Being a Leader

I enjoy it when a comment on social media starts my blogging mind going. Yesterday, there was a comment about being an introvert and having some struggles with introducing new therapeutic music experiences to clients. The poster was asking for specific steps to take to be able to teach/lead new interventions in ways that would be comfortable to her and lead to compliance from her clients. I'm not exactly sure if I answered her questions in my response post, but this started me thinking about my own introversion and how it affects my leadership style in the music therapy session.

For me, the introversion doesn't really come into play during leading sessions. When I am leading a session, I am not as much of an introvert as in other situations. I know what I am doing, so I am able to complete the session as a leader. What stands in my way is my tendency towards wanting perfection. My "woulda/coulda/shoulda" goblins come out, and I am not willing to risk my perception of myself in trying something I don't know will work. As a result, I spend more and more time doing the same old things rather than innovating or trying something new. This is a trait that I have struggled with for most of my life, and it is also something that I work on every single day.

When I find myself in patterns and limiting my own creativity and innovation because I am not sure how things will work, I find that I have to force myself to try. I will put new ideas on my session plans and will have to make myself go through the new ideas. Often, I try the new idea in a couple of sessions and then stop using it. That's what gets in my way. Things don't work the way I want them to, so I just give up.

In the long run, though, that's not the best thing for me or for my clients.

I guess my recommendation to the original poster is to just do it. Go into the session and do something new. I know that's not very helpful, but for me, that's been the only way I've been able to innovate over the years. I have to make the conscious decision and then make myself go through with the new therapeutic music experience (TME) no matter what happens. If it flops, it flops. That doesn't mean that the idea isn't a sound therapeutic intervention, it just means that the experience flopped at that moment. The more I use the therapeutic music experience, the better it seems to get - that may be due to increasing familiarity for both me and the clients, or it may be that I get better at implementing the TME as time goes by.

To answer the original question, I guess here's the list of steps that I take when I am implementing a new TME. (I also have some catchy phrases that you may recognize...)

1. Show, don't tell. Limit the amount of talking.
2. Just do it. I have to take a gulp and just go for it. Win or lose, fail or succeed, if I don't try, I'll never know if it will work.
3. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. I find that the first time through is rarely successful for me or for my clients. As I get better and more comfortable with implementation, they seem to get more involved with the therapeutic intent of the TME. I feel sorry for my first groups - they never get the practiced me. The last groups of a new TME get the best experience - a me who is practiced and familiar with the ins and outs of implementation.
4. There are no bad ideas. Ever. What I've found over the years is that TMEs are not appropriate for every client, but every TME has a client who will love it. If something flops with my little clients, the adolescents take to it. The idea may not be the best match for the clients, but that doesn't mean that it was a bad idea - it just wasn't right for the clients in the moment. I will try it with the same clients later as well - sometimes the group members just weren't ready for a new TME - they needed something familiar. Which brings me to my last point...
5. OREO. Bear with me here, as this analogy may be a bit of a stretch. For me, I've found that my clients (and I) seem to do better with new TMEs when they are surrounded by the familiar. Think of this like a sandwich cookie (Oreo's are familiar here in the states, but any sandwich cookie would work - TimTams (LOVE THOSE), waffle cookies, any sandwich cookie - or, get rid of the cookie idea completely and just think about sandwiches (man, I am getting hungry here).). The new TME is the creamy filling. The cookies before and after the new TME are the familiar TMEs. I've also found that relating the old TMEs to the new TME helps my clients understand what I am trying to do. For example - I want to introduce a new instrument concept - matching note names to the notes on the staff. If I just start this way, my clients often do not get involved. If I start with a familiar concept - one we've already worked on - like matching notes to the letter symbols, then introduce the new concept, and then go back to what we knew before - back to the note/symbol matching, my clients seem to incorporate the new material a bit easier. It's the same with new songs. If we are singing about social skills, a new skill can be introduced after we review one we really know. Then we finish that part of the session with another social skill that is familiar to us.

The last thing for me to say is that failure is a part of the human experience. How we manage that failure is a mark of our confidence and ability to continue our own growth.

I fail.

I fail on a regular basis, but I also remember that I am human. There are times when I do not connect with my clients. There are times when I connect very strongly with my clients. There are times when I can establish a strong relationship with a specific clients. There are clients that I can't establish any type of working relationship with at all. All of us are human - not super-human. When things don't work, I think about what I will do differently - not about what failed.

I fail but I move on.