music, therapy, and me

I am getting ready to head into work in about 90 minutes. In the past week, COVID-19 has arrived at my long-term residential facility, and we are facing yet another series of changes in how we care for the clients in our care. I turned on my phone to find nine messages from work about an upcoming faculty meeting and the news that all students will be learning virtually. I am not sure what that means - in the recent past, we have only done paper packets which is not all that suitable for music therapy, but I know we will find a plan and will continue to engage with our clients in the ways we have to in order to keep going. I awoke this morning after an anxiety dream where one of my clients grabbed me and then started biting my broken fingers. When I started myself awake (in the dream, I was trying to get away from the client), my fingers were fine, there was no pain, and I was just wide awake...at 2:45am. No going back to sleep for me. This is not an uncommon way of waking for me, espec...

I do not often take the time to decorate for the holidays because I do not usually spend time here for the December/January holiday. This year, due to COVID-19, I will be here in my place for both holidays, so I took a bit of time to set up my little Christmas tree in my home. At the moment, it is looking a bit forlorn as it is sitting on top of the cat climber (high enough that Miss Bella-Boo cannot reach it to eat it) with lights on it but no ornaments (or baubles as some in the world call them). The ornaments are waiting for me to find an extension cord, check the lights, and then reposition the lights for full coverage. Once that happens, I will finish the tree. I also have to find my tree skirt to cover up the base. I wonder where I stashed it the last time I decorated - which may have been 2015 - the last time I was at home for Christmas. I enjoy seeing my ornament collection once I have them out and on the tree. There are large ornaments that don't fit on my little tree, but...

I am nearing the end of my Thanksgiving break, and I have made a bit of progress on my decluttering goal for the week. I have cleared out enough of the craft room so that the vacuum can move around freely, and I am slowly working on the front room. I have spent some of my time working, but I have spent lots more time resting. In the midst of all my decluttering, I have found many half finished ideas for songs and therapeutic music experiences (TMEs). I need to make a system for how to take these ideas and finish them up...so many ideas that aren't ready for release into the world. I am working on sing about march , my current sing about mini edition for my subscribers. If you are interested in getting 4-6 TMEs, suggested music lists, and related visual aids sent straight to your inbox every month, please consider subscribing. The price is just $9.00USD/month!  I like working three months in advance when designing these packets. I figure that planning this far in advance allows me...

I am a movie fanatic. This manifests itself in a large library of DVDs and Blu-ray discs, lots of soundtracks in my music library, and countless hours spent watching movies when I should (goblin!) be doing something else. I use the excuse that I need something going on in the background when I am working, and music is too distracting to my concentration. Movies fit the bill, especially when I know them by heart...and I know lots of movies by heart! I am especially drawn to old musicals. You know the ones - the big productions of the 50's and 60's that included lots of singing and dancing. I love those, but I think my favorites are the ones from the 40's. I love just about anything with Bing Crosby in it, and he was in two of my favorites, White Christmas and Holiday Inn. In both of those movies, the song, White Christmas, is featured, but that song isn't my favorite for either movie. In Holiday Inn, I love "I've Got Plenty to Be Thankful For," and my secon...

My sister made an interesting comment last night about my absence from the AMTA conference this year and last year. "You seem happier when you don't go." - my sister, November 20, 2020 Hmmm. That made me stop and think a bit. I used to love being a part of conference but it did wear me completely slick and I would need an entire week afterwards to recuperate. I enjoyed it more when I had a roommate, even though we would often have conflicting schedules due to meetings and the like, so we didn't see each other much. I liked going when I had things to do for the Association. I liked being part of the inner workings and now, all of that has gone. What made conference a valuable experience for this extreme introvert just evaporated. I no longer go to conferences for inspiration. I just can't find it. If I go to a presentation on music therapy with a specific population, I find that I am wanting clinical interventions and not overviews of research that cannot be replic...

I was the only music therapist at work yesterday. My interns were attending conference, so I insisted that they do all the free conference things available to students this year and take the day off from work. There were some brief statements of feeling like they could do a half day, but I squashed that!  Truth is, I am happy to have some time alone in my job. Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE being an internship director and I enjoy being around music therapy interns. I would not be doing this part of my job if I didn't find that interns were an essential part of my professional experience. I really wouldn't. I simply miss being a music therapist sometimes. When I am in mentor/guide role for my interns, they take over my job. That's what they are supposed to do, and that is what I expect from each and every one of them, but it costs me a bit. I end up sitting and watching rather than doing what I still love after 27 years of being a professional music therapist. I have t...

