Mixed Messages - But What Do You Expect in 2020? Clear Paths Forward??

THREE AM MUSINGS IN THE MIDST OF MY BRAIN...

Oh, silly rabbit. You thought, just three days ago, that there would be some definitive answers and clear plans to work on by now, but shouldn't you have just realized that NOTHING in 2020 is going to be simple??

So, in the midst of all the drama which is 2020, my own little drama is continuing as I try to figure out my near future. I made my way to the hand specialist on Wednesday, and I got some of the answers that I was seeking, but only some of them. The answers I got were mixed as to whether they were affirming or disheartening. I am still digesting all of the stuff that I was told and am trying to figure out what this means to me as a music therapist in my particular setting.

The good news is that I have permission to take broken finger out of the splint occasionally to "manipulate the joint." The bad news is that the fracture is not completely healed so I still have to wear both splints for at least another month. The tendon finger is still not where it needs to be either, so another month of splinting for that finger until we even start to talk about therapy and strengthening. The good news is that both the hand specialist and the Occupational Therapist agreed that guitar playing would be good to help me strengthen my fingers once I can unsplint. The bad news on that front is that it might take me 6 months after being released from the splints before full function is restored. While I should be able to do most of my essential job duties, I will always have a risk that my finger will be reinjured if I am doing some of the things that I have to do (including the move where I injured myself initially - that is not going to go away). Good news and bad news.

I wonder if I would be feeling this same way - that with every piece of good news, there is an equally challenging piece of bad news - if this was happening in 2018 (my last year where I was healthier and not injured)...

The societal influences on my perception cannot be ignored. There is just something about being in the midst of a passive-aggressive presidential tantrum that seems to lay over all of us in ways that haven't really been all that concerning in elections past.cxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (cat comment).

Isn't it strange how this year has progressed? The circle of coronavirus is getting closer to me, despite my best efforts to isolate and follow all precautions. I am avoiding all social gatherings. I am not going out to shop unless I absolutely have to do so. I am taking advantage of things like grocery pick-up and online shopping. I am wearing masks every where. I am having anxiety dreams about going out places and not having a mask and not realizing it until people get really angry with me. So much fun! <sarcasm>

So, while I am still waiting for healing and recovery to start, I am trying to figure out what is next for me. I am still accepting interns (tentatively since I'm not sure if I will be allowed to continue my current position due to this injury), but I am also looking at job opportunities. I am rethinking my early retirement plans. I'm not sure if I will be able to access my pension if I leave before my 30 years of service. That will change everything for the future that I have envisioned. Lots of uncertainty happening around me - and not all of it my own!

So, I will take my mixed messages and move into the uncertainty because, what is the alternative, really? Off to order groceries!
 

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