Self-Care Takes Many Forms

I don't want to go to work today.

I just want to sleep in my comfortable bed, but I have used up all of my allotted days for time off, so I will get myself to work to do music therapy stuff with my clients. 

I know that my feelings have more to do with the current state of the world and my facility than me, but that is little comfort when the dread of having to go to work takes over. Of course, this is also affected by the fact that we have had very few five day work weeks in the past seven weeks since our Winter Break. It is also affected by the fact that we still have three weeks until our Spring Break. Also, many of my therapy cohort were gone yesterday. They have time off still. Lucky ducks - mine was taken up by my colon cancer surgery at the very start of the school year. Oh well. I knew this was going to happen.

Since I cannot take time away from work without financial repercussions, I have to find my self-care in other ways.

Right now, self-care is coming through eating better. I am also reading quite a bit. It is not coming through making my home environment looking nicer, that's for sure. For me, self-care is something that is difficult to define but is definitely something that I need, especially at this time of the year.

I went to a Lego convention this weekend. I lasted for 35 minutes before my head started to ache, so I left. I got a mini Grogu figure and took lots of pictures, but the press of people who just stood in the way got to me. I also came across a four-car, rollover accident as I was arriving. I called 911 and was disconnected by them, so that led to lots of callbacks to make sure that I no longer needed 911 (by then, the fire department was on the scene) and difficulties using my phone, so things were pretty stressful for me. Also, being around so many people was a bit difficult for me. I made it there and back again without difficulty (unusual for me in this town), so it was a pretty good event. I now know that I am not really a convention sort of person, but it was interesting to see what people were doing in the world of Lego out there.

I will post pictures eventually, but not today.

Today is for doing five groups and then figuring out some self-care things to do after my afternoon groups. That is the time when I need self-care things. The period of time after my three afternoon groups and before bus duty is when I need something that is self-care rather than other-care. The first group on Tuesday afternoons is full of unexpected responses, and I tend to be hypervigilant in that group due to necessity. That is wearing on the body and the mind. The next two groups also have their challenges, but those challenges are less unpredictable. I can anticipate what will happen in those groups a bit more, which allows me to release the hypervigilance.

I am trying very hard to figure out how I need to take care of myself during this part of my life. Things that used to be comforting and good for my brain and body are not as effective now that I am older, wiser, and just more of a difficult person. I have changed, so it makes sense that my self-care routines will also change up.

I try to find things that do not cost much money. I am not someone who has ever paid money for a spa treatment or a manicure. That much interaction causes stress instead of relieving it for me. I tend to do things like go to the library or make a book of some sort. I talk to my family members and try my best to take deep breaths. I also try to eat something that is good for me as well as tasty and filling. I do not like to cook after work - it is just too much to think about after working an entire day, especially on Tuesdays! So, I want to have something easy to prepare. Yesterday, I put together a taco salad (minus the chips) and had a large dinner. It was very good, and it helped me feel content after a tiring, but not bad, day. I will probably have chicken and mashed potatoes this evening. 

I also cry in my car during my commute when I need to. I think this is something that we don't talk about much. There are times when the emotions that I carry have to come out. I have a long commute right now, and I often cry during it. Sometimes it is my grief that is leaking out of my eyes, other times it is the stress of the work that I do that I need to express. Crying is one of my forms of emotional expression, and it has been my default for anger, embarrassment,  exhaustion, and stress since I was a very little girl. So, I cry or scream or talk through situations during my 45 minutes in the car.

It is time to head out into my Tuesday. We are going to spend some time listening to music from people born in February. Other groups are going to engage in some singing therapeutic music experiences (TMEs) because I don't want them to break instruments or steal stuff (that's been happening LOTS lately!). So, we revert back to the standards. I have to make it to work during my commute. I'm not anticipating any sort of crying this morning, but you never know. Off to work and then back here for some inexpensive self-care!