music, therapy, and me

I am thankful that this week is almost over. Not because of any one thing happening, but just because I need some time away from holding the anger of clients who will not be celebrating holidays with people that they love. I need some time to shed the despair of children who do not understand why they can't go home when they want to go home. I also need to rest up for the sessions next week and the continuation of all of these feelings for the next month. There is something humbling when you realize that you are a safe space for big emotions. I had this realization yesterday when a client became very angry because I turned down the amplifier that was starting to crackle. This client requires very little to get angry, and the anger turns into disruption and aggression really quickly. This is the second week in a row that I was the reason for an emotional outburst while in music therapy. I finally had the thought that music therapy is a safe space to express emotion, and that helped ...

I am getting ready to go to my surgeon for my (hopefully) last post-surgery check on the knee that had to be operated on last December. It has been a long, LONG year of questions, realizations, and therapy. I have come to the conclusion that every therapist should have to go through therapy for something that they didn't want to happen to them in the first place. Having little to no choice is something that makes for interesting revelations about yourself during the process. It's one thing to say something like, "Well, I think that being in therapy is a professional responsibility," and a completely different thing to say, "I have to go to therapy to get better." I've done both, and I can tell you, the second statement is the one that led me into greater insights into myself as a person, a patient, and a therapist. I have one more test to go through before I can be released from care. It will be with my physical therapist, a great guy who pushed me i...

I had a bit of a fitful night last night. I fell asleep before I turned off the light so slept in the full light of my room. I woke up several times for unknown reasons (probably having to do with the light on), but was able to flip over and fall asleep again without too many problems. I did wake up convinced it was Thursday and getting my Thursday routine started in my head. I think this was influenced by one of my anxiety, medication dreams that seems to be something about how I forgot an intern webinar (which I have only done partially once, but which I NEVER want to do again) on self-care. I was relieved when I awoke that it wasn't Friday (that would mean I had missed the webinar), so started thinking it was actually Thursday. Here's a sample of my script. "Take a shower. Write a Thoughtful Thursday post. Check over the powerpoint for the intern webinar tonight. Make a post-it reminder for the intern webinar. Do your stretches. Take water to work. Finish session plan...

Yesterday was a strange day. Students didn't do what was expected. Everyone under the sun needed to use the bathroom or get a drink of water or just walk out of the room. I, of course, cannot be left alone with kids right now (one of my MANY frustrations with being a recovering injured person), so I had to call the Assistance Team to sit in the room while I was trying to do music therapy. They had to arrive four times - three times during one session alone! Other teachers and therapists were reporting the same type of things happening in their areas as well, just strange things. It is amazing how attitudes, attention spans, and many other things can shift in a group of people. My clients are individuals, each makes a unique fingerprint in the school environment, but they are also part of a collective. If you ever wonder if moods can be shared like germs, just go and look at a school. One therapist comes in with a bad mood, and WHAM! All of the students that see that therapist l...

It's been a rough week around here - full of returning to routines, pain (thanks, Physical Therapist!!), angst and anxiety. While I have had to come to some peace about some things, I have struggled this week with everything put in front of me. This quotation from Seneca reminds me that while it takes an effort to be kind to others, it is a choice that is there to be made. Kindness is something that is inherent in the lives of most therapists (I think - it seems to be a job requirement to be kind), and there are times in my music therapy life when I struggle to find my kindness. Fortunately, most of those times aren't directed towards clients (though I have had and will have some clients that are difficult to be kind to).  For me, the concept and practice of kindness is rooted in empathy. Empathy is defined as "the feeling that you understand and share another person's experiences and emotions." When you are able to reflect on how another person interpreted ...