music, therapy, and me

It is Thursday. It is the end of November. Tomorrow starts my busiest month of the year. I am sure that it is busy for you as well since all sorts of music-based celebrations happen during this month.  I was informed that "we" are doing a Sunday School Sunday on the 17th. I was not part of the planning, and I now have to figure out how to get something special for my class to do on their own since the other two teachers had a conversation and decided that my class would "help" their classes with their ideas but no one told me about anything... again. I have now requested that we talk to each other about these special things as a TEAM and not a dyad. I am always left out of those conversations until 15 minutes before Sunday School starts and then I have to scrap my plans to accommodate theirs. It is very frustrating because it feels that I am being sabotaged at the last minute with excuses like "well, WE talked about it last week." The "we," thoug...

It is Tuesday again, and I have not written down any TME ideas for the past... um... month. I am failing in my experiment to write 5 TMEs per week, so I am resetting this experiment. It is time to evaluate and try to figure out what is going on. First, I am recovering from a broken finger that has impeded everything that I need to to do for this experiment. I am hoping to start occupational therapy very soon, so I can stretch this ring finger and strengthen it enough to get back into playing the guitar. I miss my guitar so much! My songwriting is only half-way done because I am not allowed to use my left hand fro anything at the moment. It is frustrating, and not being able to use my left hand means I am not able to play things in their entireties. I can hear the melodies and the accompaniments, but I cannot play them to see if I am correct. I also don't have any composition software on my work computers, so I cannot hear if what I am writing (rhythms can be my downfall when compos...

It is always interesting to see what happens in the internship of each person who comes to do an internship at my facility. Each intern is unique, and each intern has their own quirks, challenges, and contributions to share with me while they are around. In the past 25 years and 36 interns, I have learned so much about myself and about being a supervisor because of the people who volunteered to be interns at my facility. Some of the lessons are not as easy to swallow as others. Here are some of the things I have learned about myself through my role as a National Roster Internship Director over the years... Music therapists do not share much common language. I have to be ready to let go of my clients to allow every intern to become who they will be as therapists. I have to take breaks from being "mentor" in order to be "therapist" for my clients and my own well-being. I have to be a micromanager for some interns - this is not a role that I enjoy, AT ALL, but it is so...

It is Sunday, which means that I am diving back into the archives of my blog posts to see if past me has any information or insights for current me that I can take as I transform into future me. Today's randomly selected post is #2989 which spits me back into the world of July 2022 - so, not so very far away in the past. This post chronicles the beginning of my task box journey at work. I have continued the practices that I outline in this post - the yellow journal, making things for my students, and trying to think about what my students need to learn more than anything else. One of the things that has happened since I wrote this post is that I have moved to less box activities and into more file folder/binder page activities. This was primarily because I do not have the money to purchase many pieces of things. I am trying to figure out ways to keep going with this project without spending my money. I have made and distributed over 100 tasks and activities for my clients in the ...

It is the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend here in my part of the world, and I have done very little in the past two days, including writing. I am currently participating in NaNoWriMo - the National Novel Writing Month, and I have not written much in the past three days, but I have done some. This is the first time that I have participated in this particular event. The goal is to write 50,000 words in a month. I am at 32,648 words written this month. I have stories that total 51,563 words all together, so I feel like I have won, but I am only counting the words that I add in this month. The purpose of NaNoWriMo is to get me into a writing routine of some sort. If I manage to write the remaining 17, 352 words in the next six days, I will be amazed. Since I haven't done this before, I am proud of what I will get finished at that date.  I am enjoying the writing - mostly. As always, when I have something that I want to do - a goal, if you will - I tend to lose interest and start to re...

It is Wednesday, and I am officially on break for the Thanksgiving holiday. I have a doctor's appointment this morning, and I am anxious about it. It is silly to be upset about a routine appointment, but I am. I am doing everything I can to keep myself feeling somewhat calm for all of this, but I am not calm at all. I am just plain old sick to my stomach about it all. I have white coat anxiety, and I have been suspicious of medical personnel since birth. Literally. I raised my head off the examination table and watched the pediatrician walk around me. It freaked the pediatrician out because he had never seen a newborn do that before. He mentioned it to my mother who was a bit anxious about the health of said newborn. So, what is a routine exam for anyone else is very stressful for me. I will end up going through the examination, falling apart when it is all finished, regroup, and move into the rest of my break knowing that the worst of it all is over for another year. I am quite pr...

I was hoping to be writing with all ten fingers by today, but alas, it is not meant to be at this moment. I have another week and a half, at least, before I am released from my splint, and occupational therapy was mentioned at my last appointment. I welcome the idea of OT because I have done it before and it really helped me regain range and strength in my fingers. I hope that it will help me again. What this means for my current state of TME development is that I am not really doing much of anything right now. I am not playing the guitar or the piano. I am still not allowed to pick things up or use my left upper extremity for much of anything. I have to splint during work, but I am allowed a bit more freedom at home. I will try to keep the splint off as much as I can for the next five days, but I will also put it back on if my finger starts to hurt too much. I go back to the doctor on December 1st. In the meantime, I am taking as much time as possible to collect thoughts on my post-it...

