Thoughtful Thursday: Influenza, Sad Anniversaries, and Pure Exhaustion
I have avoided influenza so far, but my current intern has not. I want to take a day off, but guilt is running rampant, so I will take myself into work to run the three music therapy groups and one individual session that are scheduled for Thursdays. I haven't done any work on task boxes lately, so I am planning some task box construction this afternoon. My last client on Thursdays left the facility, so I have some time to fill with tasks.
My favorite blogger/author, The Bloggess, recently posted about four kinds of people. She contends that there are people who coast along with the gas tank on empty and people who fill up once they get to half of a tank. I am one of the latter. I have never seen the gas light come on in my current car. There are probably gas molecules from the original tank that I got from the car dealership sloshing around in my tank at this very moment (two years after I bought the car!).
Why did I bring this up?
Well, I am running on empty in my work life right now. The thing is, I am surrounded by people who are also running on empty. Germs are rampant, everyone is tired and coughing and just plain old irritable. We are all in this place, and it is not a happy place to be. There is so much happening that it blows the mind. We have an entire week of holiday festivities in two weeks that will just disrupt every bit of structure that we are trying to maintain. I am not going to be doing as much therapy that week as I usually do, and I am trying to decide if I am upset about this - I feel apathetic about the entire thing. The constant go, go, GO mentality of this season starts to wear on all of us.
I, though, am in a better mood and mindset than I was four months ago. I love the winter nights that come early and that give me opportunities to see constellations and planets shining in the clear skies. Even though I am tired, I am still feeling much happier, even through grief.
For some reason, the gas tank analogy used by the Bloggess resonated strongly with me - probably because I am seeing people running on empty right now. I am trying to remember that I do better as a fill up when the tank is half empty (or half full, depending...) person and putting self-care and mindfulness as a priority during this time.
Last night, I stood outside for a bit and looked at Saturn and Mars shining in the eastern sky. Did that cost anything? Of course not, but it filled my soul and gave me some feelings of peace and contentment. I just have to remember those feelings as I am going into my workplace with feelings of grief and stress as well as regular holiday stuff happening around us all.
That is the part that is most difficult for me - the remembering that there is peace. There is grief. There are feelings of overwhelm. There are feelings of giddiness. All of these feelings occur at the same time and all of them are valid and need to be acknowledged.
I am a fan of mindfulness, but I do things in my own way. I do not meditate - I have never been able to quiet my mind enough to have a traditional meditation experience. Instead, I blog, I sing, I create things, and I just try my best to keep moving on through it all.
So, today I will go out into the world to do music therapy and figure things out one moment at a time. I will set my mind towards the students who arrive in my space and be mindful about what they need in their moments. I will keep my structure as strong as possible to keep myself full.
How do you fill up your gas tank? Are you a run until empty type of person or are you a fill up because I am at half a tank type of person?
Take some time to fill up your tank today.
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