Sometimes Anxiety is Anxiety, Sometimes Anxiety is Sickness Coming
On Wednesday evening, my anxiety came to a head with me crying hysterically on the phone while talking to my father about how I was feeling. My father, who doesn't really like to address deep feelings, suggested that I call my sister who is better at addressing those feelings. So, I did. After talking to her, I made some proactive changes to my sleeping and went to bed. I tossed and turned all night, sweating through my pajamas, and waking every hour or two.
When I woke up yesterday morning, I was exhausted and sick. I got dressed in my work uniform and attempted to blog (several different times). I took the last dose of my stomach medication and prepared to go to work, but I couldn't get going. I called and arranged for a sick day. Then, I went back to sleep until the cat woke me up. I went out to get some medication, a new thermometer (mine always seem to go missing when I want to take my temperature, some water filters, and a new book to read.
Isn't it amazing how the brain and the body work together? It amazes me on a regular basis. My brain showed me the impending illness coming before my body took over. My body had been giving me hints - waking up, reflux issues, etc. - but it took the anxiety reaction to really make me pay attention.
Silly MJ. This has happened to me before, and you would think that I would remember this pattern each time, but I don't. As the anxiety increased, my recognition that I needed self-care also increased, but I wasn't doing the right self-care thing for the root of the situation. I'm doing that now - I've started the medication that I need, I've changed my sleeping position, I've turned up the fan speed to help with remaining cool, and I'm focusing on fixing the illness. The anxiety has diminished significantly now that the ick has arrived.
I wonder how many times my clients have been feeling something like this and haven't been able to get anyone to understand what is going on with them. I imagine it happens all the time. I can verbalize my thoughts and my realizations, but they cannot. I am dependent on the behaviors that I can see from them. I can offer opportunities for them to try to express their wants, needs, and situations, but I cannot force anyone to communicate. There may also be a lack of vocabulary available to name things like anxiety, upset stomachs, feeling "off." Many times though, I think the issue with communication is on my end - I don't interpret the behaviors that I see into the deep meaning rather than the surface reactions. This is one of the reasons that I feel that being trauma-informed is something crucial to my work as a music therapist - the perspective focuses on finding the deeper meaning rather than going on just the surface expressions.
I can never know exactly what is going on in the head of another person. Even if they are verbal and can tell me, I can still not know for sure what they are thinking or what their motivation is behind any type interaction. All I can do is try to interpret what is being conveyed and then check for comprehension.
How do I do this? First, I always presume competence. If you don't know what this means, I suggest that you search the term. Google returns 881,000 results for the term (in less than .39 seconds, no less!). Second, I try to have multiple forms of communication available at all times. This is very difficult to do as my clients use many different ways to communicate - devices, PECS, behavior, verbal approximations, etc. (I just had an idea for some new PECS in my emotion folders - I need a new board!) Third, I always try to get to the root of the behavior through asking questions.
I have never been able to set things up in a way that covers every situation that my clients come into the music therapy session carrying with them, I continually strive to strengthen their options and their communication tools. When I find something that works, I keep it. When I find something that doesn't work well, I tweak it until it works. I keep it in the wings until I find the client who can use the tool with me. I always think I've got it all figured out, and then comes a new client!! This is a never ending process because we are all unique, competent human beings who interact with our world in unique and amazing ways!
I'm going to crawl back into bed now. Happy Friday!
When I woke up yesterday morning, I was exhausted and sick. I got dressed in my work uniform and attempted to blog (several different times). I took the last dose of my stomach medication and prepared to go to work, but I couldn't get going. I called and arranged for a sick day. Then, I went back to sleep until the cat woke me up. I went out to get some medication, a new thermometer (mine always seem to go missing when I want to take my temperature, some water filters, and a new book to read.
Isn't it amazing how the brain and the body work together? It amazes me on a regular basis. My brain showed me the impending illness coming before my body took over. My body had been giving me hints - waking up, reflux issues, etc. - but it took the anxiety reaction to really make me pay attention.
Silly MJ. This has happened to me before, and you would think that I would remember this pattern each time, but I don't. As the anxiety increased, my recognition that I needed self-care also increased, but I wasn't doing the right self-care thing for the root of the situation. I'm doing that now - I've started the medication that I need, I've changed my sleeping position, I've turned up the fan speed to help with remaining cool, and I'm focusing on fixing the illness. The anxiety has diminished significantly now that the ick has arrived.
I wonder how many times my clients have been feeling something like this and haven't been able to get anyone to understand what is going on with them. I imagine it happens all the time. I can verbalize my thoughts and my realizations, but they cannot. I am dependent on the behaviors that I can see from them. I can offer opportunities for them to try to express their wants, needs, and situations, but I cannot force anyone to communicate. There may also be a lack of vocabulary available to name things like anxiety, upset stomachs, feeling "off." Many times though, I think the issue with communication is on my end - I don't interpret the behaviors that I see into the deep meaning rather than the surface reactions. This is one of the reasons that I feel that being trauma-informed is something crucial to my work as a music therapist - the perspective focuses on finding the deeper meaning rather than going on just the surface expressions.
I can never know exactly what is going on in the head of another person. Even if they are verbal and can tell me, I can still not know for sure what they are thinking or what their motivation is behind any type interaction. All I can do is try to interpret what is being conveyed and then check for comprehension.
How do I do this? First, I always presume competence. If you don't know what this means, I suggest that you search the term. Google returns 881,000 results for the term (in less than .39 seconds, no less!). Second, I try to have multiple forms of communication available at all times. This is very difficult to do as my clients use many different ways to communicate - devices, PECS, behavior, verbal approximations, etc. (I just had an idea for some new PECS in my emotion folders - I need a new board!) Third, I always try to get to the root of the behavior through asking questions.
I have never been able to set things up in a way that covers every situation that my clients come into the music therapy session carrying with them, I continually strive to strengthen their options and their communication tools. When I find something that works, I keep it. When I find something that doesn't work well, I tweak it until it works. I keep it in the wings until I find the client who can use the tool with me. I always think I've got it all figured out, and then comes a new client!! This is a never ending process because we are all unique, competent human beings who interact with our world in unique and amazing ways!
I'm going to crawl back into bed now. Happy Friday!
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