It is time for the November pinnacle of holiday hype. We have two days before we go on our Thanksgiving break in my part of the world, so kids and staff are excited, terrified, and jealous of others. Our significant behaviors of concern peaked (hopefully) just over a week ago, but they are continuing with different groups and students. I have been talking to my intern quite a bit about holiday hype and that most of the things that have been happening in our sessions is pretty normal for this time of year. We are working on what to do when your population is very emotional about everything that is going on around them. We are focusing on simple, easy, and motor-filled therapeutic music experiences for our students because they really can't seem to focus on anything else. The biggest problem with the holiday hype is that it doesn't end when this holiday weekend is over. Nope. It keeps going until the middle of January in my facility. So, how do I combat the holiday hype? We don...

This foray into my past was both fun and interesting. Past me had so many plans that were interrupted, but that's okay. The interruption was not personal - it was a global pandemic. ANYWAY - here's the post - December 10, 2019 .  I like making things, but what I like even more is making things that other people use in their music therapy work. I have a TPT store (that is Teachers Pay Teachers, but they rebranded), and I like making things to use in music therapy sessions. I didn't go into content creation to make money, so everything is very inexpensive for others. The products I write about in the post are available along with many others. Lately, I have not been making new things. I am in a bit of a depressed mode at the moment. This happens to me every so often, and this current mood has been influenced by a broken finger and limitations on what I can do with my hands. My brain has been languishing while my body is healing. I stopped making physical file folders and book...

Every so often, I feel compelled to write a bit about things that I think and care about in the profession that are bigger than my role here... I feel like writing about these things today, so please indulge me as I think a bit about things that are important to me. Therapist longevity and attrition - I mourn each time someone leaves the profession and no longer does music therapy. I fully support their need to do what makes them feel happy and fulfilled as a person, but I mourn their leaving as a member of this profession, especially when they leave because they cannot sustain themselves as a music therapist. I am disappointed when someone says that they had a different idea of what a music therapist would do in the "real world." What is and what isn't music therapy - I have some VERY strong opinions about this topic. I am not always doing what I consider to be "music therapy" with my clients and that is perfectly fine with me. There are things that I do that a...

I wrote a song yesterday, but I can't move forward until I can play my guitar. I might be released to use my hand again on Friday, but I don't know yet. I am not happy about not being able to use my left hand to make music or do anything else. This has hit me harder this time around than it did in 2020 when I broke two fingers. I am tired of not being able to do much of anything. The song yesterday was all about making food. I wrote it on a used post-it note and took it into my group session. Then, I picked up the wrong post-it note and had to go back to one of my stand-bys, I Like to Eat, Eat, Eat, Eat, Eat .  I took out my food pictures and my clients selected things that they like to eat. I have since found out that my music notation software (bought by my father in 2014) is not on my computer, so I am downloading that right now. I can now set up music to see if it works the same in my head as it does on paper. One of the things that I have never been very good at is rhythmi...

I am not someone who participates in every single internship fair or makes ads for my internship program to put on social media. I do not feel an obligation to anyone to fill all of the openings that I have every year. I operate on a "if you build it, they will come" type of viewpoint. I figure that the interns who are meant to be with me will find me. As a result, I do very little active recruitment. I will be part of the AMTAS Virtual Internship Fair this upcoming Sunday. I am not really expecting too many applications coming from this meeting, but I am interested in how it is going to be run. I decided to sign up because I want to see what others are doing and offering out there. So, this Sunday, I will be sitting in front of my computer, listening to what others share about their internships. One of the things that I like about being a National Roster Internship Director is that I have the ability to decide how many interns and when those interns work with me. I occasiona...

I am currently involved in writing a large, very different project for me, so my blog is being neglected. I will try to post more in the upcoming week here because I am missing the routine of writing about music, therapy, and me.  It is Sentimental Sunday, and the random number generator sent me to post #2327 - November 11, 2019 . At this time, four years ago, I was recovering from emergency surgery and had found that someone had damaged the car that I was getting ready to trade in for a new car. I was hurt and scared and overwhelmed by it all. The accident was never solved. I spent money to repair the car and then traded it in for the car I have now. Looking back on posts like this one really reminds me of trends and situations in my life. I am not always the best person during personal emergencies. I do not handle changes in my schedule well. I also have difficulty focusing on more than one emergency situation at a time, but I always make it through with the long-distance support...

