music, therapy, and me

This has been an interesting and long morning already. I woke up a bit after midnight the way I've been waking up lately - at random times during the night - fully awake and thinking about some paperwork that I had forgotten needed to get done. Rather than avoiding that paperwork and then being unable to get back to sleep, I got up and finished the two tasks that I needed to get done and then went back to bed. I had a bit under three hours left before my usual (nope, can't say that) regular (been anything except that recently) desired (that will work, even though I wish I could sleep in a bit more) rising time. I wish I could figure out exactly why I am having interrupted sleep these days. There seem to be inconsistent cues that waken me. A couple of nights ago, one of my neighbors (not the exorcism neighbors, but some other ones) turned on car lights right into my window, played loud music, and then left around 2am. Other times, like last night, I was hot. The window was ope...

I h ave a small box that sits on my computer desk that I look around every day. You know, the type of thing that sits there but that you don't really pay attention to all that much? I have had it for many years - it came from a box from Music Therapy Mailings a long, long time ago, and I have used it ever since. I flip to a new quote when I am paying attention to it which is not often. Today, though, it caught my notice, so I flipped to a new card. It is a bit difficult to see, but this quote by Gloria Steinem was the one that I flipped to. It says, "the future depends entirely on what each of us does every day." Hmm. This makes me stop and think a bit about what I do on a regular basis. I work with children and adolescents in a residential and day program for persons with intellectual/developmental diagnoses and chronic psychiatric symptoms. I am not often all that future oriented when it comes to what I do every day, but I do think about where my clients will be going ...

I have an affectionate cat sitting between me and the computer this morning. She is demanding attention, and I am trying to write. It's not a preferred situation, but it is a typical one for us. What she doesn't realize is that I just got a wireless keyboard, so I can write even when she is sitting between me and the com01p1111uter (she still has access to the laptop keyboard, obviously!). She is currently staring at something that I cannot see - it's freaking me out a bit, but that's cat for ya! We've had a strange week - one full of little annoyances that have become bigger worries because of other things that have happened. She didn't eat for two days (not like her AT all), I've been battling extreme exhaustion, the wireless mouse stopped working, it is a very long work week this week, and numerous other things that have gone on in this very long week. To top it all off, it is the week before Spring Break, so we have lots of emotions happening around ...

I have a small box containing cards that have a bunch of quotations in it. It's not decorated in anything even resembling my style, but that little box helps me reflect on lots of things. It's been a while since I've actually looked at that little box, but I think I'll break it out again. I'm in search of some inspiration. The quotation is selected in a completely non-scientific manner. I basically take the cards and shuffle them in my hands until one feels right. Once I find one that I think feels right, that's the one that goes in the front window of the box. The rest get crammed back into the box behind the one in the forefront. That process is now finished, so it is time to think about what the box quote is telling me. This week's quotation comes to us from Thomas Edison: When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this -- you haven't. This quotation is coming to my attention at the perfect time. My students are currently in the thr...

My quotation box is something that I use for inspiration. It is a small box, not at all decorated in my type of colors or style, and it is chock full of small, black, double-sided cards. Every so often, I switch the cards around so that I can see a new thought, a new quote from someone out there. This is the quotation for today. "Let your mind be quiet, realizing the beauty of the world, and the immense, the boundless treasures that it holds in store."  ~Edward Carpenter For me, this quote seems to encompass the entire idea of mindfulness. I haven't spent much time this past week in mindful practices. I've been thinking lots, spending time with myself and the cat, and moving from task to task, but I haven't been doing these things in a mindful manner. This kind of quotation offers me a reminder, from my little copper and white striped box, to stop and be mindful. I need little reminders every so often. I need big, audacious reminders at other times. Right...

I jumped the gun a bit last week - if I had only looked at the chapter after this one, I would have found that there was a natural synthesis break, but I didn't look, so I got in an early synthesis post. Never fear, though, I won't take another synthesis break next week. This week is dedicated to Chapter Six: In Concert: Improvisation, Cognition and Music Therapy. I have lots of new people to look up from this chapter - Aldridge, Brandt, Sloboda, Davidson, Howe, Meyer, Ansdell, Pressing, Clarke, Cook, West, Howell, Cross, Brown, Serafine, Hargreaves, Sundberg, Lindstrom, and Lee. This chapter focused on the basics of improvisation from a musical aspect and then from a music therapy aspect - something less tied to music theory and more tied to therapeutic intervention and relationship. I think I finally know why I am so comfortable improvising with my clients and so much less comfortable improvising in jazz band. One of the things that I like about this book is that Ms. ...

