Anxiety is Creeping Into My Subconscious Mind

I am not sure what is going on with my brain lately - well, that's not entirely true, I know what is happening that is making my brain go into impossible, anxiety-inducing thoughts and responses, but I am trying to figure out how to decrease the amount of dreaming that I am doing right now.

Last night's dream was about a tragedy of some sort that happened to all of us. I was one of several people moving through the world after a big event that affected all sorts of things. I woke up after discovering a bunch of car keys and starting a plan to use different cars that we could find in the parking lot to go to the next destination. I can completely see why this is my current frame of mind when sleeping. There is so much horrible stuff happening in the world, and I have been watching a K-drama that has to do with a nuclear incident. So, I totally know why this is on my mind, but I do not like that it is leaking into my dreams right now.

I do not remember most of my dreams. I assume that I have them, but when they are good things, I do not remember them. I only remember the stressful, anxious, and scary dreams. They are often accompanied by a sweaty situation as well as physiological effects - I don't know if the dream spurs the physiology or vice versa, but it always is a relief to wake up after dreaming. I can also wake myself up in dreams - most of the time. If things get too scary, I can usually tell myself that I need to wake up.

I am anxious, but at a low, constant level these days. I am anxious about how my financial planner keeps calling to "talk" during my work day. She knows that I cannot talk during work hours, but she is calling anyway. I am anxious about the state of the world and the desperation coming from one branch of our federal government which is leading us into conflict with people who do not need our "oversight." I am anxious about war. I am anxious about leaving a day-to-day job. I am anxious about being so far from my family members. I am anxious about my blood pressure (which raises my blood pressure). I am not really all that anxious about my day-to-day job at the moment. The group that causes the most stress for me right now is finished until Friday.

I now have an app that I use everyday, and I think this might be part of my anxiety. I hate my phone with a passion and just do not want to be tied to a device again. This app makes it necessary to track my eating every day. I am getting benefits from this regime, but I hate that it has to be linked to my phone. When I turned in my beepers, I swore that I would never have to have a device on my person all the time again. Then came smart phones.

So, other than the dreams that are feeling a bit concerning and the phone thing, I am doing okay. I did not get to see the full moon or the eclipse. Mother Nature socked my entire commute under a bowl of clouds and rain in the afternoon. So, I missed yet another space-related event. Thanks, Mother Nature! You have ruined almost all of the eclipses that I have wanted to see. It is always a disappointment!

It is almost time to get into my car and get going into the day. I have five groups to do today and maybe a meeting this afternoon. Next week is my last 12 hour day at my job!! Hooray! I also have fasting labs and my last physical behavior management test ever next week. I have more sessions ahead of me at this point, but at the end of the day, I will only have six groups and one individual ahead of me before the weekend. So, only 9 days left until break, and I have SO much to do in these 9 days. After that, I have lots to do during break. It won't be much of a rest time. I have appointments on the first three days and am trying to not schedule anything else in the last two days of break other than watching movies at the theater.

That's it. See you soon.