Insomnia
Yesterday, I had one of my insomnia nights. These often happen around full moon time and tend to be a pretty obsessive time for me. Last night was no exception. I started off the evening trying to sleep, but just could not find any type of drowsiness in me at all.
Now, I am an "early to bed, early to rise" type of human. I enjoy my seven hours of sleep daily and like to take naps as well. So, a night of insomnia is not something that I look forward to.
Last night's episode was particularly difficult to start with. I kept obsessing over the recent arrival of another music therapist in town. While I have met this therapist and consider him an acquaintance, for some reason I just kept thinking of his name - over and over again. Often when I get into these loops, I am ill, but not last night.
After three hours of trying to sleep, I finally gave up and started to work on a long-term project. I spent three more hours writing an internship text and finished two chapters. I went to sleep four hours ago and then woke up tired but less obsessive.
I have come to think of these types of nights as valuable experiences. My nights of insomnia give me a very small glimpse into the symptoms of some of my clients' diagnoses. The bouts of obsessive thoughts, the inability to shut down my brain, and the overwhelming desire to sleep seem to be things that my clients go through. I am fortunate that my symptoms are only temporary. My clients do not have that luxury. I am additionally able to understand what is happening and can control many my reactions. Many of my clients are not able to use behavioral and cognitive modifications to assist them in changing their responses and reactions.
So, rather than cursing the elements that contribute to my nights of insomnia, I try to use the experience and turn it into a positive thing. When it happens, I have two choices - sit and worry about not sleeping, or using the awake time in a productive manner. I always do both. First I obsess over not sleeping, and then I give up and look for something to do.
Insomnia, a strange gift, but one that I am learning to value.
Now, I am an "early to bed, early to rise" type of human. I enjoy my seven hours of sleep daily and like to take naps as well. So, a night of insomnia is not something that I look forward to.
Last night's episode was particularly difficult to start with. I kept obsessing over the recent arrival of another music therapist in town. While I have met this therapist and consider him an acquaintance, for some reason I just kept thinking of his name - over and over again. Often when I get into these loops, I am ill, but not last night.
After three hours of trying to sleep, I finally gave up and started to work on a long-term project. I spent three more hours writing an internship text and finished two chapters. I went to sleep four hours ago and then woke up tired but less obsessive.
I have come to think of these types of nights as valuable experiences. My nights of insomnia give me a very small glimpse into the symptoms of some of my clients' diagnoses. The bouts of obsessive thoughts, the inability to shut down my brain, and the overwhelming desire to sleep seem to be things that my clients go through. I am fortunate that my symptoms are only temporary. My clients do not have that luxury. I am additionally able to understand what is happening and can control many my reactions. Many of my clients are not able to use behavioral and cognitive modifications to assist them in changing their responses and reactions.
So, rather than cursing the elements that contribute to my nights of insomnia, I try to use the experience and turn it into a positive thing. When it happens, I have two choices - sit and worry about not sleeping, or using the awake time in a productive manner. I always do both. First I obsess over not sleeping, and then I give up and look for something to do.
Insomnia, a strange gift, but one that I am learning to value.
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