music, therapy, and me

Yesterday, as I was scrolling my Instagram feed, I found a notification about an education summit all about global music that is starting this afternoon and will go until Sunday. I signed up, and I am getting ready for this conference with a professional development day. I bought Mexican food for this time, and I am now getting ready to uncover my notebook for continuing education and settle into my computer area to watch things unfold. (See yesterday's post for the link to the conference!) To prepare for this conference (which is NOT a music therapy conference but that works with one of my interests as a music therapist and content creator), I am not doing anything all that specific or taxing. I am resting this morning so I will be ready for the information overload that will be happening later on today. From 10-5 my time for the next two days, I will be listening to ways to bring in more world music into my music therapy sessions.  I am looking forward to this. Elementary music e...

I was scrolling around Instagram this morning and found a FREE world music summit opportunity, so I signed up! As you may know, I do a "Country of the Month" theme in my music therapy sessions. Each month, I feature the music and some of the cultural elements of a different country. We learn about the instruments, we watch videos about the traditional and current music played in the country, and we learn a bit about what life is like in different countries. It is an interesting process to introduce the world to my clients who often do not understand the concept of language, cultural differences, and other aspects of culture and community. West music (I love them!) is sponsoring this summit, and I am hoping that I can get tomorrow off so I can attend most of the presentations. This is not something that is preapproved for Continuing Music Therapy Education (CMTE) credits, but it will not be difficult to make a case for myself and for CBMT about why this is important to learn. ...

I am not sure what is going on with my brain lately - well, that's not entirely true, I know what is happening that is making my brain go into impossible, anxiety-inducing thoughts and responses, but I am trying to figure out how to decrease the amount of dreaming that I am doing right now. Last night's dream was about a tragedy of some sort that happened to all of us. I was one of several people moving through the world after a big event that affected all sorts of things. I woke up after discovering a bunch of car keys and starting a plan to use different cars that we could find in the parking lot to go to the next destination. I can completely see why this is my current frame of mind when sleeping. There is so much horrible stuff happening in the world, and I have been watching a K-drama that has to do with a nuclear incident. So, I totally know why this is on my mind, but I do not like that it is leaking into my dreams right now. I do not remember most of my dreams. I assume...

I woke up this morning feeling like it really needs to be an inclement weather day but being disappointed seeing that NO ONE has called off school! I hope that this means that the roads are nice and smooth without any ice on their surfaces. I really hope that this is true because I have been in accidents on days where it should have been an inclement weather day and wasn't. I'm a bit anxious about driving this morning, so I may wait a bit before leaving - icy streets are a bit easier to take when I can see things more clearly. Being able to see any obstacles might make things a bit less anxiety-causing for me today, it might not. We are going to be talking about Ireland this week in my music therapy sessions. I have my penny whistle to play for my clients. They often want to play instruments as well, but the penny whistle is not one that can be played. I do have recorders and flutaphones, but I hate using them with my clients. They are such a hassle of cleaning and germ mitigat...

I am in a season of introspection and finding myself to be severely lacking. This happens to me every so often, usually around conference time, and it is a ridiculous situation that always throws me for a loop and sends my self-confidence into the basement. This is an example of my emotional brain taking over and running roughshod over my rational brain, and it is something that I just have to work through. Most of the time, this crisis in confidence comes after I hear of the wonderful things that other music therapists are doing out in the world while I feel like my own contributions are nothing. This usually goes on until I get to the point where I realize that I may not be adding to the research side of things (I've tried, but that is an entirely different story!!), but I am doing the job that others just study. Most of my feelings are that of jealousy, but I really do not want to be in the same sort of position of those who I am jealous of. Darn you, emotional brain! I woke up ...

Currently, there are a BUNCH of new students who are having difficulties getting into the idea of school. The sheer number of tantrums over being asked to sit in a chair rather than running around the room is ridiculous, and all I can think is the song, "That Don't Impress Me Much" by Shania Twain. Over my career, I have seen so many things that were surreal. It takes quite a bit of novelty to make me take notice. A screaming temper tantrum is not something novel, but for some reason, our current crop of students think that they will get what they want when they engage in this course of action. The best boss I ever had said something once that I often think about. She told us that our job was the equivalent of doing the box step in dancing. This analogy continued with the reinforcement of the thought that we exist in the lives of our clients to provide structure and clear expectations. We move in a predictable manner, always box stepping - nothing too exciting, but someth...

