Thoughtful Thursday: The Dalai Lama

I think this quotation encompasses many of the things I want to do and see in this world. It doesn't take much time to be kind when dealing with other people, but it does require a bit of empathy. To be kind, you have to be aware of how the other person may interpret your interaction and change how you are interacting to support their responses and emotions.

I was recently in a situation where the other person pretty much presented an idea that I didn't agree with, and I was told that I would do this without question if I wanted to continue to have a particular role. The expectations were not revealed until I had made a commitment to the role. Then, it was "Okay, but you know you are going have to do this, this, and this if you want to stay. Oh, by the way, I talked to this person and this person about this situation, and they are SO excited about how this is going to happen." I walked away.

During and after that interaction, I felt that the other person really hadn't thought about me or my responses at all. She had an agenda that she wanted to push through and it really didn't matter if I had an opinion of my own. My feelings were hurt, and I felt that I was being bullied into a way of doing things that did not match my own ideas or comfort. I felt I had no other option but to leave. So I did.

Once I left, all of a sudden, she tried to "explain" what she had actually meant. She apologized for talking about me to all of the other people and for arranging things without speaking to me about it. I don't care about apologies now, and I have to move on.

I think that kindness has to be the mark of a good leader. You have to be aware that the people that you are attempting to lead have to be part of the vision that you have in order to make that vision a reality. A good leader talks with people and not to people. A good leader acknowledges and strives to understand different points of view. A good leader remembers that kindness has to be part of any interaction. A good leader can also be firm when situations warrant it, but still displays kindness.

This is probably all spilling out right now because of my difficult Wednesday group which was compounded by a staff member who seems to think that I cannot maintain my group and keeps INTERRUPTING me to tell kids, in a VERY loud voice, to listen to what I am saying. He has completely missed the processes of iso-priniciple, entrainment, and subtlety that I employ and appears to think that I can't do my job. I am going to have to speak to him about it because he is doing this more and more and it completely resets the entire group dynamics - it does more damage than good. It is not therapeutic, it is jarring and intrusive - it resets me as well as my clients, and we all have to start over again in our mood-vectoring process. When I ask him to stop, he has "to go to the bathroom" and disappears for the rest of the session.

I don't like confrontation. I like this staff member. I think he has good rapport with the students in his classroom, but he has gone from being an affable, kind guy to INTERRUPTING man! I don't know what else is happening in his world, so I will need to go into our conversation about expectations and processes in a way that is kind, that recognizes and supports his humanity, and that seeks a win-win solution to this problem.

In light of my recent conflict where I felt I was treated unfairly, I am going to be hyper vigilant about this conversation.

Be kind whenever possible. It is ALWAYS possible.