Toes.

I fell down about a week and a half ago. I was walking on my stairs and wasn't holding onto the banister and thought that I could bend down and pick up something that was on the stairs without doing anything, but I slipped. As I was falling, all I could think of was that I did not want to die on my stairs. All my sister would be able to say was "I told her so" during her grief process. Everyone would be mad at me, so I was able to avoid hitting my head completely. I did twist my foot someway and ended up chipping a big piece of my ring toe off the base of my phalanx.

My Physician's Assistant referred me to the local orthopedist for a consult. I have been breaking bones in situations where I had been only spraining things.

I fall down lots.

Since I am breaking chips off bones on what I feel is a regular basis now, I am determined to get to the bottom of what is happening to me. It is probably a lack of calcium since I do not drink milk. My grandmother had pretty bad osteoporosis when she was my age, so I need to be thinking about all of this. I finally have an opportunity to get into the orthopedist tomorrow, so I am going to be asking about these bone chips that are happening now about every year and a half...when I am doing regular things...well, and slipping down the stairs.

I learned my lessons. Hold onto the banister. Wear grip socks. Keep my mind on what I am doing - walking - rather than thinking about picking things up while I am transitioning from one level plane to another. This week, as I have been hobbling around in my boot thing with a wrapped up foot and several socks, I have been more mindful about how I am walking down the stairs.

I am finding that I am being more mindful about other things as well.

My intern is currently leading full group sessions, so my caseload has decreased. I have more time to watch how my clients respond to her music and TMEs, so I am being more mindful about what I am doing in sessions as well. We are talking about groups and how they relate to us as therapists and to the music that we present.

I occasionally get into the trap of forgetting to watch my clients as we move through sessions. I get into how I want things to go in sessions, and I forget that my clients are the reason that I do what I do. Without them, there is no music therapy. In times like those, I have to remember that it is not as important that my visual aids are perfect or that my voice is that of an opera singer as it is that my clients are engaged in what we are doing. We spent time with a brand new individual making fart noises on the keyboard because that was his way into interaction with us. Why do people (in my experience, especially male people - sorry) like body noises? If I had insisted that we not talk about farting (which I described as body sounds) and tried to make the client focus on something else, I am not sure the client would have engaged or participated. It was time to engage in a mindful manner where my client wanted to engage. So, we found sounds on the keyboard that sounded like flatulation.

My mindfulness practice fluctuates from day to day. There are some days where I go through my day without thinking a thing about others. There are others where I ruminate on one response and allow that response to define my day. There are others where I am able to focus on the joy of some of my clients when they get to hit the Boomwhacker on the floor as hard as they want without recrimination. There are times when I am awestruck with how my clients engage in the music that we share.

When I am mindful, I tend to find that my clients engage with me and the music more. Or, maybe I am just able to see things from a wider view when I am practicing mindfulness. One of the things that I have found, though, is that I cannot force mindfulness upon myself - it has to be a choice.

I am leading three group sessions today. My intern is leading two group sessions. My role will shift from observer/mentor to therapist and back again. We will then engage in clinical supervision and a specials teacher/therapist meeting for the rest of the work day. I will have times when I can engage in some mindful practices, and I am going to do that today.

My mindful practices tend to involve journaling or word maps of some sort - does that surprise you? I like using colorful markers and diverse fonts when I am thinking through my thoughts. If I make something today, I will try to remember to share it tomorrow on social media. For now, though, it is time to head upstairs (while holding the banister, of course) to get ready for five groups, two meetings, choir practice, and our Ash Wednesday service this evening. It will be a long day, but I am anticipating that it will be a good one.

Happy Wednesday.