I am starting the first of two days without my interns. They chose to go to the AMTA virtual conference - I opted not to go. So, I will be heading into work to lead their groups and then spend some time in my space alone. To be completely honest, I am looking forward to being "therapist" for a couple of days, and I am also going to enjoy doing things like cleaning out my office from the bottom to the top! My afternoon group today has been cancelled due to germs, so I have from 11-2:45 to take things out of my office, sort them, toss things, organize other things, and then re-load things into a cleaner office space! I think I will take some of my newest DVDs to watch while I am cleaning. Having something on the television engages my attention so I can work on tasks that I don't really like - like cleaning... I have my sessions strategies ready, but I am really missing the guitar today. I wish I could bend my fingers enough to play, but I'm not healed yet. I didn't ...

I spent over an hour yesterday, writing a blog post about some very strong opinions of mine. As I finished it, after agonizing about what I was thinking and putting out there, I decided NOT to publish the post. This was primarily because I never like being the center of controversy - I am much more of a "let's all find a way to get along" type of person, but I do have strong opinions and ideas, and writing is how I process those ideas. So, this particular post will probably never be put out onto the web for public consumption, but the process of writing it was cathartic for me and allowed me to think through my stances on some of the issues facing our Association these days. I wonder how many of us music therapy types out there in the world do some sort of active processing. I know that many music therapists state that they engage in professional supervision as an essential part of how they do their job. My supervision was taken away by my administrators this year, and I ...

So, this past weekend was busy. I had an Online Conference meeting followed by a webinar about home buying then a Sunday School video to generate and then an attempt to decrease the bandwidth usage on my internet service by watching some of the Avengers movies. I then spoke to my father (a couple of times, actually) and to my sister. On Sunday, I woke up, found myself lounging in bed until the store opened up, and then I went to get some essential shopping done. Now, I've used the curbside service but what I've found is that they don't get the things I need - they substitute completely different items, so I feel that shopping for my big pantry restocks is necessary so I can get what I need. So, I took myself to the stores to get all the things I should need between now and Winter Break about a month from now. I should be able to use the curbside service if I find myself needing things like chiles or specific things to finish up recipes. After I got back home and unloaded my...

It is November 14th, and it is almost time for me to set my goals for the month. If you are a regular reader, then you already know that I spent a bit of time towards the beginning of the month trying to figure out why I don't get much done on my monthly goals. (If you are new here, you might want to check out this post to get a bit of a reference for why I am setting goals for the 15th to the 14th.) I decided to try something different this month, so here it goes! My primary goal for this next month is to shift some work that is currently happening on Saturdays to weekdays so I can have a day of rest.  I work a full-time job and three part-time jobs. Two of the part-time jobs have limited time constraints, but one is a church position which mean that I work on Sunday mornings. I never really have a weekend to myself because I spend time on Saturdays with the other two part-time jobs and now I am having to produce a weekly Sunday School video for the small members of the congregat...

THREE AM MUSINGS IN THE MIDST OF MY BRAIN... Oh, silly rabbit. You thought, just three days ago, that there would be some definitive answers and clear plans to work on by now, but shouldn't you have just realized that NOTHING in 2020 is going to be simple?? So, in the midst of all the drama which is 2020, my own little drama is continuing as I try to figure out my near future. I made my way to the hand specialist on Wednesday, and I got some of the answers that I was seeking, but only some of them. The answers I got were mixed as to whether they were affirming or disheartening. I am still digesting all of the stuff that I was told and am trying to figure out what this means to me as a music therapist in my particular setting. The good news is that I have permission to take broken finger out of the splint occasionally to "manipulate the joint." The bad news is that the fracture is not completely healed so I still have to wear both splints for at least another month. The te...

I am heading to the hand specialist again today to get more x-rays and to see if I can move from immobilization to rehabilitation of the two distal phalanx joints that were damaged in a work incident on August 24th. I have been in splints all the time since, trying hard to do my job in a way that keeps the integrity of music therapy happening but with extreme limits on what I could do musically. I am hoping that this is the appointment where I get to move from splints to strengthening and recovery. For the past two and a half months, I have been unable to use my fingers in any manner that would support playing either the piano or the guitar. The injury that I sustained was a tendon tear in my left middle finger (also known as mallet finger) and a fracture in my left ring finger. From what I've read (because...well...that's what you do when you get an actual diagnosis...you go on WebMD to find out more), I have been in splints a bit longer than most people are in these cases. I ...

