Wednesday: Anxiety Rush

It is Wednesday, and I am officially on break for the Thanksgiving holiday. I have a doctor's appointment this morning, and I am anxious about it. It is silly to be upset about a routine appointment, but I am. I am doing everything I can to keep myself feeling somewhat calm for all of this, but I am not calm at all. I am just plain old sick to my stomach about it all.

I have white coat anxiety, and I have been suspicious of medical personnel since birth. Literally. I raised my head off the examination table and watched the pediatrician walk around me. It freaked the pediatrician out because he had never seen a newborn do that before. He mentioned it to my mother who was a bit anxious about the health of said newborn.

So, what is a routine exam for anyone else is very stressful for me.

I will end up going through the examination, falling apart when it is all finished, regroup, and move into the rest of my break knowing that the worst of it all is over for another year.

I am quite proud of what I accomplished medically since my last examination. I completed a sleep study, got two new specialists to help me maintain my health, had a mammogram, and will now be doing one more thing on the list. The only thing that I did not get in this year was a colonoscopy. That will have to be done during one of my breaks this next year. The last time I attempted it was on March 16, 2020, and I was turned away because I was running a "temperature" that miraculously disappeared when they told me that I was not going to get to have the procedure. Blech. (By the way, I am running the same type of "temperature" right now - seems to be more anxiety than anything else...)

It will all be finished in about four hours.

In the meantime, I am going to take my shower, start my laundry, sweep the kitchen floor, and clean out my car. I am going to go to a movie today before I have to head to choir rehearsal tonight. It is time I see The Marvels. So, I have a full day ahead of me. Anxious energy, anxiety, emotional catharsis, and then distraction and work to finish up the day.

Distractions...distractions...distractions...

It's time to distract myself for an other couple of hours before I can go...

Happy Wednesday, all.

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