning almost 3 hours past my usual wake-up time. I am finally getting into the "I don't have to get up" pattern, but I have to get up on Monday at my usual time so I can get to work. It truly takes me lots of time to break a habit - the waking up thing is an example of this. It's time to reevaluate my self-care needs and goals. I tend to do this at the end of most of my breaks, so it's time again to think through what I need as a therapist for my own self-care. Time for another mind map? I think so!! Okay, I've finished my mind map. Here it is. What do you notice about it?? Here's the first thing I noticed about this! The mind map was started as a self-care idea, but it morphed into a summer goals mind map. I started it in the center with the f...