Lent - As a Lapsed Church-Goer

Apparently, today is Ash Wednesday. This used to be a big deal when I was a church music director, but it is just another day for me now. In fact, I just figured out that it is actually the beginning of Lent. I have been blissfully unaware of the church calendar for the last two years, and I have found that I really don't miss the work, and I REALLY don't miss the people who tried to make me do their jobs without proper payment. There you go.

As I remember the things about my spiritual practice that I loved, I find that most of what I miss is the rituals present in that practice. I had never had my forehead crossed before I started working at the church that I was part of for 26 years. I loved the ritual, the comfort of the same words through nine pastors, and the ability to share music in those spaces and times. It was something that indicated the busiest part of my liturgical year, but it was also the most meaningful.

I am still angry about how things ended at that job, but I am far enough removed from it that I can usually smash that anger into resignation and optimism. I have not looked for a new church home since that time. I am still bruised and reluctant to start a new relationship with others in a spiritual context.

So, what about Lent?

Lent is a time in Christian traditions when believers are supposed to reflect on the story of Christ from being tempted in the desert by the devil through the crucifixion and resurrection. Some traditions ask believers to give up something while others ask believers to take up something. I don't always do either, but this year I started something early. I am focusing on my health this season and beyond. I am also using up as much stuff as I can here at home as I craft. I am also heading out to a large event this Sunday - a Lego convention - because I can! Trying to stretch my experiences here!!

I just remembered that today is a 12-hour day at work. Cripes! I completely forgot to tell my mother and sister that I would be late getting home. I hate these days, especially because it comes in a 4-day week. Get a gift of a holiday, and then have to work 4 of those 8 hours after kids have gone home. Let's give a bit and then take it away! Also, today is the first interview for my replacement. I am not going to be part of the formal interviews for candidates because I don't want to, but I am going to be part of the tour. I want to be able to talk to the candidates about the job-specific questions that they have about the position that my principal doesn't know.

The job announcement came to my attention by email again today. That is the strangest thing to happen - seeing my job being sent to me by LinkedIn. I am stressed about leaving and stressed about having to talk about it with people and stressed about what comes next, but I am looking forward to less driving and more me-stuff once I retire from this position and can start taking my pension payments. I will not have to work as much as I am working now, which is really nice, but I will still have to work at something. Ideally, I will find a job with benefits that allows me to do something that I love. I would love to work in a bookstore, but there aren't many jobs available in my town. I would also like to work in a craft store. Either of those jobs would, unfortunately, drain my salary rather than supplement my finances because I would spend so much on books or crafting supplies that taking something home would be difficult. I don't know what I will be doing in six months, and that is a bit scary, but it is also so exhilarating! 

Okay, beginning of Lent (good thing I'm not working at a church right now - I would have to miss the Ash Wednesday service due to my stupid 12-hour day!), first interview candidate, and the remnants of a migraine. Happy New Year, everyone from a Metal Dog to all of the rest of you!

I might skip tomorrow. It will depend on when I get things done tonight and how I feel tomorrow after having to take my medications much later than usual. I am going to guess that I will not write anything tomorrow, but who knows? I certainly do not!

Off I go into a world of new experiences!!

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