It is raining today - not a quiet, steady, and soaking type of rain but a heavy, washing away type of rain. It has been a long time since we had some rain, so I am welcoming the cooler weather and the water that is coming down. Crops are in, so this will help wash the dust from the air and make things a bit more clear.  I went to work yesterday and walked on the convenient sidewalk that was between my preferred parking lot and the main building. When I went outside for bus duty at the end of the day, the sidewalk had been replaced with a gaping hole and a bulldozer. Apparently, administration decided that the sidewalk had to go, so I have to remember to park elsewhere today - especially since the gaping hole will probably be a mud pit by the time I get there today. The gaping hole is supposed to alleviate the flooding problem that the property has had since I've been there (25 years), but I am skeptical since it hasn't been fixed in those 25 years even with all the tinkering th...

This is the third attempt at writing something down that I would be interested in reading later. Nothing seems to be working the way I want it to right now. My brain is somewhat fuzzy after tons of medication for an infection. I am hoping that this time the medication will work. We will see. The first round didn't work, but I am hopeful about this round. It is therapy day for me - I get to lead a session this afternoon. I am struggling with this particular group, so I don't always look forward to our sessions, but I at least get to be the leader. It is my only therapy group at the moment. Next week, I am going to spend two days as leader since my interns will be watching the AMTA Conference. I am not. I decided that it was too much money for not going anywhere and so I am going to be therapist instead of being professional-like. I am looking forward to that. I go to the hand specialist on Wednesday to see what is next for my finger rehabilitation. There was a comment the last t...

I don't know about you, but I am a bit overwhelmed with feelings right now. Now, I hate all things political, and I try to make this blog a place where I remain neutral, but I am relieved by what has happened in this country in the last 24 hours. I am hoping and praying that the transition to our next leaders will be quiet, calm, smooth, and effortless, but my pessimism is starting to show its ugly head and whisper things that keep me on edge. Enough of that. It is time to sit quietly and dream. gfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfttttttttttttttbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb./; ,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m, m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m,m ,m,m,m,m,m,m,mnmjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj dccccxvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv HJNNN...

That's right! I am already making plans for February 2021. Not anything travel-oriented or about seeing friends or anything like that, but music therapy plans! You may not know that I offer a monthly idea subscription plan through my website. If not, shame on me, because I put together a packet every month that is released to subscribers on the 5th.  This subscription is a passion project for me. When I was first getting ready to do my thesis, I decided to write a music-enhanced education curriculum to help kids who need some assistance with memory retrieval. I had designed the entire thesis and then I had to switch advisors to one who wasn't really as enthusiastic about my idea. In order to graduate, I switched thesis topics, but this dream lingered. Once I was no longer shackled by degree requirements, I found that I still wanted to write therapeutic music experiences (TMEs) for other people to use to help people in both therapeutic and non-therapeutic settings. The fact is ...

I am tired. This seems to be my usual state of being these days, and my level of interest in the world outside my small series of interactions has diminished greatly in the past weeks. I am tired physically and emotionally and psychologically and pretty much all the time. I have been looking forward to this day for the simple reason that the political propaganda should stop arriving in my inbox and be present on my entertainment sources. (Now, I am saying this in the midst of my up swing, so when I am on my down swing, I find this even more devastating than I do at this very moment.) I live in a perpetual state of exhaustion, but I look forward to talking to a select group of people out there - music therapy interns. I spend most of my Tuesday evenings talking to current interns. I have run a series of webinars for many years now - all free for music therapy interns, and all about music therapy. I have a chance to share information that is not often addressed in coursework - developing...

I have been wasting a bit of time staring at my computer this morning wondering what to write about on this morning. There isn't much that is sparking my interest right now, but I will find something if I natter on enough. My morning started at the new 3am, and I had to try to convince the cat that I really didn't have to get up to put new food into her bowl as soon as I opened my eyes. We will go through this routine for several weeks until she realizes that I am going to be stubborn about this. It was nice to be able to keep my eyes closed and just breathe into the morning rather than having to get up and get going immediately. I enjoy this time of year. I am an early bird, so having an extra hour at the beginning of the day is something that I like. I felt ready to get up and start the rest of the routine after breathing for 90 minutes. I am tired this morning, but that is pretty routine these days. Tomorrow, there will be some strangers in my home, fixing the water damage f...

I am so happy to see the start of a new month. I am hoping that it will be an easier month than the one before it, and I am renewing my dedication to my goals and desired outcomes for the rest of this year right here, right now. Of course, this post is happening at the beginning of the month, during a full moon period (where I tend to be happier than in other moon phases), after recovering from a nasty infection that was fed by the wrong medication for a week and then finally responded to the right medication, and after an hour of extra time between waking up and actually having to do anything. We will see what my energy and interest levels are during the new moon phase, during my hormonal surges, and around the holidays when my clients and co-workers are stressed to the maximum and I get to soak up all that extra angst coming from all corners. Right now, though, in this moment, I am feeling good about all sorts of things. Of course, if I went back to the first post in October, I bet I...