Thoughtful Thursday: Thinking About Too Much

Last night, I had an insomnia night. This is probably because I went off my allergy medications (I ran out) but these happen every so often even when I am not coming down off my allergy medication side effects. I have learned not to fight these nights. They go much better when I just use my time and don't stress about not sleeping.

I will be heading to work with limited sleep, but that's okay. I decided to do a low demand session format. I did not set up my centers. I just did not feel like I could do it this week. I just did not have the interest or the energy after missing two days of work this week and missing a school day last week (the other day I missed last week was an inservice day). To add to the entire situation, I am still having some side effects from my medical procedure last week, and I also have lots of unknowns happening as well as a result of said procedure. So, a full brain, limited sleep, and a low demand session series ahead of me lends itself to an interesting day in my near future.

I hope that I will be able to sleep tonight, but there are times where I have a couple of these nights in a row. They usually end after just a couple of nights but I can't get to that until I end up emptying my brain and relaxing.

I am not experiencing much stress due to work. Things there are the way they always are - full of extreme responses and situations that are not usually rife with emotion but are around my facility. My stressors are personal right now. This doesn't make being an employee any easier, but it is important to acknowledge that the personal affects the professional. It just does.

So, how do I end up emptying my brain when there is just too much happening in my life? 

I journal or craft or cry. Commuting is my place to cry - I have about two hours a day where I can be by myself and just emote. I also pray during my commutes, especially when I am driving into sunrises and sunsets. It is getting close to the time of year where I will be experiencing sunsets again during my drives home from work. I talk to my mother and my sister. I listen to their day recaps. I also read.

Today, as I head out into the sunrise world, I am going to work through as much as I can in my brain. I am tired of waiting for something that is in the hands of someone else, but I have to keep doing it. In the meantime, I am going to figure out my plan for the next three hours - commute, documentation, prepare for sessions - and think about what I can control in the situations in my life right now. I might cry. I might not. That's okay. Once I finish my daily sessions, I am going to journal. I am going to engage in some reflection and record what is going on in my life right here, right now.

What practices do you use for self-reflection? I am not a therapy participant. The times that I have been in therapy for non-physical situations have not been particularly helpful. My counselors have told me that I engage in all the things that they usually recommend, and they question why I continue to pay them for therapy. So, I tend to do more self-reflection than guided intervention. I know that there are many in the general therapy world who do not feel like you can be an appropriate therapist if you are not in therapy yourself, but I have never felt that, personally. This may be a product of my therapy upbringing or it may be a side effect of my introversion and high sensitivity, but it may also be because I am not steeped in the world of psychoanalysis.

I guess what I am saying is that we all have to figure out how to do this job in the way that best suits us. I tend to do better with a self-reflection practice and conversations with my family members than with professional supervision or therapy.

Whew. This is starting my brain on a completely different tangent that I will need to unpack in my journaling later today. Time to head to work to do work things with my work people. See you tomorrow??