music, therapy, and me

Now, my name is not Alexander, but I did have a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day on Monday. It was a day of ups and downs - I was accepted to present on music therapy futurism at the World Congress of Music Therapy, but I also spent about 45 minutes crying in my office after being asked to be part of a team photo and then watching my "team" not wait for me to get there. I rounded the corner as they snapped the picture and then scattered. I was told that they would try to get everyone back so I could be part of the picture, but by that point, I was in hysterics and just didn't need any further humiliation. The rest of the day was what I was expecting - Halloween in a psychiatric treatment facility is on a level beyond other Halloween experiences I have ever had - but I ended up in the throes of a horrible headache and went to sleep pretty soon after I got home. I hadn't slept much from Sunday to Monday, so I know that was part of my hysteria, but the "tea...

I have decreed it to be so, so it shall be so! I started crying this morning when I saw a suicide prevention public announcement encouraging people to engage others in small talk. To be completely honest, this type of crying is not unusual for me at all. My primary emotional outlet is tears and always has been, so having a crying day is not strange. It is normal. Today, however, I think I am going to refrain from some of my "work-from-home" foci to allow myself to be able to burst into tears at any moment without fear of being on video. I think today may be a planning/visual aid/TME development type of day. I can work on music production without having to be filmed, so red, swollen eyes will not be a problem. Why is today declared a "Crying Day?" There is no specific reason, just more of the roller coaster things that are happening in the lives of others at this point. I am physically fine - things are at my normal for this time of year other than the broken fingers...

I went to the funeral of a dear friend yesterday. He passed away very unexpectedly a little over a week ago, and I felt that I needed to be at the ceremony celebrating his life. I don't usually go to funerals, mainly because of reasons I will iterate in the following paragraphs, but this one wasn't as wearing on me as some of the others that I've had to attend. The experience of yesterday reinforced some things that I know about myself, but that I've never really put into context before. I work at a church as the director of music and worship leader. I fill in for the pastor when he is gone, and I preach sermons and coordinate worship and do all the things that the pastor does during worship on a pretty regular basis. Some of the people in the congregation have complimented me on my ease with public speaking and have encouraged me to think about becoming a minister. It was on my list of things I thought I could do before I heard about music therapy. I know that role...

Yesterday, I finally was able to see the latest in the Star Wars series, and I cried during the last 30 minutes of the film. It was not embarrassing - I often cry at films - but the story moved me greatly, and crying is my way of expressing emotions of all sorts. My sister fished around in her purse and came up with a tissue, so I was able to blot my tears without having to resort to wiping my nose on my R2-D2 t-shirt (worn specifically for the movie!). I will make sure not to spoil anything about the movie for those of you who want to see it but haven't yet. I have been actively avoiding everything I found that concerns the movie because I didn't want to know until I saw it. I won't be a spoiler, so read on with confidence if you haven't seen The Last Jedi yet. So... Here's an admission. I love Star Wars. I always have, and I always will. I remember the first time I saw A New Hope (number 4 for those of you who do not know a time where there weren't...

I'm in a funk.  I found out that an acquaintance passed away two days ago and it sent me into a downward spiral. I know that some of this is due to my current hormone levels, some of it is due to all of the other things going on in the lives of my loved ones, and some if it is because this is the third person who has passed away just recently. Some of it also may be because of the full moon. I spent all day yesterday in bed, alternating between sleeping and crying. This type of funk is something that happens every once in a while, and more often to me in the summer months than in the winter months. I tend to have more of these types of incidents during the summer session than during the rest of the school year. These incidents lead me to hibernate more during the hot summer months than at other times. I also tend to isolate myself more. It is time to change some of these patterns into things that are a bit more healthy.  I have never liked the summertime. When I was li...

Today is Tuesday, and I am going into work to go through active shooter training. This is not something I want to do or something that I am looking forward to, but it seems to be the norm these days if you work in a school. Our scenario will include police officers roaming around the building, shooting blanks, and hunting us. I am having anxiety dreams and nothing has happened yet. This is the environment of my worst dreams usually, being chased by people who are out to get me, and today, I get to live it. My rational brain knows the reason behind this training. Schools are vulnerable to attack by people who have several different agendas. It is unfortunate that this is the case, but it is. Schools contain vulnerable and protected people (the future) and have a huge impact on idea development and subsequent actions. School attacks make statements, so we who work in schools have to learn how to keep the children in our care safe and alive. My rational brain knows why we are going to d...

Do you remember (know) the movie, Dirty Dancing ? The start of the conclusion of the movie has a well-known quote that many of us use in a variety of situations. "Nobody puts Baby in a corner." I'm in a corner right now with limited ways out. I can continue to submit and remain in that corner or I can bust myself out. Busting myself out means giving up several things that I love, but staying in the corner means giving up several things that I love as well. So, I have to decide. The situation was not handled in an appropriate manner. The person who initiated all of this is well within her rights to do so, but it really wasn't handled in a way that respected my feelings. I'm sure that the people involved didn't even think about my feelings but went along on their own agenda. That's the part that hurts the most. So, I have to decide. It is time to either escape from this corner or to submit. I choose to escape and will be doing so as soon as I check in ...

So, you may have read through my rant about not liking the music saturation that pervades the months of October through December. Now, the music that is the exception to my rule of no music (outside of work, of course )... John Denver and the Muppets This album of music just warms my heart in ways that no other seasonal music does or can. I love these songs, mainly because I grew up with the Muppets and have ALWAYS loved John Denver. This album puts me right into the mood of the holiday season, no matter where I am, what I am doing, or who I am with at the moment. There aren't too many people out there (that I've found, anyway) that share my enthusiasm for this collection of songs, but I still love them all! It is difficult for me to pick my favorite song, but here I go... Best for a giggle - Twelve Days of Christmas (especially Miss Piggy!) The ones that make me cry - Noel: Christmas Eve 1913, When the River Meets the Sea, and Silent Night The others are a...