Yesterday was a Down Day. I Just Let It Happen and Am Working to Make Up For It Today

I woke up yesterday in a down mood. I am not sure if this is based on my hormonal cycle or the circumstances that are happening around me, but it is not my preferred state of existence. I do not like being someone who is on the periphery of situations - I prefer being in charge and making essential decisions. That is not the case right now. I am an extra in the drama of other people's lives, and that is not the place I prefer to be. I am also lonely with all the working from home stuff. I miss my daily interaction with my clients. It is difficult to find songs to sing that provide them with something to do where they cannot engage in choice making or providing input.

I have to change my way of thinking about what I am doing in order to make it make sense for me. This is a complete tangent from the title of this post, but I think it will make sense if I write it down. Bear with me.

I have always loved the idea of writing music to supplement educational curricula. My first thesis project was based on this idea. Music as a tool for incidental learning. I mean, I learned TONS of educational concepts through songs and Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers. It has always been a dream of mine to work for Sesame Workshop writing songs to be included in their television shows. That is the type of mindset that I need for this time in my career - writing songs to illustrate concepts rather than to promote choice making or participation. This is not a new idea for me AT ALL, but I feel the need for some reframing...I will brainstorm this when I am finished blogging...hmm. I think I know what I am going to be doing this morning (to make up for my down day yesterday).

Back to yesterday.

I was unable and unwilling to do much of anything yesterday. I wrote a blog post (which was not published because it was not suitable for anyone but me. I tried to frame my day into my chunks of work times, but that task just made me cry. I spent most of the day watching television and feeling sorry for myself. It was a much needed break, but it did not come at the best time. Today I have time for that sort of wallowing - I did not yesterday.

The nice thing about working from home is that I can now spend the time that I wasted yesterday on the tasks that I need to get done today. My attitude and ability to focus has changed dramatically. (One of the reasons that I think yesterday was hormone-induced.) Since my current way of interacting with others is through my YouTube channel, I can create content at any time, so that's what I am going to do today. First, I have to do my typical Sunday School video, but then it will be all work stuffs.

My dad is now in hospice care for the issues that he has developed in the past two weeks. He has gone from being able to take care of himself, drive, make rational decisions to not being able to move from his chair to the bathroom. Due to this deterioration, he qualifies for hospice care and those folks have made such a difference in just one week!

My father had his first music therapy session yesterday!

I wonder how the music therapist felt, walking into a household where everyone already knew about music therapy. That's still an unusual situation for me - people knowing what I do without having to explain it - and I wonder if it was unusual for her. My mom shared my email address with the therapist, and I hope that she contacts me because my Dad does not have the same musical tastes as many people his age. His preferences are a bit wild and extend WAY past the typical expectations. I want to share my knowledge of my father's preferences because I am not sure that my mom will be able to do so. I hope that music therapy becomes something that he gets to do on a regular basis. He seemed much more with it when he called me...until he forgot that I was on the phone and left the phone line running. I had to call him on his cell phone to tell him to hang up the other phone. It is difficult to not be there. He told me that they sang some ABBA and some Dolly Parton songs together. Direct quote:

I taught her a song she had never heard before...Dolly Parton's I Will Always Love You. She'd never heard it before.    -Dad

I am glad that he can do these things during this time. It made the end of my down day a bit easier to handle and made me laugh even when I was yelling into the phone trying to get my parents to hang up on me.

Today is a better day, and it will continue to be a better day, even through the tears that keep coming up.

Today will be a work day. Yesterday had to be a down day, so today will be a day of making content, making plans, doing what I love to do - music for educational enrichment purposes, and continuing in my support role for my mom and for my dad and for my siblings. It is all that I can do, but I CAN do that. 

Thanks for reading.