My sister read my blog post yesterday and noted that music is missing from my self-care routine. It is true, music does not feature in my self-care routine. I do not listen to much music outside of my music therapy clinic, and I no longer make music in a community of musicians. So, music is not a big part of my life outside of what I share with my clients. I'm not sure how I feel about this. This is not something new (even the lack of musicking in a community of musicians has lasted over a year and a half now), but it is interesting to me. After a day of handling the emotions of others and navigating the world of music therapy with my population, I need something different to fill up my background. My noise creator of choice is television shows and movies. I have a bunch of things downloaded to my Kindle, so I have company through stories during my commutes. I do not stream music outside of my therapy space, so music is not something that I really use when on the move. Here at home...

I don't want to go to work today. I just want to sleep in my comfortable bed, but I have used up all of my allotted days for time off, so I will get myself to work to do music therapy stuff with my clients.  I know that my feelings have more to do with the current state of the world and my facility than me, but that is little comfort when the dread of having to go to work takes over. Of course, this is also affected by the fact that we have had very few five day work weeks in the past seven weeks since our Winter Break. It is also affected by the fact that we still have three weeks until our Spring Break. Also, many of my therapy cohort were gone yesterday. They have time off still. Lucky ducks - mine was taken up by my colon cancer surgery at the very start of the school year. Oh well. I knew this was going to happen. Since I cannot take time away from work without financial repercussions, I have to find my self-care in other ways. Right now, self-care is coming through eating bet...

This is the time of year when school work seems to be never-ending. For some reason, the spring semester is SO much LONGER than the fall semester. I don't know why that is, but it is. Today is the start of the three weeks we have before Spring Break. After break, we have a stretch of time that just goes on and on and on before the end of the regular school year. For some reason, most of our days off happen before Winter Break and the spring has very little to look forward to in terms of self-care and designated time off. We also haven't had many snow days this year - just one so far, and very little indication that others will happen. Of course, the weather is still very unpredictable, but I'm not holding my breath for more inclement weather days this school year. This also makes the spring semester seem very long. In my behavior management training, we are often told to consider the difference between actual and psychological time, especially when in conflict with a studen...

Today is the start of the #The100DayProject , a creative challenge that lasts for 100 days starting today. This is the third time that I am attempting this challenge, and I have decided to make things using the stuff that I already have rather than purchasing new materials for the next 100 days. I started yesterday because I had a creative itch that I needed to scratch. I made a summer-themed journal with some paper that I bought about a year ago. It is not finished, but I made a good start on it. The cover is done, except for the strings to keep the signatures secured. It is a frothy type of journal - lots of pastel colors. I will post pictures when it gets a bit more finished. I will not be creating every day of the next 100 days, but I do strive to use what I have in my creative exploits. I have lots of materials to use and to use up. I have stamps and dies and paper and cardboard and all the stuff. I am allowed to buy double sided tape if I need it, but everything else is off the p...

I had a couple of rage moments yesterday at work. They were not pretty, and one of my suitemates came over and shoved some chocolate under my nose to placate me. It helped a bit, but I was still very angry at the situations and people involved. This has been a long week. It started with a day off where I got many things done. For some reason, Monday days off make the rest of the work week go poorly. In addition, we had to work 11 hours on Wednesday to make up time in our contracted hours. So, we ended up working a 36 hour week rather than a 40 hour week. The extended hours meant that I had to take my pain medication later than usual so I ended up being very tired yesterday morning which did not help my disposition. All sorts of things just culminated in a temper tantrum yesterday afternoon. I am a bit ashamed about this, but I am also reaching the end of my patience. People are shouting out comments about my retirement in the hallway when I am not ready to share that with the general p...

Apparently, today is Ash Wednesday. This used to be a big deal when I was a church music director, but it is just another day for me now. In fact, I just figured out that it is actually the beginning of Lent. I have been blissfully unaware of the church calendar for the last two years, and I have found that I really don't miss the work, and I REALLY don't miss the people who tried to make me do their jobs without proper payment. There you go. As I remember the things about my spiritual practice that I loved, I find that most of what I miss is the rituals present in that practice. I had never had my forehead crossed before I started working at the church that I was part of for 26 years. I loved the ritual, the comfort of the same words through nine pastors, and the ability to share music in those spaces and times. It was something that indicated the busiest part of my liturgical year, but it was also the most meaningful. I am still angry about how things ended at that job, but I...