I reset my quotation box on Monday during my intern webinar. (There are a couple of things wrong with that sentence...more about that later.) Anyway, my current quotation is from J. M. Barrie, the author of Peter Pan (if you've never read the book, please do). "Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves." ~ J. M. Barrie Yesterday, it was mentioned that I was always happy. The person who mentioned it is never happy and appeared to find my enjoyment of the moment to be disingenuous. There was some discussion about how much I smiled and that I really couldn't be happy. Of course, there was some projection onto my emotional state from this other person, but in the moment itself, I was truly happy. I am not always happy. That's probably pretty evident from this blog. There are times when things go right and smoothly in my life, and there are times when things don't go as right as I want. That's part of human life, and I...

I've changed my quotation box this morning. It felt like it was time, so I did. When I change things, I usually just feel where the cards split and use that as my way to select a new card. Today's card has the following quotation: "Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are."     ~ Chinese Proverb It's amazing, isn't it, how much we put upon ourselves by thinking what we should be? Perfect woman, perfect mother, perfect therapist. The list can go on and on, but the reality is that most of our concepts of perfection are those that we place upon ourselves. All of my music therapy entry-level education, I compared myself to my co-students. As an entry-level clinician, I compared myself to my co-workers. As a music therapist, I still compare myself to other music therapists, and I often find myself lacking. No one forces me to see these things in this manner. I just naturally go there - to self-criticism and doubt. When I feel mysel...

Lately, I've been doing a bit of a personal experiment. I start my day with a "daily happiness" post on my personal Facebook feed. I sit down at the beginning of my day and find something that makes me happy in the past 24 hours. It's part of my "me" plan - my current goals in the areas of emotional development, nutrition, professional focus, and musical focus. I have an index card (because I LOVE index cards) taped to the shelves right by my computer that lists my four goals. (By the way, it's color-coded to my current system for identifying therapeutic domains...) This is the goal that I am doing the best on at the moment (the nutrition one isn't really all that fun to pursue), but I am progressing on all of these things. This was my "new school year" resolution list, and I am proud of my accomplishments. Some days I find it easy to come up with something that makes me happy. Some days it is much more difficult to find something to ap...

As I have said, many times before, I have a box of quotations that I keep on my desk. When I remember it, I look at the quote that is visible, and I spend a little bit of time thinking about what the quote means to me in the place where I am. This week's quote was as follows: Those who devote their lives to a cause greater than themselves always find a larger, fuller life than the one they remembered. - Wilbert E. Scheer This quote challenged me a bit this week. I had some time this week when the "self" took over and demanded that I not spend my time on the cause of someone or something else. My two brains warred with each other. The emotional brain was wailing about not wanting to be where I was and wanting to be able to do what I wanted to do. The rational brain was calmly stating, over and over, that what the emotional brain wanted was unsafe and not possible. The rational brain won out, but the emotional brain kept interrupting what was going on and restarting th...

On my desk, I have a small box that contains cards with quotations on them. (I've written about this box before, and it continues to be a source of inspiration for me, so I'll write about it again!) I rotate through cards when I feel like I need to do so - it used to be once a week, but not lately. The quotation that is on my desk right now is a good one.  All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.                                    - St. Francis of Assisi   I am accused of "smiling all the time" by my clients. Some of them find it creepy and others seem to find it reassuring. I do tend to smile more than not when I am around other people. I enjoy their company, so I express that through my facial expressions. This doesn't mean that I don't have my dark times - I...

"Strength is a matter of a made up mind." ~ John Beecher I went searching for something to think about this morning as I was flailing about, trying to come up with something to write about today, and found this quotation. I am exhausted and going into a day of difficult sessions. I have terrible allergies right now and just want to stay in bed and cuddle with the cat all morning. If I can stick it out, tomorrow is an individual-only day (no group treatment), and I get Monday off to go to the doctor and to have some "me" time. Then, I have three and a half days and another 3-day weekend. At this point, right now, I am dreading going to work and giving myself a headache thinking about it. It's time to make up my mind. Strength is an attitude as well as a trait. I am not physically as strong as I would like, but I try very hard to be strong in attitude. Sometimes, I am strong. Other times, I am not. My strength is foreknowledge and years of experience. I...

It has been a while since I took some time to be thoughtful on a Thursday. For some reason, physical therapy and my late work nights on Wednesday have taken their toll on my sleep patterns. I've been finding it difficult to wake up at a time when I feel refreshed, and the pillows keep sucking me back into bed. So, there haven't been many Thoughtful Thursday posts lately. This week, however, I have finally pulled together enough brain cells to do something about this situation! Mr. Buechner has hit upon something for me this week.  "All moments are key moments."  My week turned from an exercise in the absurd to utter rudeness and adolescent angst yesterday. It is amazing how one person can completely rule everyone else, especially if she is female and has a group of besotted males to direct and dictate to. (I am NOT that female! I have never been that type of female.) Sigh.  I am hoping for another switch today during my interactions with my students. I...