Is there some sort of magnetic anomaly happening around our planet right now? Sun spots? Ley line activation? Astrological events going on? I am in a cycle of weird happenings going on with me and mine that are just baffling.  Every single technological device that I own has stuttered, stopped, needed significant care in the past two weeks. My mother's technology is doing the same thing. My sister's devices are acting up as well. Street lights are exploding as I drive under them on a regular basis, and every doctor's office that I have been to has had unusual things happen to their computers when I step up to the desk. "It's going really slow, for some reason. It was just fine." That is the constant refrain when I go anywhere. I cannot understand why this is happening. I try my best to keep things updated and working. I am convinced that the universe of technology has something against the women in my family right now. I might as well blame our shared DNA for ...

I am at home again today. I am exhausted, crying at every little thing, and trying really hard to stave off a relapse of the virus that I am fighting right now. I am trying to figure out how to best serve my clients, my intern, and myself. It took some convincing to stay at home today, but not as much as it would if I wasn't sick. So, I am in my pajamas, sitting up for the next two hours so my medications don't cause bigger issues, and not worrying about work today. I am exhausted. The only reason I am sitting up is that I have to. The medications that I have to be on each time this happens from now on can cause an infection of the esophagus if I have any sort of reflux, so I have to sit up. I am doing a project - something just for fun - and it has been the most energizing part of my month so far. I finished a bit of the project last night and then called my mom. I was stuck in the toddler-type energy cycle of "I have to run around because I am fighting sleep and will cra...

I have entered the season of boredom as an internship supervisor - the intern is doing their full caseload, and I am on light duty. These two things are combining to my time during every intern's time with me where I am no longer "therapist" for the group but am "lady sitting in that room, occasionally yelling things." This is not my favorite time as a music therapist, let me tell you! I am on the brink of making some decisions about my internship program. I am not sure that my program can sustain two interns at the same time anymore. We have recently lost another classroom, so we now serve our client caseload in eleven groups. This is down from fifteen groups four years ago. Since the pandemic, we have not been able to have a full census due to lack of staff members, so our school has shrunk as well. In addition, our population is not an easy one to work with, so our teachers are moving on to new jobs in other districts where there is more funding and better st...

It is Sunday again, and I have a little bit of time before I have to head out into the time change world to try to sing enough to lead worship this morning. It is time to see what past me has to say to present me. I plugged in the number of posts that I have written on this blog about music, therapy, and me (3,393) into a random number generator and then started up the generator. It spat out post #2117 , so I am taking a glimpse back to February 27, 2019 .  Oh, February. It is usually the month where we get the most inclement weather. For it being the shortest month in duration, it always seems like the longest month of the year. This year was no exception. I was not looking forward to anything about February 27th - it was a Wednesday. It was a 12-hour day. It was a possible inclement weather day after a series of inclement weather days. I was not happy when I was writing. One of the things that I am noticing more and more about myself and about the people around me is when we get ...

It is Saturday again, and I have spent the past three hours sitting up at my computer (while my medication dissolves in my stomach and doesn't cause additional issues) writing a silly project of mine. I am enjoying this project, but I'm not going to talk about it much - other than just doing it. I am having fun, and that is the most important part of any creative process. Have you ever had to do something that just absolutely was no fun at all? My thesis topic was that for me. I did not like the project at all, but I went through it because I had a promise that I could do something that I liked for my next project. The entire thing was a misery from beginning to end. I finished it and earned my degree, but I did not have fun. Fun is important when you are creating. If something isn't fun, there isn't much motivation to doing that something. I wonder if that is one of the reasons that my interns don't like writing TME plans. Do they not find it fun to write songs or ...

I am feeling better. I am not better yet, but I am feeling better. Does that make sense? I guess the marvels of modern medicine are helping me, and I am grateful. Today is pretty much a day of rest for me at work. The one group that is on my caseload is now no longer in existence, so I will spend the day in making tasks, writing TMEs, and consulting with my intern who has been doing her caseload without me all week. I will then head out to my workers' compensation doctor for some x-rays of my broken finger to see if I am healing at all, and then head home in the Friday afternoon traffic and construction. Ugh. There will be no way to get home without encountering jams and closed highway lanes. I am glad that I am heading back to work, though. Yesterday, I went to the hospital for a chest x-ray and then to my pharmacy for the last prescription for a bit (I hope - I had to go three times in the last three days). I was exhausted after those excursions and came home to just sit and star...

It is the seventh day since this cold took over my life. I am better, but not better better yet. I am to the point where I am feeling guilty about not being at work but where I still can't seem to move out of my house. I have to get a chest x-ray today to complete the instructions of my doctor, so I will venture out and do that, get the last round of medication ordered by my other medical professional, and then sleep while I can. I am still very tired and that is coupled with medication that makes me jumpy, so being at home one more day will be good for me. At least, that's what my brain is telling me. I firmly believe that sick time is meant to be taken when you are sick. I wish more of my co-workers felt that way so they would stay home and not contaminate me with their ick. Oh well - they don't, and I bear the brunt. I should probably still wear a mask, so I will look into purchasing some for my use when the kids start to get sick and when my co-workers get sick as well....