I am supposed to have a list of questions for my current supervisor to ask interviewees along with key phrases for him to listen for. I have been struggling with this because I honestly don't know what would be meaningful for him to know about candidates. The questions I would ask as a therapist are very different from the ones that a principal would ask. I really am feeling very reluctant about being part of this process because I was interviewed by the person I was replacing, and it was not an interview at all - it was them telling me how to do things. I didn't do any of the same things when I started - it was complicated, but I was doing two jobs for the facility at that point so things had to change. I do want to meet the candidates, but I want to be the person who gets to show them what we already have in place rather than being the one who asks questions. I don't want to end up being a scapegoat if things do not work out with the person selected. A cruise of AI-genera...

I did quite a bit yesterday - not all of it was good, but I got lots done. It is time to start the last day of this long weekend on a good note and just get it all done. Tomorrow, it is back to the grind, but today is just for me to do what I need to do around here. The dishwasher is still clogged. It got worse when I tried to "fix" it, so I will need to call someone else in to fix things up. I will do that around 8am when the business opens to see if they can come in today. If not, I'm not sure what I will do - perhaps they can come tomorrow after I am finished with work. I hope I can get things to work pretty soon because I am just not able to continue with things the way they are. Blech! I need to get to cooking up some food for my next several days at work and here at home. I'm trying some new nutritional programs, so I have to get going to keep up the momentum. I am navigating the things that I cannot eat versus the things that I will not eat (there are LOTS of t...

Today is the 15th - a day when I try to figure out what is next for my website and my business. I don't always sit down and brainstorm, but I am feeling it today, so it is time to dream and plan and set my quests for this next month. I also have a grocery order to pick up, library books to return, and an OCMT board meeting to do today. I also have dishes, a dishwasher to try to unclog, and a shower to take. Lots to do, but I want to spend some time with my business binder, writing down ideas during my process. It has been a good weekend so far. It rained yesterday, so I laid in bed for a lazy morning. I spent some time organizing some of the spaces in my room down here, and then read a book. Today, though, has to be something different. It is my goal to get my living room ready for the vacuum as I am doing a baking soda/vinegar unclogging attempt for the dishwasher. Oh, I also set my intention for #The100DayProject for 2026. I am going on a no-spend crafting spree - the only thing ...

Two groups, bus duty, and lots of cleaning between me and a long weekend of cleaning here at home. Today is payday which is helpful since I was scraping the bottom of the money barrel this month. January was a bit more expensive than I thought it would be. Back to my budget, I guess. My anxiety dreams continue, but this one was a bit better than the one on Tuesday. This morning's edition was about a competition where I had to find something out before two guys, and I was flailing about without knowing what they were doing. I don't have to guess where that theme came from. I have to come up with questions to ask potential replacements for my principal, and I'm not sure what to suggest. How do you send questions about music therapy to a non-music therapist to screen candidates for the job that you have? While I appreciate the trust, I am concerned about being part of the conversations. It's just weird to be part of the interview to find a replacement. I woke up to find th...

I am not the only one struggling with things and client issues right now. This is really good to hear because it is easy to get so inwardly focused that you start to internalize thoughts like "I am such a failure at this job" and "Maybe I can no longer do this job." It is important to find out whether issues in the therapy room are solely related to me as a therapist or if it may be the clients. Sometimes, it is both, but often it is not entirely me. That's the case right now. We have a monthly meeting of the "specials" pod teachers and therapists. It is a chance to communicate with one another and talk. We all are struggling with the same clients which is heartening. It means that these groups are struggling rather than me being a horrible music therapist at the moment. So, hearing that the art therapist, the adaptive physical education teacher, the agriculture teacher, the speech-language pathologist, the occupational therapy assistants, AND the voca...

Was yesterday a strange day for anyone else? Everyone in my life seemed to be having a strange day - weird dreams, strange feelings, all that stuff. Hearing that coming from others made my strange day feel a bit better. At least I wasn't alone in all of my stuff. There is safety in numbers, my friends! Today is starting off a little bit better. I had reflux last night and did not sleep well. I managed to get back to sleep around midnight until about 2am, but I did not allow myself to try to doze after that. I don't need more anxiety dreams happening - those are EXHAUSTING! So, I am heading into my job with less sleep than I would like, the remains of the reflux happening, and the effects of two nights of difficult sleep.  At least this next weekend is a three-day one. Unfortunately, it is a Monday off which I do not like at all, but it is another day off. I hope that I will do some resting, but I doubt it. Monday was so promising this week - I wonder why Tuesday and today are s...

