Strange Things are Happening to Me

I have entered a time when my life is feeling strange. I know, what else is new, but this is very strange for me.

I saw the job announcement for my current position on my personal email account this morning.

Now, I am happy that I am able to retire from this position, but it is strange to have LinkedIn recommend that I apply for the job that I currently hold. I think my principal may try really hard to get me into the interview process - something that I do NOT want to do - I want to show them the quirks and benefits of the job without having ANY say into who is hired. He showed me a resume yesterday that I glanced at but did not look deeply into. I realized that I really need to neaten up my work area if we are already arranging interviews.

I have left jobs before, and I usually try to have a closing time and date. I have also been fired from jobs before, and those situations cling to me for many years. I dwell on choices, especially when they are not my choices. It is never a good thing, but this one is something that I have chosen for myself AND is something that I am looking forward to.

That doesn't make it less strange, though.

I think I am starting to have anxiety dreams about all of this. I had a rough evening - too many intestinal things happening in the middle of my night. I woke up early and then waited for the light to turn on. I then dozed and had a dream that I called my mother (who is in a different, earlier time zone than me), saw meteors streaking across the sky, complained about a neighbor who was mowing at 4:45 am, and had to address some plumbing issues. It was a strange mix of unrealistic things and realistic things and is the type of thing I dream when I am feeling anxious about something.

Things are falling off my walls these days.

I'm not kidding. I came home to find a shelf had wrested itself from the adhesive connecting it to the wall and scattered contents all over my desk. Fortunately, nothing broke that I can tell, but this is the second time a shelf fell in the past several months. Last night, as I was trying to go back to sleep, I heard something else fall, but I cannot see what it was.

Is this a metaphor for how I am feeling right now? Possibly, but I had a pretty good day yesterday. We drummed. I enjoy drumming with my clients - no one else in the facility likes it when I drum with them, but I do not apologize for doing what my clients need. I think my anxiety feelings are coming from the fact that this change is going to happen. I am starting to get nostalgic - anticipatory grief - as I am doing things for the last time in this role.

The song, Strange Things, from Toy Story, and written by and composed by Randy Newman, is going through my head this morning - hence, the title of this post.

I am going to do what I do best - roll with the strange things that are happening to me.

See you tomorrow - I'm late.

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