Oh, Shirley Briggs. What a quotation I have here on my desk. It's simultaneously something that should (goblin) evident and is still challenging. Be ourselves. Personally, this is a lesson that I've learned over and over again. It brings back thoughts about junior high school when I was truly a tagalong. It brings back thoughts about high school where some of the folks that I knew at church pitied me and my "lack of friends." They really didn't know me at all, and my mother leaped to my defense and then supported my decision not to participate in their delusions and activities. She also pointed out to the one person who was insistent that I was socially inept that when my name was announced during the Senior award banquet, the entire auditorium erupted. When that person's daughter was announced, there was polite clapping. (Gotta love a mom who waits for her moment to prove her point!!) Professionally, I think this is a lesson that we are still learning...

I allowed myself an extra hour in bed this morning, so you'll have to wait for my Thoughtful Thursday post for this afternoon. It's already time for work and I'm late. See you soon!! ~mj  I'm back from work and am ready for the real post now. Thanks for waiting. Here we go. Thoughtful Thursday - Are You Afrai d of Being Amazing? The adage on my desk this week comes to us from Andy O ffutt Irwin and it has been a good thought for me this wee k. How many of us feel like we are amazing? I don't always feel that way. In fact, there are months where I don't feel anything cl ose to amazing. Then, something happens or someone notices something I'd overlooked and they f ind the amazing part of what I've missed or taken for granted. Here's what I think. You are amazing. Every day you get up, get dressed , and go out to do what you do , you amaze people . If you, like me , are a music therapist, you will amaze others with how you use music ...

  A different kind of life. Hmmm. This quotation has been living on my desk for the past two weeks, and it has challenged me every time I have paid attention to it. I know that this quotation was true to what happened when I first heard about music therapy. From that moment, in a dusty music classroom at the University of Evansville, at a fine arts professional seminar through Girl Scouting, I heard the words "music therapy." Just hearing those two words were magic for me. I actually heard an audible click in my brain and knew that I was meant to do this job. I had a similar click when I realized that some music therapy clients were those with diagnoses on the Autism Spectrum. I knew that I needed to work with persons with those extraordinary brains through music and music therapy. Click. Lately, my life has changed, and I am not sure what I really want to do with myself anymore. I still love being a music therapist. I still love working with individuals in the musi...

I am not someone who loves change for change's sake. I don't think that you should mess too much with things that are working, but I also think that if something isn't working, you should change. This week's quotation has been one that makes me pause.  "Change before you have to." The process of change is not always an easy one, but, for me, it is made much easi er if I am part of th e change fro m the get-go. There is nothing wrong with change, bu t sneak attack s whe re changes are made that directly affect the lives of other s are not a good way to go. Imposing change on someone else is not respect ful. Often, when you are a person who is affected by c hanges that others want to make, the only alternative is to remove you rself from the situation. I feel that i t is important to own your changes. I know that the most difficult changes and decisions that I have had to make in my life were not entirely my own, but I stepped up and ma de the final...

Robert Louis Stevenson has some nuggets of wisdom. This one has really hit home for me this week.  I can't seem to get over the idea of the harvest, and I am spending lots of time engaged in unhelpful thoughts. I think this is influenced by my upper respiratory infection, the medication that isn't really working, and other situations going on in my music therapy life. So the seeds that I've planted are there, but they don't often bear fruit in my presence. This is a problem for a person who likes to see things through from start to finish. I get frustrated when I start new ways of thinking or new processes and then cannot finish the things I started. These feelings of getting started but never finishing anything are complicated by outside pressures. Client stays are diminishing. There is little time for long-term planning or intervention these days. It makes music therapy intervention very different from how I started with these students in this place. Our facil...

I think this quotation encompasses many of the things I want to do and see in this world. It doesn't take much time to be kind when dealing with other people, but it does require a bit of empathy. To be kind, you have to be aware of how the other person may interpret your interaction and change how you are interacting to support their responses and emotions. I was recently in a situation where the other person pretty much presented an idea that I didn't agree with, and I was told that I would do this without question if I wanted to continue to have a particular role. The expectations were not revealed until I had made a commitment to the role. Then, it was "Okay, but you know you are going have to do this, this, and this if you want to stay. Oh, by the way, I talked to this person and this person about this situation, and they are SO excited about how this is going to happen." I walked away. During and after that interaction, I felt that the other person really ...

This week's quotation comes from Benjamin Franklin, adage author, inventor, prankster, and all around smart guy. This quote really speaks to my procrastinating tendencies and reminds me that the now is so much more powerful than the soon. It is important to remember to be aware of the now moments that happen, especially in therapy sessions. This is something that I need to remind myself of during months like this one - be mindful of each moment. Yesterday, I spent some time listening to a client talking about a subject that I know NOTHING about - skateboarding - in the middle of a group music therapy session. His peers and staff members were tired of the talk, but I was able to get them to do something else and then spend some time simply listening to what he wanted to say. I still don't know anything about skateboarding (seriously, we were talking about the kinds of wheels that he wanted to get for his boards), but I think he felt that someone took time to connect with him. ...