I have entered a time when my life is feeling strange. I know, what else is new, but this is very strange for me. I saw the job announcement for my current position on my personal email account this morning. Now, I am happy that I am able to retire from this position, but it is strange to have LinkedIn recommend that I apply for the job that I currently hold. I think my principal may try really hard to get me into the interview process - something that I do NOT want to do - I want to show them the quirks and benefits of the job without having ANY say into who is hired. He showed me a resume yesterday that I glanced at but did not look deeply into. I realized that I really need to neaten up my work area if we are already arranging interviews. I have left jobs before, and I usually try to have a closing time and date. I have also been fired from jobs before, and those situations cling to me for many years. I dwell on choices, especially when they are not my choices. It is never a good th...

Today is Monday, February 9, 2026, and the Online Conference for Music Therapy 2026 is over! This is a really good thing because it means that I have little to do but my own stuff for the rest of the month. There is very little that feels better than having a large project completed, and this is that feeling. I am tired, but that is my usual state these days, so I really can't pin my exhaustion on OCMT - it's just me! My sister has the day off today, but I do not. We both have next Monday off which will be nice. I won't be doing anything special next Monday, but I will not have to go to work, so there's that! I do have to get going and get things happening at work today. I am not sure what we are going to do this week, but I will come up with something. I am having to rethink what I do with my groups because they have become less coherent than they used to be. I used to be able to plan one session for each of my four different types of groups, but I can't do that ri...

It is almost time. In 11 hours and 15 minutes, the 16th Online Conference for Music Therapy will start, and it will be a 24 hour, international experience where we discuss music therapy all over the world. This is a labor of love for me - one that I got into completely by accident but that I continue because I enjoy it so much. I am doing less of the actual conference work than I ever have before. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. I will only be the primary moderator for one session - at the very end. I am the second moderator for four sessions. Gone are the days when I had to be at every session - thank goodness! I work lots behind the scenes of the conference, so having a bit of a break from being on camera is a very good thing for me. It allows me to respond to the countless emails about "I didn't know that the conference started at my time," and "where are the links to the conference" emails that I am bombarded with during the conference itself. The...

I was the recipient of a cough in the face yesterday. This happens when you work with humans, and especially when you work with kids, so it is not unusual, but I felt this one brush the hair on my arms and move up my body into my mouth. I tried to blow the germs away (very effective, I know), but I am not sure that I was able to fend off the germs wafting all around me. I have already had the flu once this season, and I would REALLY like to avoid the experience a second time! Two of my students (in two different sessions) looked sick yesterday. They were flushed and juicy, and I am just waiting for the note from nursing stating that they should not be around others. The thing is, working in a residential facility means that any germs will go through the entire community - clients, staff, teachers, therapists, and back again. It is not a pretty picture. Next year, at this time, I will be elsewhere, dealing with the germ culture someplace at that location - wherever it may be. Germs are ...

I am an old music therapist. I am getting ready to retire from my full-time job as a school-based music therapist in a psychiatric treatment facility and associated day school after almost 30 years there. I have been around a long time. My music therapy heroes are starting to pass away. Barbara Wheeler was one of those music therapy heroes who left this world this week. After a long career in academia, she "retired" and started more music therapy programs and acted as a consultant for programs around the world. She seemed to spend more time with other music therapists than she did at home, and that is the type of music therapy life that I am striving for myself. Another music therapy pioneer passed away. Dr. Roy Grant, a music therapist from Georgia, also left our world on January 24th. His music therapy legacy comes in training students and expanding music therapy services for the people in the vicinity of the University of Georgia. Coming to the profession of music therapy ...

Y'all, I FINALLY got to see my Monday groups, and they were not having it!  I forgot that my Monday groups are usually ones who struggle with being in music therapy - the "I'm too cool for everything" adolescents. You know the ones - they just sit and stare. No active interaction, slouching in their chairs, and not wanting to work or play or do anything that might ruin their reputations. I can usually con them into interaction in one way or another, and yesterday was no exception. By the end of the session, they were playing instruments and making some noise as part of a dragon parade.  That session led into two others back-to-back that were also not really feeling the whole Monday thing. No one was engaging in behaviors of concern, but no one was really engaged in what I was dishing out either. I do not think that today's groups will be any different. I am in a strange place in my life that I have never been before. I am on the cusp of leaving the daily interacti...